What’s something a man did that instantly made you feel unsafe, even if it wasn’t aggressive?
What’s something a man did that instantly made you feel unsafe, even if it wasn’t aggressive?
r/AskWomen
What’s something a man did that instantly made you feel unsafe, even if it wasn’t aggressive?
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Insisted I got off the elevator first in a parking garage
Told me I was safe with him.
Smile
Cross my boundaries.
Showing up to my house to pick me up for a date drunk.
Telling me they don’t believe my abuse. When I’m not the one bringing it up or inquiring or asking to talk about it…
Asking me small sexual things like blow me a kiss when I’m not even comfortable speaking to them.
Just starting to get to know each other and touching me in any way. It’s crazy how some people can think instant sexual attraction is mutual.
Figured out where I was when I sent him a photo at the time, and surprise visited.
My most recent therapist and I were talking about beliefs and I told him I was an atheist and his demeanor immediately changed. He got incredibly tense and visibly rigid, got really curt, and glared at me the same way my dad and brother used to when they really wanted to hurt me- and eventually would. It was the kind of glare that you know is followed up by an attack. And he just sat there for a bit, glaring in silence, jaw clenched, unblinking. And then said “let’s just schedule your next session”. Which we did, and I cancelled it two days later because I felt so unsafe.
I know that if it hadn’t been a virtual appointment, he would’ve hurt me. I feel it in my gut.
Speak to me in an Asian language (usually Japanese, sometimes Chinese) trying to impress me. That tells me right away that he sees me as a stereotype based on my complexion rather than as a person.
Whenever that happens I always answer in fluent French, and then act surprised when he doesn’t understand “white language.”
This happened with a woman I had known for less than a month at work. We had to cross a large puddle during light rain, and because she was wearing heels, I reached out to steady her by holding her elbow. She slapped me, hard. She then looked at me and said “You were trying to help, but don’t do that.” Lesson learned, and we worked well together for another two years
Showed up to my work unannounced with donuts to make my coworkers like him. Multiple times. We weren’t even together. We had matched on hinge i believe and hadn’t even gone on a date yet, hadn’t hooked up, nothing.
Got upset when I was emotional. Showed me I am unsafe to express my feelings and have support. Showed me that he is emotionally immature and not a safe space for me to be vulnerable
I’m a cleaner. I was cleaning his house. He came up to me and looked me fully up and down and said “you REALLY have a lot of tattoos don’t you?” And something about the way he said it and his body language just made the hair on my body stand up. Fucking yuck bro.
Kept secrets and lied to me. Changed my world in an instant when I finally found out the truth.
When you don’t give them what they want and that shadow falls over their eyes and face. Ugh…
Asked me to meet up at like 10 pm to take a Walk in the woods together and proceeded to Call me boring when I firmly declined
A client walks up to me in a space where nobody else was around and says “you look just like my ex wife.” I said “oh, interesting” (because I had no idea what to say to that) and he instantly replied, with direct eye contact: “I fucking hate my ex wife.”
Stood between me and the door
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Interrupting me when I’m trying to explain something important.
Or interrupting at all, really.
Yelled at me when I told him about a guy friend that I have zero feelings for.
He complimented himself over and over. Looking for me to agree. I could see where he was annoyed that I wasn’t complimenting him enough.
It made me really uncomfortable because I knew he would be THEE worst to have an argument with.
I was a cashier at a fast food place when I was 18 and I took this guy’s order, he asked me what time I got off. I said “oh, um later tonight” it was like 4pm. instant red flags. He proceeded to sit in the lobby, within eye view, and waited for hrs. It turned dark and he was still there, still glancing every so often. It was getting closer to my clock out time and I was petrified, he hadn’t done anything, but I was scared to walk out to my car. I hid in the office and the old grill cook finally went to the lobby and told him off, that I’d left through the back door. Apparently he came back the next day looking for me, I had the day off, the grill cook told him I’d quit because he scared me. He never came back after that.
The grill cook Demarcus was a real one. I hope he’s living a good life.
Stood too close to me. There’s an instinctive ‘bubble’ humans have in socialisation, we know up-close is verboden unless we KNOW each other. But standing so close to me I can feel your breath? You’ve invaded my bubble. Step the fuck out because I do NOT feel safe with people who invade the bubble without permission.
Saying wow I’m sorry that happened then ends up doing the same thing but worse 😭
Or instantly wanting sex, to kiss my lips, or call me sexy on the first date? And throws a hissy fit because I said no respectfully. Bye
Shut down when I became emotional