**TL;DR; : Me (F28) and my bf (M27) some days ago celebrated one year being together. We do not live together. He lives 40 minutes away from me in a different city.
Before anniversary I asked him about the budget for the presents for each other and he could not answer me. We earlier on talked about getting each other something or maybe a card or letter (he knows I like them but never gives me any). I was excited to buy him a present and even wrote a card too. On anniversary I didn’t get anything from him. Not even flowers. He bought us dinner tho. And I’m grateful for that, but we often go out for a dinner together, sometimes he pays, sometimes I. I was so sad and felt horrible. I didn’t even give him my present at first. I gave it to him 2 days later. He was happy, but somehow it still felt strange.
Then at evening I saw on his phone multiple texts from other girl on Snapchat. He kinda answered her in a flirtious way too. I didn’t tell him anything but now I feel betrayed. I told him that I want some 2-3 days off from him, not communication. He was a bit shocked, really sad but agreed. I could not even give him any explanation. I don’t want him to know that I was looking in his phone. But if there weren’t any notification, I would not look.
Also for my name day and birthday there were no surprises at all. Now I need to rethink all this and I have time, but I feel so strange and hurt. I’m not kind of person to express how I feel usually so for me it’s very hard.
Maybe someone can suggest something, how to start conversation about this?
Comments
The most important issue is that you’re concerned that your boyfriend is cheating (or trying to). You don’t say how it was that you ended up seeing his phone, but probably there were some other reasons that you had to not trust him, and so you went looking. Because you didn’t have the courage to talk to him directly about that, now you have to confess, and then you have to ask him What those text texts were about. Read that.
Right not, the issue of whether or not he buys presents for your birthday/anniversary is a distraction. If your relationship is good, then you can talk about your about expectations around special occasions. But if he’s not celebrating you because he’s got one foot out of the relationship, then that’s what you have to face down.
His no answer about anniversary presents should have been your clue to not get him one.
Dinner out is a pretty standard thing to do for an anniversary for me. It alleviates the stress of trying to gift each other something of the same value. And not just monetary value.
The Snapchat messages tho, especially if they’re flirty, is a def dealbreaker for me. You have to decide if that is a break up offense. If it is just tell him “I saw the messages. Since you’re obviously looking for something else, I’m out. I expect faithfulness from a bf and you’ve shown that’s not you”.
If it’s not enough to break up, then I don’t know what you’d say that would affect him enough for him to truly stop.