His best friend was on the other side of the door, and kept knocking! and was not going away. He asked his best friend to leave, and he did not… so he stopped, and left.
I’m a high school teacher. The woman I was sleeping with at the time, after I had just bottomed out in her for the first time, said that my female students would “go crazy if they could feel this” and would “obey every thing you told them to do if it meant they could be this full.” I paused, said “what” and she doubled down by outright suggesting I could have every girl in my homeroom fighting over my dick if I wanted.
I told her that was a fucked up, creepy thing to say and I walked out on her then and there.
She wasn’t the first nor last woman to make comments or imply things about my female students, but she was the first to say something while I was actively fucking her. Fun times.
He called me mommy and asked me to punish him before it even started. I was like nope, not doing this. I guess that’s what happens when you talk to an inexperienced ex Mormon lol
My phone slipped under me, created a new meaning for “butt dialing” and called my mom
I don’t wanna know what she heard, but she thought I was dying and came rushing down to my room and barged on in …. Being walked in on is one thing.. knowing she had heard whatever thought the phone.. I’m about to die of shame again
Didn’t stop exactly, but I had wicked bad gas when I was dating my now wife. Woulda died before I let her figure out that I could melt paint with my b-hole. Dunno what the position is called but when a lady is riding you and you sit up her legs are behind you and urs are behind her ur both face to face now and it’s pretty intimate and deep and awesome. Any way we’re doing that and I could hear my stomach over the sounds of flesh smacking and the noise the bed made, I clamped as hard as I could but after a while I lost the battle but I could tell I was gonna. So I lifted her up. im on my knees now, and only her toes are on the bed. I go to one knee and start to stand up. As I do, I hold her up with my right hand and pull my cheeks apart so she doesn’t hear it, lol. I contaminate the room and nearly run with her to the next room, we continue standing up for a while and eventually put her on top of the couch and finish there.
After that, she expected me to throw her around and high energy everytime we had sex. Which was awesome most days, but sometimes a lazy bone woulda been awesome.
Car crash outside my window. Dude ran the intersection, T-boned a car, and hit the brick building. We sat there naked peering out the window and watched the subsequent argument unfold.
Several Charlie horses both calves, hammies, ass cheeks, upper right ab, left lower back and various other places either I didn’t know I had or can’t pronounce. Had played basketball all day then went took a shower and straight to her house. Tried to get into it and it all started in my legs then shitstormed from there. We are still best friends today and still laugh about that night.
The significant one time I remember is when all hell broke lose all at once. We were contemplating on doing it or like being responsible cause I was over when I wasn’t supposed to be, and I was supposed to help her cat and baby sit lmfao. So after a few hours of just teasing the idea, we got down to it and unfortunately the cat got the zoomies and barged in broke a vase, the baby started crying and the mom who had gotten home and we had no idea walked in. Terrible terrible stuff
She was bigger than advertised, called me a pussy after she bit my nipples insanely hard, had her period all over me, saw a tin of Copenhagen on the counter when I went to wash off (he breath tasted minty too). Dipped out right after but she was on the 10th floor and the elevator was broken.
Her on top. She had a sudden massive gusher of a bloody nose. Ended up in the ER (where she worked!) having something cauterized in her nose. It was our wedding night just to add more drama.
While this girl was saving a horse by riding a cowboy, I suddenly felt something lick my nutsack. At first I was like, how the hell she do that. Then I look and it was my roommates dog that made his way into the room
burst a cyst inside her, she got taken away from the hookup in an ambulance lol. And yes, I did offer to take her to the hospital, she was kinda nuts and wouldn’t let me.
My boyfriend’s necklace wrapped around my nipple piercing, pulled one of the end balls THROUGH my nipple and didn’t come out of the other side so it was stuck underneath my nipple. The injury left my nipple infected which is one of the worst pains I’ve ever had. My step dad had to use pliers to pull the piercing out and I now have solid scar tissue under it for the last twelve years lol.
I was seeing a man in an open marriage for a while. His wife was on her own weekend date, so I was over at their place for the night. It was my first sleepover at theirs (he had stayed at my place overnight many times).
We are getting down to business, the bed is shaking enough that the bookshelf/headboard situation above us was rattling. Suddenly, two large, wooden letter M’s fall from the top shelf onto the bed, hitting us both. These M’s are for their first names, and were table decor at their wedding. We sort of laugh once we figured out neither of us was hurt, but I totally got dressed and went home. It felt like a sign lol.
Not me – but I caused it. I was trail running in county park, went around a blind corner and ran right into a woman facing me with her pants around her ankles getting railed from behind. I couldn’t stop fast enough, knocked her back into him and they both went down. I managed to stay on my feet. We were all stunned for a moment. He was trying to hide his face by pulling his shirt over his head. She’s trying to cover her face with one hand and her crotch with the other. I was apologizing, asking if they were OK, trying to help them up – they just kept saying “go away” “get the f out of here”.
I was 22, just moved to SoCal. My sister & I had 3 tickets to a Willie Nelson concert, and our third canceled, so I invited the petite brunette next door. Turns out, she’d just ended a 2 year relationship with her boss, a doctor named Herman.
She was a party girl and 2 or 3 nights a week she’d invite me to go bar-hopping on a school night. I’d decline, since I had work in the morning. But, around 2:30 AM when the bars had closed, she’d bang on my window. I’d let her in, she’d ravage me, and pass out. In the morning, I’d bring her coffee, tell her to let herself out, & go to work. This went on for a few weeks, then one night she was on top (typical, because she weighed about 98 lbs fully clothed) and started moaning, “Herman…Herman..” then collapsed, passing out onto my chest. Because she was so tiny I easily picked her up and set her next to me on my bed.
The next night I told her what had happened. She seemed mortified, and stopped knocking on my window after that convo. Soon after I saw her being dropped off by Herman (his license plate said “DR HERM”), so I assume they got back together. So, not all that wild…the girl passed out. But also still unforgettable, 49 years later.
I had really long hair at the time, halfway through I was breathing real heavy and my hair got against my mouth. Before I knew it my entire ponytail was down my throat
I was going down on my girlfriend and noticed some red. Didn’t bother me, I’m not a prude about that stuff. Kept going and there was just so much red. Decided I probably shouldn’t keep going. As soon as I lifted my head I realized blood was pouring out of my nose. I think we still finished after I stopped the bleeding.
So, im dating this girl and she came over to my place for some netflix n chill, we put Hereditary (blindly) and started making out. Now, we both love movies so we are still paying some attention to the movie. She is giving me a bj and when we got to THAT scene about the sister we were both so shocked to continue, her jaw dropped as my junk went soft instantly, and just forgot about sex and finished the movie LOL
He started making the same faces as lewd anime girls sticking out their tongues and crossing their eyes, it surprised me and I could t help laughing. He got upset lol
Man, I had one of the scariest / funniest moments mid-hookup. I’m going down on her, she’s moaning, grabbing sheets, the whole nine yards….then out of nowhere she just goes limp. Like, unresponsive. My brain instantly short-circuited: “oh god, did I just kill her??”
Couple seconds later she comes to, blinks at me, and goes: “Did I pass out?”
I’m sitting there looking at her dumfounded “…yes. Are you ok?!”
She just laughs and says, “Oh man, that hasn’t happened in forever. I’m good…it happens when I cum too hard. Wanna keep going?”
Turkeys. Wild turkeys to be specific. And not the bourbon…
We were on the back porch at a house party. I don’t recall how it started because I blacked out earlier that night. But I came to and she was on her knees giving me the business, and although shocked and confused, I certainly wasn’t going to stop her. Then I heard it. Almost like a distant wind chime at first. The house was backed up against a tree covered hill on the outskirts of town. It echoed into the cold, still air of the early morning. Then silence. I proceeded to enjoy myself, but then I heard it again; only closer this time. I cleared my throat, in preparation to speak, but I was compelled to not interrupt her. Surely it’s just a bird or something in the woods, announcing the rise of the sun to the east.
However it was not just one. Theirs calls came from the tree line beyond the property’s edge. They were loud, and numerous. And this time she heard them too. She removed me from her mouth and asked, “what was that?” But I didn’t answer. My eyes were fixed on the darkness between the trees, where I began to see movement. She turned around right as the first three emerged from the forest, “oh my god are those turkeys?”
Almost like a challenge to their existence, the fowl answered. They all called out in unison as more and more came from the trees. I pulled my trousers over my bare frank, briefs still pulled down beneath my beans. As she rose we saw them in their full force; about 12 deep and beginning to approach the porch, disgusted by our transgressions. Then the leader stopped. And then charged. His troops followed him, they knew we were out numbered.
My mother called to tell me my father died. Ruined the mood. It was 5:30 in the morning, and he was declining, so I knew who and why the phone was ringing.
Winter ‘04 a Med student committed suicide by jumping off the roof of the (now) 301 Residence hall in NYC. He Hit the scaffolding outside her bedroom window on the way down.
This was almost 10 years ago. I was partying and ended up with a girl from my school who kind of had a crush on me. I was completely wasted. In the middle of it I let out the loudest burp of my life, so violent it triggered my gag reflex. Next thing I know I am hunched over like a dying walrus. Pretty sure she still tells that story at parties.
The entire right side of my body went completely numb. Both my arm and let dropped down and my face dropped like i had a fucking stroke. Scariest thing ever
Not wild but hella awkward. Went to hang out with a guy I met, all sexy talk, light kissing, things were going in the right direction….. and he got a call his cousin died.
It took the air out the room and I had no idea what to say. Dude just wanted to drink and I quit way before this. So I sat next to him while he spiraled taking shots talking about his cousin, texting his family, and then we sat outside with his roommates for a cigg.
He had picked me up and I did not have money for a car that far, soo awkward.
A few months later we planned to hang out. His mom died.
Finally, nearly a year since we had first hung out, we were on the couch peeling clothes off each other, he went to open the window and shattered the glass pane instead.
Comments
cramps
Her son, who was older than me, came home. Then she made sure the door was locked and we began fucking again 😅
acid reflux lol
I shot a home invader during sex once. Dude died right there in my living room😐
Cat jumped on the bed and got in the middle
Sudden migraine from blood pressure spike. I don’t have heart issues.
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Queffing so bad I started laughing
His best friend was on the other side of the door, and kept knocking! and was not going away. He asked his best friend to leave, and he did not… so he stopped, and left.
I’m a high school teacher. The woman I was sleeping with at the time, after I had just bottomed out in her for the first time, said that my female students would “go crazy if they could feel this” and would “obey every thing you told them to do if it meant they could be this full.” I paused, said “what” and she doubled down by outright suggesting I could have every girl in my homeroom fighting over my dick if I wanted.
I told her that was a fucked up, creepy thing to say and I walked out on her then and there.
She wasn’t the first nor last woman to make comments or imply things about my female students, but she was the first to say something while I was actively fucking her. Fun times.
House was on fire!
We had to cross the border, and we would prefer to have our pants on when they check ID.
He smelled like garlic and I wanted spaghetti
The fucking police banged on the damn door😐
kid walked into the room.
Apparently we had locked the door but it didn’t fully close and was pushed open..
He called me mommy and asked me to punish him before it even started. I was like nope, not doing this. I guess that’s what happens when you talk to an inexperienced ex Mormon lol
My phone slipped under me, created a new meaning for “butt dialing” and called my mom
I don’t wanna know what she heard, but she thought I was dying and came rushing down to my room and barged on in …. Being walked in on is one thing.. knowing she had heard whatever thought the phone.. I’m about to die of shame again
Accidentally dislocated the shoulder of my partner in doggy.
To pay the parking meter.
The Gordon fishermen’s potato battered fishermen filets were done.
Mid 69, she squirted and I got waterboarded.
Hottest simulated drowning I’ve ever experienced.
The bed frame broke. But once we fixed it we started again!
Wife was stung by a bumble bee. We have no idea how it got through multiple closed doors.
I felt uncomfortable and changed my mind
We heard someone mag dump outside two houses down
An earthquake
Didn’t stop exactly, but I had wicked bad gas when I was dating my now wife. Woulda died before I let her figure out that I could melt paint with my b-hole. Dunno what the position is called but when a lady is riding you and you sit up her legs are behind you and urs are behind her ur both face to face now and it’s pretty intimate and deep and awesome. Any way we’re doing that and I could hear my stomach over the sounds of flesh smacking and the noise the bed made, I clamped as hard as I could but after a while I lost the battle but I could tell I was gonna. So I lifted her up. im on my knees now, and only her toes are on the bed. I go to one knee and start to stand up. As I do, I hold her up with my right hand and pull my cheeks apart so she doesn’t hear it, lol. I contaminate the room and nearly run with her to the next room, we continue standing up for a while and eventually put her on top of the couch and finish there.
After that, she expected me to throw her around and high energy everytime we had sex. Which was awesome most days, but sometimes a lazy bone woulda been awesome.
Cat was licking my foot. Went to the other room and two bees flew in the window and one stung me on the back……
Put a shirt on a lamp to create a romantic mood and it caught on fire.
Car crash outside my window. Dude ran the intersection, T-boned a car, and hit the brick building. We sat there naked peering out the window and watched the subsequent argument unfold.
Girl straight up had an asthma attack in the middle of it. I was too freaked out to think it was cool at the time.
Several Charlie horses both calves, hammies, ass cheeks, upper right ab, left lower back and various other places either I didn’t know I had or can’t pronounce. Had played basketball all day then went took a shower and straight to her house. Tried to get into it and it all started in my legs then shitstormed from there. We are still best friends today and still laugh about that night.
The significant one time I remember is when all hell broke lose all at once. We were contemplating on doing it or like being responsible cause I was over when I wasn’t supposed to be, and I was supposed to help her cat and baby sit lmfao. So after a few hours of just teasing the idea, we got down to it and unfortunately the cat got the zoomies and barged in broke a vase, the baby started crying and the mom who had gotten home and we had no idea walked in. Terrible terrible stuff
Low sugar. Took a break had a Kit Kat and started again.
She was bigger than advertised, called me a pussy after she bit my nipples insanely hard, had her period all over me, saw a tin of Copenhagen on the counter when I went to wash off (he breath tasted minty too). Dipped out right after but she was on the 10th floor and the elevator was broken.
Got KFC after.
Her on top. She had a sudden massive gusher of a bloody nose. Ended up in the ER (where she worked!) having something cauterized in her nose. It was our wedding night just to add more drama.
While this girl was saving a horse by riding a cowboy, I suddenly felt something lick my nutsack. At first I was like, how the hell she do that. Then I look and it was my roommates dog that made his way into the room
burst a cyst inside her, she got taken away from the hookup in an ambulance lol. And yes, I did offer to take her to the hospital, she was kinda nuts and wouldn’t let me.
Hotel I was staying in had a bomb threat called in, everyone had to evacuate
Only time I can think of stopping mid sex is she made it transactional. Like oh im having sex with you because you did this.
My boyfriend’s necklace wrapped around my nipple piercing, pulled one of the end balls THROUGH my nipple and didn’t come out of the other side so it was stuck underneath my nipple. The injury left my nipple infected which is one of the worst pains I’ve ever had. My step dad had to use pliers to pull the piercing out and I now have solid scar tissue under it for the last twelve years lol.
I was seeing a man in an open marriage for a while. His wife was on her own weekend date, so I was over at their place for the night. It was my first sleepover at theirs (he had stayed at my place overnight many times).
We are getting down to business, the bed is shaking enough that the bookshelf/headboard situation above us was rattling. Suddenly, two large, wooden letter M’s fall from the top shelf onto the bed, hitting us both. These M’s are for their first names, and were table decor at their wedding. We sort of laugh once we figured out neither of us was hurt, but I totally got dressed and went home. It felt like a sign lol.
Not me – but I caused it. I was trail running in county park, went around a blind corner and ran right into a woman facing me with her pants around her ankles getting railed from behind. I couldn’t stop fast enough, knocked her back into him and they both went down. I managed to stay on my feet. We were all stunned for a moment. He was trying to hide his face by pulling his shirt over his head. She’s trying to cover her face with one hand and her crotch with the other. I was apologizing, asking if they were OK, trying to help them up – they just kept saying “go away” “get the f out of here”.
9/11
Girl started crying. Told me she was raped a long time ago, thought she got over it but apparently not. So we had some more drinks and talked.
I was 22, just moved to SoCal. My sister & I had 3 tickets to a Willie Nelson concert, and our third canceled, so I invited the petite brunette next door. Turns out, she’d just ended a 2 year relationship with her boss, a doctor named Herman.
She was a party girl and 2 or 3 nights a week she’d invite me to go bar-hopping on a school night. I’d decline, since I had work in the morning. But, around 2:30 AM when the bars had closed, she’d bang on my window. I’d let her in, she’d ravage me, and pass out. In the morning, I’d bring her coffee, tell her to let herself out, & go to work. This went on for a few weeks, then one night she was on top (typical, because she weighed about 98 lbs fully clothed) and started moaning, “Herman…Herman..” then collapsed, passing out onto my chest. Because she was so tiny I easily picked her up and set her next to me on my bed.
The next night I told her what had happened. She seemed mortified, and stopped knocking on my window after that convo. Soon after I saw her being dropped off by Herman (his license plate said “DR HERM”), so I assume they got back together. So, not all that wild…the girl passed out. But also still unforgettable, 49 years later.
I had really long hair at the time, halfway through I was breathing real heavy and my hair got against my mouth. Before I knew it my entire ponytail was down my throat
In the middle of missionary she said that she ate her twin in the womb and loved it. We’ve long since broken up
He called me a bitch 😐
We created a nice environment decorated with scented candles. During the sexy time, one of the candles moved and the curtains caught fire.
I was going down on my girlfriend and noticed some red. Didn’t bother me, I’m not a prude about that stuff. Kept going and there was just so much red. Decided I probably shouldn’t keep going. As soon as I lifted my head I realized blood was pouring out of my nose. I think we still finished after I stopped the bleeding.
Finally, my time to tell this shit has come.
So, im dating this girl and she came over to my place for some netflix n chill, we put Hereditary (blindly) and started making out. Now, we both love movies so we are still paying some attention to the movie. She is giving me a bj and when we got to THAT scene about the sister we were both so shocked to continue, her jaw dropped as my junk went soft instantly, and just forgot about sex and finished the movie LOL
The dog standing on my back and looking over my shoulder at my wife.
My kid knocked on the door saying he felt sick then proceeded to throw up in the hallway.
He started making the same faces as lewd anime girls sticking out their tongues and crossing their eyes, it surprised me and I could t help laughing. He got upset lol
Man, I had one of the scariest / funniest moments mid-hookup. I’m going down on her, she’s moaning, grabbing sheets, the whole nine yards….then out of nowhere she just goes limp. Like, unresponsive. My brain instantly short-circuited: “oh god, did I just kill her??”
Couple seconds later she comes to, blinks at me, and goes: “Did I pass out?”
I’m sitting there looking at her dumfounded “…yes. Are you ok?!”
She just laughs and says, “Oh man, that hasn’t happened in forever. I’m good…it happens when I cum too hard. Wanna keep going?”
Sand fleas. Sex on the beach is not as fun as it seems.
Outdoors and a slug was on my ass.
Got a CSF leak in doggy 💀 Stopped to go to the emergency room lol
Turkeys. Wild turkeys to be specific. And not the bourbon…
We were on the back porch at a house party. I don’t recall how it started because I blacked out earlier that night. But I came to and she was on her knees giving me the business, and although shocked and confused, I certainly wasn’t going to stop her. Then I heard it. Almost like a distant wind chime at first. The house was backed up against a tree covered hill on the outskirts of town. It echoed into the cold, still air of the early morning. Then silence. I proceeded to enjoy myself, but then I heard it again; only closer this time. I cleared my throat, in preparation to speak, but I was compelled to not interrupt her. Surely it’s just a bird or something in the woods, announcing the rise of the sun to the east.
However it was not just one. Theirs calls came from the tree line beyond the property’s edge. They were loud, and numerous. And this time she heard them too. She removed me from her mouth and asked, “what was that?” But I didn’t answer. My eyes were fixed on the darkness between the trees, where I began to see movement. She turned around right as the first three emerged from the forest, “oh my god are those turkeys?”
Almost like a challenge to their existence, the fowl answered. They all called out in unison as more and more came from the trees. I pulled my trousers over my bare frank, briefs still pulled down beneath my beans. As she rose we saw them in their full force; about 12 deep and beginning to approach the porch, disgusted by our transgressions. Then the leader stopped. And then charged. His troops followed him, they knew we were out numbered.
So we went inside and fucked on the couch.
My mother called to tell me my father died. Ruined the mood. It was 5:30 in the morning, and he was declining, so I knew who and why the phone was ringing.
Fire ants
The Prime Minister rang my doorbell.
Teenager me, parents away, ran down stairs in a panic while pulling my clothes on, thinking I was busted.
Opened the door to see Bertie Ahern, then Taoiseach (prime minister) of Ireland out with his team canvassing for an upcoming election.
Yelled “FUCK OFF BERTIE AHERN” and went back to it.
Winter ‘04 a Med student committed suicide by jumping off the roof of the (now) 301 Residence hall in NYC. He Hit the scaffolding outside her bedroom window on the way down.
My dog nosed her way into the room and I didn’t notice.
Not until that cold wet sensation hit my chocolate socket mid stroke.
This was almost 10 years ago. I was partying and ended up with a girl from my school who kind of had a crush on me. I was completely wasted. In the middle of it I let out the loudest burp of my life, so violent it triggered my gag reflex. Next thing I know I am hunched over like a dying walrus. Pretty sure she still tells that story at parties.
She had a miscarriage. Didn’t even know she was pregnant. So much blood.
My husband’s nose started gushing blood all over my face.
The entire right side of my body went completely numb. Both my arm and let dropped down and my face dropped like i had a fucking stroke. Scariest thing ever
Not wild but hella awkward. Went to hang out with a guy I met, all sexy talk, light kissing, things were going in the right direction….. and he got a call his cousin died.
It took the air out the room and I had no idea what to say. Dude just wanted to drink and I quit way before this. So I sat next to him while he spiraled taking shots talking about his cousin, texting his family, and then we sat outside with his roommates for a cigg.
He had picked me up and I did not have money for a car that far, soo awkward.
A few months later we planned to hang out. His mom died.
Finally, nearly a year since we had first hung out, we were on the couch peeling clothes off each other, he went to open the window and shattered the glass pane instead.
Universe did not want me to bag this dude.