I got curious on what makes a girl you are getting to know only FWB material, but not GF material.
I know what makes the difference for me as a woman, but i was curious as to what it is for you guys.
One part for me has also been being ready for something serious myself as well. I don’t think dating for the purpose of just dating has a point so not seeing myself being ready and capable of working on a long term relationship is a factor. If that is the case, once you are ready, can you see your FWB as a potential partner or does that already make it not “an option”?
EDIT: As seeing first responses i would like to clarify. By FWB i don’t mean someone you see 1-2x in 2 months, have sex and leave. A person who you are actually friends with as well.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/shjuztak’s post (if available):
I got curious on what makes a girl you are getting to know only FWB material, but not GF material.
I know what makes the difference for me as a woman, but i was curious as to what it is for you guys.
One part for me has also been being ready for something serious myself as well. I don’t think dating for the purpose of just dating has a point so not seeing myself being ready and capable of working on a long term relationship is a factor. If that is the case, once you are ready, can you see your FWB as a potential partner or does that already make it not “an option”?
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Her virtue, integrity, honesty and morality are the deciding factors. Remember, sluts are sluts for a reason and they’re not GF or wifey material — they’re whores.
Setting maybe? I don’t think my mates want to wife up the girls they pick up on nights out.
Don’t let yourself become a “friend” of any sort if you’re seeking a relationship
Kids. Having them or wanting them.
High body count
Easy – you show signs that you’re shit as a long term bet.
Take your pick as to what specifically would set that off, but anything that makes you seem like an attention whore, actual whore, or difficult / impossible to live with long term.
Obvious unresolved trauma / psych issues (previously SA’d and clearly using your “ho phase” as a way of processing / reclaiming your sexuality) for example…
Like one of my friends in high school, clearly had a shit family life, was throwing herself at any guy who seemed remotely nice and clearly just wanted ANY man who would be remotely decent to her to get her the F@CK out of her living situation at home ASAP. She’d be one that you wouldn’t want to get into anything serious with – because she clearly didn’t want YOU, you were just a vessel to use for getting out.
Anyone with bi-polar or borderline personality disorder – fun for a fling, but sweet god help you if you get involved with them long term, that’s gonna be a miserable existence.
When I feel like I can get an effortless hook up without any unnecessary drama and enjoy my time with that person but can’t see a potential relationship with them.
What’s FWB?
Somebody i really enjoyed spending time with and was attracted to, but who I couldn’t imagine having a partnership with, usually because we would drive each other crazy.
People move quick when it’s someone they really want. “I’m not ready” just means you’re not it
BPD
Generally, back when I was single (and with lower standards) it (loosely) came down to her meeting my physical standards/preferences, but not so much my personality/trajectory/lifestyle/value ones. OR – in a few instances – I just knew I was really not in a place for anything beyond casual dating (always tried to be upfront when that was the case).
The rules were rarely hard and fast though, it was largely down to vibes.
To your second question – inevitably the thought would cross my mind, sure, but there’s a reason they werent already a serious girlfriend.
There’s been a number of factors: if they want to date, if I want to date, how we get along, or the view points on the world.
When I was single it just meant I saw no long term potential. Either I wasn’t attracted to her or there was something else that seemed like an incompatibility, because physical attractiveness is definitely not everything.
If I don’t think she’s attractive enough to keep me interested long term, or if she has/wants kids.
When she doesn’t do anal.
Thats not how I roll, but I would say a High Body count and/or just not being a good fit for a serious relationship.
When I say that not how I roll, I mean that I want no part in hook up culture, call me old fashioned but I think hook up culture isn’t a good or “mentally healthy” thing. In my opinion sex should mean something and should be a way to bond with in a “romantic” relationship.
Nothing. I’m not looking for things like that. Either I see a friend or a partner or someone I’m propably never going to see again.
On my end it’s hard to pinpoint anything specifically, it’s just a vibes thing. Sometimes someone just feels that very slight bit like it shouldn’t be a romantic relationship, but they are still very attractive and a person I like very much.
I think it’s equally important to foster the friendship and the benefits with someone. Do you genuinely like this person and enjoy spending time with them, but without any romantic interest? Would you hang out with them and be their friend, even without the sexual component? If so,then go for it.
One of the things that I love about an FWB is how clear you can be in your communication with them. You both agree that you’re attracted to each other and want to have a physical relationship, but without any romantic entanglements while maintaining the friendship. Lay down the boundaries, and then have all the fun
If we can have fun together, but have certain values or interests that would make us incompatible in a monogamous, serious relationship, that’s FWB material.
Sometimes it just comes down to a feeling. I recently ended something with a FWB who became a great friend, and she still is. The sex was great, too, but for whatever reason, I just never felt anything beyond that.
I knew she was looking for something to become more serious in the long run, so I felt obligated to tell her that it was probably not going to happen with me. She was sad, but understood, and we ended the sexual element of our relationship. She’s still a good friend, though, and I’m glad we met!
When her life is a mess (debt, shopping addiction, hoarding, partying, etc) and I don’t want to get wrapped up in that. Also, if she is high maintenance as a girlfriend I won’t want to touch that.
Maybe just the fact that you enjoyed having sex with the person but that’s all. You didn’t have goal similarities. The outlook on life was totally in a different direction.
I don’t think it’s some set Points, it’s unique for everyone.
It’s pretty much anything that they consider a deal breaker in a relationship, but don’t mind in a hookup.
For example,being FWB with a financially irresponsible person is fine, it doesn’t affect you at all, but being in a relationship with someone like that is a no.
I’ve never had a situation where someone turned into an FWB, only establishing it from.the start. If I dont see a future with them but I enjoy the chemistry and time we have together, then i’d put them in that category. Of course, I would tell them and then take things from there.
My current FWB: we get along fine, great sexy fun.
She is VERY career focused and has zero spare time. I’m also into hiking and other outdoor activities, she’s an indoors kind of person.
I think once you’ve had a few relationships where your values or interests didn’t really align, you start to realize you can say, “hmm they’re attractive and fun to spend time with, but there’s not the makings of a good relationship here. Let’s just keep it casual.”
It doesn’t have to be a judgment of someone’s worth to know that you won’t make a good couple.
High body count. Flirting with many guys.
Physically attracted to them but not emotionally attracted (enough) to want a long term relationship
For me, I’ll just have much lower standards for fwb than gf. I’ll have sex with a 5 but I won’t date a 5, unless she’s really either the nicest person on earth or a genius.
Very unstable in relationships and careerist or can’t hold a job to save their life. A lot of suitors. Kinda selfish.Good at sex not much else.
For me it generally moves that way naturally.
Beige flags? Pink flags?
An example would be: Different life goals or just stuff that’s more a preference like communication behaviour. I like calling, especially if I need the answer now. Some people abhorr calls. I also like fast answers and plenty of talking. That’s okay if we just have sex. Other examples would be lots of partying, not sharing even one hobby or interest… If sex is the only thing we can do for entertainment all day, that won’t work out xD
I don’t initiate a conversation with a presumption of keeping someone as an FWB or GF. We start with casuals and build up to something meaningful.
Women who are only looking for fun and sex act differently in basically every aspect of their life than someone who is looking to be a partner, wife, or mother. For a woman to be seen as a good potential partner for most men that is going to mean that they act the way a wife or mother would act. There are many things implied by that.
If she lets it happen. Honestly that is having the cake and eating it too. I would never date if I had the choice of FWB
A combination of life goals, where I am in life and how hot I think they are.
For example, someone incredibly hot but not someone i’d see as a good parent/doesn’t want kids? FWB.
Also, if i’m still not over a previous relationship? FWB. That one came about because we were flirty but I didn’t want to make her my GF because I was still thinking of the other woman every night. I explained that and she said “that’s fine, i was thinking just for fun anyway”.
But for FWB its always friends first. My current FWB i’ve not slept with in about a month, but we’ve hung out each week. Next time she heads to mine it might change because we get horny, it might just be a hangout. Doesn’t really matter.
There is some kind of long term deal breaker.
the decline of my self worth has (almost) always gone hand in hand with my previous romantic relationships,
I want to leave that in my past.
as someone who has struggled with abandonment issues, I refuse to be eaten and discarded using easy excuses.
again.
I see so many relationships crash and burn because one wants more than the other.
or because one finds another.
or the things that they once loved dearly about the other becomes what they hate about them.
the stagnation of the romantic dream is what chokes the dream we once dreamt together.
I may love you through Hell and back, and I’d probably burn with you,
but I don’t ever want to be an unwanted prisoner to another romantic disaster.
so let’s be friends, let’s be free.
might be better to leave this beast out of your dream,
you’ll never tame me.
You date people you have common interests with, are aligned with, that you see a potential future with.
FwB is some you are sexually compatible with, but little to nothing else.
Though the last time I.had a FWB, I married her, and we’re still together. Lol
If she’s a slut!
For me, the only reason I’ve ever sought FWB status instead of a relationship, is that I had work to do in my own life and didn’t consider myself to be boyfriend material yet. It had nothing to do with the other person. Hypothetically, it would be if the other person was attractive to me while having traits that were incompatible with who I am in regards to partnership and life goals
Edit: I recently upgraded a FWB relationship into an actual relationship because we had grown together and I was confident that I had done enough work on myself to properly be in a relationship.
Astrology bent, crazy high body count, long distance. Lot of factors.
Sometimes it’s not even about the other person not being “GF material,” but more about where you’re at emotionally and what you’re open to. I also think a genuine friendship with an FWB can blur those lines, and once you’re in a space where you’re open to more, it can shift how you see them.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.
FWB is purely a matter of physical attraction.
GF is a matter of physical attraction PLUS everything else; personality, humor, ambitions, if I can picture a future together, etc..
The bar for GF is so much higher than for a FWB. And if she doesn’t meet the criterias for GF, then FWB is all that is left to audition for.
Timing mostly, attraction is there but one of both of us didn’t want any commitments for other life reasons
I wouldn’t know…I never looked for a FWB.
For me personally, it has a lot to do with age, but also general physical attraction. As a 52M, I date a wide range of women, from 25-60+. But for someone to build something more meaningful with – even short term – she has to be at least a few years younger than me (ideally 35-45, although I’m dating a 50-year-old now) and very attractive.
I’ve got a bunch of FWBs who started out as dates but just didn’t go anywhere, either because they’re older women (quite sexy but just older) or younger but not attractive (overweight, etc). In my network of FWBs, pretty much all of them would be happy to be in a relationship with me. They know it won’t work though, so they’re happy with the next best thing – physical intimacy.
There’s actually one I would really like to date though (she’s attractive, slim and seven years younger than me), but all she wants is sex and fun. Her husband died a couple years ago, and she can’t bring herself to care about anyone.