What was your ‘I need to quit this job’ moment? How did you make peace with the fear of walking away?
What was your ‘I need to quit this job’ moment? How did you make peace with the fear of walking away?
r/AskWomen
What was your ‘I need to quit this job’ moment? How did you make peace with the fear of walking away?
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When I would get insane anxiety just pulling into the parking lot daily because I didn’t know what mood my boss would be in when I got there. Luckily it was at the start of Covid so it was easy for me to walk away.
They decided to give my office to the secretary I trained (so I could go on vacation) and said I can work in the break room. Never paid me on time –
still have not given me my last pay check. Being demoted because someone was better looking and not better at it really hurt after all the times I overworked myself. There is a lesson here, but I am still hurting by the fact they won’t pay me.
I was dealing with a primary school student (9 years old) who got what they considered a poor score on an inconsequential test. In response to their score (a 75%) they said they should kill themselves because they weren’t going anywhere in life and were a failure. I talked to my principal about it and the response was that ‘these are just things kids say, they are dramatic’. I remember going home to my husband and saying no matter what I wasnt renewing my contract that year. I couldn’t be a part of a system that thought that was okay for a 9 year old to say or feel.
Am now at a much better school that treats things seriously so happy ending I guess.
I was getting burnt out because the culture had changed(for the worse) so much from when I first started. It honestly took my husband being tired of hearing me complain about this job for me to leave. He went and printed out some job listings and told me “Get ready to quit that job and we’ll find you a new one”. That was the push I needed.
When every morning started with tears in the shower and after work driving home I would just let go all of the tears and emotions I held in. I applied and got a new job that made me confident to leave
When they increased my portfolio by about 400% over 6 years and wouldn’t listen to my concerns. I didn’t experience anxiety about walking away because I lined up another job before I gave my notice.
I pulled an all-nighter prepping for a big work day. This was par for the course working in politics, and my health was already declining with the stress of the job (like I was literally in the ICU for several days)
Came in ready to go over the plan with the team. A colleague who I’d already been butting heads with undermined me, took over the meeting and threw (figuratively) all my work out the window. It was the last straw. I quietly walked out of the meeting, grabbed my stuff and went home. I didn’t actually quit that day. But my boss called me, I yelled at him — he knew I was right.
Came back the next day and essentially dialed everything back to the bare minimum and spent most of my working hours applying for other jobs until I could finally quit a few months later.
It was a combination of factors. More work was pushed onto us with no extra time or pay given for it, benefits were being dropped (but they went back on this due to backlash), little support from the higher management and my attempts of bettering the wellbeing of my team resulted in anger from the higher ups.
At the same time, one person in the team is being a right knob thinking she can come and go as she pleased because she had a new bf.
All of this while covids happening and me being diagnosed with depression.
I was so done with that circus. Pushed and pulled in all directions. I didn’t really need to make peace, I was ready to run out of there.
When my coworker literally defended Hitler for an entire lunch hour and then proceeded to scream “I HAVE NO EMPATHY!!!” Because someone asked her to donate to a GFM after they donated to her son’s accident, and our boss refused to put her dog on a leash or even muzzle her so I walked. The boss actually asked me why.
There were a quite few times.
When I was younger and still living at home I worked at a tanning salon. Up and quit to focus on getting a job in my career path. The management there was god awful and the moment the manager pulled me off the schedule to “have a talk” I was thought, fuck that and quit. So I was able to up and quit since I didn’t have much for bills. Got a job in my career path a month later, so it was a good choice.
Another was because I was being bullied by multiple coworkers on a near daily basis. Found a position with a new company about a few weeks later, then put in my 2 weeks notice.
Another one was because I made one mistake. There was another team involved as well and they didn’t catch it either. It didn’t cost the company anything, but it was a pretty cut throat environment. The director felt the need it was enough to come down on me and make it clear that if I made another mistake I would be gone. So I found another position and they were all shocked when I handed in my notice. Like huh you treat someone like shit and they move along…
The next one was bad management. Also had another job lined up and put in my 2 weeks.
The next one too was also bad management. Again, had another job lined up and they were also shocked that I was moving on LOL.
But yeah, I guess the “fear” of walking away wasn’t. I always had another job lined up, I never have had the luxury of just flat out quitting (except at the tanning salon) because I have all my bills to pay on my own. And man… Quitting a job you just fucking hate or where they are treating you badly is one of the most satisfying feelings in the entire world. The looks on their faces when you hand in your two weeks are just fucking priceless lol
My supervisor left and I thought I was a shoe-in for her job. There were no other positions between me and her and I had been doing my job for 4 years. Went to speak with the director of the department about the position, thinking it was only a formality. She informed me that I shouldn’t even bother applying, because I apparently made too many mistakes and she had been keeping track of every tiny error (that she caught) over 4 years. Literally had a spreadsheet for all the employees. She also thought they had hired me directly out of college (I was 38 at the time) and assumed I had no supervisor experience (I had been a manager and supervisor for 10 years before working there). That was when I knew I was in a dead-end job. The real kicker, while I worked on my exit plan, I did my supervisors job for 9 months after that. And trained the new supervisor who was hired before I happily left.
It happened in phases. First I got burnt out because I was frankly having literal departments worth of responsibilities. Next when I went back to work after a burn out leave, during a performance review, my manager said ‘I’m marking you down for this cos you were on leave and couldn’t perform on the last month’ (which is somewhat fair, but not coupled with what came next), and during the kpi setting for the next year he said ‘we can’t change anything’. Next I quickly got burned out again, and during the next meeting with my manager and hr, the same conclusion was reached that nothing could be done and I need to learn to manage my time better…
How I made peace? I realised these ppl don’t care and the cycle will repeat if I don’t leave. Better to walk away than go through that repeatedly.
I quit my job as a school librarian when my state legislature came for us. They tried to pass legislation wherein a librarian can be charged with felony and misdemeanor obscenity all for the books that were in the collection.
That’s some Nazi shit.
I shifted gears and now teach alternative classroom high school students. Best decision ever.
I was so miserable that I was crying from stress at work and at home nonstop. I’d been working there 4 years. One day my mom sent me flowers at work to try and cheer me up. That actually made me realize how absurd it all was – I’d intended the job to be temporary when I started. How did I waste 4 years of my life there?!
It’s scary how hong long we’ll continue accepting abuse and known misery at the cost of risking the unknown.
It was exacactly 2 weeks before my birthday and as a birthday present TO MYSELF I put in my notice that day. My supervisor offered me a promotion (no raise, just more power to make others as miserable as I would continue being) & nearly begged me to stay. Absolutely not. 🤣
Was it reckless? Yes. I had zero job prospects lined up. What it still the best impulsive decision I ever made? Heck yeah. Thankfully I found a great job a month later (still there 10 years later)!
I got turned down for a lateral job move that I was easily the most qualified candidate for. The hiring manager discussed my disappointment in not getting the role openly with the rest of the team after the meeting telling me I didn’t get it – a complete breach in confidentiality. There was no recovery for that. I’d been unhappy for a few years, feeling stagnant and unsupported. Now I was humiliated on top of it. These were the nails in the coffin.
I left for a 25K pay cut, worked the new (but awful) job for 9 months, then landed a dream role at a dream company for a dream salary that openly supports and values me. I’m glad I was brave. It was hard and heartbreaking, but its turned out great in the end.
Boss declined to give me a raise for several years, despite me being his longest lasting employee, and paid below market salary. We were short staffed and I took on extra work for no more pay. We really needed to hire and so boss interviewed a man, younger and less experienced, for the same job I had held for years – and offered him 20% more than my salary. I gave my notice then. The man who was offered more money refused the job on principle, took a similar position at another firm nearby, then called me and suggested I join them. I did! My former boss was never able to hire the staff he needed and so the company closed down about a year after I left.
i was so stressed only 3 months in i called my old boss begging for a job like i was crawling back to an ex. it worked out but it made me realize money isn’t everything
When my boss called me “not dedicated” for taking a sick day, I knew I had to leave. It was scary, but staying felt worse. I quit without a plan — now I make less but live more.
When I got physical symptoms from the stress and the toxic situation. I had such back pain that I could no longer stand up straight. I confronted my boss at the time about the lack of appreciation and pulled the ripcord a few weeks later when nothing at all changed.
I struggled with myself for a long time afterwards and burned out. Now – 5 years later – I’m doing well and I’ve gained a lot of self-esteem as a result of the situation.
If it makes you ill (mentally or physically) you have to get out. You’re not doing yourself any favours with anything else.
I was waking up throwing up with anxiety every workday. Weekends were ruined because from the moment I woke up on Saturday morning, I was counting down to Monday. My sleep was horrific, I would toss and turn for hours before finally getting two hours. My skin- turns out my rosacea is triggered exclusively by stress.
I tried to rationalise it for two years and then they announced our bonuses were cut from 7.5 to 1%. Then they refused to give exemptions for remote work with two days RTO, and would become part of our performance goal to earn the bonus. I live three hours from the office, I had spent two years consistently commuting one day a week, leaving my house at 5am and not getting home until 9:30pm.
I attended every work onsite, every social outing, every office training session, client workshops. I am a strong performer, and I worked for them for two years remotely with COVID. Now I was being told I was refused because they couldn’t trust I was working while remote.
I handed in my notice a month and a half ago, have another month and a half to go. I’ve no job to go to, I just need out. My fear of walking away and the uncertainty is nothing compared to the first morning in two years where I woke up with a full 8 hours sleep with no nausea. My skin is clearing.
I grieve for the job, I know it might be tough, but it’s not worth my mental health and for the first time, I’m putting me first
I worked in an assisted living facility and one of the residents came up to me and asked me if I wanted some and it was during COVID she opened her mask to a shit ton of weed and it was when it was still pretty illegal. I’m like I’m out.
I was the GM of a restaurant and I had to BEG my fellow GM’s at other locations to send me a manager to cover me going to my grandfather’s funeral. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to attend until the day before.
My boss literally yelled at me on the phone when i was handling his small business all on my own and he was on vacation for the 3rd time in a year and I literally just left after that call.
I was working part time as a dishwasher. I was paid minimum wage and aside from dishwashing I was also supposed to help in the kitchen, help make takeaway orders and help waitressing. The team was amazing, I loved the chef and loved the waitresses but the boss was a massive asshole.
Almost a year in, he temporarily replaced our chef who was getting married in India and working with him was hell. He got super upset that when there’s nothing to do in the restaurant because there’s no customers and everything’s prepped/clean, we are surprise surprise not doing anything. So he scolded me for not being busy and told me that since all my job is done, I have to deep clean the freezer and the storage.
He had a history of forcing people to do things they were not hired to do (he forced my dishwashing buddy to tile the floor, paint the walls and do other manual construction work on top of dishwashing, for free, so he didn’t have to hire professionals) so I told him “if you want me to do extra work on top of my already extra duties, pay me extra”. He said that’s not how it works. I said it is now because I’m not a slave to work for free. He said “if this is about money, why didn’t you ask for a raise” – my brother in Christ I did, several times, and you told me you have no money despite owning the most expensive Indian restaurant in the city!!!
He said “oh well just do it, when your shift is over I want to see it cleaned”. I replied with “my shift is over now, I quit”, hanged my apron, clocked out and that was that 😂
I didn’t really care much about quitting because anyway I was gonna leave the country in 2 months so I just quit earlier. It did mean I’d have to return 800€ from my monthly student grant that was given to me as a part-time employed uni student – as I didn’t work one month, I wasn’t eligible for that month’s grant – but I could afford that and I’d rather lose the grant than endure the shithead any longer.
I was working an entry level position for way too long. Kids younger and less qualified than me got all the promotions. Then the boss wrote me up for calling out sick ONCE. Said my reason wasn’t good enough. This was after she said she wouldn’t be a reference for a part-time internship I wanted, so I just stopped showing up for work.
When I was having daily anxiety over interacting with my new manager. They would make mistakes and get mad when corrected, making same mistakes week after week after week, blocked me from working with the other folks I needed to work with, and an insecure micromanager. My boyfriend was concerned about me breaking down a few times a week and persuaded me she wasn’t worth it.
Started getting burnt out and canceling shifts, then had a 2 week sick leave and was just dreading to go back. I had been deciding about what to do and finally just did it and now I’m in a different field other than ABA.
The travel for my job increased from what I initially signed up for 1-2 times a week went to 2-3 times a week and we weren’t compensated for traveling after hours. Even when I was on PTO, I would get emails from my boss about discussing my travel for the following week. It finally hit me when I was getting pressured by my boss to travel during the second funeral I had taken a bereavement day off of work…2 months into the year… that I realized this was not it – I was just a pawn to move around to them and I accepted it for a number of years because I got to see the positive impact we made for patients at hospitals, but life is worth living outside of work. I quit with nothing lined up and took a solo vacation and was able to get some great offers – took one that has finally allowed me to have a work-life balance I never dreamed possible.
I did try to communicate to my boss/higher ups about the need for growth and development outside of the model they had and how it wasn’t sustainable… But they didn’t get it. There were some changes that were made but not enough for some of the others on my team so within the same year 5 other people left
Happier, lighter, & healthier ✨
Learning to have boundaries is a hard but necessary lesson 💖
Full honesty, not me but my wife, but I’ll tell because I don’t know she comes on here – it wasn’t super theatrical or anything, but I was so very proud of her 🙂
We met at a home center (think Home Depot) and she was working the front end as a head cashier. They had hired a new assistant office manager who was one of those purely awful, terrible, no-good, very bad people who made everyone’s life around her miserable, almost as a sport.
My wife (then gf obvi) was still in college (commuting), working almost fulltime hours, and her parents were just at the start of a crappy separation/divorce due to a years-long affair by her father. The new ASS. manager knew all these things, and probably can’t spell the word empathy, much less know it or offer it.
The AM’s last line was “I don’t really need your attitude today” and my wife said “You know what? I don’t need your shitty attitude ANY day” and instead of sliding her badge through the timeclock, she just set it on the desk, turned around, and walked out.
I got to be a little part of it because the AM confronted me a little later about it and I got to give her some choice words too.
It was very inspirational to see someone do something that seems so scary…but just have that moment of clarity knowing ‘this isn’t what I’m supposed to be doing with my life”
The peaceful and happy weekends and the stark contrast of my week days. I have compulsory behaviours and it feels like this job has been forced on me when my dad passed away. For context, I’m a third-generation carpenter so there’s some pride in that, but everyday my brain is just shut off and I’m going to the motions, doing what I’m told without feeling like this is who I am. Just a role I’m playing to please the people around me.
When I started collapsing at work, my body called quits before my mind did
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My boss had refused to officially promote me even though I had been serving in the role for literal years and she did not want me to step down from it. She just didn’t want to title me as it would have, I assume, necessitated a salary change. Then, after the company was audited by the Dept. of Labor, they had to make changes. In my “unofficial capacity” I was expected to sugarcoat the truth to my employees and tell them that the changes in benefits were an improvement when in fact, they were actually a significant reduction, especially for Paid Time Off. I was told it was my responsibility to sell this, and anyone who was smart enough to notice and complain could be reminded that benefits are a privilege, not a right. I was beyond incensed at the audacity.
The other little consequence stemming from the audit was that for a very brief period on time during the company’s policy transition, any employees that resigned would have to be reimbursed at 100% for all their accrued paid time off.. and I had a lot of it. So, the decision was easy for me. I was already burned out anyway.
at my last job my manager would make the deposit of everyone’s salary EXCEPT FOR MINE and claimed to have “forgotten about me” so id get it up to 1 week later. it happened 4 months in a row and mind you i was the one sending the paperwork to the bank
First job I committed to was at a Mexican restaurant. I told them I wanted two days in a row off. They refused because other workers weren’t competent so they apparently needed my days off to be days apart. I was pretty done after that.
A lot of things. Sometimes 3 12hr+ shifts in a 5 day week and being shouted at for not doing it right but once that point was reached as I woke up one morning and the first thing I did was to take a pain soother. I had injured my leg in an accident years ago and I had done so much in work that I was not able to leave my bed without medical help. I did that once and instead of work went to a doc. That’s when I was activley looking for another job. And I got one. My knee has gotten a bit better again
They didn’t want to let me work from home after maternity leave and gave complete bullshit reasons why I couldn’t. I just had to look at my son and do what was best for him. I never looked back
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I had approved PTO on the books for a family trip to flagstaff with my brother and his wife to see her family. I was pulled into an “urgent” case that “no one” could cover and I missed the trip. That trip is where they announced they were expecting their first child (and the first grand child for both families).
The next week, my coworker went on PTO and they asked ME TO COVER FOR HIM. He was an idiot and an asshole so it added insult to injury.
I was the top performer on the team, had excellent rapport with our customers and clients and was the go to person for auditor interaction. To be seen as someone not worthy of backup for PTO?! Fuck you, I’m out.
Had a new gig lined up within a month and management was PISSED I was actually leaving.
Didn’t even make it in to my first shift.
During college I applied for a waitressing job at a seafood restaurant I visited a lot. I had a good interview with the new (at the time) owner, who said he was making some changes and would invite me back to work when he was ready.
Three weeks later, I got the call back. I showed up and discovered what the changes were: they’d rebranded to a “breastaurant” (off-brand Hooters). He tried to hand me the uniform (what there was of it), but I didn’t take it. Just turned and walked away.
When my retail job constantly interrupted my personal life. It was rare that I wasn’t bothered on a day off as store manager. I finally reached my breaking point. I was so done that starting over somewhere else was less scary than staying.
I had been seeing the same therapist for 2 or 3 years, I had early appointments before work, and some times-I’m talking MAYBE once a quarter-it would run a little long and I’d end up being 5 or 10 minutes late to work. I made a habit of booking my appointments a month out, just scheduling the next one when I was finished with the current one.
We always had a non-official policy of just writing appointments down on a shared calendar just to let each other know if we needed to leave a little early or if we might be in a little late-it was a small business so we got to be very casual about it. In the 4ish years I had worked there, we had never had issues with this casual system.
I came to work one morning after my appointment-and it wasn’t even a morning where I was running late, I had arrived right when everyone else had-and went to write my next appointment down on the calendar. A few minutes later, our new office manager asked to speak to me. We were pretty close as far as coworkers go, so I didn’t think anything of it, until I sat down and there was definitely a vibe of “I’m in trouble” in the air. “Who approved this?” she said, pointing to the next appointment I had scribbled down for a month later. Of course I was super confused. She then went on to explain that it was now necessary to get “manager approval” for appointments. “It’s not even during work hours though?” I said. “Well, it could interfere with work hours so it needs approval.”
There is a laundry list of stupid and hateful shit that she and the OTHER new manager were guilty of, but that was the moment where I went “Yeah…fuck this place…”
I was quietly removed from a position, because I blew up at someone at work. I admitted I was wrong, however the person in question I continually had problems with and no matter how much I complained, I was placed with her. (I’m a teacher, this is a TA). I was told to deal with it since “It’s just how she is” and “other rooms need more help than you”. The real last straw was getting an email about my class art. On a sick day. That was super nitpicky. I was done.
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My old workplace had a ventilation issue that made me sick. It was the worst I’d ever felt, was sick for 3 weeks with a “cold” that just kept getting worse.
I wasn’t paid and on top of it all, my first day back he asked me if I “planned on getting sick any time soon” because my work was behind and they were short staffed. I graduated top of my class in college and I had a serious heart to heart about what I wouldn’t settle for.
When they decided to charge people for collections that didn’t happen.
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I was a journo who wrote directly for an audience that tends to get inflammatory. On top of this, our quota was a minimum of four articles per DAY. I was really burnt out and started to get a really scary spell of hate mail for an article I was pressured into writing, so I scheduled a meeting with my boss as a final straw moment. I figured, if they had anything good to say, I’d give it more of a shot. Instead they placed all the blame entirely on me, and that as a white queer person they understood what it was like getting hate on the internet…never mind that me and more than half of the staff were people of color getting a very different kind of hate. So immediately after that call ended, I sent my letter of resignation lol. It was scary but it beat getting death threats, plus I had some money saved up so I was able to float until my next job.
I was over the attitude and babysitting. There was always so much work to do because he was super old school. I’m talking about printing letters so he can correct them and then continue reprinting until they were finalized. He’d seriously have me prepare letters with one sentence and it would take like 15 minutes going back and forth with him. He would get flustered if things weren’t done quickly even though his system was inefficient. He asked me to remind him of deadlines…..every 2 days. Deadlines would be on HIS calendar yet it was in me to remind him. So I’d email the reminder. Nope. I had to give reminders verbally in the mornings. Things would get set aside because he’d tell me to focus on something else but then he’d get mad things weren’t done. Like dude….there’s not enough time!
So one day we got hit with some fires in the area. I left the area for a couple of weeks. It was a blissful couple of weeks. I went back to work and was met with the same attitude….at that point I knew I was done. I don’t feel like leaving work to deal with someone’s shitty attitude. Then my grandma got sick and I tended to her…I NEVER went back. I sent a text and never went back. No two weeks notice. No heads up. Nothing. I just went numb. Now I randomly think how happier I am not needing to deal with that. Losing the income has hit a bit but I have zero regrets.
There were a lot of those moments over time. I knew I was going to quit but was trying to be strategic about it, until one Blue Moon (literally) I said ‘fuck it’ and put in my 2 weeks the day after. I had enough safety nets but it was still scary to do.
My old job was quite stressful and fast-paced, and I had a boss who would yell at me for pretty much any minor mistake (or even for other people’s mistakes), and the HR was just one person who would escalate any minor thing (it was a small company).
But tbh when I worked there I had kind of normalized it in my head and would stay positive and try to find the good parts. Until they hired more coworkers who would spend every break whining about the company so much that I couldn’t take it anymore, it was one of the few times at work where I could be calm and breathe a little and even that was taken away from me. Somehow that was what broke me and pushed me to apply to other places.
I had a job as an office assistant, when I interviewed I told the owner my child was getting married later in the year and we already had the week booked, I was told it wouldn’t be a problem. When I came back I got called into the office and was handed a blue discipline memo for being gone during an important trial. It took me 6 more months of listening to the owner talk about and belittle me and others to the office manager before I left for a better job.
Was told they didn’t want to give me the title boost because they didn’t want me to “hit a ceiling” in terms of promotional options, promised a bigger raise the next year… then implemented a wage cap for my position that would only allow me a raise that was half of the raise I was given before.
Leaving by the end of the year once I get my ducks in a row and will be requesting an exit interview to put them on blast.
i was 36 weeks pregnant and my boss up until that point, was pushing me beyond a pregnant lady’s limits. her and her husband have been trying to have kids for years and took it out on the pregnant women in her life. apparently she bullied the last pregnant coworker so bad she left as well. they knew i was going on maternity leave but i ended up going early and never came back.
she ended up being forced to quit because of the way she was handling a trans manager with mental health issues.
When I called out for the first time because I had violent diarrhea and my manager made me spend $100 getting a doctors note at urgent care. Only for me to ask why I needed to do that when I came in the next day and he said “oh it’s not like a written rule or anything, it’s just the norm.” Okay fuck you this is an Outback Steakhouse
I started becoming short-tempered and irritable… any minor issue could set me off. I also stopped putting in the same effort, letting certain things slide because we were so short-staffed, and I just didn’t care anymore. Around that time, my mom’s health was declining, which added to the pressure I was feeling. I began looking for other opportunities within the organization, went on a few internal interviews, and used up all my accrued vacation time leading up to my last day.
When I called my therapist from the parking lot on lunch and was telling her I was having thoughts of unaliving myself and I couldn’t sleep at night.
She had me go on short term disability that afternoon for two weeks.
When I went back it was the same as it was before. That night I told my husband I couldn’t do it anymore. I put in my resignation that weekend. Had no plan or anything. Three months later I landed a job making much more money and I work from home
The kicker, I worked for a “luxury” jewelry company before. I didn’t make enough to pay my bills, or deal with the stress let alone buy any of the product I made. Might as well have been a sweat shop.
I just wasn’t happy and it was really affecting my health and mental health… no money was worth that.
I work in sports.
my last job (I was only in for 4 months) had nothing good. absolutely nothing. a small office, an office clique, micromanagey management to the core, and stretched me so far and thin. I knew I needed to quit immediately. applied to a dream job in January, got the job in March, and never looked back. been here a month now and could not be any happier!