What tipped you off your (future) MIL was going to be trouble?

When you first started getting to know your MIL, were there any early signs of future issues that stood out to you?

What tipped you off, and turned out to be a precursor of trouble… in hindsight?

I’ll add mine below. 🙂 (rant alert!)

In the beginning, I was her son’s long distance girlfriend, then living with her son. In both instances, she was far away.

It has to be said she was very welcoming of me, and made the effort to connect.

For her, this meant bombarding me with near daily saccharine e-cards. I appreciated the intention, and thought it was sweet.

So I made efforts of my own, with an occasional phone call. (It had come up with my then bf that she wasn’t tech savvy and a call, the old fashioned way, would be much appreciated.)

As much as I wanted to make that effort, it always took a LOT of energy.

Here’s why.

Getting off the phone with her was a Herculean feat for me. I gradually learned that the woman did not respond to the usual queues or hints, unlike ANYONE I knew.

You know, those hints that a conversation is ending, when the other person says “hey this was nice, let’s do it again soon” or even “so nice talking to you, I just pulled up to the store and need to go in now, before they close…”

She would respond with a mumble, and then without so much as taking a breath, go “oh! have I told you about the time that…” and go off on another monologue.

I’m a lot more assertive now, and stopped giving a f###, but back then, I was defenseless against such blatant disregard for social queues. Also very much in the “being polite” phase toward my future MIL, you know?

Oh, how I dreaded those phone calls – I made them only out of a sense of duty, and as often as I could muster the courage to listen to a 2-3 hour monologue. (Which meant: not very often.)

Later, with my husband, when we were together, it became a “must-do” to unpack parcels she’d sent, live, on FaceTime, for a session of polite and forced ooh’s and aaah’s. “Don’t you love it!?” Yes, MIL. (I mean, who in that situation, would say “no I really don’t”, right?)

She demanded that we save her parcels until we were able to open them on FaceTime. My husband rolled with it, so I did too. Tbh, sometimes they sat for weeks because we simply didn’t have the time or energy to play her game.

Then, later again, with our first baby, two moments stand out for making me upset with her.

One was when she called, and announced to me “I want to be there for the birth!!”.

I had no idea whether she meant ‘in our tiny house’ or ‘in the delivery room’, but neither were welcome and the fact she didn’t even ASK stunned me so completely that I didn’t try to clarify. (At that time, I was planning a home birth btw.)

I was mortified, went awkwardly silent, and muttered something to change to topic. We never spoke of it again and she didn’t come. I believe DH told her no.

The second thing that was super strange to me:

After baby was born, on FaceTime, she would obsessively say “can [baby] make a sound!!? Make [baby] make a sound!!” which I found so irritating, rude and inconsiderate.

What am I going to do, MIL, relentlessly bother/tickle/squeeze my baby for you on camera?

Ridiculous. It’s not a squeaky toy for your entertainment. Just enjoy the view and shut up, maybe then you’ll hear a sound.

None of this is very shocking or outrageous, but these are the anecdotes that form the beginning of our story. They were definitely a precursor of later clashes with her.

She is the most inconsiderate person I know, literally, in that she just does not seem to CONSIDER what other people might think/feel/want/need.

All her grand ideas over the years have started with “I want… !”

Once, when I confronted her with the suggestion to maybe say “hey, what would you think about… ?” instead of “I want”, she responded with a most disgruntled and insulted “But that’s what I mean!”

Except that it’s not what she really means, because she’ll be so immensely pushy that there is really no question or room for another opinion. Anyway – that’s a story for another day.

Curious about your experiences! 🙂👀