The manosphere comes to mind. Harrowing to try to date while knowing that your date might secretly be a virulent misogynist/violent incel/etc. and you have no way to know for sure.
Most men are not physically attractive, and those that are have terrible personalities. Instead of men becoming better, women are blamed for not wanting either of these groups of men.
Most women aren’t interested in playing the housewife/2nd mom role for men when they work just as much and sometimes make even more than their partners. Men haven’t been raised to have partnerships they still expect maids.
Many men don’t take a lot of care with their hygiene, appearance, physical and mental health, tidiness of their home, etc. And then women are blamed for having standards that exclude those men.
I dont think it has ruined dating for me but I have definitely found men putting below bare minimum efforts.
I have been on dating apps for a few years and I find women’s profiles match like that of hired candidates in a company with prestigious qualifications and those of men just has a few pointers here and there, nothing too eye catching or telling us much about them as a person including their pictures. And the ones that do put an effort are so rare, it seems like many women have to compete for them. I do not recall the dating pool being like this back in parents generation. And because of this men who don’t get much attention blame feminism for having women not interested in them.
The business proposition for the apps is to keep you coming back to swipe. So, it’s no wonder that dating behaviours have levelled down, to support that model.
Just a whole bunch of emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobic folks who want sex and emotions but don’t want to deal with the strings that come with that. And they comfortably enjoy “it’s complicated” whilst hurting someone else, due to their own selfishness.
“I don’t want a relationship” okay sure, but don’t then literally create one and then default back to the idea ‘it’s not a relationship’ when the other person’s feelings get confused and hurt. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too, which is literally what a situationship is.
A relationship is *not* about the label, it’s actually about the vibe. So there’s a whoooolleeee lot of people CREATING them emotionally/psychologically, and then using lesser terms as a scapegoat for their shitty actions.
The value proposition is much lower. Many women can survive on their own now and a lot of men, especially younger men are neurotic, unemployed, obese boys trying to red pill their testosterone back.
A lack of the third space where you don’t spend money. It’s hard to find a group of people to hang out with and get to know without spending a bunch of money first.
Nothing ruined dating – it has always been experienced as a necessary evil. (At least by every single person I’ve ever known!)
Either he’s awkward or she’s awkard, or they’re both awkward, or neither are is awkward, which is worse because it usually means that neither care much about the outcome.
IF they really do enjoy one another’s company, and have great chemistry; if they really are compatible, and their wish is to continue with what’s working so beautifully, well, it‘s now become an actual relationship, so even though they go places, they are not “dating.” Aaaahhhhh! but it’s exhilarating, invigorating, FUN!! And ironic because as soon as you get to the good part of dating, the dating part is over… Which is surely a relief because dating sucks so very much, and always has.
Too many liars and people with a mountain of trust issues and a lot of other baggage desperately trying to date. The amount of bullshit people say just to avoid rejection as well as the bullshit people put your through for rejecting them. With some so dependent on ai just to chat, there’s not much hope the conversation on a real date is going to go well.
Compared to when I was young … (in the 90s) it seems like people have this idea of limitless possibility and potential. Whereas I knew that meeting someone I liked who felt the same way was rare and special and fabulous and we treasured one another. (Also because the pool was severely limited and so we couldn’t fantasise there was better out there.)
I think dating has always been difficult regardless the time period. Ppl always ask what ruined dating for this generation. As if our parents and grandparents generation had it all together and everyone was happy and not fucking they neighbors on the low. There are unique challenges we face: social media, dating apps, and the world exploding but every generation has had unique challenges. Just my two cents.
Speaking as a gay woman who is happily now NOT dating:
Women I was talking to when I was single seemed to put me in this box they created. They seemed to invent this entire persona for me and what I could do for them based solely on a couple of photos and a quick bio I wrote. Then they would get super frustrated when I wasn’t the person they envisioned I was and try force me into that role with zero consideration of the fact I wasn’t that person.
Immensely frustrating for both of us, and resulted in a complete implosion of communication. They’d whine to me and I would ghost them because they wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.
People don’t want to build relationships, people just don’t want to be alone & I don’t believe this is a solid or healthy foundation for a relationship. A ONS sure but that’s about that.
People compare relationships which creates unnecessary pressure on genuine connections that tend to eventually fail, because you were more bothered to match your relationship to Kylie’s than to build your own genuine connection with someone.
In summary, lost/forgotten values. You are not building a relationship to fulfill a hole and you are not building a relationship to post on instagram. This is real life with real people and real feelings!!
OLD Apps… most all people are on them simultaneously entertaining multiple individuals. So, It feels nearly impossible to even find someone who is genuinely 💯 single to even go on a date with.
Comments
The manosphere comes to mind. Harrowing to try to date while knowing that your date might secretly be a virulent misogynist/violent incel/etc. and you have no way to know for sure.
Guys who flake and won’t commit
I don’t think dating has ever been great. I mean, have you met people? Some of us REALLY suck.
Also, dating apps forcing a quick ‘yes or no’ decision. I always felt I needed a ‘maybe’ pile that I could come back to.
Dating apps! Terrible.
It’s not ruined but a lot harder now. Not all people do this. But I think if you do this you are doomed in dating
Red pill content
Scammers
Catfishing
Most men are not physically attractive, and those that are have terrible personalities. Instead of men becoming better, women are blamed for not wanting either of these groups of men.
Most women aren’t interested in playing the housewife/2nd mom role for men when they work just as much and sometimes make even more than their partners. Men haven’t been raised to have partnerships they still expect maids.
Many men don’t take a lot of care with their hygiene, appearance, physical and mental health, tidiness of their home, etc. And then women are blamed for having standards that exclude those men.
I dont think it has ruined dating for me but I have definitely found men putting below bare minimum efforts.
I have been on dating apps for a few years and I find women’s profiles match like that of hired candidates in a company with prestigious qualifications and those of men just has a few pointers here and there, nothing too eye catching or telling us much about them as a person including their pictures. And the ones that do put an effort are so rare, it seems like many women have to compete for them. I do not recall the dating pool being like this back in parents generation. And because of this men who don’t get much attention blame feminism for having women not interested in them.
[removed]
[removed]
True crime, Podcast/docs.
IG and dating apps.
The business proposition for the apps is to keep you coming back to swipe. So, it’s no wonder that dating behaviours have levelled down, to support that model.
Situationships.
Just a whole bunch of emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobic folks who want sex and emotions but don’t want to deal with the strings that come with that. And they comfortably enjoy “it’s complicated” whilst hurting someone else, due to their own selfishness.
“I don’t want a relationship” okay sure, but don’t then literally create one and then default back to the idea ‘it’s not a relationship’ when the other person’s feelings get confused and hurt. You don’t get to have your cake and eat it too, which is literally what a situationship is.
A relationship is *not* about the label, it’s actually about the vibe. So there’s a whoooolleeee lot of people CREATING them emotionally/psychologically, and then using lesser terms as a scapegoat for their shitty actions.
The redpill content for sure. I never had as many issues with dating and with men before it. Things seemed pretty normal and steady before that crap.
men who want 50/50 but dont ACTUALLY want 50/50
unrealistic beauty standards
porn
people with no communication skills whatsoever
the growing amount of people who date just to waste your time or not be alone.
Social media and internet porn.
The value proposition is much lower. Many women can survive on their own now and a lot of men, especially younger men are neurotic, unemployed, obese boys trying to red pill their testosterone back.
Men
XY
A lack of the third space where you don’t spend money. It’s hard to find a group of people to hang out with and get to know without spending a bunch of money first.
Nothing ruined dating – it has always been experienced as a necessary evil. (At least by every single person I’ve ever known!)
Either he’s awkward or she’s awkard, or they’re both awkward, or neither are is awkward, which is worse because it usually means that neither care much about the outcome.
IF they really do enjoy one another’s company, and have great chemistry; if they really are compatible, and their wish is to continue with what’s working so beautifully, well, it‘s now become an actual relationship, so even though they go places, they are not “dating.” Aaaahhhhh! but it’s exhilarating, invigorating, FUN!! And ironic because as soon as you get to the good part of dating, the dating part is over… Which is surely a relief because dating sucks so very much, and always has.
Dating turned into Amazon shopping, and people became products.
People who put themselves out there for the wrong reasons or before they’re ready.
Men misbehaving.
Too many liars and people with a mountain of trust issues and a lot of other baggage desperately trying to date. The amount of bullshit people say just to avoid rejection as well as the bullshit people put your through for rejecting them. With some so dependent on ai just to chat, there’s not much hope the conversation on a real date is going to go well.
for me a 29m it was lack of communication transparency and consistency accountability played a part.
Compared to when I was young … (in the 90s) it seems like people have this idea of limitless possibility and potential. Whereas I knew that meeting someone I liked who felt the same way was rare and special and fabulous and we treasured one another. (Also because the pool was severely limited and so we couldn’t fantasise there was better out there.)
Being over 30.
dating apps made it feel like shopping, ghosting became normal, and everyone’s scared to be vulnerable now.
The Purity movement.
I think dating has always been difficult regardless the time period. Ppl always ask what ruined dating for this generation. As if our parents and grandparents generation had it all together and everyone was happy and not fucking they neighbors on the low. There are unique challenges we face: social media, dating apps, and the world exploding but every generation has had unique challenges. Just my two cents.
Speaking as a gay woman who is happily now NOT dating:
Women I was talking to when I was single seemed to put me in this box they created. They seemed to invent this entire persona for me and what I could do for them based solely on a couple of photos and a quick bio I wrote. Then they would get super frustrated when I wasn’t the person they envisioned I was and try force me into that role with zero consideration of the fact I wasn’t that person.
Immensely frustrating for both of us, and resulted in a complete implosion of communication. They’d whine to me and I would ghost them because they wouldn’t take “no” for an answer.
I think two things:
People don’t want to build relationships, people just don’t want to be alone & I don’t believe this is a solid or healthy foundation for a relationship. A ONS sure but that’s about that.
People compare relationships which creates unnecessary pressure on genuine connections that tend to eventually fail, because you were more bothered to match your relationship to Kylie’s than to build your own genuine connection with someone.
In summary, lost/forgotten values. You are not building a relationship to fulfill a hole and you are not building a relationship to post on instagram. This is real life with real people and real feelings!!
OLD Apps… most all people are on them simultaneously entertaining multiple individuals. So, It feels nearly impossible to even find someone who is genuinely 💯 single to even go on a date with.