Let me just start off by saying I obviously have autism. I realize some of my ideas are not your ideas. I realize I have a different world view than many people.
I was only diagnosed with autism a year ago. I have gone all of my adult life having zero clue what women are looking for in a relationship.
In truth when I look back on my late teens and 20s in particular, I realize I had zero clue what I was doing or how I could be appealing to someone.
I am still probably pretty clueless in what a woman wants in a partner. Although I will admit at 38 I do feel like I have a better idea of what women want. Unfortunately I do not have what women seem to want.
Money, stability, a career, friends, social status. It is ok, I do not feel I am lacking in those areas, but I can see why someone might want a potential partner to have those things.
I guess from a woman’s perspective I am probably perpetually 20 years old in my worldview and outlook on life. I realize this makes me a bit different.
I suppose this question is for men and women out there. What does a person do when they are not what a potential partner is looking for but they still want to be in a relationship?
I know some people might want to suggest I try to change myself. But that is just not me. I am just not capable, nor do I desire to become that sort of person.
I would be curious to know if people have had success with dating despite not being very conventional.
Thank you so very much 🙂
Comments
Everyone wants different things and everyone is attracted to different people. If you are clean and keep your clothes fairly neat and current and keep a flattering haircut, most people are not turned off. Just say hello as often as you are comfortable with people. I’m sure it’s not easy but you’ll probably meet someone if you put yourself in social situations. You will need to be the one who approaches others. It’s best in a closed situation like in a class or a meetup group or sports team. Then you’re not approaching a total stranger which can seem odd
My wife’s cousin is on the spectrum, very over weight, and a lazy eye and he got married a couple of years ago to a woman that pursued him! He was just being himself and attracted her. There’s a lid for every pot.
You don’t need to think about yourself so much. Women want what you want in a partner. If you are not willing to change anything about yourself, you need to figure out who you attract. Get on a dating website and see who matches with you. Some/many of these profiles will be fake. (Don’t click on those.) Click on the profiles of the girls that look like female versions of you. That’s who you attract. Those girls are real. Hopefully someone just like you in female form will be on your dating app of choice.
I met my husband, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, online. He had never even dated at that point, and was still a virgin at age 32.
He is not what society would say is good looking, but because I met him online and got to know him, that did not matter to me, I saw him as a beautiful person.
So, yeah the options are there, but really, this is all on you. Be confident in yourself and allow your light to shine.
Your first step is to stop seeing women as an homogeneous mass who are all looking for the same thing in a partner. Not only is it limiting your options but talking like that can make you seem incel-like.
I’m autistic as is my son. I know for both of us, our struggle was with social interaction because we operated on a different plane than everyone else. We spent a lot of time learning how to act like a “normal” person, because we wanted to fit in, not stand out. despite that, we’re not conventional humans.
I think it’s odd you refer to “conventional dating/relationships/partners” when I guarantee you’re not a conventional person. You’re likely driven, professional, successful, and intelligent; you’re a solid catch, but also a unique challenge because emotional relationships with someone solidly on the spectrum are also unique.
Consider watching Amy Schumer’s comedy special from 2019 called ‘Growing’. She shares the story of meeting and falling in love with her husband (Chris Fischer) who has ASD. There’s also a Howard Stern interview. It might help to understand what attracted her and confused her when they were getting to know each other. Good luck! (Also, everyone needs to grapple with this in different ways. We all have reasons to be insecure and reasons to be proud. And mostly, we’re all doing the best we can with our personal mix.)
oh somebody’s looking for you, just not that playboy bunny you want. lower your expectations. fish in your own pond. that’s one of the problems with guys addicted to porn, they start believing they can get women who are way out of their league.
Women come in autism flavors, too. You’re exactly somebody’s cup of wtf. Look for your match, not your opposite.
Just… Live your life. You’ll be happy. You’re lonely, so are the women. Go find them.
Being in a relationship is about growing together and building a life.
You listed what you won’t or can’t do but don’t name anything at all that you bring to the table so the answer to your question is obvious:
Find happiness being single.
Really what would you want out of a relationship?