“Just smile it’s not that bad there are people who have it a lot worse.” All the while I’m standing there with blood seeping out of kill me I carved into both legs in a futile attempt to keep from lashing out violently and hurting the ones I love no matter how much they hate me.
Most anything. Many want to be truly heard and that may take a long time for them to untangle and express. So give only short prompts, then listen and remember what’s said.
You’d feel better if you excised/ate a vegetable/ went for a walk.
Yea I am KEENLY aware of that but the depression makes those things almost impossible to do. Exercise and diet will help your mental health, but unfortunately the mental health problems make doing those things very difficult. There are a lot of steps between depression and feeling well enough to eat a proper meal.
People who have never had clinical depression often use their experiences with situational depression to give advice. It’s frustrating as fuck because they will never understand the difference.
Some advice that is totally nonhelpful is:
“Just give it time”
“Think positive thoughts”
“Go for a walk”
Pretty much any advice that starts with, “When I was depressed, I blah blah blah”
When they say “I’ll never understand why you think this way“. There are so many reasons. First off, my brain has a fucking virus telling me terrible shit. Everyday feels like a gamble, will it go well or not. My life might actually never get better, so maybe I should stop gambling and leave the casino. (Casino being a metaphor for living). And the biggest reason: the people who say they can’t understand why I’m depressed are usually some of the main reasons for said depression.
It sucks because changing your environment in small ways is proven to help, but when you’re in a major depressive episode it’s one of the hardest things in the world and it sounds like more “just be positive” bullshit
You think you have a right to be depressed? Sure X, Y, and Z happened but you’re only 30 – I’m 60 years old, look at all the shit I’VE been through and I’M not depressed!
i was never depressed alhamdulilah for that but i dont think depressed people especially suicidal people think about a positive future and then they think u might be ignorant
Not everyone gets a runner’s high and even if you do it’s just another temporary relief from the suffering we are dealing with and without dealing with the underlying issues and problems causing that suffering it’s not really helping anything in the long run
Sure it helps me stay healthier but now I’m just healthy and depressed instead of unhealthy and depressed
You can’t help… and most times anything you do to lift that person up will fail. All you can do is be there while the person heals. And most people can’t handle to sit with someone in darkness.
I once had a family member call the police for a wellness check on me. The cop hit me with “suck it up, be a man” in the most condescending way possible. If he weren’t armed and twice my size I may have taken a swing at him.
Other people have it worse. Sometimes it can help people feel grateful (but depression isn’t about being ungrateful at all) but it usually feels invalidating to your emotional pain
Oh there’s plenty of cliche phrases that are just irritating. “It’ll be ok” “it’s not that bad” “it’ll all be ok in the end, if it’s not ok, it’s not the end” “it’s not that bad” “time heals all wounds”
Or the things meant to be half assedly motivational like if someone tells me that I’d feel better if I let some light in as they open my curtains, or telling me to go for a walk, or that I’d feel better if I did something productive today.
When I’m depressed, I don’t necessarily want to be alone, but I don’t want people around asking me to talk about it or w e. If ur tryna be there for me, come in, sit down, and shut up. Play on your phone or something. When I Wana talk about it, it’ll come out of nowhere
I do both of those things already. I will say that they make it feel less intense, but the benefits are overstated. Even when everything was perfect and I was at my healthiest point, I was still miserable. It’s neurological.
ANY advice, no matter how useful, easy, or harmless, is just another thing to fail at. Either they don’t do the thing and then it’s their fault that they’re still depressed, or they do the thing and don’t feel any better, which then means they are defective and that’s why nothing seems to work. Please don’t set a depressed person up for failure.
“Just be happy. It’s not hard. You got everything you need.” As if depression is a choice, or cares about your social status. Also, I don’t have everything I need…
what a sad or depressed person really needs is to be told their problems are the worst. Try saying their problems aren’t a big deal? Oh boy, watch out! Instant sadder and angrier.
“Why don’t you call the National Suicide Hotline?”
“It’s a call center. You think working with a call center helps? Then why don’t you call your insurance company or student loan servicers when you feel sad? You mean automated phone systems and underpaid call center reps who follow scripts and strict time limits don’t raise endorphins for you? THEN WHY DO YOU THINK THEY DO FOR ME?”
Most depressed people want to hear the words that make them feel like they can say anything to you. However, it’s not that simple. Even if you did manage to establish that level of trust, they will put all their weight on you and you have to carry it like it’s nothing, even when they keep piling it on you, and it’s heavy stuff that’s exhausting to hear. You basically agree to become a parent to a lost baby and you cannot give any signal that you wouldn’t be able to carry them, or they will lose trust, get yet another trauma and curl in their shell again.
This is why depression is so insidious. You basically need an entire village of kind, empathetic and understanding people to really pull someone out of depression.
Most of the time, the depressed person is on his own and has to learn to carry himself and all the weight he/she has acquired.
We’re not dumb but when you tell us what to do, and it’s so simple; you kinda make us feel dumb on top of everything else. Often we know what to do, we just can’t do it. Remember tho, we’re all different.
Comments
that no situation will last forever
jUsT bE pOsItIvE yOu HaVe So MuCh tO bE ThAnKfUl FoR
“Just don’t be sad”, “Just get out of bed” It’s not that easy to just do that..
Depressed people often don’t want to hear things like “Just snap out of it” or “Others have it worse.”
Platitudes
“it’s all in your head”
“Yes, that’s where depression is located you idiot.”
Just smile
Everything is going to be fine
Other people have it worse
What about my problems?
Go take a walk
“Think about how much you mean to your loved ones”
“Take one day at a time”
Advice on which quack supplements/ointments/incantations to try.
‘Other people have it worse.’ Comparing pain doesn’t make anyone feel better — it just adds guilt to what they’re already carrying
“There’s no such thing” is my all time favorite.
“Just smile it’s not that bad there are people who have it a lot worse.” All the while I’m standing there with blood seeping out of kill me I carved into both legs in a futile attempt to keep from lashing out violently and hurting the ones I love no matter how much they hate me.
Stop self-medicating
Stop the drinking. It’s making it worse.
‘Hey, you wanna hang out?
‘What are you doing this weekend?’
‘Will you come visit?’
‘How are you?’
” r u depressed?”
Most anything. Many want to be truly heard and that may take a long time for them to untangle and express. So give only short prompts, then listen and remember what’s said.
You’d feel better if you excised/ate a vegetable/ went for a walk.
Yea I am KEENLY aware of that but the depression makes those things almost impossible to do. Exercise and diet will help your mental health, but unfortunately the mental health problems make doing those things very difficult. There are a lot of steps between depression and feeling well enough to eat a proper meal.
(Anything)
People who have never had clinical depression often use their experiences with situational depression to give advice. It’s frustrating as fuck because they will never understand the difference.
Some advice that is totally nonhelpful is:
“Just give it time”
“Think positive thoughts”
“Go for a walk”
Pretty much any advice that starts with, “When I was depressed, I blah blah blah”
Other people have it much worse than you 😮💨
When they say “I’ll never understand why you think this way“. There are so many reasons. First off, my brain has a fucking virus telling me terrible shit. Everyday feels like a gamble, will it go well or not. My life might actually never get better, so maybe I should stop gambling and leave the casino. (Casino being a metaphor for living). And the biggest reason: the people who say they can’t understand why I’m depressed are usually some of the main reasons for said depression.
You just need more exercise/sleep/better diet.
You need to get out of your own way.
It’s because you’re so negative all the time.
You need to think positive thoughts.
Have you tried meditating?
What about a better diet?
All you need to do is exercise/lift weights!
Journaling is the answer
Therapy. Get yourself a good therapist
Keep your chin up
“Have you tried exercising? Exercise gets those endorphins moving.”
Or the classic “maybe you should try getting some more sunshine. Vitamin D can help you feel better.”
Or the classic “you think I don’t feel bad sometimes??”
Or the classic “my life is harder than yours.”
Or the classic “well, I don’t know what to tell you but here’s how you’re affecting me…”
And now for a better alternative:
“I’m sorry you’re depressed. I love you though. Do you want to talk about it?”
Everyone feels down sometimes. Just focus on the positives.
Get out of bed, open a window.
It sucks because changing your environment in small ways is proven to help, but when you’re in a major depressive episode it’s one of the hardest things in the world and it sounds like more “just be positive” bullshit
You think you have a right to be depressed? Sure X, Y, and Z happened but you’re only 30 – I’m 60 years old, look at all the shit I’VE been through and I’M not depressed!
Thanks mom, love ya! <3
it will be okay
i was never depressed alhamdulilah for that but i dont think depressed people especially suicidal people think about a positive future and then they think u might be ignorant
Are you having mental health issues?
Just go exercise
Not everyone gets a runner’s high and even if you do it’s just another temporary relief from the suffering we are dealing with and without dealing with the underlying issues and problems causing that suffering it’s not really helping anything in the long run
Sure it helps me stay healthier but now I’m just healthy and depressed instead of unhealthy and depressed
Blame, rather than understanding
“Go for a walk”
Did you take your meds
“I don’t understand why you would feel like this” ….
Are you done sulking/pouting/moping?
You can’t help… and most times anything you do to lift that person up will fail. All you can do is be there while the person heals. And most people can’t handle to sit with someone in darkness.
Cheer up, it can’t be that bad. Yes it can be that bad and worse.
I once had a family member call the police for a wellness check on me. The cop hit me with “suck it up, be a man” in the most condescending way possible. If he weren’t armed and twice my size I may have taken a swing at him.
Solutions
“Stop thinking like that”
“you aren’t sick you are spoiled”
“You think you have it bad?”
“There’s people going through real problems”
“Depression isn’t a real thing”
“My life sucks too but you don’t hear me complain”
“Did you take medication?”
“I think you should save it for your therapist”
“Get some sun”
“Its the phone”
Damn I have too many😅
“You need to just let it go and get over it.”
Advice from HollyWoodLand.
Other people have it worse. Sometimes it can help people feel grateful (but depression isn’t about being ungrateful at all) but it usually feels invalidating to your emotional pain
You need some fresh air 😒
My cousin told me to live a normal life and snap out of it. So helpful.
“Just try to be happy”
“Go to therapy”
Oh there’s plenty of cliche phrases that are just irritating. “It’ll be ok” “it’s not that bad” “it’ll all be ok in the end, if it’s not ok, it’s not the end” “it’s not that bad” “time heals all wounds”
Or the things meant to be half assedly motivational like if someone tells me that I’d feel better if I let some light in as they open my curtains, or telling me to go for a walk, or that I’d feel better if I did something productive today.
When I’m depressed, I don’t necessarily want to be alone, but I don’t want people around asking me to talk about it or w e. If ur tryna be there for me, come in, sit down, and shut up. Play on your phone or something. When I Wana talk about it, it’ll come out of nowhere
it’ll get better. dismissive asf
“Just eat healthy and exercise!”.
I do both of those things already. I will say that they make it feel less intense, but the benefits are overstated. Even when everything was perfect and I was at my healthiest point, I was still miserable. It’s neurological.
ANY advice, no matter how useful, easy, or harmless, is just another thing to fail at. Either they don’t do the thing and then it’s their fault that they’re still depressed, or they do the thing and don’t feel any better, which then means they are defective and that’s why nothing seems to work. Please don’t set a depressed person up for failure.
“Just be happy. It’s not hard. You got everything you need.” As if depression is a choice, or cares about your social status. Also, I don’t have everything I need…
The infamous phrase ‘pull yourself together’ yes some people still say that!
“The Helps Out There If You Want It” 🤬💋❤
what a sad or depressed person really needs is to be told their problems are the worst. Try saying their problems aren’t a big deal? Oh boy, watch out! Instant sadder and angrier.
“It gets better”
Like yeah I know it does. The problem isn’t that it will be like this forever, it’s that I’m struggling now
I’ll pray about it.
“Why don’t you call the National Suicide Hotline?”
“It’s a call center. You think working with a call center helps? Then why don’t you call your insurance company or student loan servicers when you feel sad? You mean automated phone systems and underpaid call center reps who follow scripts and strict time limits don’t raise endorphins for you? THEN WHY DO YOU THINK THEY DO FOR ME?”
The answer to feeling better
Just be happy. If only it was always that simple 😅🙂
Most depressed people want to hear the words that make them feel like they can say anything to you. However, it’s not that simple. Even if you did manage to establish that level of trust, they will put all their weight on you and you have to carry it like it’s nothing, even when they keep piling it on you, and it’s heavy stuff that’s exhausting to hear. You basically agree to become a parent to a lost baby and you cannot give any signal that you wouldn’t be able to carry them, or they will lose trust, get yet another trauma and curl in their shell again.
This is why depression is so insidious. You basically need an entire village of kind, empathetic and understanding people to really pull someone out of depression.
Most of the time, the depressed person is on his own and has to learn to carry himself and all the weight he/she has acquired.
Sometimes, all people want is someone to listen to them and not interrupt.
Just be happy, just get over it, just go do something, just push through.
Think about all the people less fortunate than you.
Your solutions.
We’re not dumb but when you tell us what to do, and it’s so simple; you kinda make us feel dumb on top of everything else. Often we know what to do, we just can’t do it. Remember tho, we’re all different.
My mother keeps saying that everyone is depressed
Be brave. Think positive…. So effing annoying!!