“The government have announced a new….” (usually followed by any of the following; tax, cuts, MP salary increase or personal limits)
The only news is bad news, even if it sounds good, by the time it’s fully explained you understand it to be a loss of available money, available services or a limit on what freedoms you had previously taken for granted.
Comments
We need to talk
‘Item in the bagging area’
Step out of the car for me.
I’ll email you
Specifically when it’s from a superior at work:
“Do you have a minute?”
(for god’s sake just give me context)
“Do you know why I pulled you over?”
“You have the right to be silent….”
your under arrest
Be honest…
“Email and password do not match”
“Tomorrow is Monday…”
“It looks like his diaper needs changing again.”
Can you show me your search history?
I need you to promise me something
can you come in early tomorrow?
“we need to exchange insurance details”
I’m from the IRS
The doctor needs you to come in and talk about your test results
“I’m gonna make a beautiful deal.”
Motherfucker.
“Do you smell burning? I smell gum trees…you smellin’ that?” (much worse in the middle of summer)
“Are you sitting down?”
BILLS ARE DUE
“catch up” Teams meeting invite sent from your boss to you and an HR team member
“Call me as soon as you get this” or “we need to talk”
This is not a drill
Card declined
“I just can’t.”
Moist
When youre in school and the phone rings, everyone wondering if they’re gonna get called down to the office
“I have nuthing against (nationality, or group of peoples), but…..”
There’s been a change in plans.
MAGA
Hello, it agent jones with the IRS…
When the director used to call your name in the intercoms to come into his office and the whole class states at you
“Please speak to attendant.”
There’s a bomb on the plane
Can I ask you something?
Are you a democrat or republican?
Your Dad and I would like to have a word with you….
Can you do a huge favor for me?
Cellar door.
Don’t freak out…
“Hey”
“we are experiencing unusually high call volume.”
I love you.
networking is encouraged
Bend over.
Allahu akbar
I’ll likely get downvoted to hell, but my dark humor mind immediately thought “la migra” when I read the title.
Did you see what Trump just did?
“We need to talk”
I’ll get back to you.
“Credit card declined” or “No signal”
“I’ve been seeing somebody else,”
Your 48th President of the United States and the first 3rd term president, Tronald Dump!
“I think it’s just a fart”
“Can I speak to you in my office please.”
OK, now step up on the scale…
I need to talk to you, but not right now.
Gun!
Can you share a few fun facts about yourself
“I hope you got the extended warranty”
Op were checking your phone
“Don’t take this the wrong way but…”
“What could go wrong?”
‘You’re wrong.” Pretty much always does the trick…ESPECIALLY if it’s true.
Breaking news…
Today, trump said…
You’re gonna wanna sit down for this……
“I want to talk to you.” It’s always some kind of lecture about how you’re not good enough.
Is that an Adam’s apple?
So I had an idea
President Trump has said…
We’re from the government and we’re here to help.
Call me
“Ok hear me out”
“HELLO EVERYPONY”
Active shooter in the building
Tax audit
This is not a drill
“it’s okay if they come too right? i told them they could”
no it is not okay and i will cry until i have to meet up with you and then cry when i get home
Nevermind
In a work sense “
Do you have a minute”
The results were inconclusive.
Hey remember that hookup we had a month ago?
“About the other day”
Promise me you won’t over react.
Yo mf mama, hoe
For Australians: You have a new message in your myGov account.
Put your hands up
“You’re a good person but…”
We need to talk.
“I disagree”
If you are Irish and hear anything he Glenroe themesong.
Flashbacks of homework not done and weekends too short.
FIRE!
Calm down
When you’re less than an hour from the end of your work shift and the new guy says “Well it’s been easy today, nothing went wrong!”
Hey.
“Can we talk?”
Do you know why I stopped you?
Your bowels have catastrophically opened, Let me introduce your life partner!
Run!!
Put it in the other hole
“Calm Down”
“Let’s start with an icebreaker! Everyone please share something fun about themselves!”
“Let’s go around the room and give a fun fact about ourselves.”
I need to speak to you in my office.
“tell me about yourself”
Fire!
Moist.
“Whats your password “
The game
“The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues…”
Final notice
Can you come into my office to chat? (On a Friday late in the day)
The doorbell ringing when you’re not expecting a visitor.
Calm down.
I need to tell you something.
“Joe Rogan fan.”
Calm down
He’s got a gun!
“Calm down”
Now, stay calm.
“Do you know why I pulled you over”
Got a minute?
Employer says we’re restructuring the delegation of projects
Entire department that already performs 90% of the company’s day to day: ”fuck fuck fuck”
Due at COB
I’d like your opinion on something. Never good.
Irregardless
Your mother has a tumor in her head and one in her lung, probably where it originated 🥺(- 5 days ago) 😢
When your boss says you have an opportunity to do something
Can we talk?
I’m late.
This is a robbery ?
Can I call you?
Team building exercise.
I missed my period.
“I’m from the IRS.”
“Bill enclosed” or even worse: “bill past due”
Are you ready to give your speech now?
I’m pregnant
Terrain! Terrian!…Pull up! Pull up!
Merry Christmas
Whose pee is that?
“The government have announced a new….” (usually followed by any of the following; tax, cuts, MP salary increase or personal limits)
The only news is bad news, even if it sounds good, by the time it’s fully explained you understand it to be a loss of available money, available services or a limit on what freedoms you had previously taken for granted.
It’s woke
He’s got a gun!
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this…”
“Ummm, the condom broke…”
“Assume crash positions “. ????
“We’re in the area, about ten minutes away. Stopping in for a coffee”
… Sorry I have ADHD… Please give me at least 3 days notice…