I resent how much we define ourselves by what we do for a paycheck. Do you have a small talk go-to other than asking about work?
If I’m talking to a couple I always love to ask “how did you two meet?” It always creates great conversation. Individuals is harder to avoid the work default.
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I can’t stand small talk so I try to avoid participating in it at all, but I can think of a question I’d rather answer than that one, that can apply to anybody.
"What do you do in your spare time?"
That actually gives you insight into who a person is and what they enjoy, which can then lead to other questions. Nobody asks it, though. I have no idea why.
When do you first nut in the day.
There is something known as the FORD method for making small talk. Its a guide for what to talk about and stands for Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams.
Are you from this area? If yes you can ask questions about the area if you don’t know. And if no then it leads you to questions etc about the area they’re from.
Interests, usually. Or where they’re from. I don’t mind talking about work, and the subject will eventually come up in conversation, though I agree it’s discussed much too early when meeting someone. If I’m looking for long-term friends, I’ll also ask if they’re looking for acquaintances or deeper friendships.
Read any good books lately? You planning on taking a trip this summer? (If it’s a stranger you met at a friend’s party) How do you know X?
Any bigger plans for this year?
My favorite:
Do you have any hobbies? (Surprisingly many don’t, then I ask them what they do in their spare time).
Others that I use:
Have you read any good books or watched some good tv shows lately?
What was the favorite part of your week/day?
Generally, I like to talk to people about their passions (regardless of whether these are also my passions), and usually these questions help to get a sense of what that is. Lately I was asked what the latest homemade gift I have given and recieved was, I liked that question and might start using that as well.
What do you do when you don’t work?
What do you want to do for work??
I hate that question too, cause it leads to “well I’m a stay at home mom” and then immediately “oh what does your husband do?” Blah.
I prefer to ask for book, movie, and tv show recommendations. It gets them talking about what they like immediately and keeps things from being to uncomfortable.
Coming from India, and growing up in a smaller town – this question has always been considered normal talk. But somehow, my grandparents and parents always taught both of us brothers that it was impolite and bad etiquette to ask such questions to people – it is their life and if they are working or not is their own choice. We have nothing to do with it.
So we have never asked anyone "What do you do for work kind of questions". We still start with how are you and follow it up with how is family doing. (But today, asking about family too is somewhat complicated – or maybe it is just me who thinks that way). Then definitely, the weather, if we meet on a bus or a common/shared ride, I can also ask about opinions or better options. It depends on how casual I can feel with the other person.
How’s your belly off for spots….
Thats my go too 😆 but I suck at small talk esspecially about myself. I wouldnt discount "what do you do for work" though bc most peoples lives is mostly working. What you just gotta do is try to find interesting questions after they tell you. After that you just let them talk and they will corrolate work to other parts of their life.
ask them what they usually do on their day off.
How about asking about something you may know by listening to them is of common interest?
Then you can ask about how they feel AND ACTUALLY LISTEN.
I like to discuss travel. Almost everyone has some sort of travel story. Even the bad ones can make for funny stories later. If we have been the same place, we can reminisce. If they have been somewhere that I haven’t, I can ask questions about it .
Pets can be another good conversation starter. From my name it’s easy to tell I’m a crazy cat lady 🙂
How do you spend your time?
That leaves it open for them to say that they’re in school, working a job they love or hate, or talk about their grandkids or current hobby.
Ask for pet shenanigans. Haven’t seen anyone not liking pet shenanigans.
Esle look around and ask their opinion on something in your shared enviroment.
I’m reminded of the scene from the film The Edge, where Anthony Hopkins’ character (a super-wealthy businessman) asks someone, “What’s your story?” When the person starts giving him a brief synopsis of their life, he cuts them off and says something like, “I didn’t ask you for a list of events!”
In this case it seemed more like an attempt to assert dominance than to make small talk, but the idea that one’s “story,” or maybe raison d’être, is quite different from one’s history, has stuck with me.
Since I have never figured out how to use this without coming off like an ass, I guess this doesn’t really answer your question, but I thought you might find it interesting.
Are you happy?
I am fascinated by the story of how people came to live in my small rural town.
Ugh. That is the WORST question. Ask them about tv, movies, music, where they grew up…anything but work. And avoid people who only talk about work.
In Florida first question is Where are you from originally?
"If money wasn’t a concern what would you do for work" is usually better because it’s really more of a hobby/passion/goals question
So what do you have going on?
How did you get interested in -? Where – is the thing they have mentioned liking to do for fun. This usually leads to other questions like “Oh, your dad taught you beekeeping, how long had he been doing it? How is beekeeping different in your home state than here?…”
Unfortunately, these days couples are less likely to have an interesting “meet cute” and the answer is likely to be “online / dating app” which is kind of a conversation non starter.
“What do you love doing?” Is a better question than the work one – but if they really love their work that option is open too.
“Read any good books lately?” is another good one (got invited to a book club once) or talk about the weather, music, movies (don’t give spoilers though!)?
I live in a highly transient area. Love asking where people are from.
Try to get an idea of what life there is like. Sometimes I get travel ideas based on what I learn.
I always ask about hobbies. “What do you do in your free time?” “Oh you like camping, what’s your favorite place you’ve camped?” “You said you paint, what style to do paint in?”
I agree we define too much of ourselves by our occupation that is why I will always ask about hobbies or interests. People like chatting about the things that they do that make them happy and like talking about their individual interests.
What’s something that’s making you feel good in life right now?
What is the setting? Different circumstances call for different introductory questions. "What’s your job" is a shit question for someone you met at a ballgame but it’s the best question for someone you met at a professional event/conference. "Do you live around here?" – great at the dog park, not so great on an airplane mid-flight. Some events give you a natural ice breaker (for example: wedding – "how do you know the couple?", concert – "have you ever seen them live before?"). So on and so forth.
Less serious stuff: what’s a good excuse for Harry Potter never having guns and internet? Surely some wizard must have been practical enough to bite the muggle bullet and just gear the fuck up?
More serious: what goal(s) are you trying to achieve / did you recently achieve? What silly, particular thing is something that makes you very happy?
"What do you like to do?"
Where did you grow up?
I hate that people judge you for what you do for a living but I love that it’s a great filter, my bills are paid, I have savings (retirement and every day), I dont want for anything, if people think being a cashier at a grocery store makes me less of a person then toodles!!
Assuming a wedding: how do you know the couple?
At a charity fundraiser: how long have you been involved with the charity?
At an alumni event: what did you study?
At the dog park: how old is your dog?
At a film festival: what do you think of the movie?
You get the idea: make conversation about the situation.
See that ludicrous display last night?
I really don’t like it when people ask specific questions when I’ve just met them. I much prefer just neutral talk about the weather, or the occasion we are attending (sport, wedding, shopping, etc). I’m an introvert and I’m uncomfortable having attention focussed on me, even just polite curiosity.
Ask people “If you could have any job/career what would it be?” This is way more fun and interesting. You learn what matters to them and/or how fun they are. Last 4 people I asked said “Captain of a cruise ship” and “Be in the parades at Disneyworld” and “Astronaut.” “Ice cream taste-tester” Easy & funny conversations followed.
This is a lot tougher question than one might think. Just about any stock opening (like what do you do?) is liable lead you down a rabbit hole. I used to attend and present at technical conferences in a lot of areas, and in many different countries. Usually held in big cities and often promoted by big businesses selling stuff. So, a wide variety of people with different interests. I found myself standing next to some random guy in a group of similar, randoms. We’d just been poured a fresh round to our champagne flutes and other bottles were being opened. While I struggled with an opener (I’m crappy with small talk) he goes, “You ever wonder what they do with all these used champagne corks? Just throw ‘em away?” Perfect. We’re immediately immersed, bull-shitting about champagne corks, and laughing at the goofy solutions we each came up with. Soon, there were about six people standing around us yakking, and the champagne cork topic had been left far behind.
« What sparks your interest ? »
I like to ask if people are reading any good books or if they’re watching any good shows. Usually starts a good convo!
What interests you now?
I like "So what are you into?" It’s so open-ended that you can answer with almost anything, so it doesn’t put a lot of pressure on your interlocutor to come up with something clever, and they can sort of choose the level of intimacy with which they answer, if that makes sense. And it shows an interest specifically in what they’re interested in. It indicates that you’re looking for common ground. It’s a very friendly signal to send.
What are you working on right now? They could answer with a hobby, house repairs, or work talk
We live in a small tourist town that takes a bit of effort to get to, so when I meet someone who lives here, I ask "How did you end up here?"
I like to open with, “you ever get jacked off by a she-male?”
I usually just ask, "how much do you bench"?
I’d rather be asked what kind of music/tv/movies I watch. Everyone who asks me what I do, winds up hating me, or making snide remarks about my work as soon as I tell them, even the unemployed assholes, who feel they’re too good to work, despite not even having a pot to piss in, judge me as well. I usually tell those idiots to grow up a get a job first. People make nasty assumptions about me and my profession. So yeah ask me literally anything else.
Fancy a shag
Avoid the question entirely. Eventually as you get to know the person a bit and talk about other things, it’s bound to be mentioned, usually in a more casual way that’s weaved into the subject at the moment.
How’s your [month] been?
Could you help me put this sofa in my van?
How ’bout them Cowboys?
Do you have any pets?
I was recently asked “do you like ketchup?” To start a convo. I appreciated it because not only did I get a laugh, we started talking about regional food trends and it was easy to build from there.
Do you have pets?
I’m always down to hear about people’s pets, and it’s a much safer question than do you have kids?