When is the right time in a relationship to share personal or sensitive information?
This includes topics like debt, loans, past surgeries, congenital conditions, sexual history, traumatic experiences, jobs that might carry stigma (such as sex work), childhood trauma, or family situations that could be embarrassing.
At what stage of the relationship is it best to open up about these things?
While you’re still getting to know each other?
After a year of being together?
Or is it better to wait until you’re seriously considering marriage?
Comments
I think that information should be sprinkled into getting to know each other in the earlier stages, though you have a right to hold back gritty details if it’s too vulnerable. What I mean is early on I said to my partner I do have trauma, I had an abusive childhood, I do get triggered so a partner should know that upfront as emotional support will be needed and not everyone is equipped to handle that. I am working in healing and being actively conscious in how it impacts my behavior. Then later on as we got deeper I gave him more details. These are a few of my known triggers __. I may respond in these ways ___. Details were at my discretion and over time when I felt more safe, when something happened or when relevant to a conversation he got more context. We both realized hearing what actually happened isnt helpful as he internalizes it so I keep it brief. I have flashbacks if someone pokes me with a finger vs telling the whole story. I believe that communication should be built upfront and grown throughout the relationship. Life will only get harder and if you’ve made this foundation of trust and understanding how to approach each other, it will pay off during times of crisis that you both know how to be vulnerable and speak anyways.
I don’t think it’s fair to engage in a relationship to the point of marriage then be bomb dropped all these massive details at once. I feel that type of thinking can be selfish in that you fear rejection, but now this person sunk time into you, so they’re going to feel pressure to accept it, even if it potentially is a deal breaker for them. It can also cause resentment and distrust which is a created problem by your avoidance. This person will either understand it or they won’t. Don’t waste both your time for years to find that out. Your person should not be a person you fear talking to. If they are and you expect to be treated badly, re evaluate the relationship than reduce yourself as a bandaid to a incompatible union.
These things should just naturally come up as you get to know someone
I put it all out there very early on. But I’m also just an over sharer. A year would be too long to me.. I think like right when you say you love someone and you know it’s serious. So maybe 4 months? Idk depends on the person