Just watched a clip with Clinton Portis where he said the people who were loud when he had money disappeared the moment things got quiet.
He said, “Money didn’t change me, it changed how people treated me.”
That one line hit home. I’ve lost “friends” after a breakup, after job losses, and even after promotions. And I’ve learned being alone with peace is better than being surrounded by fake support.
How do y’all filter who’s really in your corner when life shifts, especially when you’re doing well?
How do you know who’s real vs who’s just around?
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Just watched a clip with Clinton Portis where he said the people who were loud when he had money disappeared the moment things got quiet.
He said, “Money didn’t change me, it changed how people treated me.”
That one line hit home. I’ve lost “friends” after a breakup, after job losses, and even after promotions. And I’ve learned being alone with peace is better than being surrounded by fake support.
How do y’all filter who’s really in your corner when life shifts, especially when you’re doing well?
How do you know who’s real vs who’s just around?
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The moment when you see your „friend“ together with other friends on a trip you brought in as a cool idea.
But nobody asked you.
Great moment. My mind became instantly clear and I live a lot better since this happened and enjoy more moments alone. I‘m quite happy this happened because otherwise I would have wasted a lot of time and energy on those people.
I was going through a tough time, seeking comfort, and all they offered were empty platitudes.
No attempt to hear or understand what I’m saying. No empathy. Sympathy I might have settled for; but
Just intellectually lazy, handwaving, empty platitudes. You don’t fucking care about me, and it shows. Real ones show up for you and this one didn’t.
Here’s the clip with Clinton Portis talking about it really honest take: https://youtube.com/shorts/CJxlTSlDu4o?si=dJVoz8kFXSvCJbxh
One way friendships suck
When I wrestled in high school I got cauliflower ear. If it doesn’t get treated it’s permanent. Had a “buddy” continuously say I should keep it bc it looks bad ass. At the time it crossed my mind that maybe he didn’t have my best interests at heart. So glad I didn’t listen bc it would have been a professional nightmare trying to explain this at job interviews and to patients I take care of at the hospital presently. Cauliflower ear and medicine just don’t mix. To this day it still feels like he hates me, but he is in my friend group
I was really going through it and asked for some company, and he said he couldn’t come over. The reason? He was in the middle of an online racing game and he would lose all of his progress. The one way nature of our friendship came into stark clarity at that moment.
When my dad died, I went silent for a while but heard nothing. Then I told them, got a lot of empty sympathy. Said they wanted to attend the funeral but not one of them did. I let them all drift away after that. It’s been nearly 2 years.
I am that friend and they never realized it
I had a “friend” that I let rent out a room while he was between housing. He ended up having an affair with my wife at the time. I no longer have contact with either of them and am in a much better place now, but it was shitty to go through.
HA this just happened. Older friend of mine blew the transmission on his beater. So he asked for me to pick him up for work a couple days because it was raining. That’s fine. We’ve been friends for almost 20 years. So just the other night as I’m coming into work my fucking supervisor said hey I’m gonna get said friend relieved the same time you get off so you can take him home. Friend never asked me. Friend went to the supervisor and told him I was going to take him home. So I left without him. Don’t ever assume. Don’t ever involve others. Don’t ever volunteer me. SO I went back over alllll these years and it was clear as day. He didn’t come to my wedding. If I called him with a success he’d kick my back in. If I called him with an issue he would go radio silence. Sunken cost fallacy. Que sera sera.
In this day and age where narcissism is applauded as presidential finding people with empathy, understanding and LOVE is almost rare
I went through a pretty rough breakup. We met through a guy who was like a mentor to her. I haven’t heard a peep from him; you can’t convince me for a second they haven’t been in contact constantly.
Had a friend go on a massive, paragraph long tirade about how he saw me as, and I quote, a “funny side character who forgot his role in my life” when I was going through a bunch of shit at the time. I tried showing our friend group the message (because it was a full Text Essay) and got a bunch of empty “wow, that’s ridiculous”, but generally nothing else happened. Hell, half of the group planned a vacation to Vegas with that guy and I wasn’t even told about it until a month out (but I could still totally come if I wanted).
Still had to listen to the group bitch about how that guy spent all his money in the first day and had to beg for people to buy things for him as the week went on. He didn’t even gamble it, just went to five exhibits and bought an Xbox controller.
It was the first major clue that that group wasn’t really my friends, and you know. Hindsight is 20/20.
When he told the authorities where the bodies were. Friggin wimp!
When they believed my ex wife over me during my divorce. Of course, as time went on the truth came out. Now I have full custody because of her substance abuse and a whole set of new friends (and less family contact due to even my own brother believing her).
Pro tip- don’t take sides in divorces. You will NEVER know all sides of the story regardless of what you “think” you know.
Man, I count myself lucky. Never had friends bail on me or let me down.
When she got mad at me for not inviting her on a second date with a guy she knew. Months later after lots of other snakey behaviour, me and this guy decided to end it and met up for one final chat. She hung around me all evening waiting for me to invite her, the 3 of us met up and she completely ignored me all night, they both did, he was actually quite rude and she didn’t bat an eye.
My fault for holding on for so long and not saying something sooner. What happened later that night and the day after was an absolute shitshow. The guy ended up sexually assaulting me.
I’d say she’d still bulshit me to this day about ‘loving me’. Absolutely humiliating
When she stayed in my house and brought another friend of hers. She was acting weird, I understood she wasn’t a sincere person
Friend of 11 years broke a lease because he got engaged. To a girl he knew 13 DAYS.
We were living in his parents rental house and had a year lease. He dropped the engagement bombshell about 5 months in. I asked him if this meant he was going to screw me. He assured me not.
Two weeks later, he says they prayed about it and “God” told them to get married in 2 months. So that would be about 8 months in.
He said I could either move out (I had no immediate place to go) or he would, and I’d have to pay the full bills for 4 months, then his parents would kick me out so they could move back it.
11 years vs 13 days…..
Best moment for me in the clip that started this conversation was in the first 10 seconds when Clinton Portis said “Learn how to be alone”….. It’s challenging but real spill. Here’s the clip for context: https://youtube.com/shorts/CJxlTSlDu4o?si=BxhnFiwwLhpQjBuw
Had a family member die, a painful breakup, issues at work with a bitch manager (basically got bullied) all in the same time period, so I was very depressed (also some childhood shit came up). My best friend told me I was ‘exhausting’, and she couldn’t be there for me. I was probably exhausting, as I was suicidal and depressed, but it hurt like hell, especially because I’ve ALWAYS been there for all her drama and depressive episodes. She had also been exhausting at times, but I was still there for her and I never told her that when she needed me most. Even when she broke up for the sixth time with the same guy. When it was her turn to be there for me, she just refused.
And it was not like I refused help. I was on that therapy and medication quick to fix my mental state.
Not a big thing individually, but it feels worse each time as time goes on. I’ve always been the friend that reaches out and tries to coordinate hang outs and what not. But everytime I stop even for a bit, I hear from basically no one. Now there are times, I get invited out or thought of, but it’s not anywhere close to 50/50.
A friend actually asked if he reached out more than everyone. I told him he has more often than others but still not quite 50/50.
I know it doesn’t have to be exactly 50/50, but the way it feels now sucks. So some people I just let drift away.
I bought a van when I was 17 in 2003. I was in a band at the time and so were a lot of my friends. I drove them around all the time. To and from shows and band practices. I never asked for gas money. The one time I asked, I was broke until the next day and needed $20 to put in the tank. I was driving two friends at the time and I was empty. They both claimed to be completely broke. They wouldn’t help. I managed to get the van home and to the gas station the next morning after I got paid, no thanks to them. When the van finally died in early 2007, a lot of these “friends” vanished. They had their own vehicles by then.
I wasn’t asking anybody for rides every single day. I just told them I just needed some rides on weekends for 2-3 months until I could get a new vehicle. I’d been driving them around for years. Nope.
I said fuck it and spent the money I would’ve spent on a new van on travelling. Went all over for about four months, relocated when I got back.
Venting about me is one thing. Sometimes your friends can do shit that’s annoying and you vent about them. It’s not anything harsh, just letting off some steam without doing any damage.
However, when I learned I had a friend just sit back and let people who don’t even know me shit talk me, that one hurt. Maybe it’s because I’ve always had his back whether he was present or not. Plus, friends talking shit about friends is one thing. We all know each other, so it’s more like brotherly shit talk.
But letting people outside the circle of trust do it, that just hurts.
When NCIS snared a bunch of guys in a steroid investigation; you should have heard these big tough guys pointing fingers and singing like the choir. Unbelievable…
Though life I found out that you go through multiple friend groups. Fake or not, long time friend or not. Only time will tell.
I went through a bad breakup.
I got caught cheating.
My ex posted our dirty laundry and the receipts online.
I went from many friends to absolutely zero over night.
I regret my actions and it was a very painful experience to go through.
I’m still not back to 100% at all and it’s been almost 6 months already.
For me, its about observing how people treat you during lifes downturns, not just the ups.
When I realized anytime I had ambitions he tried to talk me out of them and anytime I succeeded he’d tell me I’d fail.
On top of that a different one only came by or responded to my messages when he needed something from me.
I’ve got one friend who we’ve both had very abusive childhoods and then watched friends die then had our lives fall apart and had to pick up the pieces and through all that we just knew if we really need it, the other one would be there.
And my wife on a really good day.
Everyone else is temporary.
I think you have to build a kind of credit with someone and they have to have the morals that it means something to them.
Like, if I ever got rich, absolutely first thing I’d do is help him out and I know he’d do the same.
If I was already rich and people started showing up?
You can
A: look at the friends someone keeps.
B: see how they treat people that can’t do anything for them.
C: see how they treat people that can do things for them.
D: see how they talk to people that are bettering themselves. (If anyone ever says “oh, now you think you’re better than us” or “now you think you’re something” etc – ditch them 1000%. Don’t ever talk to them again.)
For anyone who’s been part of this wild thread, here’s the clip that sparked all this:
Clinton Portis: “Money didn’t change me. It changed how people treated me.”
It’s only 45 seconds, curious of what y’all think after watching: https://youtube.com/shorts/CJxlTSlDu4o?si=lhO_Kixhrzy0RXOw
Watch people’s actions don’t just blindly trust their words.
Back-stabbed me and took all the credit . In the end, I was over it, them and the job.
For me, its about observing how they treat you in the quiet moments, not just when the spotlights on.
When my lover first met him (friend for over 30 years) and said, “He is not your friend.”
Not only friends but family.
Suffice it to say, if you’ve been through anything sexual violence related, don’t ever tell a female friend about it
They want to think they’re the only ones who have to deal with stuff like that