I think, considering we only have one life, you might as well choose actively to experience it all. Even when it sucks. You won’t be coming back, so you might as well live it out and not take an early exit.
Amor Fati. Every day is a new day, and while it’s a manifold and relentless barrage of shit coming my way these days, I know that they’ll eventually be in the rear view mirror even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
So will my natural death, of course, but we’re not there yet. Lots of story left to be experienced, written, and learned from. That’s what I love about life.
I focus on ONE thing, one thing that I am looking forward to, and tell myself to push through until I get to that thing. I also try to set “deadlines” for myself (e.g. my suicide would disappoint my parents, so I should wait until they die before I kill myself; i really like this person and I would rather wait until we’re not friends anymore). Also try to inagine worst-case scenarios (what if my attempt fails, i go to the hospital, and i have to go back to school but everybody at school/in my community knows what i did?) in my mind this is worse than just staying alive. I also do a bunch of research on potential side effects and pain levels on various methods to deter myself, or do a “reduced” form (such as putting a drop of bleach in a cup, but then diluting it with a bunch of water almost all the way full and just drinking it that way).
My thought is why would I choose to go out that way just to bring so much despair and depression to the ones that love me. I’ve definitely thought of and all I can think is after I’m gone my family would crumble because they’d all blame themselves and I’d just be putting them as far down as I am
When I first felt this way at 16, it was ultimately fear. Of the unknown, of what would happen to my parents and my friends.
At 28, having been through a lot of mental health treatment, it really is the knowledge that better days are ahead. Even when I’m at dark moments, I remember that I’ve felt this way — and even worse — before and still got through it. I have so much love for my family and friends, too, that I couldn’t ever do that to them.
My mom said she’d follow. I don’t have anything for myself not back then, and I didn’t want her to go. Cause to me then (and now) she has so much more she can do. I don’t feel it’s worth it… but I found someone who makes it… even for a bit. And I’ll be fucking damned if I don’t get the one thing in life that ACTUALLY makes me wanna live a bit longer when I’m near or hear their voice.
I like following space and astronomy news. And I tell you what, that shit moves slow. I’ve thought to myself, well I can’t die yet because then I won’t get to see the Europa Clipper complete it’s mission… in 5 years… lol. And new exciting missions crop up all the time.
Well, back when I wasn’t doing well, it kept me going to think of those who care about me and love me, especially my sister. I wasn’t letting her beat cancer for the second time, just to watch me leave.
Mum would break and likely follow me off the bend not long after. Dad’s getting on in his years and doesn’t have a long time left, that’d leave my Brother and Sister alone – They’d both struggle a lot without family support and I could see my little sister making the same decision as Mum and I.
So yeah… It’d be a damn grim sight to go through with it and I don’t ever want to be that cruel to anyone, let alone family.
Was going to jump onto the train track during my solo trip to Japan last week but too coward to do it and it would cause some trouble for the people to clean it up
I bought a new set of bagpipes for $8,000 and I’ll be damned if I die before mastering them. Which takes years. Also I won’t receive them for at least several months because they are custom built to order.
I don’t wish to put the pain and misery on others that are close to me. I have attempted several times from age 16 to 22, my family has been thru a lot and I don’t want to put them thru hell again.
Thought about it a long time ago because I didn’t know if I’d overcome my depression among other things, but then I thought “if I do this I’ll never know if my life gets better” and here I am
Do you see all these mass murderers going to prison for the rest of their lives? All these damn murder trials. There are parents out there murdering their own fucking kids dude. It’s all over YouTube.
Those are the people who should fucking kill themselves if the opportunity arises.
Everybody here on reddit is on the outside. You are free. Embrace your freedom.
Freedom is a decision. We all have one shot at it.
We all have a death sentence. Why would you bring it on earlier than it has to be.
I’ve tried and failed 3 times, and at this point I believe the disappointed/concerned looks you get after failing are worse than the depression that led me to attempt in the first place.
Interacting with and seeing people’s comments on Reddit. You might think it would be the opposite, but it just goes to show you that you could be way more fucked up than you think you are currently.
Immediate family, knowing the damage I’d cause them. Occasionally getting inspired by a goal like traveling a specific place. Hitting smaller goals. Wanting to see the next ep in whatever.
It doesn’t matter how small or big it is. You find a way to distract yourself and procrastinate.
No parent should have to bury their child and my parents are still alive. I’m also afraid I would mess up the attempt and end up disabling myself, possibly to the point where I wouldn’t be able to make another attempt.
Remembering that sunshine on a warm sparkling afternoon,a pleasant breeze smelling of good food is just around the corner. That every shadow passes and that if I’m open to a subtle shift in perspective, I can bring that pleasant feeling of anticipation, of those good times ahead, to me in the present. That even waiting on those good times is a gift. It’s part of life too.
My kids. I had someone close to me kill themselves. It’s left a really uneasy feeling with me. I’m not sure how to exactly describe it. It’s like a lot of the fear and taboo I guess aren’t there anymore. I never want my kids to feel this feeling.
The mission is not yet complete, and I want the chance to live to know a greater understanding of love for humanity, and sex. I fucking live to cause an overwhelming surprise in waves of semi-violent salvation.
I don’t care anymore about societal milestones or past insecurities now I just wanna enjoy my life and I have things to look forward to which are 100% achievable
I don’t want my pets to think Ive abandoned them, I’d hate to see them go to a shelter and have their bonds stripped from each other. My life may be insufferable at times but I refuse to let them suffer because of my own problems
TO be honest, i dont want to be a burden to my family who will eventually have to deal with my body being on the other side of the world. The logistics alone of getting me back would be such a pain.
Honestly, FOMO. which means, If Camus was right, the literal meaning of life is the fear of missing out… I mean… it’s why everyone is born, because people didn’t want to miss out on good sex. also, since the one thing living things can do that objects cannot is sense, experience, and remember, our purpose is to experience, and FOMO is just the feeling of “oh no, I might not experience”. so the two outlooks dovetail, so I guess… that’s literally why we’re here… I guess the hedonists where right to an extent…
Spite, I think of it as a competition where losing is supersliding, and I’ll be damned if I don’t win. Helps that I’m disgustinly competitive. Also saying “no balls” or “bet you can’t make it today without doing it”
I have 2 kids and a wife who doesn’t work, I keep going for them but it’s hard. I know so many others have less but I feel like I’m drowning to keep them above water.
The only thing guaranteed in life is death, so there’s really no rush. Might aswell play it out, as every new day is a chance for things to change for the better or to see things in another light.
Every time I get so close to doing it and then look over at my cats and wonder what they would think happened to me. It’s not much but it has kept me alive so far.
Honestly I’m scared that if I died I wouldn’t be able to keep the memories I had of my siblings, that’s what stopped me from directly trying to commit suicide. Although I did shoot up a lot of heroin and smoke a lot of fentanyl trying to indirectly commit suicide because I figured if I just nodded out and never woke up then I wouldn’t have to deal with the anxiety of thinking I would lose all those memories
Just scared of not hearing beautiful music again. Or the idea of my parents having to deal with all my stuff. I got so many dolls. Anime stuff. Vibrators. I don’t want them to see all of that.
“Life is a series of losses, but losses breed lessons and lessons create blessings.“ every day is a new day. Sometimes you need to cry out all the sad tears to make room for the happy ones
I love life. The sounds of birds. The colours of a sunrise and sunset, the unknown of what awaits you in the day. Once you’re gone it’s all gone. Might as well wake up to see another beautiful sunrise and dliaten to an amazing song. Who knows what’s awaiting you!
Feelings come and go, even when they seem like they won’t, even when it feels like I’m in a dark room with no doors or like I’m moving through gelatin. I love my wife and she would be heartbroken. My friends and family would be heartbroken. I wouldn’t want anyone I love to find me dead. I don’t want to traumatize a stranger. I’m still curious how this life will play out. The best moments of my life were like dreams I didn’t want to end. I’d like to have more of them. And maybe I’m a reason someone else goes on living.
Someone else would randomly find money in my pockets instead of me. Who would laugh at my jokes if I’m not there to tell them? Also, I’m currently happy with myself
So, subconsciously, I regard everything as a story.
I somewhat believe in reincarnation. I somewhat believe that this life has some purpose. That a me with memories beyond this life exists, that I will return to. I don’t know why I was sent here, but there’s some purpose. Some reason I chose to be born with these traits. Maybe I’m just farming karma, maybe this is actually an advanced science world and I want the knowledge.
If I distinctly knew what would happen when I died, and if I’d accomplished my goal, I’d consider it. But I don’t.
TBH I suspect the autism and the ADHD is actually a god tier magic hyperfixation build, but I didn’t have enough points left to guarantee the world, so I just did random… And now my talent isn’t useful.
Have you ever considered that? That you might have incredible talent in something that doesn’t exist in this world?
Anyway, I don’t know the purpose for certain, but it’s unlikely spending more time here will hinder future reincarnations. On the other hand, leaving early could.
Alternatively, there’s nothing after death, in which case I’m giving up everything in exchange for nothing.
Kind of a lose lose to die. At least this life has cute Anime girls.
Side note: I am increasingly concerned by how wild this worlds plot has become, and have wondered if perhaps I actually chose an apocalypse world and it just hasn’t reached that chapter yet. But I can’t see how I’d survive one. Oh well. I’ll just do what I can.
I won’t leave like…this. I’m a fraction of what I could be but yet I burn pieces of myself…sometimes for survival, but mostly out of spite. I still believe I can leave this world better than I entered it.
Death is scarier than anything else I’ve experienced in life, and even though I’m learning to accept my mortality I also don’t see any reason to rush towards that inevitability.
I will die one day, my only chance to be alive is now.
The very thoughts that plague me over the effect that can happen if I ever made the choice to kill myself. It’s too burdening to even think about and always pops out if I tried to do it.
Why kill myself when I can smoke some meth? Clean now, but shit, if I’m ever on the edge of killing myself, just do drugs.
It’s a double edged sword. Drugs have both saved and destroyed my life. Shits going good now, so not needed, but let’s be real, I’d rather myself, or anyone for that matter, be high and alive than… Well.. dead…
Comments
Alright, Albert Camus, calm down.
I think, considering we only have one life, you might as well choose actively to experience it all. Even when it sucks. You won’t be coming back, so you might as well live it out and not take an early exit.
i just have to know what could possibly happen next.
kids
I want to see what the future is like. Bleak or not, I’m curious and not going to give up my one chance to witness an interesting time in history.
I worry about my sisters and how they will live
usually my band director. quitting band this upcoming year so i dont think im gonna have that excuse anymore
Tbh a crush on a classmate (or corn)
Scared
Because it’s absolutely final.
spite
all this shit had to be for somethin right
prolly not but whatever
Life goes in seasons and the darkness right now will probably pass.
Moms still alive
Knowing it would devastate my mom and the rest of my family. Also, wanting to see how my kid turns out. Finally, spite.
Effort
Amor Fati. Every day is a new day, and while it’s a manifold and relentless barrage of shit coming my way these days, I know that they’ll eventually be in the rear view mirror even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
So will my natural death, of course, but we’re not there yet. Lots of story left to be experienced, written, and learned from. That’s what I love about life.
I focus on ONE thing, one thing that I am looking forward to, and tell myself to push through until I get to that thing. I also try to set “deadlines” for myself (e.g. my suicide would disappoint my parents, so I should wait until they die before I kill myself; i really like this person and I would rather wait until we’re not friends anymore). Also try to inagine worst-case scenarios (what if my attempt fails, i go to the hospital, and i have to go back to school but everybody at school/in my community knows what i did?) in my mind this is worse than just staying alive. I also do a bunch of research on potential side effects and pain levels on various methods to deter myself, or do a “reduced” form (such as putting a drop of bleach in a cup, but then diluting it with a bunch of water almost all the way full and just drinking it that way).
Dying
the small chance that i could get back with her
My thought is why would I choose to go out that way just to bring so much despair and depression to the ones that love me. I’ve definitely thought of and all I can think is after I’m gone my family would crumble because they’d all blame themselves and I’d just be putting them as far down as I am
Cats
Sheer willpower, and maximum effort.
My cat
The fear of one of my kids finding me tbh
My family, and outliving trump.
Pending bills that have to be paid
I have to finish my novel first
Gotta outlive and outshine those who put me down. Spite is one hell of a motivator
I believe there are truly wonderful things out there, and I want to pursue them despite it all.
I’ve literally never considered it for more than an instant, when something forces the question.
Even making myself consider it now the reaction is just… horror. Few things scare me more than death.
I like to live
Things could be a lot worse and they could also be a lot better, I’m holding out for the better things.
My kids. I don’t want to fuck them up for life by offing myself so here we are.
I’m afraid I’d have to live another life cycle if I did.
Probably the fact that I have no interest in killing myself
In heaven, there is no beer.
That’s why we drink it here.
And when we’re gone from here
Our friends will be drinking all the beer.
Visiting graves
My cat
This stray cat I feed.
Partner, Cat, Fear
Life’s too good
Too many movies I haven’t watched yet
When I first felt this way at 16, it was ultimately fear. Of the unknown, of what would happen to my parents and my friends.
At 28, having been through a lot of mental health treatment, it really is the knowledge that better days are ahead. Even when I’m at dark moments, I remember that I’ve felt this way — and even worse — before and still got through it. I have so much love for my family and friends, too, that I couldn’t ever do that to them.
What if there is no afterlife
My mom. She is losing her life to dementia and I don’t want to die before her.
I believe I can bring a positive impact in this world. That’s better for the world and needed too
My mom said she’d follow. I don’t have anything for myself not back then, and I didn’t want her to go. Cause to me then (and now) she has so much more she can do. I don’t feel it’s worth it… but I found someone who makes it… even for a bit. And I’ll be fucking damned if I don’t get the one thing in life that ACTUALLY makes me wanna live a bit longer when I’m near or hear their voice.
It would probably mess up the people around me. I’m not actively avoiding dying.
I like following space and astronomy news. And I tell you what, that shit moves slow. I’ve thought to myself, well I can’t die yet because then I won’t get to see the Europa Clipper complete it’s mission… in 5 years… lol. And new exciting missions crop up all the time.
I have a dog and a fern who rely on me to live.
Fear of missing out, if what could’ve happened is what I was needing and wanting the whole time
I want to see the end of the world
Well, back when I wasn’t doing well, it kept me going to think of those who care about me and love me, especially my sister. I wasn’t letting her beat cancer for the second time, just to watch me leave.
My cats
Little pieces of cheese
Mum would break and likely follow me off the bend not long after. Dad’s getting on in his years and doesn’t have a long time left, that’d leave my Brother and Sister alone – They’d both struggle a lot without family support and I could see my little sister making the same decision as Mum and I.
So yeah… It’d be a damn grim sight to go through with it and I don’t ever want to be that cruel to anyone, let alone family.
I’m too scared to do it.
Was going to jump onto the train track during my solo trip to Japan last week but too coward to do it and it would cause some trouble for the people to clean it up
wanting to fight for others to make sure that they won’t have to feel the way that i feel, and my boyfriend
I’ll be dead eventually anyway. Might as well ride it out.
Don’t ask questions I can’t answer, plz.
my mother lost her first daughter and i can’t make her go through that again
It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem
I enjoy being alive with my family. Life is pretty fantastic.
Fear of pain
I bought a new set of bagpipes for $8,000 and I’ll be damned if I die before mastering them. Which takes years. Also I won’t receive them for at least several months because they are custom built to order.
Waiting till my mom finishes with hospice
Just my kids
Family
I don’t wish to put the pain and misery on others that are close to me. I have attempted several times from age 16 to 22, my family has been thru a lot and I don’t want to put them thru hell again.
I like living? My kids.
<3
Pure hatred and stubbornness…that’s pretty much it I’m just too petty to give up and accept defeat
Mary juana and good music
Thought about it a long time ago because I didn’t know if I’d overcome my depression among other things, but then I thought “if I do this I’ll never know if my life gets better” and here I am
Do you see all these mass murderers going to prison for the rest of their lives? All these damn murder trials. There are parents out there murdering their own fucking kids dude. It’s all over YouTube.
Those are the people who should fucking kill themselves if the opportunity arises.
Everybody here on reddit is on the outside. You are free. Embrace your freedom.
Freedom is a decision. We all have one shot at it.
We all have a death sentence. Why would you bring it on earlier than it has to be.
I’ve tried and failed 3 times, and at this point I believe the disappointed/concerned looks you get after failing are worse than the depression that led me to attempt in the first place.
My two year old son, his father, my cats, my family, and my friends.
There isn’t music in the afterlife (if there is one)
Interacting with and seeing people’s comments on Reddit. You might think it would be the opposite, but it just goes to show you that you could be way more fucked up than you think you are currently.
There are people in this world who would be happy if I was dead. I refuse to give those pigfuckers the satisfaction.
Lessons learned from trying that route and the chance to help others avoid my mistakes.
Immediate family, knowing the damage I’d cause them. Occasionally getting inspired by a goal like traveling a specific place. Hitting smaller goals. Wanting to see the next ep in whatever.
It doesn’t matter how small or big it is. You find a way to distract yourself and procrastinate.
No parent should have to bury their child and my parents are still alive. I’m also afraid I would mess up the attempt and end up disabling myself, possibly to the point where I wouldn’t be able to make another attempt.
Music
My dog… but sometime i still feel like i dont have my place on earth
Unnecessary question. Next..
My boyfriend and my cat and hoping I’m not actually as useless as I think I am.
I don’t know. Something instinctual that just wont let me. I keep hoping whatever it is, goes away.
Looking down at my dog’s face.
Video games i haven’t played yet.
The fact that my pets likely wont be left to someone who will spoil them as much as I do, if at all.
Hmm…yeah. thats about as good as it gets.
My daughter.
That’s about it.
And I’m still slowly losing the fight with my hedonistic demons, either way.
Some of us just ain’t for the nursing home.
Nothing is going to stop me
Curiosity
um because i won’t be able to come back from it
My dog would be confused
Remembering that sunshine on a warm sparkling afternoon,a pleasant breeze smelling of good food is just around the corner. That every shadow passes and that if I’m open to a subtle shift in perspective, I can bring that pleasant feeling of anticipation, of those good times ahead, to me in the present. That even waiting on those good times is a gift. It’s part of life too.
The fear of pain
The thought of screwing it up and ending up in a worse situation than im in now.
My pets. Also, I don’t know how to do it.
Upcoming seasons for tv shows, new movies,
I’m going to die one day, so might as well wait and see if things get better first.
The knowledge that it’s all temporary is comforting to me.
And tbh, it has gotten better over the years.
My kids. I had someone close to me kill themselves. It’s left a really uneasy feeling with me. I’m not sure how to exactly describe it. It’s like a lot of the fear and taboo I guess aren’t there anymore. I never want my kids to feel this feeling.
Religion
Mine are twofold:
I still want to earn & invest as much as possible so my nephew and niece will have a substantial nest egg for when they retire.
I’m genetically stubborn, and I can’t allow my lifelong health issues to win.
Comedic timing
Never considering it.
The mission is not yet complete, and I want the chance to live to know a greater understanding of love for humanity, and sex. I fucking live to cause an overwhelming surprise in waves of semi-violent salvation.
I don’t care anymore about societal milestones or past insecurities now I just wanna enjoy my life and I have things to look forward to which are 100% achievable
Fighting for a better world based on community and solidarity
Gotta fight July 5th. If I lose I hope I do tho. Fuck loosing hurts.
I like pizza. I’d like to have more of it
Also I’ll be FUCKED if Mitch McConnell outlives me
I don’t want my pets to think Ive abandoned them, I’d hate to see them go to a shelter and have their bonds stripped from each other. My life may be insufferable at times but I refuse to let them suffer because of my own problems
Unspent wealth 😆
I don’t want to die
Dad and pets
TO be honest, i dont want to be a burden to my family who will eventually have to deal with my body being on the other side of the world. The logistics alone of getting me back would be such a pain.
Honestly, FOMO. which means, If Camus was right, the literal meaning of life is the fear of missing out… I mean… it’s why everyone is born, because people didn’t want to miss out on good sex. also, since the one thing living things can do that objects cannot is sense, experience, and remember, our purpose is to experience, and FOMO is just the feeling of “oh no, I might not experience”. so the two outlooks dovetail, so I guess… that’s literally why we’re here… I guess the hedonists where right to an extent…
My brain. Seriously, I fucking hate myself more than anything, but I wouldn’t do that to my people
My favorite tv show is still running
Spite, I think of it as a competition where losing is supersliding, and I’ll be damned if I don’t win. Helps that I’m disgustinly competitive. Also saying “no balls” or “bet you can’t make it today without doing it”
My mom, my dad, my two siblings, my best friend and my little cat. Especially that cat. She saved my life more than once.
It can’t rain all the time
Lack of concrete plans and determination
My kids. They don’t know it but i need them more than they need me
That my banking and money may not go to my family. I still gotta fix that. I don’t want it lost in probate.
I have 2 kids and a wife who doesn’t work, I keep going for them but it’s hard. I know so many others have less but I feel like I’m drowning to keep them above water.
The only thing guaranteed in life is death, so there’s really no rush. Might aswell play it out, as every new day is a chance for things to change for the better or to see things in another light.
Antidepressants.
Want to see the man I become first
My mom. We only have each other tbh
You have the rest of eternity to not experience consciousness. Might as well use up all of this tiny blip in time.
it gets better if you work for it. but you cant just sit around and expect it to get better all by itself.
I use to drink because it made me feel good. Like id have a whole concert
I want to see the ending of detective Conan
I don’t know.
If I kill myself, the Orange man in office will outlive me. That is simply unacceptable.
Taking care of my elderly mother and an extreme fear of death.
nothing stops me, but why tf would i kill myself are you crazy?
My fondness for orgasms
Family
Every time I get so close to doing it and then look over at my cats and wonder what they would think happened to me. It’s not much but it has kept me alive so far.
A faint belief that one day, She’ll come back. That and Jesus.
My dog
Honestly I’m scared that if I died I wouldn’t be able to keep the memories I had of my siblings, that’s what stopped me from directly trying to commit suicide. Although I did shoot up a lot of heroin and smoke a lot of fentanyl trying to indirectly commit suicide because I figured if I just nodded out and never woke up then I wouldn’t have to deal with the anxiety of thinking I would lose all those memories
Just scared of not hearing beautiful music again. Or the idea of my parents having to deal with all my stuff. I got so many dolls. Anime stuff. Vibrators. I don’t want them to see all of that.
“Life is a series of losses, but losses breed lessons and lessons create blessings.“ every day is a new day. Sometimes you need to cry out all the sad tears to make room for the happy ones
The little ray of hope inside me
I love life. The sounds of birds. The colours of a sunrise and sunset, the unknown of what awaits you in the day. Once you’re gone it’s all gone. Might as well wake up to see another beautiful sunrise and dliaten to an amazing song. Who knows what’s awaiting you!
I made a promise that I wouldn’t attempt another time and I never break my promises.
My mom, and I just got a pc so I ain’t going out just yet. And friends. mine would probably do the same if they found out i did.
truly nothing and i’ve had an epiphany ever since i realised that
Feelings come and go, even when they seem like they won’t, even when it feels like I’m in a dark room with no doors or like I’m moving through gelatin. I love my wife and she would be heartbroken. My friends and family would be heartbroken. I wouldn’t want anyone I love to find me dead. I don’t want to traumatize a stranger. I’m still curious how this life will play out. The best moments of my life were like dreams I didn’t want to end. I’d like to have more of them. And maybe I’m a reason someone else goes on living.
Someone else would randomly find money in my pockets instead of me. Who would laugh at my jokes if I’m not there to tell them? Also, I’m currently happy with myself
My mom and my sister and my bf. That’s it.
I actually appreciate life, no matter how shitty, thanks
I have never once had the thought that I should. Nothing stops me, but nothing ever started me on that path.
Life dey jorm make nobody lie you
Honestly, just constant chances to find out.
Spite
Morbid curiosity.
My mom and my dad and 2 brothers…
I read a lot of books.
So, subconsciously, I regard everything as a story.
I somewhat believe in reincarnation. I somewhat believe that this life has some purpose. That a me with memories beyond this life exists, that I will return to. I don’t know why I was sent here, but there’s some purpose. Some reason I chose to be born with these traits. Maybe I’m just farming karma, maybe this is actually an advanced science world and I want the knowledge.
If I distinctly knew what would happen when I died, and if I’d accomplished my goal, I’d consider it. But I don’t.
TBH I suspect the autism and the ADHD is actually a god tier magic hyperfixation build, but I didn’t have enough points left to guarantee the world, so I just did random… And now my talent isn’t useful.
Have you ever considered that? That you might have incredible talent in something that doesn’t exist in this world?
Anyway, I don’t know the purpose for certain, but it’s unlikely spending more time here will hinder future reincarnations. On the other hand, leaving early could.
Alternatively, there’s nothing after death, in which case I’m giving up everything in exchange for nothing.
Kind of a lose lose to die. At least this life has cute Anime girls.
Side note: I am increasingly concerned by how wild this worlds plot has become, and have wondered if perhaps I actually chose an apocalypse world and it just hasn’t reached that chapter yet. But I can’t see how I’d survive one. Oh well. I’ll just do what I can.
Won’t hurt my mom like that
I won’t leave like…this. I’m a fraction of what I could be but yet I burn pieces of myself…sometimes for survival, but mostly out of spite. I still believe I can leave this world better than I entered it.
Death is scarier than anything else I’ve experienced in life, and even though I’m learning to accept my mortality I also don’t see any reason to rush towards that inevitability.
I will die one day, my only chance to be alive is now.
drugs
The very thoughts that plague me over the effect that can happen if I ever made the choice to kill myself. It’s too burdening to even think about and always pops out if I tried to do it.
The fact there are too few wmd’s in the world. Gotta leave at least 3.
Drugs.
Why kill myself when I can smoke some meth? Clean now, but shit, if I’m ever on the edge of killing myself, just do drugs.
It’s a double edged sword. Drugs have both saved and destroyed my life. Shits going good now, so not needed, but let’s be real, I’d rather myself, or anyone for that matter, be high and alive than… Well.. dead…
My kid and my mom.