For me, I realized I had made my ex-wife’s emotional state my full-time job. without even noticing how much I’d stopped asking what I needed.
What’s something you only learned about yourself after a long relationship ended?
r/AskMen
For me, I realized I had made my ex-wife’s emotional state my full-time job. without even noticing how much I’d stopped asking what I needed.
Comments
That I was a pretty huge asshole.
Despite being a serial monogamist throughout my 20s and spending the decade of my 30s married, being alone isn’t actually that bad.
After one particular breakup, I learned that I’m happier by myself than in a bad relationship. And after another, I learned that being able to peacefully end relationships is a valuable skill.
I could have handled many situations better. But I also could have stood up for myself more.
I was the problem 😂 my attachment styles, poor judgement, and overextending made my relationships exhausting. I wasn’t even in it for me, but to fill a need of being wanted and doing whatever it took to get that. All that did was hurt myself and the person I was with
I was also a plow horse and a doormat at times and I allowed my kindness to be take advantage of. Now I use it sparingly.
I can definitely relate with you OP on yours
For me I was the problem 😂 my attachment styles, poor judgement, and overextending made my relationships exhausting. I wasn’t even in it for me, but to fill a need of being wanted and doing whatever it took to get that. All that did was hurt myself and the person I was with.
I’m worth putting effort into. My last big breakup happened when I was deep in a depression, and was the kick in the ass I needed to start exercising, explore new interests, learn new skills, and just generally become a significantly more interesting and well rounded person.
Turns out, putting serious effort into self-improvement can also improve your mental health. Who’d have thought?
Happiness doesn’t mean being with someone – confronting engrained codependency made a huge difference in my anxiety levels.