Have a conversation first, see if therapy or something like that might help.
Find out if she is still attracted to you in general/still loves you. See if you can find a middle ground where you needs are also met (blowjobs?). If all else fails consider if you two are still compatible enough to have a relationship.
The book “Passionate Marriage. Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships” by David Schnarch has helped me to understand my wife. maybe it can help you to make the decisions.
The key take aways for me are the following.
A relationship is the constant friction between the people involved. Conflicts arise from this friction. Either you emerge stronger from these conflicts by making compromises or you separate. It’s a continuous cycle.
Another point is the emotional fusion of the partners. Each person should stand on their own two feet and not become emotionally dependent on the other.
Try to talk to them but if nothing changes in a little bit of time leave, if you stay it will destroy your self worth, your confidence, make you depressed and mess with you mentally and emotionally. You will become bitter and end up walking away but the longer you stay before leaving the more damage it does to yourself.
Talk. If they are not willing to work on why it is so, then, it is time to move on. The partner needs to be able to bring up issues between you 2 if that is what is causing them not wanting sex. Just completely cutting it off means the person is most likely seeking it from somewhere else. Tell them how you feel about it, and see how the partner responds. You will see their true colors. If they gaslight you, run.
The apparent lack of desire could be medical related because of drugs or health problems. Some drugs just zap you of energy and you don’t have the energy to have sex or a medical condition like heart issues, diagnosed or not, can rob you of so much energy that by bedtime, you just want to sleep. Diabetes is another that can knock you for a loop. There are more but this is just a sample. Everything else in the relationship is fine but the sex. I’m not an advocate of finding sex elsewhere because that would break down everything else.
Talk to them about it, consider options like couple counselling. Sex is an important part of life and relationships so if you can’t solve it and if it’s a deal-breaker for you, consider breaking up or opening the relationship
First. Harsh assessment. Are you attractive physically, mentally? Second, does she feel safe financially, emotional? Third, do you take lead in activities and provide structure at home and beyond? Usually when this happens this is a symptom. You need to communicate openly.
If communication fails. remove attention and put focus on yourself. Usually, you need to aim to become the person you’d like to fuck if you were a woman. re-build your social circle. Start going out, become independent.
Idk about transactions & chores but if my boyfriend isn’t helping with the house or our child and I’m doing it all by myself then don’t expect me to have the energy for anything else. I’m gong to sleep 🥱💤
I want to know before hand, do husbands who take care of their physique suffer the same fate in long term marriages? Or are these complaints coming from husbands that do not improve or maintain their level of physical attractiveness?
I’m going on 17 months. And no conclusions on what the issue is after asking multiple times. Claimed low testosterone a month ago but hasn’t been to a doctor in 20 years. I don’t even care anymore. But that could be bc my self esteem has been pushed to the ground bc of it.Just a roommate situation now. Been “together” almost 3 years. Not where I thought I’d be mid 40s
In my experience when you stop having sex the relationship is over. There are exceptions of course, but if your partner keeps making excuses or simply refuses then you need to start asking yourself some hard questions.
When one person stops giving someone intimacy like this, the relationship is dead. If you stay, you will remain unhappy forever and even grow bitter. Better to get rid of the person causing this, go through months of detox and eventually try again with someone new.
Either you’ve become unfuckable, her libido has dried up, or she’s getting it somewhere else.
The short answer is determine which of the above applies and then act accordingly. Your ego is going to make you jump to the conclusion that it’s her libido, but if you’re under 50 then that is the least likely of the three. If there isn’t something medical going on, then chances are that you’ve gotten fat/boring/lazy (or unattractive in some other way) or she’s cheating.
The relationship is simply not working and you have to face the hard fact and leave. Sex occurs when both people are happy, relaxed and comfortable with each other, around each other so they give freely, not out of obligation or pressure.
Of one person decides to hold back even though there are no obvious issues like health and you’ve done all the talking, counselling juju stuff. Then that person is not for you and it’s time to go find someone else if possible. If not, then you are enough.
The partner first needs to check their hormone levels as they affect the libido. Then if all is good with the health, discuss with the partner if they still want to remain in the relationship because they either cheating, clocked out ot the relationship or have hormonal issues, or the other option is your attitude towards your partner (how is your overall communication, day to day life) . I cannot think of another reason for not wanting.
It could be a medical issue like hypothyroidism, hormonal imbalance, iron deficiency anemia, etc all of which can be diagnosed with a simple blood test and treated over time.
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Talk to them. There can be a million reasons for that – physical, mental, or both.
Seek communication. If it stays that way, look for alternatives. If that’s not what you want, break up…
Have a conversation first, see if therapy or something like that might help.
Find out if she is still attracted to you in general/still loves you. See if you can find a middle ground where you needs are also met (blowjobs?). If all else fails consider if you two are still compatible enough to have a relationship.
I dont deal with that bs anymore, I just break it off. There are plenty of women out there that want to regularly.
Don’t delude yourself thinking that doing “choreplay” is gonna fix the problem despite what women say
/r/deadbedrooms will tell you to “do all the chores”, “talk”, etc, etc.
But at the end of the day the result is usually one partner is unhappy forever, or a breakup occurs. There’s not much of a middle-ground.
The book “Passionate Marriage. Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships” by David Schnarch has helped me to understand my wife. maybe it can help you to make the decisions.
The key take aways for me are the following.
A relationship is the constant friction between the people involved. Conflicts arise from this friction. Either you emerge stronger from these conflicts by making compromises or you separate. It’s a continuous cycle.
Another point is the emotional fusion of the partners. Each person should stand on their own two feet and not become emotionally dependent on the other.
You know the answer, don’t you? (I think I’m in the same boat)
Try to talk to them but if nothing changes in a little bit of time leave, if you stay it will destroy your self worth, your confidence, make you depressed and mess with you mentally and emotionally. You will become bitter and end up walking away but the longer you stay before leaving the more damage it does to yourself.
I would figure out why and go from there
Talk. If they are not willing to work on why it is so, then, it is time to move on. The partner needs to be able to bring up issues between you 2 if that is what is causing them not wanting sex. Just completely cutting it off means the person is most likely seeking it from somewhere else. Tell them how you feel about it, and see how the partner responds. You will see their true colors. If they gaslight you, run.
End the relationship and find a new relationship with someone who has the same thoughts and feelings about sex or the amount of sex.
Considering a conversation has been had that hasn’t yielded any results ofc.
Open the front door and exit the relationship.
The apparent lack of desire could be medical related because of drugs or health problems. Some drugs just zap you of energy and you don’t have the energy to have sex or a medical condition like heart issues, diagnosed or not, can rob you of so much energy that by bedtime, you just want to sleep. Diabetes is another that can knock you for a loop. There are more but this is just a sample. Everything else in the relationship is fine but the sex. I’m not an advocate of finding sex elsewhere because that would break down everything else.
Leave.
That’s the best option for everyone.
Talk to the partner and express your needs.
Talk. Communication is key.
If they’re uninterested in fixing it, leave. It’s not worth staying.
Talk to them about it, consider options like couple counselling. Sex is an important part of life and relationships so if you can’t solve it and if it’s a deal-breaker for you, consider breaking up or opening the relationship
don’t make it a transaction, have a sincere conversation with them about it and break up with them/get therapy if needed
First. Harsh assessment. Are you attractive physically, mentally? Second, does she feel safe financially, emotional? Third, do you take lead in activities and provide structure at home and beyond? Usually when this happens this is a symptom. You need to communicate openly.
If communication fails. remove attention and put focus on yourself. Usually, you need to aim to become the person you’d like to fuck if you were a woman. re-build your social circle. Start going out, become independent.
Like I’ll need way more info than just this
Idk about transactions & chores but if my boyfriend isn’t helping with the house or our child and I’m doing it all by myself then don’t expect me to have the energy for anything else. I’m gong to sleep 🥱💤
If you want sex: you bring it up with them in conversation.
If you also dont want sex: what is the problem
Divorce lol. Ain’t coming back from that one matey
I want to know before hand, do husbands who take care of their physique suffer the same fate in long term marriages? Or are these complaints coming from husbands that do not improve or maintain their level of physical attractiveness?
I been married to an A-sexual for 12 years. Just be honest you have needs
I’m going on 17 months. And no conclusions on what the issue is after asking multiple times. Claimed low testosterone a month ago but hasn’t been to a doctor in 20 years. I don’t even care anymore. But that could be bc my self esteem has been pushed to the ground bc of it.Just a roommate situation now. Been “together” almost 3 years. Not where I thought I’d be mid 40s
In my experience when you stop having sex the relationship is over. There are exceptions of course, but if your partner keeps making excuses or simply refuses then you need to start asking yourself some hard questions.
I would talk to her and find out what’s going on.
To be honest my guy.
You breakup
When one person stops giving someone intimacy like this, the relationship is dead. If you stay, you will remain unhappy forever and even grow bitter. Better to get rid of the person causing this, go through months of detox and eventually try again with someone new.
You find out why.
Relationship over.
Either jerk off or find another partner
Either you’ve become unfuckable, her libido has dried up, or she’s getting it somewhere else.
The short answer is determine which of the above applies and then act accordingly. Your ego is going to make you jump to the conclusion that it’s her libido, but if you’re under 50 then that is the least likely of the three. If there isn’t something medical going on, then chances are that you’ve gotten fat/boring/lazy (or unattractive in some other way) or she’s cheating.
The relationship is simply not working and you have to face the hard fact and leave. Sex occurs when both people are happy, relaxed and comfortable with each other, around each other so they give freely, not out of obligation or pressure.
Of one person decides to hold back even though there are no obvious issues like health and you’ve done all the talking, counselling juju stuff. Then that person is not for you and it’s time to go find someone else if possible. If not, then you are enough.
The partner first needs to check their hormone levels as they affect the libido. Then if all is good with the health, discuss with the partner if they still want to remain in the relationship because they either cheating, clocked out ot the relationship or have hormonal issues, or the other option is your attitude towards your partner (how is your overall communication, day to day life) . I cannot think of another reason for not wanting.
Talk to your partner
Comments here seem very polarising for either “do everything for them” or “just leave”.
Seriously… Start by talking to your partner and see what that’s all about.
It could be a medical issue like hypothyroidism, hormonal imbalance, iron deficiency anemia, etc all of which can be diagnosed with a simple blood test and treated over time.
Intimacy is an important part of any relationship, so is fidelity. If they start changing the terms i might just do the same.
Sit down and ask her why she doesn’t want you.