My boyfriend 22M and I 21F have been dating for 4 years now. My boyfriend likes to pretend to be a white woman online named “Abby”. ( he’s black) At first I thought nothing of it thinking it was a phase, but as time went on that wasn’t the case. He says he sees himself 30/40 years down the line still acting as this “Abby” person he’s created online. But that’s not even the tip of the iceberg, when he’s not being “Abby” he still portrays this feminine act. Wearing my clothes such as my cropped hoodies, shirts and lingerie ( YES MY PINK LINGERIE) and will even shop in the woman’s section whenever we would go out. I feel guilty and shitty because it’s starting to make me become less and less attracted to him. Am I the asshole? Thoughts?
What would you do?
r/Advice
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Serial killer vibes…
she’s so mecore
Honestly just talk about it. He might like drag, he might have some suppressed trauma, he might want to kill you jk. He’s your boy friend just talk to him.
Nope that’s not on you. This is some mental disorder I believe.
Easy answer is just break up and move on unless you want to deal with this online abby further down the road. I can see this online abby catfishing people in the future and who knows what kind of stuff he will do to them if they actually meet irl
Criminal Minds Episode
This is really weird. I personally would not be able to get over this. If he sees himself like this in 40 years, do you see yourself being okay with it then? Because if not, I’d say cut your losses. It sucks, but some people are just different.
Run! What are we doing here?
This sounds like repressed sexuality/gender perhaps. I would have a serious conversation with him about it and maybe even suggest him getting therapy. That doesn’t sound like normal behavior.
I know folks who like to cross dress but obviously they’re open with their partner about it and it’s a sexual desire for them. It’s strange that he kind of just sprung this onto you without fully explaining.
Maybe he is trans or wants to transition? Or he’s questioning his sexuality or identity.
The best thing to do here is have a conversation on what it is he is actually feeling.
& if you cannot love him through it, then it’s time to face that as well.
What do you think? Do you think this is normal? You obviously know you should not be with someone who does this weird stuff
I have an ex that started off painting his nails when he was on speed. Next thing ya know he’s shaving his legs. Then he started to dress up in my clothes. At first I thought I needed to be accepting of this situation but ultimately I grew to hate what he had become….
It’s nice he can be himself around you and is comfortable sharing this part of himself . It seems more than a fantasy tho , he’s already decided and knows that he will be doing this decades down the road . Hes thst attached to this persona. Honestly it may get bigger and bigger down the road . Imagine your future
No I can totally understand why your attraction would diminish for him. You are not an asshole
You are not an asshole for how you are feeling. Your feelings are a completely natural response to the changes you are experiencing in your perception of your boyfriend. I think the situation needs open communication, empathy, a willingness from you both towards understand each other’s perspectives within your individual needs.
The long-term viability of the relationship will likely depend on whether you can directly confront the growing disconnect. The truth is, this sort of thing is more common than you might realize, so try to be completely honest about your expectations and wishes. Genuinely, best of luck.
NTA, while he is entitled to do as he likes and shop how he wishes to. You are also entitled to your feelings. If his behaviors make you uncomfortable or less attracted to him, thats valid. He may be exploring his sexuality or is thinking of transition. Whatever he decides is right for him, you need to be true to yourself. If this new behavior or way of being is not right for you get out of this relationship. It clearly sounds to me you want or crave different things or experiences in life. Have a serious discussion with him. See if you are on the same page in life still. If not, break up if you cant accept this behavior and find a more suitable match for your lifestyle. Everyone’s feelings and personal choices are valid but may not be alined.
You are not- you got involved with a man and instead are dating a trans
your not the asshole your just not gay
In my boyfriends words : he’s gay.
You both are way too young to know who you exactly are, and who you want to spend the rest of your life with. This is clear that your boyfriend is experimenting with who he is. And it is OK if that gives you the ick. You’ve been dating for four years. I think it’s time for you to grow up and move on and try other options.