Well, at some point you just sort of give up because the risk-reward calculus is no longer favorable. And at the end of day, what people call “love” it’s just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.
Women. No offense ladies, but you have some crazy standards and attitudes these days. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of guys need to step up their game too, but nobody’s giving you ladies the sun, the moon, the stars, and a few million dollars 😂
That ghosting has become a pretty common thing. Also the fact that people often date someone they don’t really like just so they would have someone until someone right for them comes along.
Texting to break the ice. I get why… just feels awkward, like we’re trying to figure out whether a first date is worth it based on a few short exchanges during free moments in our lives. But also if you don’t text, then the probability that they’ll flake at the last minute increases significantly.
Lack of communication, and passivity. Been stood up many times, and would’ve been more if I hadn’t started checking in the day of (to which I rarely get a confirmation or response at all)
Being rejected directly is actually refreshing now
Becoming unplugged. That burden of knowledge I gained not only clearly explained the 💩 outcomes I was getting, it has turned me off to ever bother with dating again.
Men. Their expectations of women. It’s outrageous. And no I’m not sorry for saying it. Seems to me you buy into the whole notion of social media especially as you all get older. I quit dating just to not have to hear it. Also, I’m not bringing a resume to a date. You tend to forget you have to offer something as well. If you are a good solid person and we hit it off go from there. Please get over yourselves.
Insufferable people. I have been on some dates with some real assholes. At some point, I just stopped trying, because it wasn’t worth it, and I have other concerns.
Unrealistic expectations in women and women in general having a “I’m the prize” mentality is why I don’t bother. Which is hilarious because most women are overweight slobs in the US statistically and aren’t worth any of my time.
Using dating sites is a hassle, then the first dates always felt like a job interview. Sometimes I would be open to a second date, say so, and the guy never texted me back.
How quickly people want to move through the relationship now days. Like within 6 months you are having a baby then engaged. I see so much of that now. Plus I’ve had so many guys in the past try to say we’ll be together forever, I’ve only had one relationship last over a year.
Nothing really, dating was always fun to me even when it didn’t work out. It’s an adventure and things can go wrong but this belongs to adventures. Am in a long term relationship now.
Dating apps, circle of egoistic and superficial women I tried dating(I wish I knew who they were when I was initially dating them), women looking for just attention and nothing more, ghosting and catfishing.
Its worse when you ‘click’ with someone and they eventually leave you on read for hours only to respond with half assed replies you can’t really continue a convo with.
The fact that nobody wants to commit to anything, and everything is an undefined “situationship”.
I left my 9 year relationship in Nov ‘22. I haven’t had one person I’ve been involved with show any inclination to be in an actual relationship with me yet. It’s been so disheartening that I’ve totally given up on hoping for it one day; it will never happen.
Meeting my husband. He brings a lot to the table, is motivated and self disciplined and communicates well. Knew I wanted nobody else after our first date as this is the holy trifecta for me.
I think in my experience people who lose interest as soon as the relationship becomes exclusive. I’m not talking about the mellowing out stage but literally acting like you don’t exist unless it’s sex time. If I only wanted sex, you’d be a hook-up. Even worse are the people who just want someone to pay half the rent with them. Find a roommate.
Two failed relationships that ended in the exact same way. Guy 1 dumped me via text.
Guy 2 was told about this, promised he would never do that, then did it 3 months later. This triggered a lot of trust issues for me.
That and my disability gets in the way of my ability to meet people.
Dating apps and how these days if you approach a woman and get shot down you might end up on social media being made out to be a creep for daring to approach a woman you wanted to get to know because she was pretty.
Getting older, women getting older and experiencing more romantic disappointments, anxiety, obesity, low self-esteem, lack of social connections, previous romantic failures…
It’s been ruined for me before I even started. I’ve never had a good relationship to look up to. Parents don’t really like each other for as long as I can remember (I’m 18) and older sisters haven’t had the best experiences themselves, which leaves me to have that to look up to.
I’ve had silly “boyfriends” in middle school lol but that was just to label it was never anything serious. Because of all of this I have no desire to date. It makes me cringe even thinking about it and i’m afraid i’ll be this way forever 😅
” People assuming I’m gay because I like the band Queen.
People assuming I’m a pervert because I wrote ‘fun’ in my profile, then not liking it when I said I was referring to things like the beach and the funfair and not answering when I asked what the first thing was that came to mind when they saw the word ‘fun’.
People lying about their intentions and not being honest about not wanting you but doing the “slow fade” instead after having love bombed you for weeks prior to that
The last girl I “dated”secretly was fucking half the squad till one night it all clicked. We got the same text at the same time and the gig was up. We the proceeded to play rock paper scissors over who texted back we all sent her a snap chat of us waving 😂 she couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to date 😂 she stabbed so many people in the back over the year I got to know her. Complete sociopath. She really lowered the bar when it came to human standards. She really made me realize how scummy people are when they constantly hide things
Misogyny, the rightward shift in politics by american men, men dating for sex and not love, lying, cheating, dishonesty. My health and the clear lack of empathy for people with chronic issues with most people today. I just have no time for the abuse anymore and i have checked out of it. Im 40 which also helped me quit
People aren’t interested in a long term relationship and don’t plan on being faithful. Seems like people date just to spend a few Saturday nights with someone.
Was engaged to the woman I thought i’d be with for the rest of my life, turns out forever didn’t last too long and I’m stuck in my head over everything that happened even though it’s been over a year now
The unquestioned and unverified assumption that being or having “excellence” or “above-average” or the best this or high value that is a guarantee of satisfaction and fulfillment.
I’ve experienced the most pleasant of surprises with the unlikeliest of women. Or women I initially thought I wouldn’t enjoy spending time with.
Plus good looking people get dumped/cheated on. Rich people, harming people, funny people, people with swagger, people with sex appeal, people with status, people with the best body parts, or whatever fad trait society says someone needs to have in order to “succeed” is no guarantee that you’ll actually be fulfilled or successful. It all seems like one big lie.
None of those things are good indicators of whether or not a relationship will actually be successful or satisfying. i’m not saying to not have standards but how much do people actually need/require to truly enjoy life and living??
Dated a guy 10 years older who was cheating the entire time despite begging me to say, “I love you” back, went through his phone and he had sent a message to his best friend saying, “I’m going to see if I can break him.”
Next dated another guy 10 years older who had also been a missionary in the country I was (rare to find gay ex missionaries). He cried on my shoulder often telling me about how he hurt is ex wife and kids by cheating with men, how he hurt the men after his divorce by having a fake identity and lying to them- and then he screamed at me the night I confronted him for lying about his age to me (15 years older, not 10 years older), getting on Grindr while sleeping in my bed with me/ while I was asleep, and some other bullshit.
Transitioning. I live in a town in a blue state right near a town that’s mostly red. A lot of people in my town are red, and they want to turn my state red. No matter how I try to find someone to date or even be friends, as soon as they learn I’m trans I get feminized. I’m so over this life already 😭
Found out I’m demi. The whole modern dating scene is just not built to support that. Sinking months into random people just to find out if I like them hasn’t been worth the effort.
Social media. A lot of people care too much about how they are perceived online, everyone wants to be “aesthetic” and do what ever this big creator on TikTok is doing. Plus I also feel like social media makes you dumb. I do enjoy the memes tho they’re always there for a good laugh.
Being dumped over a text out of the blue by someone I thought I had a future with. He put on a masterful performance and knew all the right things to say. So yea, being used, taken advantage of, and discarded really traumatized me and ruined dating for me. It’s better off to be alone.
I click with very few men. When I finally find one I’m compatible with who likes me back (about once a year on average), they borderline love bomb me just to lose interest 2-3 months into dating. It’s exhausting
Dating the wrong people and somewhat denying it to yourself during the relationship. Love makes you blind I guess, but being burned too many times takes a toll. I love women but I don’t trust them.
That for whatever reason, whether it be by physical means or mental/emotional/social means, I’m just unappealing to most people. I’d like to think I have some modicum of self awareness, but I guess not when it comes to building emotional/romantic connections with other people. I’ve kind of just accepted that I’m going to be alone for the majority, if not the remainder of my life.
i havent really got into it. i was just friendly and seeing things too complicated i didnt really got into it and now i feel like what i didn’t experience it wont hurt kinda thing. of course would be good to have a wife or gf or something but eh, guess it is what it is.
the ghosting, for sure. some people will go on the first date and then ghost. one i’ve had a few dates and they even left some possessions with me? that’s pretty wild. some people will ghost by unmatching me a day before we’re supposed to meet 😭 harsh world! not for me
The way hookup culture has created an imbalance in the “the game” through lack of transparent communication. Everything is either so casual to the point where people’s time and emotional energy are completely disregarded, or “date to marry”. There is absolutely no gray area. No one is actually capable of ethical non-monogamy.
The lack of romance and effort in modern courtship practices.
Toxic monogamy (codependency, the idea that you have to “prove” loyalty by letting your partner invade your privacy, go through your phone, etc).
Misogyny and the manosphere making men believe that they’re entitled to sex because they’re rich, “nice,” and work out and that women will just flock to them if they ‘personal growth’ their way to Alpha-dom. None of those things entitle them to women and sex. You still have to be someone who is kind, intelligent, funny, who ALL women feel safe around, who we can sense knows how to handle a crisis, someone who is actually secure in their masculinity. Otherwise, none of the superficial crap matters. Men always have and always will compete for the attention and time of women. It is not the other way around.
I’ve been single for 7 years. My choice. I’ve lived alone for over 5 of those. There’s never been a single time where I thought being in a relationship would make any situation in my life better. There’s never been a time when I thought having someone else and all their stuff in my home is the thing that’s missing.
I’ve done a lot of work on myself mental health wise. I don’t want some rando to come and fuck that up.
I would 100% be cool with a lavender marriage though. We can split bills and hang out, and I’m happy to help stop your family asking you why you’re still single. You can sleep with other men (not in our home) and I’ll explain to your parents that I’m barren and we won’t be giving them grandchildren. We can have many dogs and eat dinner at 4pm or 10pm, there’s no schedule. Let’s spilt cheese costs, it’s getting crazy out there.
Comments
Calendars. I miss the old sun dial things.
Social Media
Dating apps.
How superficial dating apps and social media made things
More than likely it was me.
Men treating me like I was nothing more than a free sex worker.
Well, at some point you just sort of give up because the risk-reward calculus is no longer favorable. And at the end of day, what people call “love” it’s just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage.
Break the cycle, focus on science.
Finding my wife. Dating didn’t matter anymore
Getting SAed
Getting married she doesn’t like it when I date.
Humans.
Women. No offense ladies, but you have some crazy standards and attitudes these days. Don’t get me wrong, a lot of guys need to step up their game too, but nobody’s giving you ladies the sun, the moon, the stars, and a few million dollars 😂
Getting older in general
Embracing self-love.
Dating Apps
My wife.
Marriage.
being broken up with over 10 times because of communication issues
That ghosting has become a pretty common thing. Also the fact that people often date someone they don’t really like just so they would have someone until someone right for them comes along.
Too much pressure on the first date, and a lot of unrealistic expectations on both sides
Texting to break the ice. I get why… just feels awkward, like we’re trying to figure out whether a first date is worth it based on a few short exchanges during free moments in our lives. But also if you don’t text, then the probability that they’ll flake at the last minute increases significantly.
Social media
Trusting someone who didn’t deserve my time or effort in the end.
Nice looking guys
Men.
Lack of communication, and passivity. Been stood up many times, and would’ve been more if I hadn’t started checking in the day of (to which I rarely get a confirmation or response at all)
Being rejected directly is actually refreshing now
Don’t date anyone in Healthcare is my advice
Becoming unplugged. That burden of knowledge I gained not only clearly explained the 💩 outcomes I was getting, it has turned me off to ever bother with dating again.
Garlic
Men. Their expectations of women. It’s outrageous. And no I’m not sorry for saying it. Seems to me you buy into the whole notion of social media especially as you all get older. I quit dating just to not have to hear it. Also, I’m not bringing a resume to a date. You tend to forget you have to offer something as well. If you are a good solid person and we hit it off go from there. Please get over yourselves.
Apparently dating means involving other people and that ruins it for me.
Insufferable people. I have been on some dates with some real assholes. At some point, I just stopped trying, because it wasn’t worth it, and I have other concerns.
The Internet
Communication is the most easiest thing ever but some suck at it ?? 😭
I’m 44. I’ve wasted a combined 20 years with 2 women who are no longer in my life. Right now I’m not trying to find out if I can handle a 3rd.
Dating.
Unrealistic expectations in women and women in general having a “I’m the prize” mentality is why I don’t bother. Which is hilarious because most women are overweight slobs in the US statistically and aren’t worth any of my time.
Using dating sites is a hassle, then the first dates always felt like a job interview. Sometimes I would be open to a second date, say so, and the guy never texted me back.
How quickly people want to move through the relationship now days. Like within 6 months you are having a baby then engaged. I see so much of that now. Plus I’ve had so many guys in the past try to say we’ll be together forever, I’ve only had one relationship last over a year.
My ex-best-friend
Men.
Nothing really, dating was always fun to me even when it didn’t work out. It’s an adventure and things can go wrong but this belongs to adventures. Am in a long term relationship now.
Cheating culture
being castrated in a “prostitution” cult called society
Dating apps, circle of egoistic and superficial women I tried dating(I wish I knew who they were when I was initially dating them), women looking for just attention and nothing more, ghosting and catfishing.
Taking days to respond.
Its worse when you ‘click’ with someone and they eventually leave you on read for hours only to respond with half assed replies you can’t really continue a convo with.
Finding out they don’t want a relationship but friends with benefits.
Apparently ypu can’t find a proper relationship these… just boys that want to fuck around. And they wonder why girls go for older guys instead
One stalker and two rapists
Matching with someone on tinder than either they never message first, or if I do, I get no response. So basically I’m not getting no interest
Cheaters. Had a one night stand in my car. Turned out, I was her last fling on the morning of her wedding day.
My ex breaking my trust like 8 times made me give up on love
My mom ruined it for me
Being lied to
The fact that nobody wants to commit to anything, and everything is an undefined “situationship”.
I left my 9 year relationship in Nov ‘22. I haven’t had one person I’ve been involved with show any inclination to be in an actual relationship with me yet. It’s been so disheartening that I’ve totally given up on hoping for it one day; it will never happen.
Meeting my husband. He brings a lot to the table, is motivated and self disciplined and communicates well. Knew I wanted nobody else after our first date as this is the holy trifecta for me.
Never being given a chance.
That if it doesnt work out, instead of everyone going their seperate ways it becomes a huge show of ruining the other person.
Dating.
Marriage.
Listening to them talk about their hoe phase
I think in my experience people who lose interest as soon as the relationship becomes exclusive. I’m not talking about the mellowing out stage but literally acting like you don’t exist unless it’s sex time. If I only wanted sex, you’d be a hook-up. Even worse are the people who just want someone to pay half the rent with them. Find a roommate.
DL men who actually hate women bc of it.
Two failed relationships that ended in the exact same way. Guy 1 dumped me via text.
Guy 2 was told about this, promised he would never do that, then did it 3 months later. This triggered a lot of trust issues for me.
That and my disability gets in the way of my ability to meet people.
Dating apps and how these days if you approach a woman and get shot down you might end up on social media being made out to be a creep for daring to approach a woman you wanted to get to know because she was pretty.
Getting older, women getting older and experiencing more romantic disappointments, anxiety, obesity, low self-esteem, lack of social connections, previous romantic failures…
People. Just because I am nice to you doesn’t mean I want to get in bed with you.
It’s been ruined for me before I even started. I’ve never had a good relationship to look up to. Parents don’t really like each other for as long as I can remember (I’m 18) and older sisters haven’t had the best experiences themselves, which leaves me to have that to look up to.
I’ve had silly “boyfriends” in middle school lol but that was just to label it was never anything serious. Because of all of this I have no desire to date. It makes me cringe even thinking about it and i’m afraid i’ll be this way forever 😅
” People assuming I’m gay because I like the band Queen.
People lying about their intentions and not being honest about not wanting you but doing the “slow fade” instead after having love bombed you for weeks prior to that
Nothing, never had it ruined for me.
I am blessed and have known/dated many incredible people.
Wife
Looks
Finding the love of my life. It really through a wrench into the whole dating scene. I’ve tried, but man, she gets passed.
The last girl I “dated”secretly was fucking half the squad till one night it all clicked. We got the same text at the same time and the gig was up. We the proceeded to play rock paper scissors over who texted back we all sent her a snap chat of us waving 😂 she couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to date 😂 she stabbed so many people in the back over the year I got to know her. Complete sociopath. She really lowered the bar when it came to human standards. She really made me realize how scummy people are when they constantly hide things
Manipulation and lies
Being cheated on
Having false rumors spread about me
Misogyny, the rightward shift in politics by american men, men dating for sex and not love, lying, cheating, dishonesty. My health and the clear lack of empathy for people with chronic issues with most people today. I just have no time for the abuse anymore and i have checked out of it. Im 40 which also helped me quit
People aren’t interested in a long term relationship and don’t plan on being faithful. Seems like people date just to spend a few Saturday nights with someone.
Was engaged to the woman I thought i’d be with for the rest of my life, turns out forever didn’t last too long and I’m stuck in my head over everything that happened even though it’s been over a year now
Being fat.
The unquestioned and unverified assumption that being or having “excellence” or “above-average” or the best this or high value that is a guarantee of satisfaction and fulfillment.
I’ve experienced the most pleasant of surprises with the unlikeliest of women. Or women I initially thought I wouldn’t enjoy spending time with.
Plus good looking people get dumped/cheated on. Rich people, harming people, funny people, people with swagger, people with sex appeal, people with status, people with the best body parts, or whatever fad trait society says someone needs to have in order to “succeed” is no guarantee that you’ll actually be fulfilled or successful. It all seems like one big lie.
None of those things are good indicators of whether or not a relationship will actually be successful or satisfying. i’m not saying to not have standards but how much do people actually need/require to truly enjoy life and living??
Society. Going to enjoy my peace over here
Dated a guy 10 years older who was cheating the entire time despite begging me to say, “I love you” back, went through his phone and he had sent a message to his best friend saying, “I’m going to see if I can break him.”
Next dated another guy 10 years older who had also been a missionary in the country I was (rare to find gay ex missionaries). He cried on my shoulder often telling me about how he hurt is ex wife and kids by cheating with men, how he hurt the men after his divorce by having a fake identity and lying to them- and then he screamed at me the night I confronted him for lying about his age to me (15 years older, not 10 years older), getting on Grindr while sleeping in my bed with me/ while I was asleep, and some other bullshit.
People saying they are looking for a relationship when in reality they just want to get laid. And getting ghosted.
Society
Toxic feminism. Don’t mind a woman speaking her mind but when she goes this route it is a turn off
My very recent break up. I dont think I can find someone like him again. I dont have any desire for a relationship or dating anymore.
Men
Dating.
Nothing did,
The catfish
The ghosting
The horrible dates
The wanting to give up
The great dates that turned to nothing
The instant connection that goes no where
Was all worth it to find my person. It’s rough out there but there’s definitely someone out there for you. Don’t lose hope, you got this.
i went on a date, we went for pho and this person was SLURPING AND MOANS IN BETWEEN EACH BITE i really couldnt
Transitioning. I live in a town in a blue state right near a town that’s mostly red. A lot of people in my town are red, and they want to turn my state red. No matter how I try to find someone to date or even be friends, as soon as they learn I’m trans I get feminized. I’m so over this life already 😭
Dating. Just like be married ruined marriage.
Found out I’m demi. The whole modern dating scene is just not built to support that. Sinking months into random people just to find out if I like them hasn’t been worth the effort.
Social media. A lot of people care too much about how they are perceived online, everyone wants to be “aesthetic” and do what ever this big creator on TikTok is doing. Plus I also feel like social media makes you dumb. I do enjoy the memes tho they’re always there for a good laugh.
People taking advice from bitter people
Getting married
People demanding a reason for me nor wanted to go out with them or continue to a second date.
Being dumped over a text out of the blue by someone I thought I had a future with. He put on a masterful performance and knew all the right things to say. So yea, being used, taken advantage of, and discarded really traumatized me and ruined dating for me. It’s better off to be alone.
I click with very few men. When I finally find one I’m compatible with who likes me back (about once a year on average), they borderline love bomb me just to lose interest 2-3 months into dating. It’s exhausting
Getting married.
Dating the wrong people and somewhat denying it to yourself during the relationship. Love makes you blind I guess, but being burned too many times takes a toll. I love women but I don’t trust them.
People not being mature enough to come and solve the issues.
That for whatever reason, whether it be by physical means or mental/emotional/social means, I’m just unappealing to most people. I’d like to think I have some modicum of self awareness, but I guess not when it comes to building emotional/romantic connections with other people. I’ve kind of just accepted that I’m going to be alone for the majority, if not the remainder of my life.
i havent really got into it. i was just friendly and seeing things too complicated i didnt really got into it and now i feel like what i didn’t experience it wont hurt kinda thing. of course would be good to have a wife or gf or something but eh, guess it is what it is.
Polyamorous people everywhere
Marriage.
The drama
the ghosting, for sure. some people will go on the first date and then ghost. one i’ve had a few dates and they even left some possessions with me? that’s pretty wild. some people will ghost by unmatching me a day before we’re supposed to meet 😭 harsh world! not for me
Dating apps. Being constantly objectified.
The way hookup culture has created an imbalance in the “the game” through lack of transparent communication. Everything is either so casual to the point where people’s time and emotional energy are completely disregarded, or “date to marry”. There is absolutely no gray area. No one is actually capable of ethical non-monogamy.
The lack of romance and effort in modern courtship practices.
Toxic monogamy (codependency, the idea that you have to “prove” loyalty by letting your partner invade your privacy, go through your phone, etc).
Misogyny and the manosphere making men believe that they’re entitled to sex because they’re rich, “nice,” and work out and that women will just flock to them if they ‘personal growth’ their way to Alpha-dom. None of those things entitle them to women and sex. You still have to be someone who is kind, intelligent, funny, who ALL women feel safe around, who we can sense knows how to handle a crisis, someone who is actually secure in their masculinity. Otherwise, none of the superficial crap matters. Men always have and always will compete for the attention and time of women. It is not the other way around.
Like, I just can’t even be bothered.
I’ve been single for 7 years. My choice. I’ve lived alone for over 5 of those. There’s never been a single time where I thought being in a relationship would make any situation in my life better. There’s never been a time when I thought having someone else and all their stuff in my home is the thing that’s missing.
I’ve done a lot of work on myself mental health wise. I don’t want some rando to come and fuck that up.
I would 100% be cool with a lavender marriage though. We can split bills and hang out, and I’m happy to help stop your family asking you why you’re still single. You can sleep with other men (not in our home) and I’ll explain to your parents that I’m barren and we won’t be giving them grandchildren. We can have many dogs and eat dinner at 4pm or 10pm, there’s no schedule. Let’s spilt cheese costs, it’s getting crazy out there.
Me too trend with fake allegations and money grabs.
Men feeling like they don’t have to try much these days