I guess my ex was an interesting person who wasn’t actively harmful or malicious so ignoring the red flags made for some fun stories and lessons. Past that, mmm
He said on our first date he had just broken up with his ex less than a month before because she wanted to get married and he definitely didn’t. We’re happily married with kids.
Partner still lived with their ex (separate bedrooms) after breakup for a couple of months while the ex worked on finding an apartment, packing, and the finances associated with both.
It definitely made for a weird dynamic and I was hesitant, but I also learned a hell of a lot about how my partner treated people after a relationship ended – firm boundaries, but still respectful of the ex as a human being and their boundaries as far as having a guest in the home. Met the ex twice so I knew it wasn’t some weird bs.
My now husband had a list of requirements for a future partner and I didn’t meet any of them. We started a very casual relationship a few months after his property settlement with his ex wife and she kind of took him to the cleaners given what she’d come into the relationship with and what she left with. He was very upfront that my situation ticked none of his boxes and he didn’t see a long term future. So, I nearly bailed when I realised I was falling in love with him. One night I had stayed the night with him at his place and he was kind of rushing me out around 11am and it became clear he was going on a date. No foul, he’d been honest that he was still looking for the woman that ticked his boxes. But i was still gutted. He called me the next day to ask me over and I assumed it was to end our casual relationship. He told me he’d gone on a date. That she’d asked him back to her place. And that he realised at that moment that he couldn’t. And told her that he’d realised he was in love with someone else. And it was me! I’d bailed when I got scared I would have missed out on 13 years with this incredible man, 5 years married now. It was a red flag for sure, but he’s always been one to learn. Best man I’ve ever known. TL;DR – the checklist might not be a deal breaker when there’s love.
He had only been broken up from his ex for about a month before we started talking. Thought I was gonna be a rebound at first but turned out to be the healthiest relationship of my life.
Her ex gf moved back in with her for financial reasons when we started dating (a month in). I obviously didn’t trust it at first but gave her the benefit of the doubt. We’ve been happily married for 4 years.
his roommate and my close friend kept telling me over and over that my now boyfriend is the most selfish, self centered person he’s ever met and he doesn’t think about anyone who’s not in front of him. i think that the roommate was just jealous cuz my bf is wonderful and none of that is remotely true
My wife has the tendency to be a little more dramatic and emotional at times than I would have preferred, specifically in our early days of dating.
Thankfully, she was open to listening to my concerns about the volatility and anxiety that brings to the relationship, and she learned to express her negative emotions more constructively.
Now, she can look back on those days with good understanding where I was coming from. We have since built our relationship on great communication and mutual effort for one another.
Is she still more emotional and dramatic than I’d care for sometimes? Yes, but that also comes with far more positive emotional swings than negative, so the trade-off is great.
A long talks about her ex’s, life issues and arguments with family on every date. We didn’t turned our short relation into a relationship, but I learned a lot about myself and what people I should avoid in the future. When my huge empathy kicks in it’s not love, but just a friendship with no desire for romance.
He sometimes wouldn’t respond to my texts until hours later.
It bothered the hell out of me, I felt unimportant and ignored, I worried he was seeing someone else, it felt like he was playing mind games
Turns out he’s just not on his phone all that often.
Also I’m not entitled to his time or attention any time I want it.
We talked about it and he said he’d try to be more responsive (and he did get better) but it helped me to learn that people aren’t required to reply to you immediately and sometimes you just have to wait. And that’s ok.
I’m glad my wife overlooked a lot of issues I had which could be considered as red flags. I used to get annoyed easily and anything could set me off so she had to walk on eggshells for the first two years of our relationship. I actively worked through my issues to mellow down a lot before asking her to marry me. She still loves me and is actually happy 5 years on so I guess my efforts paid off.
Some people may be upset with me but this is a red flag to a lot of women. He is a gamer. He plays computer games which as a lot of women can attest to is a very specific type of man to fall for. Dating someone who loves computer games comes with its own set of challenges, that I wasn’t sure I could handle (it can be all consuming, sedentary, closed off activity, impact sleep/sex life, impact responsiveness to partner). But we have always been very good at communicating and we both have become more empathetic and understanding people for it. I love him very much and he is an amazing father and partner. So if you are on the fence about dating a gamer or not considering men at all who play computer games I would encourage you to reconsider.
I originally thought he was clingy. Turns out, he was not. I just wasn’t used to affection. I miss him everyday and wanted to meet someone else just like him because I believed we were made for each other. He passed away after 15 years together.
Obviously I didn’t ignore it but we were young and each other’s firsts. I knew he wanted to explore so I broke up with him. Got back together after a year and we haven’t broke up since.
He doesn’t give me any reasons to doubt him and I don’t bring it up either.
3 weeks into dating, someone he hooked up with 5 weeks before texted him that they had syphilis and he should get tested.
We had used condoms the whole time, but it was scary and easy to judge even though I knew I shouldn’t. But we had been dating for 3 weeks, I could have panicked and left. You hear of chlamydia all the time but not syphilis!!
He was clean, but regardless, he’s my best friend and love of my life now years later. Not a chance in the world he would ever cheat on me or anything like that. The sweetest kindest soul I’ve ever met.
His mom.
He was a Mama’s boy and it kinda put me off. I wasn’t close to my parents, and didn’t have a frame of reference when it came to parental relationships.
His mom didn’t like me much at first and I realized over the years that I was keeping his family at arms’ length because I didn’t want to get attached and then lose another family.
We’ve been together for a decade now.
His mom and I text every so often, she hugs me every time she sees me, and encouraged me to mend my own relationship with my mother.
And my boyfriend? Turns out it’s easy to be a Mama’s boy when you live at home. When we moved out on our own, he put a little distance between them and started prioritizing our relationship more.
Sometimes, things just take a little bit more time. You’ll never find the “perfect” someone. It takes work and compromise
… And nothing is ever perfect anyways
When I first met my husband, I thought him talking poorly to/about his mom was a red flag. It turned out he’s a lovely human, and his mom was not a great mom when he was a kid (to put it mildly).
In a fucked up way, my ex’s possessiveness highlighted how little the friend group I had at the time cared about me. She had told me that their issues with her meant they had issues with me which wasn’t true on the surface, but after I distanced myself from that friend group I learned who there actually cared about me and who just enjoyed the benefits of my friendship.
Only one person ended up reaching out to me after it happened, one reached out to me years later, and the rest I haven’t heard from to this day, including people I had long history with. I didn’t get any of the things I had given them in the past (reaching out despite disagreement, checking in, making an effort to fix what was wrong in order to see if things could be fixed instead of taking my ball and going home) and if not for that experience I’d probably still be giving the wrong people effort. It sucked at the time but without it I wouldn’t have been able to grow past it and set myself up for a better future
Dude is the most enthusiastic, caring guy who remembers tiny details, and will drop everything to be there in a heartbeat.
But my god is that man shitty at texting. Comes off flat. Sometimes doesn’t acknowledge or respond, but has all the details on lockdown for when chatting over the phone or face to face.
Oversharing. Thought it was odd at the first date but over time I starter oversharing with her too and the conversation ended up 2 hours long with both of us yapping by taking turns
at the beginning of our relationship i had strong opinions about my wife going out when it’s dark or dressing in a way that may be “provocative”. i was genuinely worried about her but it doesn’t make it much better. eventually i discussed it with my therapist and worked to get rid of this way of thinking. still grateful to my wife for ignoring this red flag and helping me become a better person.
He said I love you the first day we got together, we were in hs and I gave him a little rose quartz that day (used to be super into crystals) and he said he didn’t know what else to say lol. Been together for 4 years now!
Age and career gap. She is almost a decade older than me but never had a real career, just some adjunct professor positions making like 35k. Now she works in tech, makes more than me, and is awesome in every way.
Not his red flag but mine: I’d cheated on and broken up with my ex barely a week before we met. I was really in no position to be starting a new relationship, but I did, and we’ve been together ten years now. That was the one and only time I’ve ever cheated, and it was so incredibly stupid and selfish of me. I’m never going to repeat the mistake.
The attachment subs will make you believe it’s the death knell for any happy relationship. But if you take the time, and learn to self-soothe rather than relying on your partner for constant, unrelenting validation, turns out that sometimes your own attachment was the unhealthy one.
Nothing specific, but there are times in a long-term relationship where you become convinced something is 100% About Them and — upon further reflection and time — you realize, no, it’s 100% About You. It’s a hard pillow to swallow but sometimes YOU are the red flag and you’re actually projecting!
We have an age gap. She’s in her early twenties, I just turned forty last year.
I’ve never been too comfortable with the idea of dating someone outside my age, and the fact that she’s young enough to be my daughter took some getting used to.
Once I got past this… she’s amazing. She understands me, goes out of her way to show affection and loves my cooking.
I once matched with a girl, who told me on our first date that she didn’t believe in evolution. I put a pin on it as something I needed to really think about but I eventually ignored it. Been together for 10 years all together, 6 years married and have an almost 2 year old little boy.
One of his best friends was a girl he used to hook up with. I have a good gut feeling about these kinds of things and I never picked up on anything between them. Dated him for 3 years, broke up, girl is still one of my best friends till this day. She’s the best thing to have come out of that relationship lol!
My now husband had been single for about 6 weeks when we met. His previous relationship had been about 5 years long and she was still in the process of moving out (living elsewhere, but left some big items behind). I felt like jumping from one serious relationship to another was a bit of a red flag, but he handled everything with such grace and understanding. 10/10 would marry again.
He was still emotionally invested in his ex while dating me. They attended the same church and he grew up in a religious cult where the options were someone like her or someone like her. His parents was deeply against him being with me. We broke up and a year later, he came back into my life because he realized he needed to get out and he was in love with me. Yes he fucked up but giving him a second chance has brought me tons more healing and love into my life. The man massages me daily. Makes me my morning coffee. Does anything I ask him to and then some. Tells me he loves me everyday. People can change for the better if they choose to be even after cheating. Not saying this works for every one but it worked out for me.
When I first met my husband some girl he had just been messing about with for a few weeks a few months before was due to give birth to his child that week. She went into labour a week to the day I met him. He also “love bombed me”
We’ve been married 10 years now and have a beautiful boy of our own. He still acts like I’m the only girl in the world and literally spends every moment he can trying to make me happy bless him .
A body count rivaling World War II and previous sex work. 30 years of great sex, laughter, and absolute devotion later, I’m glad I didn’t let my insecurities win.
This is a social pressure one: I play competitive sports and am quite fit, my girlfriend is overweight (and not by dumbass standards either, she’s a bigger woman).
The amount of people that told me her weight was nothing but a red flag and that I’d never be happy was quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. Just some of the dumbest projections about a person you can imagine.
Now 2 years later, I still am with an awesome woman who I’m really attracted to on a physical and intellectual level, and I got to cut out about 5 “friends” who were (and still are) obviously nasty people who had clearly different outlooks on love and attraction. She hasn’t changed too much, I fell in love with her the way she is and that’s always going to be enough for me, the only time we ever feel the need to talk about weight related stuff is thinking toward the future and how it might impact her health, which is a real concern of hers! But I digress.
Win/win for me, 10/10 red flag to ignore would ignore again.
Tbh, I didn’t so much ignore this fact as just not realize how recently he’d gotten off the drugs. He’d only been clean for a few months when we got together, but somehow I assumed it had been longer than that. We had been together for about a year when the true timeline came to light.
We’ve been together for 13 years now, married for 8, and he has never relapsed in that time. He is absolutely my person – I love him so much.
We went on a date where she was pretty standoffish and seemed like she didn’t enjoy being there. I thought she hated me and planned to break contact until the friend who set us up told me that she was actually really into me but can be socially awkward. As a massive introvert who knows awkward but can play extroverted it reframed pretty much everything about that date for me. She eventually warmed up to me and we ended up dating for a while. Loved that dork.
I just found out my girlfriend that I’ve been dating for 3 months has made professional videos of her getting gang banged by 7 dudes. In her words “yeah I mean I’ve definitely taken some dick”. I am highly disappointed to say the least
One red flag I ignored was inconsistent communication; I chose to focus on the positive moments instead. In hindsight, it helped me realize the importance of open and honest dialogue in relationships.
Lived with his mom and wanted to stay living with his mom. It worked out that I convinced him to move out when I did, but in retrospect kid should have kept paying off debts and saving money. I was young and dumb, too.
Things about my dear man that I’m glad I brushed off:
HE IS UNGOOGLEABLE. The extent to which he does not have an identifiable online presence screams secret wife/maybe a serial killer. Considering that I found him on reddit, but couldn’t really verify anything except that he had cool dogs, I should have been so much more worried about meeting in person the first time. It still seems a bit impossible that everything he told me was true, but I now live in the house he said he was building, so the evidence is piling up.
He can be quite unresponsive. He really heard me when I said that it made me worry about him, and he got pretty good about telling me when he was going radio silent. I wasn’t too suspicious of being lied to about a hidden life/wife, but it still forced me to get over a lot of trust issues. Having seen the way he interacts with his phone, I’m amazed he texted me back as often as he did.
He wasn’t interested in relationships, sex, dating, not any of it. I was definitely friendzoned HARD for a long time, and I’ll be the first to admit that it hurt, but I appreciated the honesty. It took QUITE a while for him to realize I was his girlfriend, not because of anything I demanded, but because of how he treated me. Unclear on whether any of the sex/dating/relationship/cohabitation is just him being nice to me as a friend, but he seems to be having a good time, so I don’t worry about it.
it goes from playing fight or playing rough with each other and he even asked me this once before, “do you think i’d abuse you in the future?” 🥲
we had an argument recently and he slapped my hand and shook my shoulders hard enough to the point i nearly fell, and these were the sign that the universe is showing to me that he may not be the one for me.
i’m still stuck in this relationship and have no way out
The signs of her abuse in her personality. Like it or not, it’s part of her story and, like all experiences, it has shaped parts of her personality and life.
I feel as if it can make her insecure, jumpy, and sometimes a bit of a loner. She sometimes have horrible nightmares and I have to wake her up. Oddly enough, they aren’t about her abuse, they are often about vaguely being in trouble for something running/hiding from something. To this day, she can’t watch movies/shows that have a lot of chasing or hiding.
His temper.
He would never speak up about little things and then after months he’d just explode and yell like crazy.
I noticed the pattern and we worked together to get to the root: he grew up in a family where everyone was expected to be happy & grateful & kind & thankful; no negativity. Ever.
He never learned how to manage any emotions but happiness.
Now he can say “this is upsetting” or “I’m angry about XYZ” and then go workout, or ride his bike, or cool down and come back to talk through things when he’s in a better headspace and less reactive.
Apparently, it took my girlfriend a long time to get comfortable with the fact I don’t have any social media other than Reddit. The lack of Facebook or Instagram was a red flag for her (for a “background check”).
He would not read a one line text for one to four days. one to for days. I heard his phone irl and he read a message from his friend and replied within a minute. claimed he was consistent in his communication. Just another lie. I didn’t sent more than one line and didn’t re text. I wait and then send a message “are you dead” he’d laugh, but I wasn’t joking.
Kinda a reverse, but apparently I gave my now wife a red flag when we moved into a bigger, more expensive apartment than when she first moved in with me. We had been together for about two years, living together for one. I was previously divorced and had already had already experienced some issues with post-breakup housing.
Before signing the new lease, I told my now-wife that this new place was more than either of us could afford on our own and that in the event of a breakup we would both be on the hook to maintain the lease and would need to continue living there together until such a time as we could afford to break the lease or until it lapsed, whichever came first.
This caused her considerable emotional anguish. She cried because she thought I was planning to leave her. She went to her friends for advice and got told by some it was a red flag and that she should run. Others told her it was no big deal. It wasn’t until she told her parents and they said that she should be happy that I was planning for both good and bad futures and that it was a responsible thing to do.
Our 10 year anniversary is approaching. Guess it wasn’t a red flag after all.
First meeting my partner as friends he told me how picky he was with food and how he hated a lot of things. I find that if you’re unwilling to try new foods it trickles down to other things. It felt like we weren’t compatible but since I’ve started cooking for him he eats and tries everything! He still has some foods he won’t eat but it’s changed from the closed mindset to open and he has discovered so much food he loves. We watch YouTube a lot together and if he sees something good, we find a way to make it if we can 😊
That I was his first serious relationship. He had never really even dated prior to me. I couldn’t have dreamed of a better partner and father to my kids.
I had more red flags than he did. I’m glad he looked past those!
Comments
She used to be online always but take hours to reply to my one text
As it turns out he was actually a Nigerian prince the whole time and was telling me the truth.
Technically, she was still dating the guy that had moved across the world a few months before
I can’t think of any with my partners
I guess my ex was an interesting person who wasn’t actively harmful or malicious so ignoring the red flags made for some fun stories and lessons. Past that, mmm
He said on our first date he had just broken up with his ex less than a month before because she wanted to get married and he definitely didn’t. We’re happily married with kids.
Love bombing.
it’s only “love bombing” if it’s fake or temporary, sometimes it’s just love.
His smoking. Honestly I still hate that he smokes but he’s very good at not doing it around me and chewing mint gum so I don’t taste it when we kiss.
I’m glad I overlooked it because he has been an amazing and supportive partner, he treats me incredibly well
Partner still lived with their ex (separate bedrooms) after breakup for a couple of months while the ex worked on finding an apartment, packing, and the finances associated with both.
It definitely made for a weird dynamic and I was hesitant, but I also learned a hell of a lot about how my partner treated people after a relationship ended – firm boundaries, but still respectful of the ex as a human being and their boundaries as far as having a guest in the home. Met the ex twice so I knew it wasn’t some weird bs.
My now husband had a list of requirements for a future partner and I didn’t meet any of them. We started a very casual relationship a few months after his property settlement with his ex wife and she kind of took him to the cleaners given what she’d come into the relationship with and what she left with. He was very upfront that my situation ticked none of his boxes and he didn’t see a long term future. So, I nearly bailed when I realised I was falling in love with him. One night I had stayed the night with him at his place and he was kind of rushing me out around 11am and it became clear he was going on a date. No foul, he’d been honest that he was still looking for the woman that ticked his boxes. But i was still gutted. He called me the next day to ask me over and I assumed it was to end our casual relationship. He told me he’d gone on a date. That she’d asked him back to her place. And that he realised at that moment that he couldn’t. And told her that he’d realised he was in love with someone else. And it was me! I’d bailed when I got scared I would have missed out on 13 years with this incredible man, 5 years married now. It was a red flag for sure, but he’s always been one to learn. Best man I’ve ever known. TL;DR – the checklist might not be a deal breaker when there’s love.
he was a mess but i loved him. Now he’s dead and ill never be ok again
Being an addict. We are very aware we are the exception not the rule. But knowing each other got both of us clean and healthy
He had only been broken up from his ex for about a month before we started talking. Thought I was gonna be a rebound at first but turned out to be the healthiest relationship of my life.
Her ex gf moved back in with her for financial reasons when we started dating (a month in). I obviously didn’t trust it at first but gave her the benefit of the doubt. We’ve been happily married for 4 years.
his roommate and my close friend kept telling me over and over that my now boyfriend is the most selfish, self centered person he’s ever met and he doesn’t think about anyone who’s not in front of him. i think that the roommate was just jealous cuz my bf is wonderful and none of that is remotely true
The puppy kicking. But over time, I realised it was something we could enjoy together.
My wife has the tendency to be a little more dramatic and emotional at times than I would have preferred, specifically in our early days of dating.
Thankfully, she was open to listening to my concerns about the volatility and anxiety that brings to the relationship, and she learned to express her negative emotions more constructively.
Now, she can look back on those days with good understanding where I was coming from. We have since built our relationship on great communication and mutual effort for one another.
Is she still more emotional and dramatic than I’d care for sometimes? Yes, but that also comes with far more positive emotional swings than negative, so the trade-off is great.
A long talks about her ex’s, life issues and arguments with family on every date. We didn’t turned our short relation into a relationship, but I learned a lot about myself and what people I should avoid in the future. When my huge empathy kicks in it’s not love, but just a friendship with no desire for romance.
Idk I’ve called every red flag I’ve experienced, but I still rode that Rollercoaster into the ground every time.
He sometimes wouldn’t respond to my texts until hours later.
It bothered the hell out of me, I felt unimportant and ignored, I worried he was seeing someone else, it felt like he was playing mind games
Turns out he’s just not on his phone all that often.
Also I’m not entitled to his time or attention any time I want it.
We talked about it and he said he’d try to be more responsive (and he did get better) but it helped me to learn that people aren’t required to reply to you immediately and sometimes you just have to wait. And that’s ok.
I’m glad my wife overlooked a lot of issues I had which could be considered as red flags. I used to get annoyed easily and anything could set me off so she had to walk on eggshells for the first two years of our relationship. I actively worked through my issues to mellow down a lot before asking her to marry me. She still loves me and is actually happy 5 years on so I guess my efforts paid off.
Excessive alcohol consumption
Some people may be upset with me but this is a red flag to a lot of women. He is a gamer. He plays computer games which as a lot of women can attest to is a very specific type of man to fall for. Dating someone who loves computer games comes with its own set of challenges, that I wasn’t sure I could handle (it can be all consuming, sedentary, closed off activity, impact sleep/sex life, impact responsiveness to partner). But we have always been very good at communicating and we both have become more empathetic and understanding people for it. I love him very much and he is an amazing father and partner. So if you are on the fence about dating a gamer or not considering men at all who play computer games I would encourage you to reconsider.
He was unemployed and living with his parents when we met. He got motivated to be better. We’re married and doing great now 😊
I said I didn’t want a relationship cos my life was a mess but ended up with him a month later. He clearly didn’t listen to me.
Now married, blended our family, and added a new addition
seen repost about her regretting meeting her ex, lol. I didn’t know what to feel
I originally thought he was clingy. Turns out, he was not. I just wasn’t used to affection. I miss him everyday and wanted to meet someone else just like him because I believed we were made for each other. He passed away after 15 years together.
Cheating.
Obviously I didn’t ignore it but we were young and each other’s firsts. I knew he wanted to explore so I broke up with him. Got back together after a year and we haven’t broke up since.
He doesn’t give me any reasons to doubt him and I don’t bring it up either.
Been happy for 10 years 🙂
3 weeks into dating, someone he hooked up with 5 weeks before texted him that they had syphilis and he should get tested.
We had used condoms the whole time, but it was scary and easy to judge even though I knew I shouldn’t. But we had been dating for 3 weeks, I could have panicked and left. You hear of chlamydia all the time but not syphilis!!
He was clean, but regardless, he’s my best friend and love of my life now years later. Not a chance in the world he would ever cheat on me or anything like that. The sweetest kindest soul I’ve ever met.
She had a dreamcatcher
His mom.
He was a Mama’s boy and it kinda put me off. I wasn’t close to my parents, and didn’t have a frame of reference when it came to parental relationships.
His mom didn’t like me much at first and I realized over the years that I was keeping his family at arms’ length because I didn’t want to get attached and then lose another family.
We’ve been together for a decade now.
His mom and I text every so often, she hugs me every time she sees me, and encouraged me to mend my own relationship with my mother.
And my boyfriend? Turns out it’s easy to be a Mama’s boy when you live at home. When we moved out on our own, he put a little distance between them and started prioritizing our relationship more.
Sometimes, things just take a little bit more time. You’ll never find the “perfect” someone. It takes work and compromise
… And nothing is ever perfect anyways
When I first met my husband, I thought him talking poorly to/about his mom was a red flag. It turned out he’s a lovely human, and his mom was not a great mom when he was a kid (to put it mildly).
In a fucked up way, my ex’s possessiveness highlighted how little the friend group I had at the time cared about me. She had told me that their issues with her meant they had issues with me which wasn’t true on the surface, but after I distanced myself from that friend group I learned who there actually cared about me and who just enjoyed the benefits of my friendship.
Only one person ended up reaching out to me after it happened, one reached out to me years later, and the rest I haven’t heard from to this day, including people I had long history with. I didn’t get any of the things I had given them in the past (reaching out despite disagreement, checking in, making an effort to fix what was wrong in order to see if things could be fixed instead of taking my ball and going home) and if not for that experience I’d probably still be giving the wrong people effort. It sucked at the time but without it I wouldn’t have been able to grow past it and set myself up for a better future
Another hours old karma farm, down vote.
Poor responsiveness to texts.
Dude is the most enthusiastic, caring guy who remembers tiny details, and will drop everything to be there in a heartbeat.
But my god is that man shitty at texting. Comes off flat. Sometimes doesn’t acknowledge or respond, but has all the details on lockdown for when chatting over the phone or face to face.
None, I’m still dealing with the ones I ignored.
Is it a red flag if she ignored MY red flags?
Oversharing. Thought it was odd at the first date but over time I starter oversharing with her too and the conversation ended up 2 hours long with both of us yapping by taking turns
at the beginning of our relationship i had strong opinions about my wife going out when it’s dark or dressing in a way that may be “provocative”. i was genuinely worried about her but it doesn’t make it much better. eventually i discussed it with my therapist and worked to get rid of this way of thinking. still grateful to my wife for ignoring this red flag and helping me become a better person.
He said I love you the first day we got together, we were in hs and I gave him a little rose quartz that day (used to be super into crystals) and he said he didn’t know what else to say lol. Been together for 4 years now!
Age and career gap. She is almost a decade older than me but never had a real career, just some adjunct professor positions making like 35k. Now she works in tech, makes more than me, and is awesome in every way.
Not his red flag but mine: I’d cheated on and broken up with my ex barely a week before we met. I was really in no position to be starting a new relationship, but I did, and we’ve been together ten years now. That was the one and only time I’ve ever cheated, and it was so incredibly stupid and selfish of me. I’m never going to repeat the mistake.
Being “dismissive avoidant”.
The attachment subs will make you believe it’s the death knell for any happy relationship. But if you take the time, and learn to self-soothe rather than relying on your partner for constant, unrelenting validation, turns out that sometimes your own attachment was the unhealthy one.
Nothing specific, but there are times in a long-term relationship where you become convinced something is 100% About Them and — upon further reflection and time — you realize, no, it’s 100% About You. It’s a hard pillow to swallow but sometimes YOU are the red flag and you’re actually projecting!
Milk before the water when making tea, I still have to look away but I’ll struggle on as she’s worth it🤣
We have an age gap. She’s in her early twenties, I just turned forty last year.
I’ve never been too comfortable with the idea of dating someone outside my age, and the fact that she’s young enough to be my daughter took some getting used to.
Once I got past this… she’s amazing. She understands me, goes out of her way to show affection and loves my cooking.
I once matched with a girl, who told me on our first date that she didn’t believe in evolution. I put a pin on it as something I needed to really think about but I eventually ignored it. Been together for 10 years all together, 6 years married and have an almost 2 year old little boy.
One of his best friends was a girl he used to hook up with. I have a good gut feeling about these kinds of things and I never picked up on anything between them. Dated him for 3 years, broke up, girl is still one of my best friends till this day. She’s the best thing to have come out of that relationship lol!
My now husband had been single for about 6 weeks when we met. His previous relationship had been about 5 years long and she was still in the process of moving out (living elsewhere, but left some big items behind). I felt like jumping from one serious relationship to another was a bit of a red flag, but he handled everything with such grace and understanding. 10/10 would marry again.
He was still emotionally invested in his ex while dating me. They attended the same church and he grew up in a religious cult where the options were someone like her or someone like her. His parents was deeply against him being with me. We broke up and a year later, he came back into my life because he realized he needed to get out and he was in love with me. Yes he fucked up but giving him a second chance has brought me tons more healing and love into my life. The man massages me daily. Makes me my morning coffee. Does anything I ask him to and then some. Tells me he loves me everyday. People can change for the better if they choose to be even after cheating. Not saying this works for every one but it worked out for me.
She was 33 and had never been in a relationship before, also was still living with her stepdad.
I used a lil intuition, decided to carry on and very glad I did.
When I first met my husband some girl he had just been messing about with for a few weeks a few months before was due to give birth to his child that week. She went into labour a week to the day I met him. He also “love bombed me”
We’ve been married 10 years now and have a beautiful boy of our own. He still acts like I’m the only girl in the world and literally spends every moment he can trying to make me happy bless him .
A body count rivaling World War II and previous sex work. 30 years of great sex, laughter, and absolute devotion later, I’m glad I didn’t let my insecurities win.
My wife doesn’t close doors and it drives me crazy. But the pros outweigh the con
My husband having been in many non-traditional sexual experiences.
This is a social pressure one: I play competitive sports and am quite fit, my girlfriend is overweight (and not by dumbass standards either, she’s a bigger woman).
The amount of people that told me her weight was nothing but a red flag and that I’d never be happy was quite possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. Just some of the dumbest projections about a person you can imagine.
Now 2 years later, I still am with an awesome woman who I’m really attracted to on a physical and intellectual level, and I got to cut out about 5 “friends” who were (and still are) obviously nasty people who had clearly different outlooks on love and attraction. She hasn’t changed too much, I fell in love with her the way she is and that’s always going to be enough for me, the only time we ever feel the need to talk about weight related stuff is thinking toward the future and how it might impact her health, which is a real concern of hers! But I digress.
Win/win for me, 10/10 red flag to ignore would ignore again.
Wow, the only thing I should have ignored was the guy before he became my boyfriend what a trauma.
Him being British.
He was a very recently cleaned-up addict.
Tbh, I didn’t so much ignore this fact as just not realize how recently he’d gotten off the drugs. He’d only been clean for a few months when we got together, but somehow I assumed it had been longer than that. We had been together for about a year when the true timeline came to light.
We’ve been together for 13 years now, married for 8, and he has never relapsed in that time. He is absolutely my person – I love him so much.
Jumping quick into relationship with me and telling me he loves me after like 3 weeks.
Now, few years later, still in happy relationship lol
For my justification we were teens lol
Can’t ignore any red flags if you never entered the relationship. 200 IQ. #imtheredflag 🚩
We went on a date where she was pretty standoffish and seemed like she didn’t enjoy being there. I thought she hated me and planned to break contact until the friend who set us up told me that she was actually really into me but can be socially awkward. As a massive introvert who knows awkward but can play extroverted it reframed pretty much everything about that date for me. She eventually warmed up to me and we ended up dating for a while. Loved that dork.
I just found out my girlfriend that I’ve been dating for 3 months has made professional videos of her getting gang banged by 7 dudes. In her words “yeah I mean I’ve definitely taken some dick”. I am highly disappointed to say the least
One red flag I ignored was inconsistent communication; I chose to focus on the positive moments instead. In hindsight, it helped me realize the importance of open and honest dialogue in relationships.
Lived with his mom and wanted to stay living with his mom. It worked out that I convinced him to move out when I did, but in retrospect kid should have kept paying off debts and saving money. I was young and dumb, too.
Things about my dear man that I’m glad I brushed off:
HE IS UNGOOGLEABLE. The extent to which he does not have an identifiable online presence screams secret wife/maybe a serial killer. Considering that I found him on reddit, but couldn’t really verify anything except that he had cool dogs, I should have been so much more worried about meeting in person the first time. It still seems a bit impossible that everything he told me was true, but I now live in the house he said he was building, so the evidence is piling up.
He can be quite unresponsive. He really heard me when I said that it made me worry about him, and he got pretty good about telling me when he was going radio silent. I wasn’t too suspicious of being lied to about a hidden life/wife, but it still forced me to get over a lot of trust issues. Having seen the way he interacts with his phone, I’m amazed he texted me back as often as he did.
He wasn’t interested in relationships, sex, dating, not any of it. I was definitely friendzoned HARD for a long time, and I’ll be the first to admit that it hurt, but I appreciated the honesty. It took QUITE a while for him to realize I was his girlfriend, not because of anything I demanded, but because of how he treated me. Unclear on whether any of the sex/dating/relationship/cohabitation is just him being nice to me as a friend, but he seems to be having a good time, so I don’t worry about it.
when he started getting physical with me
it goes from playing fight or playing rough with each other and he even asked me this once before, “do you think i’d abuse you in the future?” 🥲
we had an argument recently and he slapped my hand and shook my shoulders hard enough to the point i nearly fell, and these were the sign that the universe is showing to me that he may not be the one for me.
i’m still stuck in this relationship and have no way out
The signs of her abuse in her personality. Like it or not, it’s part of her story and, like all experiences, it has shaped parts of her personality and life.
I feel as if it can make her insecure, jumpy, and sometimes a bit of a loner. She sometimes have horrible nightmares and I have to wake her up. Oddly enough, they aren’t about her abuse, they are often about vaguely being in trouble for something running/hiding from something. To this day, she can’t watch movies/shows that have a lot of chasing or hiding.
His temper.
He would never speak up about little things and then after months he’d just explode and yell like crazy.
I noticed the pattern and we worked together to get to the root: he grew up in a family where everyone was expected to be happy & grateful & kind & thankful; no negativity. Ever.
He never learned how to manage any emotions but happiness.
Now he can say “this is upsetting” or “I’m angry about XYZ” and then go workout, or ride his bike, or cool down and come back to talk through things when he’s in a better headspace and less reactive.
Apparently, it took my girlfriend a long time to get comfortable with the fact I don’t have any social media other than Reddit. The lack of Facebook or Instagram was a red flag for her (for a “background check”).
He would not read a one line text for one to four days. one to for days. I heard his phone irl and he read a message from his friend and replied within a minute. claimed he was consistent in his communication. Just another lie. I didn’t sent more than one line and didn’t re text. I wait and then send a message “are you dead” he’d laugh, but I wasn’t joking.
Kinda a reverse, but apparently I gave my now wife a red flag when we moved into a bigger, more expensive apartment than when she first moved in with me. We had been together for about two years, living together for one. I was previously divorced and had already had already experienced some issues with post-breakup housing.
Before signing the new lease, I told my now-wife that this new place was more than either of us could afford on our own and that in the event of a breakup we would both be on the hook to maintain the lease and would need to continue living there together until such a time as we could afford to break the lease or until it lapsed, whichever came first.
This caused her considerable emotional anguish. She cried because she thought I was planning to leave her. She went to her friends for advice and got told by some it was a red flag and that she should run. Others told her it was no big deal. It wasn’t until she told her parents and they said that she should be happy that I was planning for both good and bad futures and that it was a responsible thing to do.
Our 10 year anniversary is approaching. Guess it wasn’t a red flag after all.
First meeting my partner as friends he told me how picky he was with food and how he hated a lot of things. I find that if you’re unwilling to try new foods it trickles down to other things. It felt like we weren’t compatible but since I’ve started cooking for him he eats and tries everything! He still has some foods he won’t eat but it’s changed from the closed mindset to open and he has discovered so much food he loves. We watch YouTube a lot together and if he sees something good, we find a way to make it if we can 😊
She has borderline personality disorder.
That I was his first serious relationship. He had never really even dated prior to me. I couldn’t have dreamed of a better partner and father to my kids.
I had more red flags than he did. I’m glad he looked past those!