What’s something you used to believe about masculinity that you’ve since changed your mind about, and what made you change?
What’s something you used to believe about masculinity that you’ve since changed your mind about, and what made you change?
r/AskMen
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I used to think that a real man listens to women and tries to understand their point of view in order to reach a reasonable compromise. After trying to listen to women, understand their points of view and come to reasonable compromise with them, I came to the conclusion that a real man is able to just ignore women when they’re talking nonsense.
I wouldn’t say I completely changed my mind, but maybe about showing emotions. I still don’t feel completely comfortable being emotional in front of my fiancée, but she actually appreciates it when I am. It’s hard to explain… but I know I wouldn’t open up like that to anyone else.
That saying something like “aww what a cute dog” was emasculating. Granted this was in middle school at peak puberty when everything is stupid. If you’re a self-identified man then everything you do is inherently masculine. Simple as.
I mean I used to believe all the bullshit about how real men should look and act, all the stereotypes; you should be jacked, have abs, be good at picking up girls
And then I realized that that’s all meaningless, and being masculine is more about being secure in who you are
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Before college, I thought being in the military, in a war, was something you had to do to be a real man. Boy, was I wrong! Lots of things changed my mind, but Noam Chomsky’s criticism of USA foreign policies sums it up well.
Think showing emotion is a big one. Many guys think showing emotions or talking about feelings is for girls. Don’t realize than it helps understand where you are.
I used to believe masculinity was important to have or display. But now I just dont think it matters. You are still valid if you’re fem or any combination. Just be genuine.
Used to believe in the duty to protect. Women, kids, emoloyer, society. Now that view has far more nuance
I used to think part of being a “provider” was trying to keep everyone happy. For example, “happy wife, happy life”. You can’t keep everyone happy, and if in trying to do so you subvert yourself so much that you are miserable; you are no use to yourself or anybody else.
Build a strong morally sound base.
Don’t attempt to take full responsibility for others’ happiness or lack thereof.
I use to think that having a big truck, watching MMA, and owning guns we’re a right of passage to be a man. Boy was I wrong. Don’t confine yourself to stereotypes.
I used to believe that being a good person and being a man were basically the same thing, but they’re not. I changed my mind when I realized that people liked me, but no one respected me, because I was a good person, but a masculine man. You can be both, but they are different things and you have to pursue each individually.
That it was my job as a woman to make a man feel more masculine.
I thought that my masculinity was independent of cultural or societal norms. Having sons has made me aware that one can’t be 100% independent of those expectations. A father should acknowledge important male roles in his role modeling. For example, being a protector.
Its importance
Women school and life told me I need to express my emotions. Talk and Yada Yada Yada with no real answers. Truthfully it’s unattractive
Men taught me I needed to regulate it. It’s perfectly fine to feel things, you just need to breathe and forgive yourself. Learn. But only a man can teach others that, because only men know the pain and can care
I’ve done the flip of what the culture wants. I think I used to believe it was a negative thing, mostly just because i wasn’t one of the bros growing up. Now I know it’s a positive, but it isn’t something to be pathologised. It simply is. It isn’t a performance. It’s isn’t taught. It’s isn’t an act. You either have it or you don’t and that’s fine.