What would be reasons you would or wouldn’t consider dating someone in law enforcement?
What would be reasons you would or wouldn’t consider dating someone in law enforcement?
r/AskWomen
What would be reasons you would or wouldn’t consider dating someone in law enforcement?
Comments
Not knowing if they’ll come home alive :(.
The idea of sleeping next to someone who could be covering for some of the horrible things we’ve seen going on makes me feel ill. If you have one bad cop and 9 stay silent/cover it up you have 10 bad cops.
Estimates range from 20% to 40% of law enforcement families experiencing domestic violence, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
If you face domestic violence, there is no where to go. The dude could murder the wife any day and face no prosecution.
I won’t date anyone who carries a gun for work or recreationally.
I also know too many statistics about DV from law enforcement agencies. No thank you.
Police need major ethics reform, and they don’t seem to want to do it, and that is from police unions not just the higher ups. If as a collective he and his colleagues are defending the status quo then we have widely different values.
This goes for any profession but he might value his job over his relationships/family. Cops have a uniform mindset and degree of loyalty to each other that could get in the way of a healthy relationship.
I don’t think we’d be on the same page politically. That is absolutely an assumption. I’m not comfortable around guns, and wouldn’t want to be with someone who handles one for a living.
Also in general, their shifts and work schedule wouldn’t align with me.
You’re a cop so this feels like a loaded question, but I’ll bite. I wouldn’t date anyone in any law enforcement position under any circumstances, and no amount of “Not all cops,” nonsense would sway me.
I have zero concern about whether they’ll come home at night because frankly, being a police officer is not a very dangerous job. I’d be much more scared if my husband were a fisherman, an underwater welder, truck driver or a window washer than if he was a cop. The average police officer is not in any more danger than the average person on a day to day basis, but it doesn’t stop them from posting their thin blue line flags and Facebook inspo quotes about being the last line of defense.
Being in that line of work isn’t something you stumble into the way a person gets into “sales” or some other generic field. It’s a conscious decision that often comes with a sense of superiority and a belief that you are somehow a defender of peace and arbiter of what is good. I couldn’t imagine spending my days messing up someone’s life over a gram of weed, or a mouthy response after being pulled over. The job almost requires a person to view people in the world as adversaries, and that feels like a stressful way to live.
In my experience, based on the people I grew up with, cops are argumentative and confrontational people in search of the authority to exercise it. That’s without getting into the epidemic of DV by police officers and the coordinated efforts to relocate bad cops into new communities rather than facing actual consequences for their actions.
I’m sure most police would say that they just want to protect and serve. As long as it’s not in Uvalde while a bunch of schoolchildren are getting massacred. In those cases, they’ll just hang back and threaten the parents because the Punisher decal and We the People window screen on your pick up are just there so they can cosplay as superheroes.
i am a female in law enforcement. i have seen many many many times officers sleeping around with other officers within their department or within a neighboring department. “they just understand what i’m going through better because they work the job” is a common excuse.
also the way they can treat you the same way they treat people they “deal” with at work. play mind games, be overly authoritative, maybe even aggressive which aren’t qualities you should present to your partner.
there’s also the chance of your partner not coming home from shift, which is a very real thing to be worried about. and there’s the emotional turmoil the job takes on you over the years.
one other thing is the number of events they might have to miss due to work. this isn’t a job you can easily ask for time off or just call out whenever. they will miss a lot of important moments
my dad retired from the PD after 30 years and did all the above. cheating on my mom, played “depressed” as an out, HATED going out in public on days off, worked many nights and missed a lot of milestones of his children.
now my fiance is also a cop and he is my most favorite person in world. he is humble, kind, knowledgeable, would take the shirt off his back for anyone. it really depends on the cop , where they work, for how long and truly their moral compass. hope this helps 🙂
ACAB 🤷♀️
law enforcement and military are two of my hard NOs along with wanting kids. 40%, stay the HELL away from me. when my best friend’s fiance finally gave up on trying to get into the police academy I almost threw a party.
Massive domestic violence rate. Incompatible morals and ethics.
Apparently.
Cops are more likely to commit violence on their partners. They are also more likely to cheat on their partners from what I’ve read.
They also work a lot, long hours, overnight shifts, and dont actually spend much time with their families.
They’re more likely to become depressed over time due to their jobs and end up not having great mental health.
Their divorce rates are generally higher than any other profession.
So I personally wouldn’t have a relationship with one.
I wouldn’t date anyone in any profession where every day I’m wondering if this is the last time we will kiss each other goodbye. I had enough anxiety simply being with a musician who’d travel to and from pubs for late-night gigs, knowing the rate of vehicular deaths at 1-4 AM in my locality.
First responders who are consistently in high risk situations? With HOW many Australian cops of late are being killed from stabbing/shootings? Military deployment where their entire career is based around “kill or be killed”? Jockeys or F1 drivers, where one false move and you’re the next Ayrton Senna? No.
My nervous system absolutely wants to stay now with a dating sphere involving jobs that don’t involve potentially finding out they’re dead because of it.
Higher cases of divorce. Higher cases of domestic abuse. I mean seriously if he is a cop and he gets rough and I need help who am I going to call for help? I wouldn’t trust his work friends. I want kids. Women are more likely to die while pregnant at the hand of their partner. If he gets violent and I have to escape I don’t want to sleep with an eye open thinking other cops are going to help him track me down. Also I need someone who is going to be home at night. Like I said I want kids I don’t want to feel like a single parent while not being single. Which is also the reason I won’t date firemen, military, doctors and other such careers. And I don’t want to be constantly worried or stressed out that something happens and they got shot or stabbed on the job. My mental health just couldn’t deal with it.
Usually they end up either being cheaters or domestic violence issues from what I hear
Growing up my grandpa was police chief of a smaller suburban town in our area. He was great at what he did but he did use his power and authority to his advantage. He also had an affair and ended up marrying his AP and leaving my grandma behind to raise two young children in the 70s. The affairs didn’t stop and right after his death I found out I have an uncle who is only a year older than me. I’ve heard too many stories from other families that I’d rather not waste my time. Also police around here tend to be conservatives so that’s a no go!
I won’t say never but it’s incredibly unlikely that I would.
I have had too many instances of bad, immoral or outright illegal behavior from law enforcement I’ve been in contact with.
I’m a middle aged white woman and the egregiousness of the behavior and the fact that other officers won’t do anything about it makes me incredibly leery.
On top of that it infuriates me that my tax dollars have to be used to pay for their rising liability rates and judgements to victims and no one will stop them.
I’m divorcing a lawyer/prosecutor, of which I have a restraining order on for domestic violence. Word of advice, don’t marry a lawyer…