A female co-worker came to work on Monday and was excited that she caught 3 mice in her house over the weekend. I confidently explained to her those were the 3 blind mice and that there were a lot more in hiding. She believed that story for at least a month.
I was casually seeing the most amazing person and wanted us to be more serious, but I’m not smooth, so the way I tried to tell him my feelings was a word salad that included the phrase “I like your brain.”
I’ll never forget the look on his face, which was this amused little smile like he was about to roast me terribly. But his response was to cheerfully say: “I like your brain too!”
The fact that him repeating my dumb line made me fall doubly in love with him is perhaps even dumber. Oh well.
at my first summer camp when i was a newbie at 9 being told to get a “left handed” knife by an older kid. at first i was like “dude a knife is a knife.” but then one of the (adult) leaders said “no, no hes being serious you just havent seen one yet, just go ask them for it” walked 10 minutes to the other camp site for nothing lmao.
I’ll pay you tomorrow/friday/next pay day etc… but take (service rendered) now.
Doesn’t matter if they’re someone who should pay you or should be embarrassed not to, I’ve been surprised too many times by how little shame too many people have.
I was hungry and saw a food truck selling food that smelled great, so I got in line. 5 minutes the line suddenly jogged off and I was standing a distance from the food truck line, having not advanced. Turns out there were just 5 people randomly standing in a line in the shade of a tree. I think they were jogging together and needed a breather. In hindsight it sort of made sense, most people don’t wear jogging clothes to a food truck.
Everytime she asked that and I said yes was another $20 dance. All along I thought I was just gonna pay $20. Ended up paying $300. I had never been to strip club before.
Educated Japanese American in a nice suit and shoes, who has a business card as a UCLA Cardiologist told me his wallet had been lost and he needed $100 to get home, and would send me $500 for the trouble.
Maybe I was being prejudice, but I had never heard of a well dressed, Japanese conman, so I gave him the money, never to hear from him again.
Comments
“But he’s definitely different!”
“Just the tip?” Somehow always works…
Come on just one drink
“Uneven Steps”
“You don’t need to worry about that guy”
Turns out I was right to worry
If you start work at 16, work till you’re 65 you’ll retire on a good state pension.
Will you marry me ?
A dollar is a dollar
“The feeling is mutual.”
A female co-worker came to work on Monday and was excited that she caught 3 mice in her house over the weekend. I confidently explained to her those were the 3 blind mice and that there were a lot more in hiding. She believed that story for at least a month.
I was casually seeing the most amazing person and wanted us to be more serious, but I’m not smooth, so the way I tried to tell him my feelings was a word salad that included the phrase “I like your brain.”
I’ll never forget the look on his face, which was this amused little smile like he was about to roast me terribly. But his response was to cheerfully say: “I like your brain too!”
The fact that him repeating my dumb line made me fall doubly in love with him is perhaps even dumber. Oh well.
Stripper in Vegas told me she loved me lol
“I’ll quit vaping after this one runs out”
…….
I did eventually quit, but I fell for that every other week before then.
“ I’ve changed”!
He’s just a friend
I love you
“It’s indoor my dealer grew himself, it’s not that strong though. Hit it some more.”
I spent 30-40 mins grabbing the sides of the armchair at the lounge we were in with all my muscles completely tensed.
I had only ever smoke shitty skunk or brick weed before that.
And I quote, “Of course you can trust me.”
I’ll love you till the end.
If you are smart and have good grades, you can be anything you want to be.
If you bust your ass and work harder than everyone else then you will get promoted and pay raises.
Nope, it is based on who you know and if the managers like you as a person
“It’s called trickle down economics”
that one could die because of blue balls
i feel stupid now, but when you are young and nobody teaches you these things, this will happen
“They’re just my bestie” and then he promptly left me for them
“can you try fostering these kittens for me? I’m having trouble getting them to socialize.”
Yeah, those are completely feral ass grown cats, Janice.
We’re from the government, we’re here to help.
at my first summer camp when i was a newbie at 9 being told to get a “left handed” knife by an older kid. at first i was like “dude a knife is a knife.” but then one of the (adult) leaders said “no, no hes being serious you just havent seen one yet, just go ask them for it” walked 10 minutes to the other camp site for nothing lmao.
“Forever and always”
I love you
“I do.”
“Sign here, you’ve got great opportunities in your future in the USMC. Travel the world, meet new amd exciting people.”
I’m on birth control
“I’m going to pay you back. I’m going to slip the money into an envelope and slip it under the door.”
“Come on, I won’t beat you”
My mom every time when I was on my stupid age ><
“Please”. And “when are you gonna be my girlfriend?”
I’ll pay you tomorrow/friday/next pay day etc… but take (service rendered) now.
Doesn’t matter if they’re someone who should pay you or should be embarrassed not to, I’ve been surprised too many times by how little shame too many people have.
I was hungry and saw a food truck selling food that smelled great, so I got in line. 5 minutes the line suddenly jogged off and I was standing a distance from the food truck line, having not advanced. Turns out there were just 5 people randomly standing in a line in the shade of a tree. I think they were jogging together and needed a breather. In hindsight it sort of made sense, most people don’t wear jogging clothes to a food truck.
“I’m on birth control.”
‘Don’t worry, I’m on the pill’
‘My husband won’t be home until later tonight’
How bad could it be?
It’s always gonna be worst than I thought. Always.
“Weekend work is not mandatory and never will be”
“I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again”
“Do you want me to keep going?”
Everytime she asked that and I said yes was another $20 dance. All along I thought I was just gonna pay $20. Ended up paying $300. I had never been to strip club before.
Educated Japanese American in a nice suit and shoes, who has a business card as a UCLA Cardiologist told me his wallet had been lost and he needed $100 to get home, and would send me $500 for the trouble.
Maybe I was being prejudice, but I had never heard of a well dressed, Japanese conman, so I gave him the money, never to hear from him again.