I have a friend who has a new problem every. single. day. This can vary from relationship issues to other life issues. The problems vary in the severity she presents them as but 9/10, they’re not as immediately concerning as she presents them to be (she will deliberately lie about them to get my attention).
The problem is that whenever she has one of these world-ending minor issues, she expects me to drop everything I’m doing and immediately respond, which I can’t do because I have a life of my own to get on with. She then gets ratty that I haven’t responded and I’ll find out later that it was something stupid she wanted to immediately discuss, like most recently B&Q not turning up with the door she ordered two days ago even though postage said it could take a week. Last time she had a postage problem, she wanted me to immediately ring so she could complain then left me on call as she rang someone else for 45 minutes 😒
I’m not sure how to deal with her because I’m friends with her partner as well and don’t want to cause arguments between all three of us if I back away for a bit.
If anyone has any advice, I’d greatly appreciate it.
Comments
“…and don’t want to cause arguments between all three of us if I back away for a bit.”
It seems clear that you understand that you need to somehow establish boundaries.
You can back away a bit, and not feel the least bit guilty for doing so.
Or you can simply tell your friend how you feel.
You don’t need to talk about her behavior, or criticize her in any way.
Simply focus on you and the way you are feeling.
“Hi Megan, I need to share with you some feelings I have about our recent interactions*… I’m a little bit frustrated and confused by the fact that you are constantly texting me and expecting me to respond to you immediately. Can you please help me understand why you have these expectations of me? I’d like to remain friends with you, and it is in that spirit that I am raising this question with you. Thank you.”
You are treating her expectations as your obligations.
This person’s behavior is both unreasonable and obnoxious, but it’s only a problem for you because you’re allowing it to be.
You’re allowing yourself to be controlled by the whims of an unstable and manipulative person, rather than by your own good judgement.
So what if she expects you to respond asap to her messages? Why does that mean you must do it? What terrible thing would happen if you just… didn’t?
You’re living your life in abject terror at the idea of mildly disappointing someone you don’t even like very much.
Tell her to grow up and you don’t exist to tend to her needs. She should learn that you have ur own priorities and understand that ur not an on-call therapist.