Not the generic stuff like “save money” or “exercise”
I mean the kind of life advice or realization that hit you hard and changed how you see things. Could be emotional, practical, or just weirdly specific. Curious what others would’ve benefited from knowing sooner.
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Ask for help when you need it. With all facets of life.
Don’t lift that thing to show how hard you can work.
Don’t pretend to be an expert when someone else’s input could help.
Don’t be afraid to talk when your emotions get overwhelming.
Pride is a motherfucker. Ask for help.
If someone doesn’t care how you feel, don’t care how they feel.
Helps with work, relationships, and other things if applied right.
Also, can’t believe you let them get you in Libya. Is this your ghost?
Trust yourself.
We start out in life trusting the adults who are raising us because… well, we pretty much have to. In many if not most cases, that trust is appropriate and deserved as the early years go by.
But eventually you have to learn to trust yourself first. And that point comes much, much sooner than a lot of us realize when we are young.
We continue to trust them first, ourselves second for much too long.
There’s never any announcement that it’s time to switch things up, of course. Instead, we learn only in retrospect that they’ve been letting us down, steering us wrong, because they too have been in the habit of assuming they know what’s best, long after they no longer do.
Too few parents truly do the work of encouraging their childrens’ independence. Independence in mind and thought, particularly. Or if they do, they start much too late.
So it’s up to you, your young self, to seize it. And the first step is knowing that you can.
Trust yourself to know what’s best for you.
No one is ever coming to save you. You have the be the one to decide that your circumstances need to change and then change them.
Take better care of your teeth.
Protect your peace like it is your full time job. If you don’t, you are the only one who is going to pay the price for that. Learn how to say no, and say it often because people will take and take from you until there’s nothing left otherwise. Practice in the mirror if you have to, I did.
My words have impact. I need to be cognizant of what I’m saying because of how it can impact other people. I’m not responsible for their reactions, but I sure can help shape them.
“Some of the most unfathomable forms of abuse do not leave physical marks.”
It took me way, way too long to learn this, and I ended up slogging through ten years of my life feeding everything I had into a bottomless pit of a marriage while allowing myself to become an empty shell. True clinical NPD is unlike anything, and I wish I knew then what I know now.
I think I learned something wrong on the way up, my dad made me think that to be liked I needed to be impressive, I think that made me not very much fun to play with. In working situations too people enjoy collaboration more than being impressed.
Think you’re too old? In two years, you’re going to be two years older regardless, so you may as well do the thing. Learn a new skill, go back to school, get the degree. Be two years older with the experiences you want.
Peace of mind is more important than being understood. Not everyone deserves an explanation and not everyone will try to understand you anyway, especially those who are already decided on their own version of the story. I also realized that age doesn’t always equal wisdom. Just because someone is older doesn’t mean they’re emotionally mature or right all the time.
Trying to make yourself numb to your own emotions will make you very unhappy in the long run.
You think you’re trying to lead the life you want and need, but actually you’re just hiding away. Hiding from your past, hiding from your self, hiding from other people.
You have to get your hands dirty, you have to jump in the water. You have to feel the pain, and there’s no way round it. You’re just like everyone else, you’re damaged goods, and you will continue to be damaged. But that is what makes you human and, paradoxically, what gives you true ‘happiness’. Hiding away from everyone and everything puts you in a vulnerable position, causing you to be susceptible to all kinds of things that will destroy you, if you’re not careful. Be situated in the world. Be situated among imperfect relationships with family and friends.
Listen to your gut for big decisions. Literally. Your body keeps the score. For example, I was in a bad relationship for way too long, and even though I had my doubts about her deep down I blamed my depression, anxiety, low libido, etc on myself instead. I felt sick and tired all the time. When the relationship finally blew up in my face it hurt, but it wasn’t long until all of those symptoms started letting up until I felt better than I had in years.
Wear sun protection. It really makes a big difference in your aging.
People are actually not that different from you morally.
There are obviously outliers, but most people are starting from a similar baseline that hurting people is bad and helping people is good. Most humans are not sadists, and most humans can sympathize and empathize at least with humans who are around them regularly.
Cruelty is an aberration. It can be cultivated in people, but our baseline as children tends to be callous not malice. Many adults who engage in cruel acts or support cruel policies really have just not thought things through.
get away from people/circles that are too negative or hateful. specially today where you can find any group you wish and social media pushes people into hating other groups.
the world “toxic” was overused but its a reality, it it toxic for your health having only negativity and hate around you.
also, there is toxic positivity, don’t fall for that either
That people basically are the exact opposite of what they project themselves to be. After leaving “my world” and experiencing multiple examples of others I noticed that I was typically the only one who truly and genuinely felt and believed what I was saying and doing rather than the exact opposite. People being mean or overly sarcastic and demeaning tended to be more caring and helpful, but probably too tired of being taken advantage of or criticized for being too sensitive. On the other hand, the nice people usually were just mocking or putting on an act to get others to trust them before stabbing them in the back. Unfortunately this also meant that the nice people usually end up more permanently adopting the jaded and cynical outlooks instead of maintaining their previously positive and compassionate ones. This seems to have left us with a huge deficit of people who give a crap and why our country is how it is right now. I wish I would have known this little unspoken fact earlier because I guess I could have better adjusted my attitude and behavior more often so that I wasn’t now feeling hopelessly defeated, angry, and useless. Now I feel like I’m stuck being unable to interact with people because they upset or irritate me way too easily and much quicker than they ever did before. I also can’t just ignore people completely or be a total dick because then I feel like shit knowing that doesn’t feel like who I really am or make me happy (even if it may protect and preserve me for a little bit longer.) I can’t just flip a switch go between the two super easily either because I never really used to get upset or annoyed by anything and now trying to force it feels fake or letting it out unleashes a floodgate I can’t close back up because I’m beyond over it at that point.
Basically I wish I knew that less people were honest about what they present and they probably don’t give a shit about you for longer than the five minutes you interact, if even that long at all.
The vast majority of people don’t really know what they’re doing.
They’re mostly faking it.
And coasting thanks to a favor someone did for them.
Stop believing what everyone tries to tell you. Rely on yourself and if your life circumstances leave you bitter, empty, or angry, make a change. Stop begging the world to be different; it won’t bend to meet your needs. Ever.
That ALL politicians are liars, thieves, frauds and will tell you whatever you want to hear to vote for them.
Yes, even AOC and Bernie…. them too. I said ALL.
Play to your strengths in a career and build on what others think you are good at. Don’t go looking for challenges or to climb the corporate ladder, look to be great at what others say you are already good at.
That the reason people should take blood pressure meds if they have high blood pressure is it keeps them having strokes later in life. My mom refused to take blood pressure medication for years before she was finally convinced to. Well, since then she’s had several strokes and probably has vascular dementia.
Money is an option to claim any human labors or property offered or available at asking or negotiated price.
We don’t get paid our option fees.
Our simple acceptance of money in exchange for our labors is a valuable service providing the only value of fiat money and unearned income for Central Bankers and their friends. Our valuable service is compelled by State and pragmatism at a minimum to acquire money to pay taxes. Compelled service is literal slavery, violates UDHR and the thirteenth amendment to the U.S. Constitution.
Structural economic enslavement of humanity is not hyperbole.
No one will talk about it in any way. Running out of time.
As a guy, when a woman complains it’s not your place to provide the solution.
Unless they are complaining about you.
I’ve gotten into so many arguments with some women friends because I thought they were expecting solutions and not just a sympathetic ear.
I’m in my 60s now and my attitude is to stay out of it. “Gee that really sucks” is about the most I will say
Don’t tell myslef “no.” I thought I couldn’t afford a certain house, but instead of telling myslef no, I worked the numbers, called loan officers, and discovered I could easily swing it.
It does not, in fact, “get easier.”
It gets quite hard. Prepare accordingly.
Would [could] be literally life changing. Just to be real with a child for five goddamn seconds.
That people aren’t thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. I spent way too many years second-guessing every little thing, what I wore, what I said in a meeting, how awkward I looked dancing at a wedding, assuming everyone was clocking my every misstep. Turns out most folks are busy replaying their own cringe moments on a loop. Realizing that was like yanking a 50-pound weight off my shoulders. Makes it way easier to try new stuff, mess up, laugh, and move on.
To practice non-attachment. Don’t get too attached to anyone, anything, or anywhere. Not an idea, not an outcome. You are not in control and loss is a part of life.
Family is who you choose and who chooses you, not DNA.
Match energy but offer a lot of grace and leeway. Most of the time it’s not about you, people are human, let them be human without negative consequences whenever possible.
Don’t walk through life being easily offended. Some things are worth getting your hackles up, some aren’t. Learn where your own limits are and honor them but let the small stuff go.
Pay attention to how people are being included or excluded around you. It takes such little effort to include people, do it without hesitation. Those who don’t like it are always welcome to self select out.
Who you are at work is of zero consequence to anyone IRL. Don’t step on anyone’s neck to get somewhere professionally, it degrades your humanity and the humanity of those around you for no reason.
If the most interesting topic of conversation someone brings to you is trash talking others, you’re in the wrong conversation and around a highly insecure person. There are few things more dangerous than a person who believes themselves to be worthless while simultaneously trying to convince others of their worth. They don’t even like themselves, you can’t compensate for that and do it for them.
If someone’s acting stank around you but refuses to communicate the reasons why after being offered safe opportunities to do so, let them keep fighting with themselves in their head. They’re going to do it with or without you anyway.
I wish someone had taught me how to spot narcissistic behavior early… not the loud, obvious kind, but the quiet, manipulative version.
The kind where someone mirrors your values, slowly builds dependence, and subtly rewrites reality around their own ego. They don’t always yell or rage, they flatter, isolate, or play victim just to stay at the center of your life.
I used to confuse emotional intensity for connection. Now I understand that not everyone who wants to be close to you actually wants what’s best for you.
Wish I’d known that healthy relationships aren’t built on adrenaline, they’re built on consistency, safety, and mutual respect.
You can’t fill up others from an empty vessel. Take care of yourself and your needs before extending yourself to others.
It’s OK to tell people No – even if you have nothing else going on. Tell other people No so that you can rest and relax and refill your cup so that when you want to step up you are able to do so.
Put yourself out there.
I spent my adolescent years chronically online and playing video games instead of going out, meeting people, creating memories, and building experiences. Now it feels like my teens and early 20s were just a huge gap riddled with nostalgic video game memories because I let my social anxiety win and worsen over the years.
Now that I’m in my 30s, I’m alone and don’t really know how to talk to people. I mean, I’ve gotten better with talking to strangers, but I barely exist outside of work.
Admit you don’t know. People love to tell you what they know. They feel good, and, in turn, they like you. Anyone making fun because you don’t know has the maturity of a fourth grader.
For years, I’ve been hearing people use the phrase, “I don’t play the game “. I never knew what they were talking about. I wish I did. Then one day, an elderly woman that I was friends with mentioned two people that we worked with. She said one woman was excellent at playing the game. The other was not. She went on to say “Dede, you know what the game is.” I gave an uncomfortable smile and said sure. She looked right into my eyes and said this is how you play the game, “you go along to get along”. And I swear it felt like the sun came out. I don’t know why I never caught onto this. For the next few days I thought about the people in my past who would tell me one thing then tell someone else the total opposite. They were not people, they were chameleons. They blended into every crowd in high school, @ work, just in general. I thought I was doing it right by being myself. OMG, was I wrong.
Entrepreneurship is the secret to true happiness and wealth beyond imagination. Take risks. Reap rewards. Don’t be afraid to fail. Everything else is mediocrity.
Take care of your body – not just eat right and exercise. Protect your eyes and hearing when operating power tools. Protect your ears at concerts. Don’t ignore seemingly minor injuries which can exacerbate as you age. Keep current on your immunizations. See a dentist even if it’s just once a year. Learn that “ no pain, no gain” is not a thing – pay attention to pain and respect your body’s limits.
Don’t worry about the future. Have a loose plan but be ok with changing it on the fly, and spend most of your energy enjoying the present.
The future will come, and I’ll get my answers with it. Stressing over it will change nothing, so might as well enjoy myself now.
The future will eventually become the present, so if I’m always stressing in the present about the future, I will be stressed in the future too and for the rest of my life
Make time for friends. It’s so easy to get caught up in the rat race of life, but so important to foster relationships as well. So many people find themselves without any friends when they need them because they never prioritized friendships. And it doesn’t have to be going out and spending money either, invite a friend to chat on the couch. Go on a walk. Etc. just keep up a community.
If you find somebody you love and loves you back, stop doing shitty things to yourself even if you don’t do shitty things to them. Eventually the lever becomes a catapult
You’re supposed to fail and failing isn’t bad, it’s the best teacher. Learning how to bounce back after failing.
Nobody teaches you that so you become too afraid of failure that you don’t even try.
Squeaky wheels really do get the grease. Open your mouth. To get the credit, be acknowledged, get what you feel you deserve. You are worthy. Make sure you get what you want. Don’t wait for someone to figure it out because they won’t.
You don’t study to necessarily learn any specific material, you study so that you know how to study.
K-11 was easy for me and I do man easy. 97% on tests and assignments without studying. Then I had the credits to graduate early but took a shitload of GT classes in 12th. I expected that to be a decent step up but they were gigantic steps up. I failed hard. Still graduated and tried college where I failed hard. I didn’t have the necessary skills to study proficiently and it cost me dearly.
Writing things down and rephrasing what you’re learning is one of the most powerful ways to truly understand a subject. Find your own method, whether it’s visual, textual, or something else, the key is to explain it to yourself as if you were teaching someone else.
It helps you spot gaps in your knowledge and forces you to process the material more deeply, to really grasp the full picture. I only started doing this late in university, and I wish someone had told me in high school how transformative it could be.
How to listen to people. Active listening is a skill, a hard one, and most people can’t do it. But once you learn to actively listen, every single thing gets easier. People like you more, you retain more information from conversations, you start being able to interpret/come up with questions and responses easier. It’s wild.
And it took me until I was nearly 30 to figure this out…
Having healthy boundaries will make your life 10x better, leave work at work, don’t allow your mother to say something hurtful just because she is your mother. Don’t allow someone to make you feel uncomfortable or even unsafe because you’re too scared to hurt their feelings or have tension. Once I learned how to develop and enforce healthy boundaries I was less anxious and learned who really had my back and who was there just because I let them walk all over me. I lost all of “friends” and have people who don’t like me and talk crap about me but I don’t care. I found new friends who are amazing people and respect my boundaries.
I had social anxiety growing up but my environment and family expectations forced me to meet many new people and make friends. Someone told me recent that “When meeting someone new, approach it as a chance to understand who they are and whether they’re the kind of person you’d want as a friend—instead of trying to impress them or meet their standards.”
Whatever energy you draw in, expect it to return to you in waves. The cycles may last a lifetime, so be careful what company you keep, how you want to present yourself, and what you want to learn. Be aware, because this energy is the same energy that you show the world yourself.