Not caring what I said. I would share something I was excited about and not only would I have to say it a minimum of 4-7 times before he bothered to hear me but once he did he would say something like, “I don’t get it, it’s just not my thing.” It would just destroy any joy I had all the time and he said it about everything I cared about until all I did was take care of him, our kids, and the house. (Then came the “your not doing It good enough” And constant checking to see if i had done certain things stage.) it’s not the yelling, throwing things, it even punching that wears you down because it starts with yelling and with them making themselves the victim and you feeling bad that they are upset. They use our empathy against us and a lot of us came from abusive families so we are trained perfectly to sing and dance and keep the house regulated.
Yes, I’m still married to him. No, he will not knowledge his behavior. He expects that since I’m a therapist and have multiple masters degrees in psychology that I have to help him with his bipolar and ADHD and childhood trauma BUT if I accidentally act it sounds too much like a therapist that’s not ok because I’m his wife and I need to be there for him in that soft wife way but I can’t have any feelings about it like just a wife because I know better as a therapist… every few months I make the mistake of trying to tell him I’m not happy and he tells me that his needs aren’t me, that he’s doing better and deserves recognition for that, and that HE doesn’t want to split up and that’s the end of the conversation.
Small lies. Turned into big lies. Turned into screaming, turned into throwing things, turned into destroying things, turned into shoving me, turned into choking me, turned into hitting me.
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Not caring what I said. I would share something I was excited about and not only would I have to say it a minimum of 4-7 times before he bothered to hear me but once he did he would say something like, “I don’t get it, it’s just not my thing.” It would just destroy any joy I had all the time and he said it about everything I cared about until all I did was take care of him, our kids, and the house. (Then came the “your not doing It good enough” And constant checking to see if i had done certain things stage.) it’s not the yelling, throwing things, it even punching that wears you down because it starts with yelling and with them making themselves the victim and you feeling bad that they are upset. They use our empathy against us and a lot of us came from abusive families so we are trained perfectly to sing and dance and keep the house regulated.
Yes, I’m still married to him. No, he will not knowledge his behavior. He expects that since I’m a therapist and have multiple masters degrees in psychology that I have to help him with his bipolar and ADHD and childhood trauma BUT if I accidentally act it sounds too much like a therapist that’s not ok because I’m his wife and I need to be there for him in that soft wife way but I can’t have any feelings about it like just a wife because I know better as a therapist… every few months I make the mistake of trying to tell him I’m not happy and he tells me that his needs aren’t me, that he’s doing better and deserves recognition for that, and that HE doesn’t want to split up and that’s the end of the conversation.
Are you concerned you are seeing some traits?
rushing things along and hints of jealousy
Small lies. Turned into big lies. Turned into screaming, turned into throwing things, turned into destroying things, turned into shoving me, turned into choking me, turned into hitting me.
Me: “I don’t like (extremely reasonable thing)”
Them: “What! Yes you do! You loooooove that thing! I know you love it! You love it! Hey everyone, caramelpupcorn LOVES (reasonable thing I dislike)!”
Then they bring up that thing all the time and try to get me to admit that I actually love it. I wish I had left that relationship much sooner.