My social anixety really only flairs up when it comes to talking with or near people I find attractive and I make myself small and overthink the whole situation. For those of you who used to struggle with this and overcame your fear, what did you do or what happened that finally overcame the hurdle of talking, approaching, or making the first move with women?
What was your turning point when it came to confidence in dating?
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My social anixety really only flairs up when it comes to talking with or near people I find attractive and I make myself small and overthink the whole situation. For those of you who used to struggle with this and overcame your fear, what did you do or what happened that finally overcame the hurdle of talking, approaching, or making the first move with women?
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I learned to be alone with myself and my thoughts without the need to be entertained or distracted.
Once I was comfortable on my own, I stopped putting so much pressure into dating because I knew that if a date was not going well I could just go home and be fine.
“Never be so thirsty that you drink anything that is handed to you. That’s how people get poisoned.”
My turning point was when I figured out. No matter what you do in life, you are going to come across a situation outside of your comfort zone. But most of the time, what do you really lose.
I applied the same philosophy to women and dating. She may be very attractive, but so what, I’d like to get to know her, have fun, and see where the wind takes it. If I get rejected or make a fool of myself, it’s really not a big deal. I just move on and keep smiling.
Women are just human.
They can be wrong, they can be bad, they can make mistakes, they can have bad ethics. They are not better or worse than me, we are all just human with human flaws.
My turning point was merely getting enough social and dating experience that I lost any reason to not be confident. Experience beats anything else. You have to try and fail until you start winning – or at least losing that anxiety or fear.
Get off the apps. Get accounts on Meetup, Eventbrite, and Instagram, and start going to social events and singles mixers. Major cities usually have a bunch of things going on most nights so you have little reason not to get out and get experience. Find social clubs that have regularly occurring events with a decent turnout and gender balance. Journal about your experiences, write down what you did well and what you could improve on, reflect on it, then get out there and try again. Given enough time, the anxiety fades and gets replaced with knowing what to expect and having your own way to deal with different situations.
My life really turned around when I put in the effort to do those things I mentioned. I became highly confident and have had a ton of great experiences that I really could have had in my 20s if I hadn’t spent so many years being a loner.
I’m 33. Just like you and haven’t gotten over that fear. Don’t really want to. I just don’t approach women at all and just keep to myself. I prefer it like this. Much more peaceful and stress free.
Once you fail enough you start not to care anymore and that’s where confidence starts building up
My bu5g turn around was finding out the woman who supportively my girlfriend was having sex with another guy and having an online affair with a 3rd guy.
After that, I just didn’t care about trying to have a relationship or impressing anyone. I was just me, tske it or leave it , I don’t give a damn.
Suddenly, women were throwing themselves at me.
It’s a numbers game… they’re not interested ?… Embrace the rejection… NEXT ! Rinse Repeat.
That I’m not a scumbag and I genuinely gave everything to my ex wife. I just learned a lot after therapy and talking to friends and I feel so much better about myself. My ex wife neglected me for so long and I kept convincing myself if I gave her more and more grace she would see how much I genuinely loved her and love me back.
She initiated the divorce and it broke me because I felt like a failure but therapy helped me see that I’m a good man and that I just need to learn more about myself and after filling the holes she left with interests I didn’t know own I had I feel like a million dollars now.
I’m just trying to adapt back into the dating world so I don’t act like a creep. I’ll be talking about this to my therapist soon.
Small, consistent steps to improve my confidence and social skills. Charisma on Command on YouTube might be useful.
Women are just people. So far you’ve treated only men and unattractive women as people. Looks don’t even tell you about her personality very much, she could be the hottest unhygienic asshole in town. You don’t need to prove your worth, you need to find someone who likes the true you.
I just jumped back in. Started the online dating and was myself. Had a few that didn’t like me for me, and it was fine. I was and still am content at the prospect of being single.
The mantra of work on yourself is true. I started attending a support group and swing dance lessons. The latter was something my ex wasn’t interested in. Gave me the confidence to interact with people.
I ended up meeting a wonderful woman a few months later, and we’ve been together since August. We have seen and supported each other at our worst, and have enjoyed our time together, going on many adventures in our relationship.
I didn’t
I’d given my all yet still had 2 failed marriages (1 really bad choice & the other was just to used to being 100% boss of her world, marriage just wasn’t for her). I guess I decided to not overthink things anymore & just do my best being just who I am. This somehow took all the pressure off & really made a big difference