So, quick background: back in my teens and early 20s I was nervous as hell about approaching women at bars and clubs. The fix was simple, just keep doing it until it felt like second nature. I had a really fun dating life once I got past the growing pains.
Fast-forward 9 years, I’ve been in back-to-back relationships and kind of forgot how to be single. Add in some battles with depression and anxiety, and I’ve been stuck in a rut I want to break out of.
These days, the dynamic feels different. I actually get approached more often, and when I do make the move most women are receptive. But once the conversation starts, I get overly self-conscious. I start worrying if I’m wasting their time, if I can keep them engaged, if I’m not as ‘fun’ as I used to be, or if I’m taking time they would rather give to someone else. That pressure makes me rush, grab their number or social, and bail. Naturally, those contacts go nowhere because I never built any real rapport.
So my question is: how do I get that confidence back? It’s been a while, and I haven’t quite figured out how to rediscover it.
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So, quick background: back in my teens and early 20s I was nervous as hell about approaching women at bars and clubs. The fix was simple, just keep doing it until it felt like second nature. I had a really fun dating life once I got past the growing pains.
Fast-forward 9 years, I’ve been in back-to-back relationships and kind of forgot how to be single. Add in some battles with depression and anxiety, and I’ve been stuck in a rut I want to break out of.
These days, the dynamic feels different. I actually get approached more often, and when I do make the move most women are receptive. But once the conversation starts, I get overly self-conscious. I start worrying if I’m wasting their time, if I can keep them engaged, if I’m not as ‘fun’ as I used to be, or if I’m taking time they would rather give to someone else. That pressure makes me rush, grab their number or social, and bail. Naturally, those contacts go nowhere because I never built any real rapport.
So my question is: how do I get that confidence back? It’s been a while, and I haven’t quite figured out how to rediscover it.
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Literally stop treating women as a possible conquest. That should get your brain to stop triggering a stress response.
Approach every woman as a human being that wants to be listened to. They want to feel respected.
When you get used to that…. You’ll start to notice that some women are showing an interest in you and when it’s mutual…. That stress response should feel good.