Living with people in college who, I felt, weren’t keeping up with their agreed-upon chores. Their dishes mouldered on the sink. When it was their week to take out the garbage, it sat there and stunk until the end of the week. They had a guy over all the time, and they didn’t care what their bedroom’s open window did for the temperature in the common areas, not even when they went home for the weekend or for breaks.
I swallowed my irritation for a long time, but at some point I did turn into a sniping, hateful jerk because I felt like I’d been marinating in that same kind of disrespect all year.
Chronic disappointment in every realm. Being taken advantage of by roommates, partners, classmates, friends on top of every inconvenience happening all the time and it being my responsibility to fix it.
Seriously, I have been meek, quiet, shy and TOO nice my whole life.
I got into an accident and suffered a head injury, which totally changed my personality. You know when people claim they have no filter? I REALLY have no filter, it broke.
Not wanting to be in a tip pool.
Not wanting to go home with $364 I didn’t earn when I made $100 in tips.
Not wanting to go home with $80 when I made $200 in tips.
My HS BFF slept with my boyfriend (who I lost my virginity to two weeks before) while I was on my graduation trip. Her BF was the one who told me after I got back. So not only did she stab me in the back but also cheated. Messy AF!
lack of reciprocation over time.
To this day I still try to remember we’re all collectively traumatized by the pandemic and burnt out by the overall state of things, but it’s hard to hold onto that patience forever.
People really do take advantage of kindness. Not everyone of course but enough that overtime you slowly begin to guard yourself more and pull away from people after each bad Interaction.
Maybe you are someone who used to be a great listener but no one ever asked about you so now you can’t bear another second being a therapist.
Maybe you used to be really outgoing and several asshole strangers over the year reacting with hostility made you realize you can’t be friendly with everyone.
Maybe you used to be really open and one person betraying your trust or judging you over your vulnerabilities made you weary of sharing.
Whatever your trauma, we all (whatever gender) started out as nice people at some point eager to embrace the world but it’s hard to keep up that enthusiasm after getting metaphorically kicked so many times
Being abused by mom’s side of the family along with severe bullying from kids near my age and years of jealousy seeing “prettier” girls get everything I wanted without having to try. A little misogyny too probably.
My kindness being taken advantage of. Realized I would do more for others than they would do for me. I started to prioritize myself more and I became less nice and accepting of mistreatment.
Living abroad and realizing that I generally did what others wanted me to do, or at least was a people-pleaser. Me saying no became me being a mean girl to some others. I don’t care.
Having been taken advantage of because I’m kind and agreeable. People taking credit for my work and me being thrown under the bus by other women. Now I’m just a lot more selective when it comes to opening up to people and choosing friends.
I’m not sure what the definition of mean girl is, but I would say I have firmer boundaries now which leave me feeling like I am being mean.
In the last year I started therapy and outlining to my therapist all the ways people have mistreated me has been really eye opening. I found clarity in these conversations and as a result I have firmer boundaries around how much I will give in terms of my time, energy, emotional investment etc. I was seriously let down by those who are family, friends, colleagues. Part of this was the result of not valuing myself and keeping the peace, being a people pleaser and just not paying attention to my own feelings.
Comments
A broken heart
I was betrayed by my so called “best friend”
Living with people in college who, I felt, weren’t keeping up with their agreed-upon chores. Their dishes mouldered on the sink. When it was their week to take out the garbage, it sat there and stunk until the end of the week. They had a guy over all the time, and they didn’t care what their bedroom’s open window did for the temperature in the common areas, not even when they went home for the weekend or for breaks.
I swallowed my irritation for a long time, but at some point I did turn into a sniping, hateful jerk because I felt like I’d been marinating in that same kind of disrespect all year.
Not being happy, trust issues, and people who betrayed me
Other mean girls.
Chronic disappointment in every realm. Being taken advantage of by roommates, partners, classmates, friends on top of every inconvenience happening all the time and it being my responsibility to fix it.
Being mistreated by friends or ex partners. Being insecure. Lacking self awareness that eventually came with age.
A frontal lobe injury.
Seriously, I have been meek, quiet, shy and TOO nice my whole life.
I got into an accident and suffered a head injury, which totally changed my personality. You know when people claim they have no filter? I REALLY have no filter, it broke.
Bad coworkers. Don’t like me telling you what to do with little words and a condescending tone of voice? Then do your damn job.
Not wanting to be in a tip pool.
Not wanting to go home with $364 I didn’t earn when I made $100 in tips.
Not wanting to go home with $80 when I made $200 in tips.
Jobs that dealt with rude people and just being over everyone. Everyone is a LIAR!
My HS BFF slept with my boyfriend (who I lost my virginity to two weeks before) while I was on my graduation trip. Her BF was the one who told me after I got back. So not only did she stab me in the back but also cheated. Messy AF!
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lack of reciprocation over time.
To this day I still try to remember we’re all collectively traumatized by the pandemic and burnt out by the overall state of things, but it’s hard to hold onto that patience forever.
People really do take advantage of kindness. Not everyone of course but enough that overtime you slowly begin to guard yourself more and pull away from people after each bad Interaction.
Maybe you are someone who used to be a great listener but no one ever asked about you so now you can’t bear another second being a therapist.
Maybe you used to be really outgoing and several asshole strangers over the year reacting with hostility made you realize you can’t be friendly with everyone.
Maybe you used to be really open and one person betraying your trust or judging you over your vulnerabilities made you weary of sharing.
Whatever your trauma, we all (whatever gender) started out as nice people at some point eager to embrace the world but it’s hard to keep up that enthusiasm after getting metaphorically kicked so many times
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Learning it was the only way to get some modicum of respect – or fear.
People don’t often respect kindness and sincerity. They respect a vicious tongue and a death glare.
Unfortunately you can go too far that way and end up a bitter woman (edit:censored).
I think I’ve struck a nice balance now. I don’t care about being liked by butts (edit:censored) but I show compassion to those that need it.
Being taken advantage of when being nice, every single time .
Being abused by mom’s side of the family along with severe bullying from kids near my age and years of jealousy seeing “prettier” girls get everything I wanted without having to try. A little misogyny too probably.
Other mean girls and mean women.
My kindness being taken advantage of. Realized I would do more for others than they would do for me. I started to prioritize myself more and I became less nice and accepting of mistreatment.
Men
Mean boys
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Living abroad and realizing that I generally did what others wanted me to do, or at least was a people-pleaser. Me saying no became me being a mean girl to some others. I don’t care.
Having been taken advantage of because I’m kind and agreeable. People taking credit for my work and me being thrown under the bus by other women. Now I’m just a lot more selective when it comes to opening up to people and choosing friends.
I’m not sure what the definition of mean girl is, but I would say I have firmer boundaries now which leave me feeling like I am being mean.
In the last year I started therapy and outlining to my therapist all the ways people have mistreated me has been really eye opening. I found clarity in these conversations and as a result I have firmer boundaries around how much I will give in terms of my time, energy, emotional investment etc. I was seriously let down by those who are family, friends, colleagues. Part of this was the result of not valuing myself and keeping the peace, being a people pleaser and just not paying attention to my own feelings.
Learning you get no where in life by being too giving and too nice to everyone.
Being backstabbed over and over again
mean people. society.