Being in a year long relationship at 20 im still young and to be honest quite impressionable. Media paints this picture that guys and girls can’t be friends without things going sour. As someone dating a girl with a male friend of 8 years how do I let go of jealousy, insecurity, etc? My perception of him has been founded on a stigma and it makes me magnify any issue that he may have x10. I ultimately want to be happy and for her to be happy. What’s the best approach?
For context- on a night my girl threw a birthday party with friends he came and talked to her and other people but didn’t seek out to meet me, when he sat down I entered a conversation and asked about his interest in marvel and things went well and I even took shots with him., then when she got really drunk and I’m assuming he was too he recorded her on the ground basically out of it laughing. And when we were shitfaced already he kept offering me, her and her friend to keep taking shots. I didn’t like his comfortability with being pushy or recording her in a moment like that. I’m not attracted to that behavior
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Being in a year long relationship at 20 im still young and to be honest quite impressionable. Media paints this picture that guys and girls can’t be friends without things going sour. As someone dating a girl with a male friend of 8 years how do I let go of jealousy, insecurity, etc? My perception of him has been founded on a stigma and it makes me magnify any issue that he may have x10. I ultimately want to be happy and for her to be happy. What’s the best approach?
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You build a relationship based on trust
Considering that statistics say that 50% of women in a relationship cheat, you can’t rly do anything. It’s a coin toss anyway.
Youve identified the problem so that’s a good start, most people don’t get that far. Other than that…just do it? It’ll probs get easier from now on as long as you don’t give into those feelings and act on them.
Set boundaries and respond appropriately
I am 54, my girlfriend is much more social than me.
She has people of all ages and genders who like to be with her…I don’t blame them, she is amazing.
I can be social, but these days, not so much.
Do I worry, not really.
I trust in what we have.
If I am wrong then what could I really do.
I make sure that we have a loving and communicative relationship, but no one can ever be 100%
Trust the love, if you can’t, then you guys need to talk, or you need to find a way for changing.
It may or may not be what you think.
Don’t just assume he is a friend. You should always have a little mistrust of him. Blind trust gets you cheated on.
My oldest friend is a woman, I’ve know her over 35 years. The reason it works is that we were never romantically interested in each other.
A good partner doesn’t put themselves in a position to have their loyalty questioned. No 1on1 with another man, no drinking with another man, no hiding conversations or interactions with another man, etc. My friend always respected my relationships and I’ve respected hers. That’s part of the reason why she has my lifelong loyalty and I have hers.
Ultimately you just have to trust her. If you can’t trust her, you can’t be in a relationship with her.
Be honest with her that you are struggling with it a bit, but want to trust her. Have that honest dialogue, and hopefully be able to set some boundaries (like not spending too much time alone with him)
Simplest way to look at it. Does their ‘intimacy’, which can range from zero to very close, look much stronger compared to yours with her? If the behaviour seems off to you, or if it makes you uncomfortable about it, either way true or false, you’re better off with someone else.
You can also ask related female friends if they see attraction going on.
They’ve been friends for 8 years of course they are going to be comfortable with each other. Nothing you described sounds like anything other than normal behavior of young people. You can also totally be just friends with a girl. One my best friends is a girl and I’ve known her for 15+ years now. I’ve got all sorts of pictures and videos of her acting silly or looking dumb over the years.
I would trust her unless there was actually some reason to not trust her.
The one rule that, in my opinion, has to be followed in this situation is you need to be acknowledged and included, full stop.
I’ve had my partner’s coworker whom we’ve met before…run into us randomly out and about and he stared at her and talked to her like I wasn’t even there at all and they held a long convo. It rubbed me the wrong way and I told her I didn’t appreciate that.
From this experience I learned that when you run into couples you always greet both and include both in the conversation.
Just my opinion. Take away what you want from that anecdote but you have to be OK with friends of the opposite sex especially ones that have history. You also cant stop her from making new ones either.
OP you just have to learn to trust her and her friend. That will mean more to her than anything else.