When i found out she was banging another bloke. No signs or prior concerns, but yeah definitely was the thing that made me realise it was done. And then being young and petty i hooked up with her friens who she always thought had thing for me but didnt. Somehow rizzed my way into that
When I realized that every attempt to discuss a problem was met with the silent treatment and I came to the conclusion that no relationship is sustainable without being able to communicate about problems.
I had to beg him to rush me to the ER, which required him stopping his video games and bong hits. He was very annoyed. They ended up putting me on a gurney at the ER and running a cat scan. The doc basically said he’d be back in 5 min to tell me if I have cancer in my chest. Worst 5 minutes of my life. My boyfriend at the time looked at me w the most contempt anyone has ever given me and said “I hope you know I’m not paying for any of this.”
she lied about there being a group hangout so i would spend time with her. very uncomfortable when nobody else showed up. i wasn’t a good boyfriend, and that really made me realize i wasn’t being fair to her. i try to be better now.
She woke me up that morning with tea in bed, then we cuddled with our pup on the couch while watching a murder documentary, she cut my hair (which she often did), and when I left at noon she was in the window with the pup waving me goodbye.
I got home at 7pm to find she had left and taken everything, including the pup and my cash savings, leaving me with a mountain of debt that she had built using my credit cards.
A week and a half later she said she regretted it and asked if we could go to couples counseling to fix things. I replied, “that ship has sailed.” I’ve already gotten a bit of money back from her and I’m still working on the debt; police report was made the morning after, and while court documents haven’t been filed, they’re ready should the time come when she stops cooperating with me.
It’s been a little more than 3 months since that day, and I’m honestly much happier now than I was when we were together. But to have almost 10 years end with that level of deceit… I still don’t have the words to describe how that feels.
When he was joking about what’s bothering me in front of a friend. When he put down my joy and made me feel excluded in the group. When he wasn’t there when I asked him for support.
When we decided to take a “break” and she was already on Facebook dating and smiling in my face about it, and asked if I have started looking around (I didn’t) and she was already entertaining another guy at the same time (and yes they did something)
She picked an argument, and pressed and pressed and pressed. I’m very quiet as a person so when all of the pushing made me raise my voice and yell a little it kind of shocked the whole household. Within minutes i wa processing what she said and trying to find a compromise because I really didn’t want to live amongst the turmoil. She was surprised at how quick I went from height of anger to “let’s resolve this”. And through her tears she said “why are you processing this so quickly, I am
Just going to do this again”. And in that moment it became clear she was LOOKING to be upset and had no real desire for resolution.
When my husbands girlfriend called me to say we should all get along. That was it for me. I thought about sending her a thank you card for finally pushing me to get that abusive, cheating asshole out of my life!
When she began yelling at me in the kitchen that I was wasting time volunteering for a nonprofit community radio station while blaring Maroon Five. She recently responded to a young boy of 8 during a little league game to him and his parents that money can in fact buy happiness. I’ve never looked back.
He would leave his journal around the house. Of course I picked it up and flipped through it and was beyond sickened by his descriptions of me, my kids, my friends and my family. He was contemptuous and horrible about all of us. It was stomach turning.
He had graduated from a master’s program and was making plans to move thousands of miles away across the country. He didn’t discuss it at all, and I didn’t tell him not to go. He assumed I would follow him if he got the job, but I owned a business and home and had no plans to leave. He turned down already-accepted jobs locally to take the not-yet-offered job. They never offered the job.
I ended it. I wanted a partner who created a life with me, not someone who expected me to follow them dutifully. He ended up very angry and jobless for over a year. I was grateful to not involved.
He was DD for my gf’s and i on my bday night. He dropped us off downtown, sober. He picked us up in his car wasted. It’s one thing to put my life at risk, but also my friend’s?? What the fuck
Realised he was using me to get his stay in the U.K.I wanted to break up with him and he said “If we break up now I won’t get my stay which proved he was using me. I met him on Badoo he was living in Manchester. He told me they’re advised to get with someone born here it will give them a better chance but he failed anyway bcos he was found to have used false documents to get here which he denied.We was together 6 years.He moved to my Town to live with me.Lived with me for 4 years but he started showing his true colours and he was domineering also and staring at other girls which I hated bcos I’m overweight and my self esteem and confidence is low.
It dawned on me one day that I had cried “for no reason” on the way home from work every day for months. Then once I got home I sat in my car staring at the house for a solid 15 minutes before I went inside, steeling myself for if he was in a bad mood (which he often was).
When it became clear I wasn’t ever a priority in his life. Every point of connection we had was either initiated by me or came about when it was convenient for him. I didn’t notice it until deep into things, but looking back it was pretty clear from the beginning.
If sometime isn’t willing to sacrifice on any level for you, they aren’t a good partner regardless of anything else they may say or do.
She started having doubts about her feelings towards me. It started to feel like I was the only one really trying…it is actually happening now and I’m feeling sick to be honest.
I kept crying during sex for no reason, telling him I was just in my head and overthinking everything, so we’d always stop before he could finish. He was usually ok with it and comforted me until I calmed down. Until finally one time I guess he was sick of playing the nice guy and straight up asked me to just “get out of your head for like 10 minutes, I’ll be quick”
I later realized that my tears we’re actually my brain’s way of telling me to get the fuck out of that relationship 🙄
I found out my dad had terminal cancer, and I didn’t want to tell him. I felt so emotionally unsafe with him that I didn’t want him knowing. I knew it was over then.
Mu aunt decided to cut me off last night. She collected all my mistakes in the past 10 years (even the ones I apologized for) and threw them in my face.
She created a group email with my other cousins and went on a 3 email rant about every mistake I ever did.
I knew that it was over when I realized that no amount of apology, nothing I said, didn’t say, do, didn’t do, would ever be good or perfect enough for her.
So I decided to end my relationship with her. I’m not her niece and she’s not my aunt anymore.
Almost 45 years ago, my fiance hit me. There were other serious red flags before that, but we got through them; but, because my parents were proponents of corporal punishment, I promised myself that I would never tolerate a man who hit me. It flipped my self-preservation switch in a way nothing else had.
When I was so racked with guilt about something I had done that, even after she forgave me, her touch was painful to me and I specifically remember the moment I actually recoiled when she tried to spoon me
When we hadn’t seen each other for over two weeks, I said I missed him, but he went silent. We had a lot of downs before that, and I decided it was over that night.
Among the things he did to others it was when I read him a meme about confidence and how it can mean you’re not overly competitive and his face dropped in major disgust and disappointment. If I wasn’t making someone else feel like garbage he didn’t understand how I could be happy. I was miserable when everyday had to be so cutthroat. Everyone can shine and no one should feel lesser.
This sounds ridiculous. I guess you had to experience it all to know what I mean. I’m happier.
If I wanted to talk about problems I got excuses or the silent treatment.
If she wanted to talk about problems I had to be on the same side as her. If I am not on the same side then I am wrong an there is no room for agreements or other point of views.
When I was tired of being mistreated from her. I ended up crying at night cause I gave her so many chances. The last time I cried she got annoyed and walked away from me. So I knew based off that I had to let her go
He yelled “fuck you!”over and over again to drown out the sound of my voice. And after the argument was over and I let him “win” I begged him to apologize to me so we could make up. And instead of apologizing he told me I “deserved it” for what I had done in the past. He refused to apologize for the rest of the right.
Oh and he threw something at me at the same night. When I told him in the meekest voice available “please don’t do that it scares me”, he threw it at me again and told me I deserved it.
I can’t believe I dated this loser for 3 years up to that point.
Not being able to say no to male attention. 4 years down the drain just to play fortnite with an online work male colleague who was clearly interested in more than being friends, called me insecure. I had to walk away.
She didn’t call me.I told her to end the long distance I’ll come to her City so what we can like stay close but the rejected it.She doesn’t even message doesn’t call doesn’t care.All these started from the day she started staying at home 24×7.
PS- If you people want can read my post about her kind of incestual relationship with her brothers.
I told her over dinner I was going to get an apartment on the other side of the city. I was starting a business and I needed to be closer to my potential clients. An apartment made business sense but it also was my first step out of a dying 35 year marriage.
Her reaction when I told her about the apartment was, ‘OK.’ And then the conversation moved on.
Just ok.
A year or two later we were separated and in another two years we were divorced.
We couldn’t even talk about non relationship stuff without it turning into an argument. Too much resentment and distrust had built up and been left undealt with for too long. All connection was gone. We slowly stopped telling each other our day or week plans (and we lived together). They be home two days straight and only after I asked why did I learn they were on vacation that week. We were strangers cohabitating.
Did you go out together? We just ended up sometimes instead of talking or connecting. It’s always missed moments of connection that allow that distance to creep in and also avoiding uncomfortable talks that were needed because we didn’t want to create more conflict when we actually could’ve built connection in those moments and gotten closer and worked out issues instead of shoving them down and letting resentment build
Looking back, it was doomed from the start. If you have any form of past trauma that affects your ability to communicate or how you show up in relationships you have to heal that or every relationship will ultimately fail. We both started out with attachment disorders. Me disorganized and then avoidant. I finally healed (still on that journey) and they can’t even begin. (After 15 years) I’ve never been in therapy officially. Been doing the work the hard way. They’ve been going for years. Roll a story you gotta be willing to deal with your own shit. Recognize where you’re toxic and where you’re lacking and where you need to take accountability and do the work. Life is too short to be imprisoned by past trauma when you can unlearn all of that.
Before you can find that person you envision, you gotta become that person yourself, somebody worthy of person you want.
Comments
She moved to Alaska
When silence became the default conversation.
I was looking for more and more reasons not to spend time with her
When everything she said was a petty remark
When i found out she was banging another bloke. No signs or prior concerns, but yeah definitely was the thing that made me realise it was done. And then being young and petty i hooked up with her friens who she always thought had thing for me but didnt. Somehow rizzed my way into that
When the conversations became short
Did something to hurt me, just to see me upset
When I began to be treated like a housemaid/chef/accountant/chauffeur and not a romantic partner anymore..
When I found out he was gossiping about me and telling me what to do. I am accomplished and I mind my own business.
When making love, she orgasmed and then ‘jokingly’ said “k I’m done”…
The way he treated me when I was pregnant with his kid
When little things start to annoy you. For example how she ate with her mouth open or chewed loudly
When I realized that every attempt to discuss a problem was met with the silent treatment and I came to the conclusion that no relationship is sustainable without being able to communicate about problems.
When his sister called me and yelled at me about trapping him in a relationship with me.
Verbal abuse
When he came to me only for help. Went out with his friends and never bothered inviting or making any plans with me
I had to beg him to rush me to the ER, which required him stopping his video games and bong hits. He was very annoyed. They ended up putting me on a gurney at the ER and running a cat scan. The doc basically said he’d be back in 5 min to tell me if I have cancer in my chest. Worst 5 minutes of my life. My boyfriend at the time looked at me w the most contempt anyone has ever given me and said “I hope you know I’m not paying for any of this.”
I felt like I couldn’t share my feelings or thoughts or needs without him getting mad and turning it on me.
Unwillingness to communicate
When I stopped feeling any desire for him
she lied about there being a group hangout so i would spend time with her. very uncomfortable when nobody else showed up. i wasn’t a good boyfriend, and that really made me realize i wasn’t being fair to her. i try to be better now.
She woke me up that morning with tea in bed, then we cuddled with our pup on the couch while watching a murder documentary, she cut my hair (which she often did), and when I left at noon she was in the window with the pup waving me goodbye.
I got home at 7pm to find she had left and taken everything, including the pup and my cash savings, leaving me with a mountain of debt that she had built using my credit cards.
A week and a half later she said she regretted it and asked if we could go to couples counseling to fix things. I replied, “that ship has sailed.” I’ve already gotten a bit of money back from her and I’m still working on the debt; police report was made the morning after, and while court documents haven’t been filed, they’re ready should the time come when she stops cooperating with me.
It’s been a little more than 3 months since that day, and I’m honestly much happier now than I was when we were together. But to have almost 10 years end with that level of deceit… I still don’t have the words to describe how that feels.
I thought “why am I doing this? I’m not getting anything out of it.”
She died.
When my 11 year old daughter refused to come over. When she slapped me when she was drunk. When my family almost cut me off.
This is what narcissists do.
When she made fun of me for going into therapy.
Yeah, we had a lot of problems in the 6 years we were together but damn that opened my eyes.
When everything I said or talked about meant nothing at all, just deaf ears … talking to a brick wall ..
When he was joking about what’s bothering me in front of a friend. When he put down my joy and made me feel excluded in the group. When he wasn’t there when I asked him for support.
When we decided to take a “break” and she was already on Facebook dating and smiling in my face about it, and asked if I have started looking around (I didn’t) and she was already entertaining another guy at the same time (and yes they did something)
Was given the kids within a year ultimatum on the first day of a very expensive holiday.
When she broke up with me and refused to get out, forcing me to file an eviction.
When he turned the power off to the house so me and my children couldn’t cook, watch tv, see…. So I rang the police.
I’ve been free ever since. I swear an angel was watching over me and whispered to call them. I couldn’t see a way out but the police helped me.
He told an AI chat bot he was trying to cyber with, “I love you”.
Well I suppose when she said it’s over.
She picked an argument, and pressed and pressed and pressed. I’m very quiet as a person so when all of the pushing made me raise my voice and yell a little it kind of shocked the whole household. Within minutes i wa processing what she said and trying to find a compromise because I really didn’t want to live amongst the turmoil. She was surprised at how quick I went from height of anger to “let’s resolve this”. And through her tears she said “why are you processing this so quickly, I am
Just going to do this again”. And in that moment it became clear she was LOOKING to be upset and had no real desire for resolution.
When my husbands girlfriend called me to say we should all get along. That was it for me. I thought about sending her a thank you card for finally pushing me to get that abusive, cheating asshole out of my life!
When she began yelling at me in the kitchen that I was wasting time volunteering for a nonprofit community radio station while blaring Maroon Five. She recently responded to a young boy of 8 during a little league game to him and his parents that money can in fact buy happiness. I’ve never looked back.
His 5 year old daughter kept calling me Jennifer. My name isn’t Jennifer.
She broke something I valued when she was upset.
When they started becoming rude and ignoring me
He would leave his journal around the house. Of course I picked it up and flipped through it and was beyond sickened by his descriptions of me, my kids, my friends and my family. He was contemptuous and horrible about all of us. It was stomach turning.
He had graduated from a master’s program and was making plans to move thousands of miles away across the country. He didn’t discuss it at all, and I didn’t tell him not to go. He assumed I would follow him if he got the job, but I owned a business and home and had no plans to leave. He turned down already-accepted jobs locally to take the not-yet-offered job. They never offered the job.
I ended it. I wanted a partner who created a life with me, not someone who expected me to follow them dutifully. He ended up very angry and jobless for over a year. I was grateful to not involved.
He was DD for my gf’s and i on my bday night. He dropped us off downtown, sober. He picked us up in his car wasted. It’s one thing to put my life at risk, but also my friend’s?? What the fuck
Realised he was using me to get his stay in the U.K.I wanted to break up with him and he said “If we break up now I won’t get my stay which proved he was using me. I met him on Badoo he was living in Manchester. He told me they’re advised to get with someone born here it will give them a better chance but he failed anyway bcos he was found to have used false documents to get here which he denied.We was together 6 years.He moved to my Town to live with me.Lived with me for 4 years but he started showing his true colours and he was domineering also and staring at other girls which I hated bcos I’m overweight and my self esteem and confidence is low.
She stopped laughing.
She was shit talking her ex but I saw a text between them and it was all buddy buddy.
When something that happened at his work was somehow my fault
When I felt more lonely with them than I ever did alone.
When he threw a coffee table at me.
He wouldn’t move his new dog when it sat in between us. We went from always cuddling on the couch, to not even touching. I was replaced by a dog.
2 years of no sex. Everything was great besides that, but at a certain point I had to accept that we had essentially become roommates.
Abuse and cheating (two things).
It never started.
It dawned on me one day that I had cried “for no reason” on the way home from work every day for months. Then once I got home I sat in my car staring at the house for a solid 15 minutes before I went inside, steeling myself for if he was in a bad mood (which he often was).
When it became clear I wasn’t ever a priority in his life. Every point of connection we had was either initiated by me or came about when it was convenient for him. I didn’t notice it until deep into things, but looking back it was pretty clear from the beginning.
If sometime isn’t willing to sacrifice on any level for you, they aren’t a good partner regardless of anything else they may say or do.
She started having doubts about her feelings towards me. It started to feel like I was the only one really trying…it is actually happening now and I’m feeling sick to be honest.
She got pregnant. Not by me.
Always late. Never on time. Always an excuse. Baring in mind I see him around once a week. Happens every week. I’m bored
I kept crying during sex for no reason, telling him I was just in my head and overthinking everything, so we’d always stop before he could finish. He was usually ok with it and comforted me until I calmed down. Until finally one time I guess he was sick of playing the nice guy and straight up asked me to just “get out of your head for like 10 minutes, I’ll be quick”
I later realized that my tears we’re actually my brain’s way of telling me to get the fuck out of that relationship 🙄
When I started dreading her texts……
“we will never be more than friends”
When seeing each other feel like a chore
When we stopped talking about the little things, and everything started feeling distant.
Mistrust.
I found out my dad had terminal cancer, and I didn’t want to tell him. I felt so emotionally unsafe with him that I didn’t want him knowing. I knew it was over then.
Mu aunt decided to cut me off last night. She collected all my mistakes in the past 10 years (even the ones I apologized for) and threw them in my face.
She created a group email with my other cousins and went on a 3 email rant about every mistake I ever did.
I knew that it was over when I realized that no amount of apology, nothing I said, didn’t say, do, didn’t do, would ever be good or perfect enough for her.
So I decided to end my relationship with her. I’m not her niece and she’s not my aunt anymore.
Almost 45 years ago, my fiance hit me. There were other serious red flags before that, but we got through them; but, because my parents were proponents of corporal punishment, I promised myself that I would never tolerate a man who hit me. It flipped my self-preservation switch in a way nothing else had.
They had headphones in when we were together in public
When we stopped being friends first and started just going through the motions.
When I was so racked with guilt about something I had done that, even after she forgave me, her touch was painful to me and I specifically remember the moment I actually recoiled when she tried to spoon me
i didn’t want to come home anymore. i found myself making excuses to stay longer at work or outside instead.
When we hadn’t seen each other for over two weeks, I said I missed him, but he went silent. We had a lot of downs before that, and I decided it was over that night.
Among the things he did to others it was when I read him a meme about confidence and how it can mean you’re not overly competitive and his face dropped in major disgust and disappointment. If I wasn’t making someone else feel like garbage he didn’t understand how I could be happy. I was miserable when everyday had to be so cutthroat. Everyone can shine and no one should feel lesser.
This sounds ridiculous. I guess you had to experience it all to know what I mean. I’m happier.
When he was no longer at home in the afternoons when I got home from work. It gradually grew from 2 days to 5 days.
When we started avoiding each other’s eyes
If I wanted to talk about problems I got excuses or the silent treatment.
If she wanted to talk about problems I had to be on the same side as her. If I am not on the same side then I am wrong an there is no room for agreements or other point of views.
Divorce papers being served was a pretty big sign 😂
He didn’t give me/say anything/ planned anything for Valentine’s Day. Just a text “ happy v day. “
When I was tired of being mistreated from her. I ended up crying at night cause I gave her so many chances. The last time I cried she got annoyed and walked away from me. So I knew based off that I had to let her go
He yelled “fuck you!”over and over again to drown out the sound of my voice. And after the argument was over and I let him “win” I begged him to apologize to me so we could make up. And instead of apologizing he told me I “deserved it” for what I had done in the past. He refused to apologize for the rest of the right.
Oh and he threw something at me at the same night. When I told him in the meekest voice available “please don’t do that it scares me”, he threw it at me again and told me I deserved it.
I can’t believe I dated this loser for 3 years up to that point.
Ginost ako.
Yun lang
Not being able to say no to male attention. 4 years down the drain just to play fortnite with an online work male colleague who was clearly interested in more than being friends, called me insecure. I had to walk away.
menopause
She didn’t call me.I told her to end the long distance I’ll come to her City so what we can like stay close but the rejected it.She doesn’t even message doesn’t call doesn’t care.All these started from the day she started staying at home 24×7.
PS- If you people want can read my post about her kind of incestual relationship with her brothers.
I bought her a gift and she acted like I was doing her a favor.
Not happy with with her birthday present and Christmas presents….
I told her over dinner I was going to get an apartment on the other side of the city. I was starting a business and I needed to be closer to my potential clients. An apartment made business sense but it also was my first step out of a dying 35 year marriage.
Her reaction when I told her about the apartment was, ‘OK.’ And then the conversation moved on.
Just ok.
A year or two later we were separated and in another two years we were divorced.
Three times, she refused to let me have my family over for brunch. I walked out two weeks later.
We couldn’t even talk about non relationship stuff without it turning into an argument. Too much resentment and distrust had built up and been left undealt with for too long. All connection was gone. We slowly stopped telling each other our day or week plans (and we lived together). They be home two days straight and only after I asked why did I learn they were on vacation that week. We were strangers cohabitating.
Did you go out together? We just ended up sometimes instead of talking or connecting. It’s always missed moments of connection that allow that distance to creep in and also avoiding uncomfortable talks that were needed because we didn’t want to create more conflict when we actually could’ve built connection in those moments and gotten closer and worked out issues instead of shoving them down and letting resentment build
Looking back, it was doomed from the start. If you have any form of past trauma that affects your ability to communicate or how you show up in relationships you have to heal that or every relationship will ultimately fail. We both started out with attachment disorders. Me disorganized and then avoidant. I finally healed (still on that journey) and they can’t even begin. (After 15 years) I’ve never been in therapy officially. Been doing the work the hard way. They’ve been going for years. Roll a story you gotta be willing to deal with your own shit. Recognize where you’re toxic and where you’re lacking and where you need to take accountability and do the work. Life is too short to be imprisoned by past trauma when you can unlearn all of that.
Before you can find that person you envision, you gotta become that person yourself, somebody worthy of person you want.