As someone who is very pessimistic about what’s left out there in the dating pool, I’m worried that the best years of all that are possibly just gone. It’s hard to imagine sharing an appetizer with some of these dudes, let alone my bed. In your 30s/40s when can you honestly say your greatest sex life was?
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34F here. The sex I’m having now, with my bf of 2 years.
What makes it so: we just click on every level. He’s not only my boyfriend but one of my best friends. We challenge each other intellectually. We support each other emotionally. We communicate well. In the bedroom, that translates to (A) great compatibility, (B) tons of trust, (C) tons of fun, and (D) really great sex that is always some combination of adjectives—hot, sexy, goofy, giggly, passionate, etc.
Sex improve with time! People in their 30s and up know how to behave, know what they like, aren’t as anxious.
There is an entire subset of the population (incl. men who have casual sex) who master consent, fun, putting people at ease and having a nice time.
When it comes to men: they will smoothly make you both talk and discuss your preferences, wants, fears. They will bring condoms AND lubes, and cleanup for whatever is needed. They will keep it a no or low alcohol (!!!). They hear your preferences and make them work. They keep communicating smoothly throughout and putting the woman in charge where needed/best.
> It’s hard to imagine sharing an appetizer with some of these dudes
Random guys who still only go by 3-5 emotions like happy, sad, angry, or who push you to drink. The guys who can’t tip their hips. The guys who prefer not to talk about sex and “see what happens” should 100% be avoided. Especially for casual.
I’m 44yrs old, 5yrs celibate, dry as a bone, lol.
since my awareness of spiritual attachments & the soul snatchers, with my spiritual purity I’m not sharing with myself with just anyone.
Sex is love to me, 🤷🏼♀️
always thought i didn’t like sex.
turned out i didn’t like sex with my exes, and the core reason was because of penis size/girth. it’s true, unfortunately, that size indeed matters.
i’m so obsessed with my bf as a person, and when i say that, i mean his entire person. sex with previous partners hurt more than it felt good because i likely wasn’t fully aroused, and now (TMI) i have that ‘full’ feeling and it’s so SO nice. helps that i respect my bf too, while i never truly did my exes. it’s a combination of physical and mental/emotional.
34f here. I’m currently having the best sex of my life with my partner (we’ve been together over a year now). It’s honestly insane. I’ve never so consistently had so many clitoral and vaginal orgasms in my life. On the rare occasion I don’t orgasm, the sex is still incredible. I put it down to being more confident in my 30s and feeling safe and sexy with my partner. Also helps to have a great partner! Sex with him is hot, sexy, fun, goofy. We feel free and safe to do what feels good and it feels so incredibly intimate. I’ve been lucky to have a lot of good sex before my current partner, but nothing has been quite this good and intense. I’ve definitely had better sex in my 30s than I did in my 20s!
The ones that spring to mind (all my 30s) involved a level of tension that built up over time. In the case of what was probably my favorite, it was multiple years worth that, when we finally got to act on it, was absolutely mind-blowing. It was passionate and intense and fun and comfortable, well worth the wait.
The most recent dude I was (am?) seeing is another fav, but harder to put my finger on what’s so great. It’s different every time, but he consistently prioritizes my pleasure and just seems to know his way around my body.
It’s funny looking back, I thought my first love and high school sweetheart was the pinnacle. Never been happier to be wrong lol
My first love. I was young so sex was fun and the insecurities I have now were barely there.
Sex in my late 30’s has been soooo much better. They show up much more as men and they have moves and are respectful.
37F here still wondering what the fuss is all about. I’ve been with tons of men and all my past boyfriends it always felt like a chore and I could never orgasm. I can do it myself but not with another person. But I guess the past few boyfriends I’ve had I wasn’t sexually attracted to. But they were nice and I gave them a chance and hoped it would grow over time. It didn’t. The other guys just used me. The ones I’m attracted to are taken or just aren’t interested in me.
I’ve had pieces of cake that were more satisfying.
It’s so sad I might miss out on this part of life that seems so amazing.
37F, late bloomer, self-identify under the asexual spectrum and last year I had the best sex of my life. LOL
I know it seems like a contradiction but I went through the same kind of thoughts and decided I didn’t want to be 50 and look back at my 37 y/o self and thought I should’ve could’ve tried to enjoy my 30s (or any age for that matter).
I’ve been in therapy trying to figure out how to connect with that side of me and last year I went through an exploration of all the things I was curious about, without judging myself and woah! Once I gained clarity on the things I wanted to explore and how I wanted to do it, I met someone who was very open about wanting the same and even though it was something very casual, I saw this as my opportunity to let go of any inhibitions and the chemistry was SO good!
Las time we met I had the best O of my life. There was a moment where no words were needed, we just looked at each other in the eyes as I was giggling cause I had never felt like the whole universe was exploding within myself. I looked at ourselves in the reflection nearby and I saw that woman (myself) was happy and looked super hot.
That night I went back home and I was telling my sister about it when I started crying my heart out cause I realized I had helped my inner teen heal by giving her what she had wanted to feel but thought she was never going to get. And I felt my older self was proud of me, and us. I don’t know. It was really powerful but I think it was mostly because I was putting myself first.
Honestly, with my current partner. We’re both finally old enough and have enough experience to know what to do and be decent at it. It’s so much better than when I was younger.
The best sex I’ve had has been in my 30s. Older guys know what to do and ask what I want and they last way longer 🤷♀️
I was 34 and I met him on the train. He was so fit and his dick was big (length and girth, definitely above average but not painfully so…until he hit my cervix in doggy 😅), he changed the way I saw sex and felt about penis size. Before him I thought penis size didn’t matter, even though when I lost my virginity it was to a guy with a big dick and I came even though he didn’t go down on me, I was naive still. I experienced average penises after (a micropenis, we didn’t have intercourse, I don’t think he could have if he tried) and I never came vaginally until I happened upon another big dick. Unfortunately, big dicks are very few and far between but they are the only way I can have vaginal orgasms, even multiple orgasms.
I had multiple orgasms for the first time with the train guy and even felt like I was flying through outer space on his dick. I felt electric shocks emanating from my scalp to the rest of my body, the feeling of goosebumps/chills. It’s a high I wish to chase ever since…but, sadly again, big dicks are in very low supply.
I really think the reason why so many women report not having vaginal orgasms is because the average penis size is too small to induce them. The clitoris is a larger structure that has legs that wrap around the vaginal opening, a thick dick especially can stimulate those legs internally; hence my vaginal orgasms without outer clit stimulation. I wish I could find a good, kind, looks-matched man with a big dick who I could explore sex with, especially tantric sex, in a loving committed relationship 🙏😮💨😑😢.
I’m currently having the best sex of my life in my mid-30s with my husband. It’s taken us both time and communication to get to where we are now. Prior to marriage, the better times were always with people that I was able to communicate well with- who didn’t get offended when I expressed what I liked/didn’t like and were open to feedback- and I was just as open too.
Who: My husband
When: From when we met, to now. 16 years having the best sex of my life. I had 9 partners before him, some were long term relationships, some were hookups. Not one of them made me feel the things him and his hands made me feel.
Are you busy right now?
Fairly recently. He’d make me finish in 3/4 times before we even started and when he’s start he’d go and go. He’d talk to me, all of these sexy things, funny things, and then he’d stop and eat it and then start again. I was delirious. Too bad he was racist though. Had to cut that off quick quick.
I feel like when I was younger from my teens to my 20’s in my 30’s it’s not really a focus of mine
I think after 29. But older me just doesn’t stick around for bad sex. I had one bad experience. He was selfish, had lots of insecurities and his penis was very small -and he really sucked at oral. That was a one and done. I can’t be bothered with that, I’m not desperate for companionship
Both were narcissistic and basically evil people… but god the sex was nothing else. Both on a technical level (clearly very invested in making it feel good for me and knew how to do that) AND almost naturally knew the exact type of dynamic/role I find the hottest. And I’m sure the high of getting so much of their undivided attention and validation during sex in contrast to the ways they treated me outside of it had something to do with it too.
This says faaaaar more about me than it does about men on a whole though!!! lmao
The rest of the sex I’ve had has been okay at best. It seems to be far more centred around their pleasure than mine. I’ve had long term partners seem to almost resent having to go down on me or finger me?
It is my mission in my 30s to find someone who is truely invested in my sexual pleasure and who can do the kinks I enjoy in the bedroom WITHOUT sacrificing being treated well otherwise. This allegedly exists but suspect it’s rare. Fingers crossed !!
Guy I was dating, he was looking for love and a relationship, while I was just getting my feet wet in the dating pool, 5 months after a decade long relationship. He was also from out of town and was only here for a few months.
We did all the regular dating stuff, he was a nice romantic guy and it kinda felt like high school dating in the beginning. We built tension until finally, after a few dates, he made the move. He was really good at foreplay and building sexual tension, and he was big, like 6.5” with good girth. I still remember this, we were in bed naked and making out and his fully erect penis was running up and down my clit, and everything was wet.. then it slid down and in and it was truly amazing. His size and shape felt just right and when he was about to cum I could feel the head swell up inside of me and I almost came with him just from the penetration. Absolutely amazing. I couldn’t get enough of this guy and I still think about it.
And he was also the second guy I’ve ever been with, I’ve been with more guys after.. but no one came close to how he made me feel. He could also get it up like 15 min after cumming too, which was mind blowing. I also haven’t met another guy who could do that.
I hope this isn’t too graphic for the sub!
Easily my fiancé. Met him when I turned 30 and he was 40. We’ve been together for 4 years now. He’s my 4th serious relationship and I’ve had plenty of hook ups before. He’s hands down the best man I’ve been with both sexually and relationship wise. Maybe that’s why it’s amazing also.
I’ve had so many great sexual experiences after 30. I had great sex with my now ex husband. It was beautiful and I learned a lot about my body.
Now that I’m single again, I’ve had some really lovely casual encounters. I’ve discovered my body can do things I didn’t realize and I know exactly what I like. I’ve also discovered an enjoyment of younger men, which has been surprisingly better than I expected.
The things that made certain experiences so wonderful were conversations prior about what we both enjoy, hard limits, and enthusiastic consent.
34f here… I left a 7 year relationship with great sex at 31
..spent the next year enjoying a better sex life and trying new things…like bisexual orgys at the swinger’s club.
My best and favorite encounter was at 31 with a 48 yr old man. First guy I met after my ex…2 weeks post breakup 😬. I know fast… but I had a blast with him, even though it was short-lived. I’m not sure what it was… my cycle? A few drinks? Newly single after a toxic relationship? Chemistry? Desire for male validation?
It was electric with a gravitational pull. I felt it from afar when I first caught sight of him before asking him to dance. He said he felt it too (i want to believe that, but I’m skeptical) Our sex was on fire. We vibed well and had good conversation where we were open about other sexual encounters.
The ending kinda sucks, I have some lessons learned. I reached out to him a few months ago and we caught up, but we’re in different stages of our lives. We talk about meeting up one day (we’ll see) and had phone sex (((oppeee)))
I was not ready for anything then…and have been single 2.5 years. 1.5 yrs.of.abstinence, but I have no doubt I’ll still have great sex when I’m ready again. So far, my 30s have been my favorite.
It was more fun when I cared less, now I’m nervous to sleep with anyone…cuz..cooties and heightened avoidant tendencies…and..and lessons learned.
I’ve had many great sex partners throughout my life. I can’t really say who was “best” but I can say some were especially mind blowing, each in their own unique ways. Age has not been a factor in that at all. I’ve even had sex partners like that in my 50s, FWIW.
I was married for most of my 30s and 40s and began dating again in my later 40s. I do remember moments when I was hoping to find connection but just not feeling chemistry with anyone. I know that can be frustrating. It can take time to find that sometimes.
Honestly with my current partner. I’m 31, he’s 36. We met two years ago on a tinder date. Every time we have sex it just gets better. We know exactly how to read each other. We both like to make the other person feel good. Neither of us care if there’s an orgasm, just being together and enjoying each other.
My ex. My first love at 38. He was so emotionally expressive and I never tasted that before. So sex with a real bond and connection superseded anyone else.
My current partner is the best sex of my life! I am 35 he is 36, for me there are several reasons why, objectively he is the most attractive guy I’ve ever been with, gorgeous tomed gym body, face, interesting look, and he’s hung like an actual horse (length and girth) so of course my lust levels are through the roof so that helps! He’s an experienced lover but he also keeps teaching himself new things (I.e. I said I could squirt but he couldn’t figure it out he went away and watched a bunch of videos and came back and made me do it 😂) he listens to what I like and want. He practices edging so can go for hours without finishing so he focuses on me a lot, we will have several sessions back to back over the weekend without him finishing but when he finally does it’s amazing. Idk I’ve hit the fucking jackpot, sex in my 30s is way better than my 20s!
The best sex I ever had started in my 30s and hasn’t ended. Every single man I’ve been intimate with has been amazing.
Honestly though, I think the change had more to do with me than it did with the men. I stopped criticizing my body, started to really see myself as hot, sexy and sultry when I wanted to be, and took responsibility for my own pleasure. I quickly found men responded VERY well to all of this and every year that goes by, I become more authentically me and the sex and the relationships improve as well.
My current partner is hands down the best. I’ve always been interested in exploring kinks but didn’t quite find someone who was willing to explore it with me in the way I wanted. We have been engaging in a dom/sub relationship lately and it’s hot AF.
I also really enjoy mutual masturbation. I get so freaking turned on watching him being turned on. And knowing he’s turned on because of me makes it even hotter. I’m also not afraid to tell him anything I’m thinking or things I do to myself when he’s not around.
We also laugh a lot. We can go from super hot and sexy to laughing our asses off in seconds and it’s lovely.
Your attitude and perspective plays a significant role in your experiences and outcomes. This is what I wanted and I worked hard to make sure I was ready for it.
If you find that you’re not satisfied with your relationships or experiences, then maybe you need to do some self reflection and take some ownership of your role in that.
Good luck!
From 26-38, one man. The year prior was getting to know our bodies until we get it right.
I have mind-shattering orgasms when he does oral, which are actually stronger than with my best vibrator.
I’m 36 and my current partner is 53. Wow he is the best sex I’ve ever had and also the love of my life! I’ve never been attracted to older men but we had a friendship first, have such a deep connection and I’m happy I gave him a chance.
I was single and celibate for 11 years before him as I went completely off men after the trauma I suffered from my last relationship. I intended to spend the rest of my life alone, so honesty its not too late.