What’s the next step when you realize and accept that you’re currently a loser?
What’s the next step when you realize and accept that you’re currently a loser?
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What’s the next step when you realize and accept that you’re currently a loser?
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Get on with your life as best you can, I suppose.
Or…put in the honest self-reflection and work to turn around the things that make you feel that way.
Work out what is making you feel that way.
Compartmentalize facts. What can’t you change? What CAN you change? – be realistic and don’t say “I can’t change anything.” There is always things that can be worked on. You should always try and improve something in your life.
Therapy, even if you don’t think you need it. Look into options. Try one and don’t give up if the first one don’t fit.
Start your day by genuinely finding something you like about yourself and verbally tell yourself that in the mirror.
Make a list of why you think this, prioritize what the biggest contributors are, then figure out the steps to address each and start addressing them.
Overweight – start exercising and be diligent about it. You can lose about a lb a week, so if your 100lbs overweight the. You have a 2 year journey at least
If youre broke – need a better job, to get that you might need better education, a change in location, a trade school etc. start taking the steps to improve.
If you’re ugly – time for a glow up, better clothes, better haircut etc. find a style that works for you.
If you’re personality is boring, find a few things that you can improve on and get to it (want to be funny, take an improve class, then practice).
Focus on the things you can improve and accept that nobody is perfect, so something’s you don’t like you will not be able to fix, but that doesn’t matter if you fix the rest.
If you want to change your life focus on one thing at a time – and start with an easy one.
Not saying this is you but, as an example, start with a schedule: get up at 7am every day and take a shower. You can do that tomorrow and it takes practically no specialized anything, just a tiny bit of willpower.
The big mistake is thinking “i need to change my diet, get it shape, get back into school, get a new job, find a girlfriend, pay off my debt, move out of my parents house, and on and on and on and on and on.” You’ll fail at that because nobody could do all of that all at once. Start with something attainable, make it a habit, and go from there.
A good next step would be wake up at 7am, go to the gym, and then take a shower. But don’t do that until you can reliably wake up. Start small, get slowly bigger.
I got lucky and realized that when I was 20. I enlisted in the Marines. Best worst decision of my life.
Pick a thing, put in the work to fix it. Then, once that’s a matter of habit, pick another thing, and fix it. Then repeat.
Gym solves everything
Do something about it.
Change your perspective. Stop being in a competition where what other people say, do, or think are not as relevant to the decisions and actions you take in your life. Decide to take action to improve your quality of life. Comparison is the theft of joy.
Stop caring what others think and think about how to live your best life. You are not a loser, you’re still in the process of finding your groove
Winning
If you’re not in shape I’d start there. It’s amazing what it can do for you physically and mentally if you take it seriously
Need more information. Are you speaking on the context that you’re a bum who sits around all day, does nothing productive, takes but never gives or are you comparing where you’re at in life with someone else and its caused you to judge yourself as a loser?
What the guy said about the shower. It’s about small changes and building on it. As a software engineer we call it iterative development. Do the smallest possible goal. Then the next smallest change and the next. It will amaze you how quickly things improve, a small step at a time.
Wouldn’t know.
finger guns
In all seriousness, you’ve identified the issue. Now find out why and start making changes to fix it.
You can be a loser today and a winner tomorrow. Put in that work.
Identify the things you think qualify you as a loser. Break each problem down into smaller components. Make small changes with the goal of rectifying each component but in a way that keeps the long term targets in mind. Small changes add up to big changes.
Last July I realized I wanted to lose weight but felt hopeless so I tried one small change at a time starting with not eating after 7pm. Each change had a positive effect and I was able to make additional small changes and it kept snowballing…Down 70lbs.
Every big problem seems best treated with a pile of small solutions but having the patience and dedication to go that route isn’t always easy
Develop healthy habits. Work out, read, get therapy if you can.
Hit the gym. Learn to eat healthy. This alone can cure your feelings. If not, There’s some good advice in this thread, but this is the first step.
In middle school I was a total loser.
Bad speech impediment. Skinny and scrawny. Terrible bowl haircut. Got bullied all the time.
One day I fought one of my bullies and won. It was then I realized that I have the capability of changing and taking control.
I began boxing and became addicted to working out. I worked hard at fixing my speech impediment. My life changed when I began to grow muscle- people complimented me, which only made me work harder. I became very good at boxing and fought in the amateurs.
Fast forward.
I’m now mid 30s – extremely in shape, still workout 6 days a week, but have a confidence that people who know me today would never guess what my childhood and middle school years were like. I’m seen as the extremely out going person who can light up a room and engaged to a beautiful, successful, and extremely nice woman.
So my take? Hit the gym regularly. Improvin your overall fitness and physical appearance builds a level of personality that can’t truly be described.
Find a hobby that you can dive into- something that puts you out of your comfort zone and adds value to who you are as a person.
Fuck the past. Don’t dwell on it. Focus on what you can do tomorrow to make yourself better. One day at a time. One step at a time.
Worry about one thing – how you feel about yourself. And identify each day something you can do to make the step or solving that problem. One thing at a time.
Don’t compare yourself to others, compare yourself to the you of yesterday.
It’s good to “wake up” and take note of your shortcomings, but don’t drown in them. Just always be open to finding some small ways you can improve and congratulate yourself for each small step you take in the right direction.
It’s less important that you “fix” things quickly, and more important that you just recognize there are things to fix and always stay moving in the right direction.
Don’t be a burden and interfere with the pursuit of goals and happiness that other people have. Know your place, know your role. You are there to be walked over and used by other people.
First step is to get a plan so you can fix things.
What exactly are you losing at bro
You take a sheet of paper and a pen. You make a list of all the things you think you need to change. You pick up the easiest thing to do and start with it.
It could be as seemingly small as making your own bed or doing the dishes.
Once you find easier to do the simpler stuff, you move to more complex items on the list.
Also, throughout all this, you keep talking to people ypu love or who care about you and seek support whenever necessary.
Everything changes, and everything can become more aligned with your vision if you put the right efforts correctly.
Most important, you’re not alone in your journey, you can and should seek support (friends, family or professional) as and when required. There are people who love you and would love to help ypu out and guide you
As people have said, making a list is helpful. It may seem trivial, but it’s very clarifying.
If it’s something big like, “Achieve a better level of education,” break that down into steps. Even if you have to break it down to:
Every time you come to a step that seems too difficult or complicated, break it down into smaller pieces. This is especially helpful if anxiety causes you to procrastinate or stagnate.
Take a nap.
Don’t call yourself a loser.
I would say step one is stop self-labeling with pejoratives. Next up, find some achievable goals and achieve them to boost confidence. Then set bigger goals and keep moving.
Step one is definitely to reframe the thoughts in your own head that will hold you back. Failure isn’t a permanent state, it’s a step on the road to success. An expert is just someone who has tried all the wrong ways and knows how to avoid them.
You can only make progress by moving forward, so get moving. And be nice to the face in the mirror, that’s your champion and the only person you have to live with for the rest of your life. Love yourself to show other people how to do it, and they will
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, make a long term plan to improve, break it down into smaller achievable goals, don’t procrastinate start on the first goal, if you fail along the way learn the lesson you needed to pick yourself up and go again.
Here are the next steps once you have accepted your loserdom:
Any questions?
Don’t let that identify you. Sounds cheesy, but if you start thinking of yourself as a loser, it will get worse. When dudes accept that they’re a loser, they stop trying, and that isn’t good. It usually causes them to become much worse in many ways.
Just start with small things. Go to the gym. Buy a new shirt that you think makes you look good. Get a haircut. Just work on trying to make yourself better a tiny bit at a time.
Meaningful change follows directed action, directed action follows directed thought and intent. So, mindset is key.
Also, it might be worth determining the origins of “I’m a loser” mindset. Like, if it’s Force majeure, then youre the victim of circumstance. If you’re a loser based on your own bad decisions, then all thats required for change to occur is to admit you were wrong, made bad decisions, and resolve to make the RIGHT decisions.
Pretty much there is no scenario in life, as long as you can still draw breath, that isn’t correctable.
Start changing things that you don’t like about yourself, little by little, one at a time.
Gym, Work, Study, Grow.
Decide to change. It’s tough. Quitting loserism is like quitting drugs. Some people relapse, some people never succeed at all. If you’re seriously not happy with your station in life, fix whatever it is you feel dissatisfied with
You realize that you don’t have to do very much to start climbing the ladder. That’s the one benefit of being at the bottom. Another thing, when you take a small step up, it becomes easier to take bigger steps. It’s amazing how much you can improve yourself in a few short weeks. You can feel entirely better about yourself soon. Just start.
Started working out. Since I’m sexy now society just thinks it’s a rough patch.
The first step no one talks about, and I deem the most important. Before you improve yourself, you need to realize the truth of the “feminine”. Most of yourself improvement journey comes from wanting to do what you think women want. They don’t know what they want and will keep listing out things trying to make themselves happy. Being a “real man” is being indifferent to women’s wants. When you are old enough you will reach the realization is that they dont actually want anything. They aren’t self-aware enough to realize that. And you as a man will drive yourself nuts or dead thinking you can help them.
They will come when you get a hot bod. They will come when your bank is full. They will come when you have status. They will come when you dont want them. Being Indifferent isnt the same as not caring. Its doing what you want for yourself. You can be happy with a mattress on the floor.
Men have been listening to women for the last 50 years. And everytime we did things get worse. The more you listen the less you wanted and the more they punish you for it. The “better” you become for her comes with more punishment. Like a test. To lead doesnt mean to self-sacrifice. You cant let fickle of women decide your future. You might have a plane but if you dont have the course set, letting a woman who didnt take a flight course fly you into the ground. She will walk out of the plane and go onto the next one while you sit there picking up the wreckage.