Read to me every day when I was little, and then taught me the importance of learning to manage my own emotions around kindergarten. (I mean that took years but it started then.)
My mum worked incredibly hard as a single mother. I went to school (before I was officially in school, she was a Health and Phys Ed teacher in a high school) with her on PD days, and on camps and excursions as well, which now as a teacher myself I can imagine was probably frowned upon, even in the 1980s. I always knew she would be there for me. Excuse me, I need to go ring her and tell her I love her xxxx
Involved me in tasks they were doing. If my mom was balancing a checkbook she’d explain what she was doing and why. They would show me their budget chart and explain how it worked.
They also would have the kids around for house tasks. If they had to unclog a sink, or replace the sump, or fill in a depression in the yard, we were around. Watching them remove leaves from the gutters, change the oil, cook a stew, mend a gym bag.
At the time I found it variously boring or annoying, but it surprised me when my husband had no idea how to handle anything. His parents would just send the kids out of the house/to the other parent and never involve them in these things. I’m far from an expert but at least I have a clue where to start.
Kept me away from the aunts, uncles, cousins that were up to sus activities, you don’t get it till you’re older in an epiphany 3am on a weeknight. Most of the time though, there’s that 1% every now and then that person was actually the normalist one
Every single thing they told me, they followed through on. I never had to wonder if they’d be where they said they’d be or do what they said they’d do.
I was an unplanned teenage pregnancy baby, my dad had a whole heap of trauma from his own childhood (his dad was an abusive asshole) and my premature birth was very traumatic, most full blown adults would have struggled with it and my teenage mom leaned it. It didn’t really occur to me until I was in my 30s and a parent myself how even though I knew how young my parents had been and that I was unplanned, I never felt anything other than loved, liked and wanted, zero resentment or excuses for their youth or their own trauma. They were genuinely good parents who loved me and worked their butts off to make it work and give me a good life- not that there weren’t hard time and struggles, there absolutely was, but there was never any correlation between me and their struggles in my mind as a child. I’ve seen far too many parents blame their kids for their problems (whether subtly or outright) and my parents just did not have time for that.
They took my side against adults (when the adults were in the wrong). It’s not something that came up often, but once I had an issue caused by an older relative and once there was a teacher who caused an issue. I went to my parents and had no doubt in my mind that they’d protect me and resolve the problem.
My mom worked as a motel maid to pay the rent and supported me at home while I went to college. I worked part time but she never asked me for a penny. It makes me cry even now to think about how generous that was.
Took me to museums and cultural events, exposed me to different types of music, and bought me as many books as they could afford. I made sure to do the same for my own child later on.
Gave us the book “How Babies Are Made” by Andrey and Schepp. And then talked with us about it, at very young ages. Way before school sex ed and hygiene classes, we were about 5-6 years old? Because we asked about a neighbor’s pregnancy and where do babies come from. My mom had been a teacher, and believed in education and the truth.
On cold mornings, my mom would heat up my jeans in the dryer so they would be toasty when I put them on. Same with towels sometimes when I would take a bath.
When I told them, at maybe 10 or 11 that I didn’t believe in god, they told me I still had to go through with my Bar Mitzvah, and then after that, I’d be a man and could make my own choices about attending temple. And then they respected that. Never pressured me to go back, never made me feel like I was a bad person. I’ve met so many people who had traumatizing outcomes of similar situations and wound up alone in the world without any family.
Told me that no matter what time and no matter where, they would come pick me up if I needed it. If I was at a party and felt unsafe, or if I needed to go somewhere but didn’t have a safe way to get there, they’d pick me up.
They never pushed me to do things I wasn’t enthusiastic about. My friends wanted me to join the youth soccer league. I’ve never liked sports. Mom said I didn’t have to do it, and signed me up for art camp instead.
When my parents split up, my mom, brother and I (we were 12f and 9m at the time) moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. My mom gave each of us our own room and had our aunt take us out to get decorations so we could have our own space, while she slept on the pull-out couch in the living room most nights.
Soda was forbidden in our home. First time I had a sip of coke I was 12 at a birthday party and I felt like a bad bitch because I was doing something dad told me I couldn’t.
All fast food was banned as well, candy we could it only rarely.
Thanks daddy, never had a cavity and I don’t care for sweet and/or fatty food as an adult.
They were usually accommodating of my wants and needs but whenever they weren’t, they always explained why. It became more understandable as I got older. I think it was for me to understand that I’m not always gonna get everything that I want
My adoptive mom…. Has a lot of issues, and trauma. And we don’t have a very close relationship. But growing up she would carry hot buckets of water to the tub when then power went out so I could bathe. She would also heat up my jacket in the dryer in the winter.
There is no doubt she loved me, and does love me. But… it doesn’t excuse some of the things she has said to me as an adult and some of the emotional neglect from my childhood.
Comments
They made it to 99.9% of every activity I participated in. The one game they missed they let me know in advance they wouldn’t be able to make it work.
They always did their best to avoid having arguments in front of us.
Read to me every day when I was little, and then taught me the importance of learning to manage my own emotions around kindergarten. (I mean that took years but it started then.)
Didn’t support me at all at anything I did. Had no idea that wasn’t normal until I started dating a therapist and am now in therapy myself.
Let me know my opinion mattered and discuss things with me. Also made me logically support my stands/takes.
My mum worked incredibly hard as a single mother. I went to school (before I was officially in school, she was a Health and Phys Ed teacher in a high school) with her on PD days, and on camps and excursions as well, which now as a teacher myself I can imagine was probably frowned upon, even in the 1980s. I always knew she would be there for me. Excuse me, I need to go ring her and tell her I love her xxxx
Paid for my university education
lack of caring made me learn to be independant and make it through on my own
Involved me in tasks they were doing. If my mom was balancing a checkbook she’d explain what she was doing and why. They would show me their budget chart and explain how it worked.
They also would have the kids around for house tasks. If they had to unclog a sink, or replace the sump, or fill in a depression in the yard, we were around. Watching them remove leaves from the gutters, change the oil, cook a stew, mend a gym bag.
At the time I found it variously boring or annoying, but it surprised me when my husband had no idea how to handle anything. His parents would just send the kids out of the house/to the other parent and never involve them in these things. I’m far from an expert but at least I have a clue where to start.
I inherited my apartment. Never in my life I could afford it otherwise.
Kept me away from the aunts, uncles, cousins that were up to sus activities, you don’t get it till you’re older in an epiphany 3am on a weeknight. Most of the time though, there’s that 1% every now and then that person was actually the normalist one
Every single thing they told me, they followed through on. I never had to wonder if they’d be where they said they’d be or do what they said they’d do.
I was an unplanned teenage pregnancy baby, my dad had a whole heap of trauma from his own childhood (his dad was an abusive asshole) and my premature birth was very traumatic, most full blown adults would have struggled with it and my teenage mom leaned it. It didn’t really occur to me until I was in my 30s and a parent myself how even though I knew how young my parents had been and that I was unplanned, I never felt anything other than loved, liked and wanted, zero resentment or excuses for their youth or their own trauma. They were genuinely good parents who loved me and worked their butts off to make it work and give me a good life- not that there weren’t hard time and struggles, there absolutely was, but there was never any correlation between me and their struggles in my mind as a child. I’ve seen far too many parents blame their kids for their problems (whether subtly or outright) and my parents just did not have time for that.
They took my side against adults (when the adults were in the wrong). It’s not something that came up often, but once I had an issue caused by an older relative and once there was a teacher who caused an issue. I went to my parents and had no doubt in my mind that they’d protect me and resolve the problem.
My mom worked as a motel maid to pay the rent and supported me at home while I went to college. I worked part time but she never asked me for a penny. It makes me cry even now to think about how generous that was.
Took me to museums and cultural events, exposed me to different types of music, and bought me as many books as they could afford. I made sure to do the same for my own child later on.
Gave us the book “How Babies Are Made” by Andrey and Schepp. And then talked with us about it, at very young ages. Way before school sex ed and hygiene classes, we were about 5-6 years old? Because we asked about a neighbor’s pregnancy and where do babies come from. My mom had been a teacher, and believed in education and the truth.
Her philosophy: if they ask, tell the facts.
Ironed my clothes.
My mom became my best friend and closest confidante over the years. She more than made up for being emotionally neglectful in my early years.
Taught me how to read before I went to school.
On cold mornings, my mom would heat up my jeans in the dryer so they would be toasty when I put them on. Same with towels sometimes when I would take a bath.
Insist on good manners! Always!
When I told them, at maybe 10 or 11 that I didn’t believe in god, they told me I still had to go through with my Bar Mitzvah, and then after that, I’d be a man and could make my own choices about attending temple. And then they respected that. Never pressured me to go back, never made me feel like I was a bad person. I’ve met so many people who had traumatizing outcomes of similar situations and wound up alone in the world without any family.
Told me that no matter what time and no matter where, they would come pick me up if I needed it. If I was at a party and felt unsafe, or if I needed to go somewhere but didn’t have a safe way to get there, they’d pick me up.
They never pushed me to do things I wasn’t enthusiastic about. My friends wanted me to join the youth soccer league. I’ve never liked sports. Mom said I didn’t have to do it, and signed me up for art camp instead.
Taught me how to make decisions and let me make my own mistakes
Taught me that I’m on my own and I have to make my own place in this world. That’s why I’ve always been ambitious and hyperindependent.
When my parents split up, my mom, brother and I (we were 12f and 9m at the time) moved into a 2 bedroom apartment. My mom gave each of us our own room and had our aunt take us out to get decorations so we could have our own space, while she slept on the pull-out couch in the living room most nights.
My mom’s a health nut. In uni I experimented with junk food.
I’m very grateful because I’m not used to sugar and fats at those levels so the foods often not appetizing or makes me sick.
I know it can be very difficult to give up if you are used to it.
Didn’t give me shit. I now have everything I wanted because of hard work and self reliance
Soda was forbidden in our home. First time I had a sip of coke I was 12 at a birthday party and I felt like a bad bitch because I was doing something dad told me I couldn’t.
All fast food was banned as well, candy we could it only rarely.
Thanks daddy, never had a cavity and I don’t care for sweet and/or fatty food as an adult.
They were usually accommodating of my wants and needs but whenever they weren’t, they always explained why. It became more understandable as I got older. I think it was for me to understand that I’m not always gonna get everything that I want
My adoptive mom…. Has a lot of issues, and trauma. And we don’t have a very close relationship. But growing up she would carry hot buckets of water to the tub when then power went out so I could bathe. She would also heat up my jacket in the dryer in the winter.
There is no doubt she loved me, and does love me. But… it doesn’t excuse some of the things she has said to me as an adult and some of the emotional neglect from my childhood.
Went to many shops with me to buy exactly the school bag I wanted
We had a clean house, unfortunately, the fridge was just as clean