Woke up in the hospital a month later with casts on my legs, many fractures, and a damaged brain. Spent most of a year in a brain injury rehab hospital, fortunately recovered well, and returned to my life.
when i realised no one’s coming to save me. no magical job, no mystery cheque in the mail, no sudden motivation burst. just me vs my alarm clock now.
Edit: I feel like I should add that it will be 21 years this November. He was killed in action in Iraq in 2004. I’m happily married to a wonderful man and living an exceptional life.
Grief that profound changes you. There’s a definite delineation of before and after for me.
Pushed the limit a bit too far, got the snip. Two is good, family pass (2 adults, 2 kids). Divide and conquer (one kid each)… the 3rd is just chaos and thrown out the balance.
When I was 22 I dropped out of college. Moved back in with my parents in Missouri and was miserable and depressed and high all the time. A very angry and bitter person. One night my buddy and I blacked out on lean and woke up to a text from a landlord asking if our move-in date next week was still OK.
Turns out we had e-signed a 6-month lease in Fairplay, Colorado. We packed everything we owned in my car and drove out there. I ended up living there 6 years as a ski bum and met the best friends I’ve ever had in my life, which led to thousands of incredible experiences and made me into a completely different person. I am so proud of where I am today and who I have become.
My mother’s death, lost my father and all grandparents by 16. Was my mums caregiver for 3yr.. That happened at 23yo I’m 33 now and if I could go back in time I’d take the hospitals offered grevience counselling.
It’s not even oh I’m sad cos mum died. It’s – that trauma has come out in ‘other’ ways that I’d never had expected. And had somewhat ruined my future and life.
If your hospital offers free grievance counselling, and secondary counselling after the loss of a loved one – take it. I wish I did.
When my parents got divorced. Before that, everything felt pretty normal and stable and after… it was like I had to grow up way faster than I wanted to. It changed how I saw family, relationships, and even myself
Surviving a car crash and losing my mum and grandad to it, definitely feels like my life split into two there, almost like this is a different life that I’m living now and the one before the crash is just in another world, from a different timeline, just distant and inaccessible and hazy like a dream
The first one was my grandma. Let me tell you, chrustmas and Thanksgiving were her holidays. She went all out and made it a magical time. After she died, so did the holidays.
My mom died in 2021, though. My entire life changed after that. Before, I had interests and hobbies, but after, it’s like everything lost its shine.
Migraines – which occurred daily, were significantly debilitating and have caused impairment to my cognitive functions.
Thankfully, after 3+ years of trial and error with medications and other treatments, I’m down to 2-3 incapacitating migraine a week vs the original 7.
Prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome and a heart defect at 19 weeks. I was only 25 years old. (I’m 39 now, she’s 13 and we’re best friends, it all worked out but has been and continues to be life altering.)
Getting diagnosed with ADHD, and finally starting medication and cognitive behavioral therapy, split my life into a clear before and after. For the first time, things started to make sense. I wasn’t just lazy, unmotivated, or broken. I had a framework, the right tools, and the chemical support to start untangling the chaos in my head.
From that point on, everything began to shift. I went through a gastric sleeve survery, something I had put off for years. I stopped coasting and started making real choices about the direction of my life. I quit a job that was draining the life out of me, even though it meant taking a pay cut, and found work that actually gives me purpose. I started prioritizing my own mental sanity, not as a luxury, but as a necessity.
Since then, it’s been a constant process of rebuilding, reframing, and figuring out what life can actually look like when you’re no longer just surviving. The “after” version of me is still in progress, but at least now I’m steering the ship.
My sister being killed in the Hunter Valley Bus Crash. The only Victorian to die in the crash, so not just lost my sister but got all the media scrounging around. Life definitely feels different now
Meeting my now husband. My life was pretty tough before I met him, had a shitty youth and everything, but my luck kind of turned when I met him 15 years ago.
Gaining over 100 lbs over medical issues. I realized who my friends were, who liked me for my looks and my family’s treatment of me. I completely isolated myself from everyone for years and went into depression. Missed a lot of opportunities due to my self esteem and self worrh issues.
When my husband left me and our 5-month-old baby for his mistress.
We haven’t seen or heard from him since we discovered the cheating. He never made any effort to fix things or be involved in our son’s life. I blocked all his numbers and social media accounts. I finally feel at peace, no longer burdened by the constant worry of whether he’s cheating.
If you’re struggling, just ask for help from anyone you know who also got sober. It’s that simple to get the ball rolling, and when you’re in it – it is impossible to conceive of the incredibly positive life you can live once you start putting the building blocks to recovery in place.
A relationship with a narcissist. I’m not the same person anymore. It destroyed my life as I knew it and literally changed my brain chemistry and the way I view the world.
A three-year period of “born again” Christianity. Absolutely destroyed my mental and physical health in a way that makes me shocked it was so brief and so long ago.
My Dad is my best friend , my absolute hero in life my absolute best mate since I was old enough to follow him around , early onset dementia that progressed rapidly and everything changed , I miss my friend and now life is before and now .
Mom died, Dad flipped out, I left an abusive relationship, became homeless, graduated college, moved to another state and started grad school. All in the course of three months. Suddenly I was living a completely different life in a new place with an all new perspective on life.
My life was definitely cut into before and after after the death of my only daughter, 24, at Christmas, in a car accident.
Now I live in two dimensions, here and behind the veil, from where she is prtecting me. I only have to stand my ground here on earth till the time comes, and then we will be together again.
Since its only sad stories I thought i’d share a good one for change.
Met my boyfriend, soon to be husband some 2 years ago, moved in after the first date and he changed my whole life for the better.
never had a relationship this meaningful with a person so this is my before and after
Organizing a file drawer at my part time job as a receptionist. I was nervous that my boss (and business owner) would be angry with me because I didn’t ask permission first and used my own judgment, but she noticed immediately and praised me – nothing huge, just “oh wow, thank you! This looks great” kind of thing.
Doesn’t sound like something that would split someone’s life into before and after, but at the time I was in my early twenties and had just dropped out of the local community college. I struggled massively in high school and barely graduated. I’d basically accepted that I was low-key stupid and not capable of intentional success.
The comment my boss made that day was like a small pebble rolling down a hill and triggering a rock slide. I began taking initiative, tackling challenges and becoming confident in my ability to problem solve. I secretly began to suspect I might be smart after all. Within a few years I was managing the practice my boss owned. I went back to school and re-enrolled in classes I had failed, developing study strategies that worked for me. It wasn’t smooth sailing, but I never again doubted myself or thought of myself as stupid. I graduated from community college and went on to get my Bachelor’s degree.
I just turned 40. I have an amazing husband, kids, and a career earning in the mid 6 figures. Two years ago I was diagnosed with severe ADHD, which explains so much. I’ll always be grateful to my old boss for giving me that super tiny, super insignificant compliment that pivoted my life in such a minor yet life altering way. Her implicit belief in me and my potential was a paradigm shift in my life, and I don’t think she’ll ever understand how much of a difference it made.
Comments
Getting hit by a car.
Woke up in the hospital a month later with casts on my legs, many fractures, and a damaged brain. Spent most of a year in a brain injury rehab hospital, fortunately recovered well, and returned to my life.
Though it was a bit different.
That was almost 8 years ago. So far, so good.
Kids
My daughter. Its the best after i could have imagined. đź–¤
when i realised no one’s coming to save me. no magical job, no mystery cheque in the mail, no sudden motivation burst. just me vs my alarm clock now.
My two major depressive episodes.
There’s clearly a before and an after.
My mom’s death, completely changed my life..
lockdown
Having my first seizure. Going from healthy to chronically ill in the matter of hours.
The death of my fiance.
Edit: I feel like I should add that it will be 21 years this November. He was killed in action in Iraq in 2004. I’m happily married to a wonderful man and living an exceptional life.
Grief that profound changes you. There’s a definite delineation of before and after for me.
both parents died 3 months apart in 2022, and it changed my perspective on everything so much
Infidelity
covid, my life was different then
The day my brother died. Dec. 6, 2018
Edit to add we were in a car accident. Though the worst of the accident was on my side of the car, I was wearing a seat belt. My brother was not.
Marriage.
Pretty much fucked up my life.
Divorce
Migrating to another country during my teens.
Almost dying from “routine” surgery
Losing my whole support group in one day. Made me realize that I had both shit people around me and that I needed to start supporting myself more.
Becoming chronically ill.
My 3rd kid.
Pushed the limit a bit too far, got the snip. Two is good, family pass (2 adults, 2 kids). Divide and conquer (one kid each)… the 3rd is just chaos and thrown out the balance.
Leaving an abusive relationship
Deployment to Iraq
When I was 22 I dropped out of college. Moved back in with my parents in Missouri and was miserable and depressed and high all the time. A very angry and bitter person. One night my buddy and I blacked out on lean and woke up to a text from a landlord asking if our move-in date next week was still OK.
Turns out we had e-signed a 6-month lease in Fairplay, Colorado. We packed everything we owned in my car and drove out there. I ended up living there 6 years as a ski bum and met the best friends I’ve ever had in my life, which led to thousands of incredible experiences and made me into a completely different person. I am so proud of where I am today and who I have become.
Cancer
My mom being in a coma for 6 weeks.
Concussion
My memories are titled either pre covid or post covid
My sister’s murder. The world is just not the same — I’m absolutely not the same person.
My mother’s death, lost my father and all grandparents by 16. Was my mums caregiver for 3yr.. That happened at 23yo I’m 33 now and if I could go back in time I’d take the hospitals offered grevience counselling.
It’s not even oh I’m sad cos mum died. It’s – that trauma has come out in ‘other’ ways that I’d never had expected. And had somewhat ruined my future and life.
If your hospital offers free grievance counselling, and secondary counselling after the loss of a loved one – take it. I wish I did.
When my parents got divorced. Before that, everything felt pretty normal and stable and after… it was like I had to grow up way faster than I wanted to. It changed how I saw family, relationships, and even myself
For me; my ears. I Have tinnitus
My entire twenties have revolved around this.
Surviving a car crash and losing my mum and grandad to it, definitely feels like my life split into two there, almost like this is a different life that I’m living now and the one before the crash is just in another world, from a different timeline, just distant and inaccessible and hazy like a dream
When my son died of cancer in 2016.
Losing my husband on 9/11
Passing of my brother in 2008. No other siblings, and it broke my parents. They were never the same. He passed at 37 of a pulmonary embolism.
Hurricane Katrina
Herniated discs
Mental health problems
My mom’s death
My father’s death
My divorce
My son’s diagnosis
The first one was my grandma. Let me tell you, chrustmas and Thanksgiving were her holidays. She went all out and made it a magical time. After she died, so did the holidays.
My mom died in 2021, though. My entire life changed after that. Before, I had interests and hobbies, but after, it’s like everything lost its shine.
Head injury I got when I was 16. Had a complete personality change and I’m very much liking the after instead lol.
Being diagnosed at 8 years old with Chronic Pancreatitis.
Realizing that the abuse I went through wasn’t my fault, and I was better than allowing it to control my present and future.
The births of all 3 of my babies.
The death of my 3rd baby from SIDS.
The recent Death of my mother after five dedicated years of caregiving for her.
Migraines – which occurred daily, were significantly debilitating and have caused impairment to my cognitive functions.
Thankfully, after 3+ years of trial and error with medications and other treatments, I’m down to 2-3 incapacitating migraine a week vs the original 7.
Daughter’s cancer battle, happy to report she won. Fuck you cancer
My divorce. It forced me to get myself together. My life after was 100x better.
Prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome and a heart defect at 19 weeks. I was only 25 years old. (I’m 39 now, she’s 13 and we’re best friends, it all worked out but has been and continues to be life altering.)
Getting diagnosed with ADHD, and finally starting medication and cognitive behavioral therapy, split my life into a clear before and after. For the first time, things started to make sense. I wasn’t just lazy, unmotivated, or broken. I had a framework, the right tools, and the chemical support to start untangling the chaos in my head.
From that point on, everything began to shift. I went through a gastric sleeve survery, something I had put off for years. I stopped coasting and started making real choices about the direction of my life. I quit a job that was draining the life out of me, even though it meant taking a pay cut, and found work that actually gives me purpose. I started prioritizing my own mental sanity, not as a luxury, but as a necessity.
Since then, it’s been a constant process of rebuilding, reframing, and figuring out what life can actually look like when you’re no longer just surviving. The “after” version of me is still in progress, but at least now I’m steering the ship.
My sister being killed in the Hunter Valley Bus Crash. The only Victorian to die in the crash, so not just lost my sister but got all the media scrounging around. Life definitely feels different now
Drug addiction for 20+ years, now recovery for 7.5 years
My husband dying a few months ago, we have two small children. There’s been nothing like the grief and responsibility I’ve experienced since.
Meeting my now husband. My life was pretty tough before I met him, had a shitty youth and everything, but my luck kind of turned when I met him 15 years ago.
Gaining over 100 lbs over medical issues. I realized who my friends were, who liked me for my looks and my family’s treatment of me. I completely isolated myself from everyone for years and went into depression. Missed a lot of opportunities due to my self esteem and self worrh issues.
The sudden death of a loved one to cancer
Getting raped. I was such a happy child
Transitioning from female to male
When my husband left me and our 5-month-old baby for his mistress.
We haven’t seen or heard from him since we discovered the cheating. He never made any effort to fix things or be involved in our son’s life. I blocked all his numbers and social media accounts. I finally feel at peace, no longer burdened by the constant worry of whether he’s cheating.
Good riddance indeed.
Before and after my mom died
Sobriety.
If you’re struggling, just ask for help from anyone you know who also got sober. It’s that simple to get the ball rolling, and when you’re in it – it is impossible to conceive of the incredibly positive life you can live once you start putting the building blocks to recovery in place.
A relationship with a narcissist. I’m not the same person anymore. It destroyed my life as I knew it and literally changed my brain chemistry and the way I view the world.
Psychedelic Therapy. I woke up that morning one man, and went to bed that night as someone completely different.
Sobriety
Being cheated on. It fundamentally changes your brain chemistry. I’m better now, but you never actually recover from that kind of betrayal.
A three-year period of “born again” Christianity. Absolutely destroyed my mental and physical health in a way that makes me shocked it was so brief and so long ago.
My Dad is my best friend , my absolute hero in life my absolute best mate since I was old enough to follow him around , early onset dementia that progressed rapidly and everything changed , I miss my friend and now life is before and now .
Meeting my wife. Since then my mental health has improved, my sleep, my routines, all of it.
My life was definitely cut into before and after after the death of my only daughter, 24, at Christmas, in a car accident.
Now I live in two dimensions, here and behind the veil, from where she is prtecting me. I only have to stand my ground here on earth till the time comes, and then we will be together again.
Leaving Mormonism
Since its only sad stories I thought i’d share a good one for change.
Met my boyfriend, soon to be husband some 2 years ago, moved in after the first date and he changed my whole life for the better.
never had a relationship this meaningful with a person so this is my before and after
Retiring to Ecuador. Suddenly, life is beautiful and rich.
My sobriety date 🙏
(23rd January 2021)
The death of my wife.
We first met. Me 19. She 18.
We had 40 years 8 days together. 2 kids and 1 grand (i now have 2)
Sometime over the 40 years he and she became we. A single unit “Us”.
Now it is just Me.
That’s what split my life into before and after.
It’s been 3 1/2 years and I still haven’t figured out the after part.
The death of my Son
Getting that one phone call that changed everything. You never forget news like that
Organizing a file drawer at my part time job as a receptionist. I was nervous that my boss (and business owner) would be angry with me because I didn’t ask permission first and used my own judgment, but she noticed immediately and praised me – nothing huge, just “oh wow, thank you! This looks great” kind of thing.
Doesn’t sound like something that would split someone’s life into before and after, but at the time I was in my early twenties and had just dropped out of the local community college. I struggled massively in high school and barely graduated. I’d basically accepted that I was low-key stupid and not capable of intentional success.
The comment my boss made that day was like a small pebble rolling down a hill and triggering a rock slide. I began taking initiative, tackling challenges and becoming confident in my ability to problem solve. I secretly began to suspect I might be smart after all. Within a few years I was managing the practice my boss owned. I went back to school and re-enrolled in classes I had failed, developing study strategies that worked for me. It wasn’t smooth sailing, but I never again doubted myself or thought of myself as stupid. I graduated from community college and went on to get my Bachelor’s degree.
I just turned 40. I have an amazing husband, kids, and a career earning in the mid 6 figures. Two years ago I was diagnosed with severe ADHD, which explains so much. I’ll always be grateful to my old boss for giving me that super tiny, super insignificant compliment that pivoted my life in such a minor yet life altering way. Her implicit belief in me and my potential was a paradigm shift in my life, and I don’t think she’ll ever understand how much of a difference it made.
Having kids