My daughter is 6. Her father and I have been separated since shortly after she was born. He’s been “around” as in, he would come visit her for an hour or 2 a couple of days per week. These short visits have stopped somewhat recently, and he now prefers her to come over once a week for a sleepover. Prior to this change, she hadn’t slept anywhere else but our home. This was a big adjustment for her. I used to have to talk to her on the phone every night for her to fall asleep. I would say it’s been about a year and a half since we’ve started the sleepovers and she STILL cries at even the mention of it. I believe she enjoys herself most times, but she gets upset and is ready to come home within a day. His family blames me, says that I coddle her too much or that I’ve made her clingy and don’t encourage her enough to go places without me. I don’t think this is true, but I will admit that since I’ve raised her mostly on my own, she’s used to me being around. My question is, what do I do when she’s begging me to let her stay home? Even if I have plans that evening, she begs to let her stay with my mother, who lives with us. I’ve asked her why she doesn’t want to go, and she says it’s because she can’t sleep over there (we have a nightly routine here that we keep to every night, including me laying with her until she falls asleep which takes 10-15 minutes). He’s not the type of person to listen when I tell him this could help her want to be there more. I worry that me telling him “she doesn’t want to come and I won’t make her” is cruel and unfair. I will add, our relationship did not end well. He loves our daughter very much but treated me horribly for years. I want to make sure that setting this boundary sometimes (on days she’s especially upset about going) isn’t me being bitter or cruel. Any advice helps!
Tldr: after a year and half or trying, my 6 yo still hates sleepovers at her dads, is it wrong if I don’t make her go every weekend?
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Every weekend is too much. When does she get time to have fun with you?
I think if she doesnt want to do sleep overs it makes more sense for him to do stuff with her during the day for extended periods and then work towards her feeling comfortable with sleep overs.
Also try to find out how the sleep overs are working. My kid had issues with sleep overs wit her dad. She didnt have a bed. She spent a lot of time by herself playing video games which she could just do at home. He ate dinner at 5pm (we usually eat around 7pm) and wouldnt give her a snack. The only things she ate their were McDonalds and pancakes and she came home sick every time. His wife started refusing to acknowledge her even if kid tried talking to her which made her feel awkward.
We ended up stopping over nights for a while and when he made an effort to acknowledge and take care of the issues they started again.