My girlfriend at the time told me in the middle of sex to tell her, “you’re the only one i ever loved and I regret everyone who came before you…” needless to say, that relationship ended
Me and the guy were very drunk right, and I was trying to be adventurous. So I asked him to spell his name while I attempted to ride him, and he looked at me with pure confusion and he uttered a “Huh”
I still proceeded to ask him to spell his name.
He didn’t, so I spelt it for him… whilst I rode him. 😭 that was the most embarrassing thing ever,
Thought I would try out the “daddy” schtick and he hit a real good spot as I was mid word and all that came out was “yes dad” 😭 he handled it like a trooper and ignored I had said it until we were done and then we laughed about it
Nit me but girl I was trying to get with.. she used me for the experience I’m guessing first time.. but she was on too and out of no where said she loved me looked me in the eye said I fucking love you… then kinda cunvulsed.. so we lay there not saying any thing.. and she dro e me to where i left my car and ghosted me
Ever seen one of those videos where a tortoise makes a funny noise while getting off? My wife and I have a thing where we mimic that sound whenever either of us get off.
Not so much blurted, but the past year my partner and I have been trying a lot of anal sex, so I decided to ride him for the first time doing this and after like a minute I just had a massive laughing fit, don’t know where it came from, but I just couldn’t stop laughing 😅 We had to stop for a bit as I was killing the mood
When reconnecting with an ex, at the climax: “Home Sweet Home!” like Alec Baldwin did in in It’s Complicated.
It was a spur of the moment thing because it was a movie we’d watched ages before. It got a surprised laugh.
I did it for every round that followed too. She was less entertained.
Mine was “I need an oil change”, since I was thinking about stuff I needed to get done later to distract myself a little longer for the duration. I did read about a dude one time who tried dirty talking for the first time though…
I drank 44oz of beer at dinner across the street from a hotel me and the missus were staying at. Thought we’d get it on the way you should in a hotel. It was very passionate, thrusting away at the perfect tempo, but all of a sudden I had to fart. Without thinking, I yelled “PAUSE” and pulled out and farted for a good 5 straight seconds. She laughed so fucking hard, I thought she was gonna dislodge something. We laugh about it still.
One time we joked about how absurd it would be if someone made weird noises when they orgasmed. Our example was a cawing bird noise.
Waited weeks before striking.
Was taking her from behind and started flapping my arms cawing as I finished “Oh fuck i’m gonna c-c-CAW CAW!”, she was caught off guard but then we were both cry-laughing.
Called her a slug cos she wanted me to talk dirty. I didn’t know what to say, so I tried to say slut and also slag, anded up calling her a dirty slug. See anded then, she didn’t like slugs
I don’t think I’ve said anything crazy, but one time, I was banging this girl visiting from Colorado. She was cute but also a nerdling. When she was about to orgasm, she shouted, “Holy cow!!” It took everything in me not to laugh my face off.
My college friend was with a young woman one time and out of the blue, she said “No daddy! Stop daddy” He stopped and asked if something was wrong. She said, “No. I just thought it would turn you on.”
I was stoned on weed and giving an ex fiance head when he asked me what I thought about his dick and I point blank stated “it would be nice with a few more inches’ 🙈xx
When I was in high school I was doing the deed in my room with my girlfriend and we had MTV on to mask the sound. Suddenly there was breaking news. Creed had broken up. I blurted out “holy shit, Creed broke up!” Not my finest moment.
This one dude told me I reminded him of his mother while I was riding him.
He was a few years older than me, and I never got an explanation since he did me a favor and ghosted me the next day.
My personal crazy blurt was playful, dirty talk gone wrong. I asked a guy in the heat of the moment “Do you like it when I’m a dirty slut for you?” I ruined a good time because he lost his erection and wouldn’t look me in the eye afterward 😂
Still cracks me up and I get the giggles when someone has an episode of dirty talk gone wrong with me in the room
I was having a particularly energetic bang session with a guy and I wanted him to go harder but idk if he was shy or didn’t want to hurt me, but after getting frustrated with his trepidation I grabbed his face with my hands and said “I want you to fuck me like my pussy owes you money!”
Ex girlfriend got to stay the night after a uneventful hangout… while I’m sleeping I start having this dream of her mom starting to kiss me and make out with me….(they look alike) anyways she starts giving me a BJ and I blurt out her mothers name, which is also happens to be the name of the neighbours good looking best friend, I woke up as she gave me a slap in the face, horny as fuck with a cheek on fire and more confused than a fish on the moon with her yelling at me for saying the wrong name….
When me and my ex gf were having sex for the first time, she kept saying “oh my god” over and over again. We’re both atheists and before she had joked about being “Pastafarian”. In the dead middle of us going at it I just said “bros calling out to the “Flying Spaghetti Monster””, which is the “god”of the pastafarians. We both stopped and died laughing. That is probably the funniest thing I’ve ever said and it did the opposite of kill the mood surprisingly.
I didn’t blurt anyyhing out, but we were going at it and she started calling me daddy which was fine, but then she said “do you like fucking your daughter?” and ive never shriveled up so fast.
“I work as an electrician at a truck factory. It’s an okej job, we’re launching a new v8 engine soon…”
I’m swedish and was with this Australian girl who wanted me to dirty talk her in swedish. Having never talked dirty to a girl before I panicked and just started to explain my work situation…
Not me but my boyfriend, I was giving him head and he went “this is so good my toes are throwing gang signs” I laughed so hard I didn’t expect it at all
My ex and I were going at it, and because we had recently seen Clash of the Titans, he thought it would be funny to yell “release the kraken!” as he came. He was right it was funny.
I made the mistake of telling my friends though and they still give me shit about it 15 years later 😂
Me and the lady banging it out. Had a sex headache happen. First time ive ever had or even heard of a sex migraine. Nutted and got hit with a migraine, thought I was going as I was coming. The pain yell immediately after the pleasure yell definitely caused some concern.
So. This isn’t even really crazy but… I once had a physical relationship with a woman who was quite a bit older than me, and the CEO of a fairly large organization. When she was getting close she would start yelling “This is living!” Over and over. It was both unnerving and awesome. I’d do it again.
A while ago I heard that a guy was gonna get a BJ and the girl shouted: unboxing, unboxing! (Like one of those YouTubers that buy “mystery” boxes) While pulling down his pants
Having sex with my “hottest guy I’ve ever seen” and “best sex of my life” bf at the time and, completely dickmatized, murmured that his dick was like magic. Wtf was I thinking? Idk, that his dick felt magical I guess lmao.
No but honestly like HOW DID IT ALWAYS FEEL SO FUCKING GOOD???? Still the best sex I’ve ever had, shame we were both broken ass people at the time.
I once moaned out “praise the meat gods” mid-orgasm… we both stopped and just started laughing. Still not sure who the meat gods are but apparently they were pleased that night.🤭
Comments
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You look just like my sister!…..OMG! Just kidding!🤪
Blobby blobby blobby
Armageddon!
My girlfriend at the time told me in the middle of sex to tell her, “you’re the only one i ever loved and I regret everyone who came before you…” needless to say, that relationship ended
I started singing Mele Kalikimaka to go with the pace that I was thrusting while on a Hawaiian cruise with my now ex wife
I thought it was hilarious. She disagreed
I am giving you a raise – George Castanza Seinfeld
Wrong hole!!
Spank me till I cum!
“Arctic monkeys” Never mind the buzzcocks was playing in the background and I knew the answer to the intros round… 🤷♂️
I did a massive fart right at climax once. My wife and I still laugh about it 🤣
Me and the guy were very drunk right, and I was trying to be adventurous. So I asked him to spell his name while I attempted to ride him, and he looked at me with pure confusion and he uttered a “Huh”
I still proceeded to ask him to spell his name.
He didn’t, so I spelt it for him… whilst I rode him. 😭 that was the most embarrassing thing ever,
The wrong name.
This is embarrassing and kinda cringy for me but sometimes when your comfortable with someone you can get really honest
ALLAH AKBAR
Thought I would try out the “daddy” schtick and he hit a real good spot as I was mid word and all that came out was “yes dad” 😭 he handled it like a trooper and ignored I had said it until we were done and then we laughed about it
Nit me but girl I was trying to get with.. she used me for the experience I’m guessing first time.. but she was on too and out of no where said she loved me looked me in the eye said I fucking love you… then kinda cunvulsed.. so we lay there not saying any thing.. and she dro e me to where i left my car and ghosted me
Oooo get ready to taste the rainbow
Ever seen one of those videos where a tortoise makes a funny noise while getting off? My wife and I have a thing where we mimic that sound whenever either of us get off.
Not so much blurted, but the past year my partner and I have been trying a lot of anal sex, so I decided to ride him for the first time doing this and after like a minute I just had a massive laughing fit, don’t know where it came from, but I just couldn’t stop laughing 😅 We had to stop for a bit as I was killing the mood
“I got some bad news” and then I busted 🤷♂️
“Babe you hear that someone’s coming”?
“Wait hang on who?”
“Me”
When reconnecting with an ex, at the climax: “Home Sweet Home!” like Alec Baldwin did in in It’s Complicated.
It was a spur of the moment thing because it was a movie we’d watched ages before. It got a surprised laugh.
I did it for every round that followed too. She was less entertained.
What do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich city centre?
Mine was “I need an oil change”, since I was thinking about stuff I needed to get done later to distract myself a little longer for the duration. I did read about a dude one time who tried dirty talking for the first time though…
I drank 44oz of beer at dinner across the street from a hotel me and the missus were staying at. Thought we’d get it on the way you should in a hotel. It was very passionate, thrusting away at the perfect tempo, but all of a sudden I had to fart. Without thinking, I yelled “PAUSE” and pulled out and farted for a good 5 straight seconds. She laughed so fucking hard, I thought she was gonna dislodge something. We laugh about it still.
One time we joked about how absurd it would be if someone made weird noises when they orgasmed. Our example was a cawing bird noise.
Waited weeks before striking.
Was taking her from behind and started flapping my arms cawing as I finished “Oh fuck i’m gonna c-c-CAW CAW!”, she was caught off guard but then we were both cry-laughing.
While getting a BJ:
” I’m hard as granite”
” milk me like a cow”
…both same time, 30secs apart, the same girl ( my now wife)
Back story, she wanted more dirty talk, moans, and groans. I was doing better with moans and groans.
But I combined a bunch of shit I had heard in pornos… no clue where the granite idea came from.
“I’m from Connecticut”.
She said “you like that baby” and I said at a very high volume “I am entertained!”
Not my comment, but obligatory this from the way back machine.
Not me, but my current girlfriend called me a “sex man”.
We were taking a break and kinda just laid out on the bed and she says something along the lines “you, you’re, a damn sex man”.
She meant to say nympho. It was pretty hilarious and I haven’t let her down for it.
“Well, ok Bird” – in character as ‘Snuffleupagus’
Quoted Fat Bastard from the Spy who Shagged Me
Called her a slug cos she wanted me to talk dirty. I didn’t know what to say, so I tried to say slut and also slag, anded up calling her a dirty slug. See anded then, she didn’t like slugs
Said the wrong name of my partner—- said a name of someone who I have never once thought of sexually or knew personally or had ever hooked up with
And boom goes the dynamite.
Randall from Clerks “One time I called this girl Mom”
This chick i started hooking up with once told me mid stroke “fuck yea dude right there” I had stop i was laughing so hard.
I say dude a lot and she had picked up on it in normal conversation and it slipped out during sex
I don’t think I’ve said anything crazy, but one time, I was banging this girl visiting from Colorado. She was cute but also a nerdling. When she was about to orgasm, she shouted, “Holy cow!!” It took everything in me not to laugh my face off.
My college friend was with a young woman one time and out of the blue, she said “No daddy! Stop daddy” He stopped and asked if something was wrong. She said, “No. I just thought it would turn you on.”
I kind of applaud her depravity. Haha.
i dont know if im crazy but i swear that a couple
of times i heard my ex say another dudes name in a quiet moaning voice while having sex
never questioned because i was not sure if i was hearing right but damn
The first thing I always think of with this question: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/1y6lhe/comment/cfhtedq/
I love you…..during our first time having sex…
“My hamstring!”
my dick feels like corn
I was stoned on weed and giving an ex fiance head when he asked me what I thought about his dick and I point blank stated “it would be nice with a few more inches’ 🙈xx
“Tell me something dirty…”
“Uhhh… oink for me piglet…”
“Get off of me”
🤷🏻♂️
When I was in high school I was doing the deed in my room with my girlfriend and we had MTV on to mask the sound. Suddenly there was breaking news. Creed had broken up. I blurted out “holy shit, Creed broke up!” Not my finest moment.
This one dude told me I reminded him of his mother while I was riding him.
He was a few years older than me, and I never got an explanation since he did me a favor and ghosted me the next day.
My personal crazy blurt was playful, dirty talk gone wrong. I asked a guy in the heat of the moment “Do you like it when I’m a dirty slut for you?” I ruined a good time because he lost his erection and wouldn’t look me in the eye afterward 😂
Still cracks me up and I get the giggles when someone has an episode of dirty talk gone wrong with me in the room
Slava Ukraine!!! To be fair, my wife is Ukrainian.
I was having a particularly energetic bang session with a guy and I wanted him to go harder but idk if he was shy or didn’t want to hurt me, but after getting frustrated with his trepidation I grabbed his face with my hands and said “I want you to fuck me like my pussy owes you money!”
He didn’t hold back after that.
Ex girlfriend got to stay the night after a uneventful hangout… while I’m sleeping I start having this dream of her mom starting to kiss me and make out with me….(they look alike) anyways she starts giving me a BJ and I blurt out her mothers name, which is also happens to be the name of the neighbours good looking best friend, I woke up as she gave me a slap in the face, horny as fuck with a cheek on fire and more confused than a fish on the moon with her yelling at me for saying the wrong name….
“That’s the strangest sensation.”
Me the second time I ever had sex and he was doing slow, deep strokes.
Which led to him stopping mid thrust and asking me, “Does this even feel good for you?”
I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded awkwardly (it did not).
“The Juice is Loose!” I said as finishing.
Me, a female: “I’m gonna cum all over your dick!”
Fiancé, a male: “I’m gonna cum on YOUR dick!”
Me: 👀
Him: 👀
We burst out laughing and finished 😂
My husband said “I love to watch your tits fly” the imagery makes me laugh every time
I once slept with a girl who was really into Latino guys, and out of nowhere, I said, “Get ready to have your taco filled with my homemade salsa.”
I was very lucky she allowed me to hook up with her a few more times after that.
When me and my ex gf were having sex for the first time, she kept saying “oh my god” over and over again. We’re both atheists and before she had joked about being “Pastafarian”. In the dead middle of us going at it I just said “bros calling out to the “Flying Spaghetti Monster””, which is the “god”of the pastafarians. We both stopped and died laughing. That is probably the funniest thing I’ve ever said and it did the opposite of kill the mood surprisingly.
I didn’t blurt anyyhing out, but we were going at it and she started calling me daddy which was fine, but then she said “do you like fucking your daughter?” and ive never shriveled up so fast.
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I’ve said “I love you” before but it’s probably more lust then actual love but I can’t help it if im in the moment and it feels good
Yoyoma!
“Yeah fuck me like a….like I’m a whore!” He’s like what? I just thought I’d try out some dirty talk. Unsuccessful.
“Yea you like that, don’t you, you crazy fucking bitch?”
I said that to my wife. After 12 years of marriage and rather vanilla sex.
We’ve definitely expanded our relations because she liked it. Married 16 years this coming December.
It’s all about communication folks.
Tell me you love me while I was crying 😂😂😂 I’m not allowed to drink tequila anymore
“I work as an electrician at a truck factory. It’s an okej job, we’re launching a new v8 engine soon…”
I’m swedish and was with this Australian girl who wanted me to dirty talk her in swedish. Having never talked dirty to a girl before I panicked and just started to explain my work situation…
Not me but my boyfriend, I was giving him head and he went “this is so good my toes are throwing gang signs” I laughed so hard I didn’t expect it at all
“Love” used as an adjective.
My ex and I were going at it, and because we had recently seen Clash of the Titans, he thought it would be funny to yell “release the kraken!” as he came. He was right it was funny.
I made the mistake of telling my friends though and they still give me shit about it 15 years later 😂
Me and the lady banging it out. Had a sex headache happen. First time ive ever had or even heard of a sex migraine. Nutted and got hit with a migraine, thought I was going as I was coming. The pain yell immediately after the pleasure yell definitely caused some concern.
The panties your. Mother laid out for you! 😂
My ex called me his baby mommas name 🥲
So. This isn’t even really crazy but… I once had a physical relationship with a woman who was quite a bit older than me, and the CEO of a fairly large organization. When she was getting close she would start yelling “This is living!” Over and over. It was both unnerving and awesome. I’d do it again.
A while ago I heard that a guy was gonna get a BJ and the girl shouted: unboxing, unboxing! (Like one of those YouTubers that buy “mystery” boxes) While pulling down his pants
“Your arms smell like fajitas!”
He did fuck my brains out, so I blame it on that.
Having sex with my “hottest guy I’ve ever seen” and “best sex of my life” bf at the time and, completely dickmatized, murmured that his dick was like magic. Wtf was I thinking? Idk, that his dick felt magical I guess lmao.
No but honestly like HOW DID IT ALWAYS FEEL SO FUCKING GOOD???? Still the best sex I’ve ever had, shame we were both broken ass people at the time.
“My hip replacement is out of socket” I am also not old. Then preceded by calling the ambulance.
After a fantastic first date that lead to fantastic sex, the guy I was with looked me right in the eyes and said “I’m definitely in love with you.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I said it back. Besides, we were in the heat of the moment.
Short story short … this lead to two months of intense love bombing which ended with him ghosting me.
I asked a guy if he ever had pink eye, while picking an eyelash for him while I was on top…..this past week.
I made her bark like a dog.
I accidentally farted. Does that count as blurting out?
“Michael Jackson is a Puerto Rican !!!!!!”
Yes I was high AF 🤣🤣🤣
“John Travolta!”
Was trying to think of his name earlier, and couldn’t think of it.
It came to me before i got too, kinda ruined the mood haha
I once moaned out “praise the meat gods” mid-orgasm… we both stopped and just started laughing. Still not sure who the meat gods are but apparently they were pleased that night.🤭