What were the words that impacted your life the most? And who told them to you?
What were the words that impacted your life the most? And who told them to you?
r/AskWomen
What were the words that impacted your life the most? And who told them to you?
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“You know if you’re overweight if your belly hangs over your pants, then you need to exercise more and eat less.” eyes my belly
Dad to me, age 8
“You are not bright enough to understand the concepts of earth science.”
My ninth grade earth science teacher.
My dad after I left a very toxic relationship and moved in with him: “I’m your last shot. If you don’t succeed here, you’ll never be anything”
I knew in that moment I had to get out. I moved out a few days later, moved into my grandparents house 5 hours away and my god, did I succeed. I lost nearly 100 lbs, got a bachelors degree in biochem, met and married the most incredible man who respects and loves me more than I could ever have hoped, I’ve traveled the world, I have a very successful career, I have a happy and peaceful home and NONE of that is because of him. I built a life of success out of spite.
You can’t change people – my grandma.
“You’re so replaceable. You’re nothing but a p*ssy and a mouth.” Currently with a man that loves me so much and sometimes those words still ring in the back of my mind. I don’t think they’ll ever go away but they’re easier to forget now
I don’t know if these are the words that have the most but it’s a great story and a weird example and I rarely get to tell it.
I was in my late twenties and super casually sleeping with a man much older. It was all on the up and up and actually very healthy. Good communication and expectations and lots of fun. We did this off and on for a couple of years.
Maybe about 6 months in we are laying there afterwards and he says he has to confess something which obviously makes me panic. He confesses he doesn’t remember my name. I laugh because there was a real possibility I gave him my fake name (there’s background that he knew so he also laughed about this. I’m leaving out a huge part of the story to save time. Trust me. The fake name wasn’t weird lol) but I also tell him I don’t know his. He’s in my phone as a very stupid nickname. He gets a little weirded out especially because I’m laughing about the nickname. In my mind, I’m laughing about it because it’s a silly inside joke with a friend that, if anything, is embarrassing for me. But he doesn’t know this and asks what the nickname is. I realize I presented this in a horrible way and he took it the wrong way because of this so I go to explain but he immediately stops me. Within a split second I saw his face completely change and he apologized and said that he trusted me and obviously I wouldn’t make fun of him or be cruel so he didn’t care about the nickname.
I think about this once a week. If I trust someone then I should trust their intentions even if they aren’t clear. I shouldn’t assume someone has bad intentions if I know they respect me. Sometimes people I’m cool with say or do something that seems suspect to me but I stop and ask myself if I’m assuming the worst about someone who has never given me a real reason to.
“Pull the wagon” – my dad. Idk what it means exactly but basically don’t half ass work, responsibilities, or self care. because it will come back to bite you in the butt.
“You’ll never be a great mother” My ex, I will admit we shared a few hurtful things out of anger but that one stuck.
I don’t know about the most, but there are things I’ve been told that have affected me deeply and will never forget. Few good ones, but mostly bad ones.
For example, my grandma and aunts would regularly tell me “Stop biting your fingernails. It’s disgusting and no man is gonna want to ever hold your hand with your frog fingers” Anytime a man holds my hand for the first time, or plays with my hand or fingers, I get anxious that they’ll yank their hand away from mine in disgust. I keep myself from biting them by having my nails always done with dip powder so my fingernails are long (almond shape and size so nothing crazy) and my fingertips no longer have that round shape that they get when people bite them.
I know what they said wasn’t true, and I can calm myself down when I get tense because a guy started holding my hand, but it sucks that I can’t seem to forget them.
Another example is from The Art of Not Giving a Fuck. I can’t quite recall the exact words, but the gist was “if you were to die right now, how would you feel about the fact that you spent so much of your time and energy being angry or upset about something work related?” This helped me a lot with how to deal with work stress because it was literally making me sick. So now whenever something or someone is pissing me off, I reminded myself of it, and try to let go of those feelings of anger and frustration.
“Be confident in yourself, trust your instincts, and don’t let anyone intimidate you” – My Mom
When you do the right thing for yourself, it is inherently the right thing for everyone else.
-bestie
Prior to quitting a previous job I had a discussion with a trusted coworker and he told me “They will never pay you what you’re worth. You’re worth your weight in gold [paused for a second]. Actually you’re worth a lot more than that. You’re pretty tiny”.
He also told me that I shouldn’t stay in a job because I think it’s what someone else (my family) wants me to do. They would want me to be happy and pursue an opportunity that will let me reach my full potential.
During that conversation he gave me the motivation and reassurance I needed to quit that job. Me quitting wasn’t in his best interest but he knew it was in mine and it by far is one of the best decisions I made to further my career in a heavily male dominated industry. I reflect on that conversation often – it is a reminder for me to know my worth and never settle for less simply because someone else thinks I should
you deserve to be happy.
ive had this told to me two separate times from two separate people and both times it has hit different. i cried at both though… men that care for me i take to heart immensely.
Don’t sell yourself short.