What questions would you ask your father if you knew he was dying?

r/

Apologies in advance for the deep chat on a Sunday.

My father was diagnosed last May with terminal cancer. It’s a recurrence from cancer he had during COVID in which he had chemotherapy and radiotherapy. He was given the all clear at the end of 2020. Since last July he has been back on treatment but it’s clear it’s a matter of ‘when’ not ‘if’ he dies. I’m 30M and he will turn 60 in September (fingers crossed).

Once every 4 weeks I take him to immunotherapy and although I wish the circumstances were better, I’m treasuring this 1:1 time with him. I’ve started journaling these occasions, asking him about our family history, relatives I never met and the family ‘juice’. I want to move these conversations on to specifically questions about HIM so when the time comes, he has told his truth and I don’t regret not asking those deeper questions. He is not a self-centered man by any respect – devoted to his family, an incredible work ethic and really a ‘giver’ in life and actions. I feel hurt for him that he will not be able to enjoy the fruits of his labour in retirement.

For the life of me I can’t think of what to ask him….so I’m asking Reddit, if you knew your father was going to pass away, what questions would you want to ask? For those that HAVE lost their father, what do you wish you’d asked?

Comments

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  2. Krisillingz Avatar

    Sounds silly, but if there are any particular recipes he cooks then get them. I lost my grandad 8 years ago, and we still kick ourselves that we didn’t get a certain recipe from him. Tried to recreate it many times but cannot get it right

    If I could eat any meal from my past, it would be “grandads Portuguese spaghetti”

    Something you’ll always be able to make and remember him when you eat it

  3. SixandNoQuarter Avatar

    My deepest condolences. Your dad sounds like mine. My father was the greatest dad in the world and losing him 4 years ago was the worst pain imaginable. Your question is something I think about often. 

    1. What made you the way you are dad? What experiences made you happy/scared/angry? What made you react the way you do? (Pops was very different than his father and brothers, in a very good way)
    2. What do you hope for me for the future?
    3. What are some stories from your hometown/home country that I may not know about?
    4. What do you think/feel about dying? 
    5. What is something that I could assure you I would do after you pass that would make you feel at ease?