They say ‘he’s just broken’ like it’s something romantic.
But pain doesn’t justify cruelty.
And loving someone shouldn’t mean bleeding just to make them feel whole.
Control, I have a coworker who thinks it’s adorable to say “my husband would kill me if I got a tattoo there!” “My husband would never let me go.” Gross, sorry your husband is so fragile.
Emotional codependency. Needing constant reassurance from a partner isn’t sweet or endearing. It’s a sign of very severe anxiety where the brain craves certainty in the face of uncertainty.
Unfortunately, life is very uncertain. Trying to force certainty in a world of entropy only makes that spiral worse and damages trust.
Entirely subsuming your life into your partner’s. It’s healthy to have a portion of your life to yourself. Couples don’t need to and shouldn’t spend every waking moment together.
People who think 50-50 is a red flag are red flags themselves. Similarly, people who think women proposing is “embarrassing”.
I think every relationship has its unique dynamic and it’s just unfair to judge how it works. Of course 5050 applied to EVERYTHING, only then is it valid, and it’s okay to have preferences, but I think we don’t get to decide how two people choose to function in a relationship.
Honestly I think we conflate hard work with unhealthy boundaries between the self and career, and we romanticize working overtime, long shifts, and/or to excess as a display of personal growth. We’ve manipulated ourselves into feeling that giving of your time in the pursuit of one’s work is noble.
I’m saying this as a student going into medicine, where hours are absolutely insane. I know that I’ll work my hardest, but I won’t sacrifice my sense of self and my time to eke out my own passions and life, just to get ahead in my career track.
At least, I hope I don’t lose sight of myself in the pursuit of following my dreams. It can be really hard not to notice that that’s where you’re headed until you’ve already sacrificed so much of yourself.
Fighting all the time. No, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is “passionate,” it means that you’re probably incompatible and shouldn’t be together.
Knew a girl and her boyfriend who went everywhere together, like he wouldn’t let her go anywhere if he wasn’t there too. She thought it was so cute how “possessive” he was over her.
It thoroughly icked me out when she told me like…that is not healthy. At all.
There was a post I saw on reddit recently about times wives had been turned on by something their husband said or did. One woman described her how her husband reacted to their son disrespecting her; he apparently said that if he did it again, he’d treat his son the same way he’d treat any man who disrespected his wife, with the implication being physical violence.
Tons of women responded saying how hot that was, and I was downvoted for suggesting that it’s messed up to be turned on by your husband threatening to beat up your son.
A weird amount of people sexualise male violence, but that one really shocked me.
Comments
Not being confrontational
Needless confrontation is bad, but sometimes you do need to confront someone
Jealousy. To me, being jealous doesn’t mean you just love me so much , it means you don’t trust me.
I’m so jealous, I just care about you that much.
Having someone who is completely obsessed with you
They say ‘he’s just broken’ like it’s something romantic.
But pain doesn’t justify cruelty.
And loving someone shouldn’t mean bleeding just to make them feel whole.
[deleted]
Control, I have a coworker who thinks it’s adorable to say “my husband would kill me if I got a tattoo there!” “My husband would never let me go.” Gross, sorry your husband is so fragile.
Codependence and complete obsession. People need lives outside of their partners
Pressuring someone to hurry up and put a ring on it
The NSDAP Hakenkreuzflagge
The idea that playing games or hard to get in a cruel way will want their crush or interest to Want them. More.
The ideology that being controlling or possessive over your partner means you love them.
Emotional codependency. Needing constant reassurance from a partner isn’t sweet or endearing. It’s a sign of very severe anxiety where the brain craves certainty in the face of uncertainty.
Unfortunately, life is very uncertain. Trying to force certainty in a world of entropy only makes that spiral worse and damages trust.
Entirely subsuming your life into your partner’s. It’s healthy to have a portion of your life to yourself. Couples don’t need to and shouldn’t spend every waking moment together.
Crazy chicks be good in bed
When he cheats on his wife to pursue you – how is that romantic please be fr😭
“I work two jobs, at least 60 hours a week. I don’t have time to do “fun” stuff. Gotta get that paper/chase the grind/etc.”
Love bombing
When someone constantly posts about their partner and people call it ‘romantic’ — it’s not. It’s performative. Real love doesn’t need a PR campaign.
Not taking no for an answer.
Chivalry, it’s simply misogyny
Borderline stalking
Unwanted persistence. People still seem to think that ignoring a no and still pursuing THEIR intended is romantic.
Same goes for people who say no hoping they’ll be chased.
Love bombing
People who think 50-50 is a red flag are red flags themselves. Similarly, people who think women proposing is “embarrassing”.
I think every relationship has its unique dynamic and it’s just unfair to judge how it works. Of course 5050 applied to EVERYTHING, only then is it valid, and it’s okay to have preferences, but I think we don’t get to decide how two people choose to function in a relationship.
Rugged individualism
Having an affair. They seem so fun and passionate in movies.
Hustle culture lmao
Honestly I think we conflate hard work with unhealthy boundaries between the self and career, and we romanticize working overtime, long shifts, and/or to excess as a display of personal growth. We’ve manipulated ourselves into feeling that giving of your time in the pursuit of one’s work is noble.
I’m saying this as a student going into medicine, where hours are absolutely insane. I know that I’ll work my hardest, but I won’t sacrifice my sense of self and my time to eke out my own passions and life, just to get ahead in my career track.
At least, I hope I don’t lose sight of myself in the pursuit of following my dreams. It can be really hard not to notice that that’s where you’re headed until you’ve already sacrificed so much of yourself.
USSR FLAG
Jealousy or possessiveness in relationships.
Wow I thought like geographically and I’m like uhhh what’s wrong with having red flags ahahaha
Fighting all the time. No, it doesn’t mean that your relationship is “passionate,” it means that you’re probably incompatible and shouldn’t be together.
Knew a girl and her boyfriend who went everywhere together, like he wouldn’t let her go anywhere if he wasn’t there too. She thought it was so cute how “possessive” he was over her.
It thoroughly icked me out when she told me like…that is not healthy. At all.
Cheating in “romance” movies
boxing
The “I can change him” concept.
The strong, silent type (man).
There was a post I saw on reddit recently about times wives had been turned on by something their husband said or did. One woman described her how her husband reacted to their son disrespecting her; he apparently said that if he did it again, he’d treat his son the same way he’d treat any man who disrespected his wife, with the implication being physical violence.
Tons of women responded saying how hot that was, and I was downvoted for suggesting that it’s messed up to be turned on by your husband threatening to beat up your son.
A weird amount of people sexualise male violence, but that one really shocked me.