This is something I’ve noticed happening a lot more the last year and it’s always unprompted and by someone trying to hit on me 🙄
These men, if not the same age within a couple years, find a way to remark on me being “older”. I have a hard time pinning down if they’re just stupid or trying to manipulate me into feeling insecure and chasing them or being “grateful” for their attention? Without fail every one has been less attractive than me, and I have a lot of options. Anyone else experiencing this?
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They’re doing it for the second reason you mention.
Any age-related comment when flirting just shows how people are socially inept – it doesn’t matter what they are attempting to do with it. It’s a good way to save your time.
It’s the same negging behavior they’ve always used, it’s just about your age now.
Like negging. They really like to focus on something you might be insecure about already. Are you at the “She should probably settle down if she wants kids (so 18-40) age?
If I was dating I would want to call them out. It is such BS. Honestly, I hope young men wake up. They could have it so much better, but they have fallen into a trap.
A good relationship can improve your life exponentially. A bad one has the opposite effect. I would rather be alone, even with financial struggles, than be with a man who gaslights me.
Men are jealous. And they have huge egos. Shine bright like a diamond. They can go fuck themselves.
Yep. As you stated. I am immediately turned off by negging- blehkk.
It’s a manipulation technique used to lower one’s self-esteem.
There’s actually a research paper on this and it’s primarily used by lower status men as a mate-retention strategy.
Pretty much all manipulation techniques in male dating are low status proxies.
It’s an astute observation by you that it was used by less attractive guys.
They’re projecting too. Men feel insecure about getting older as much if not more than women do. I say more because at least with us, we’ve been told by the world we’re gonna lose all value when we hit 30 so much that we sort of deal with it early on but men are lied to and told they only get better with age, but the truth is something completely different: your body starts to hurt and you start losing your hair and the little that’s left turns gray and the beer belly shows up and the stamina goes away and the sex drive gets low and the sperm is weak and you look 55 at 35 when women your age look much better because they’ve been taking care of themselves knowing things were gonna go sideways.
Also, they are 100% trying to make you feel insecure so they have a chance.
Not the point of this thread, but adding it in case it gives you any fun ideas….
Back when “the game” came out and negging became a popular pickup strategy, I was a bartender. Anytime some guy “negged “ me, I’d respond with:
“Oh, yay, negging, I could blow off some steam…. You’d be so attractive if you weren’t so [insert whatever physical attribute, I normally went with short because it superficial and stupid, or something about their shitty personality]… your turn!”
The confused shock they’d have was soooo entertaining.
You can also just go straight mean with it… “that’s rich coming from a balding man who never had a chance with me anyway”.
Hone your inner bitch to turn these annoying interactions into funny stories. Or just ignore it and take the high road, if that’s more your style.
ETA: The most memorable of these interactions was a guy who told me I was hot but had a flat ass, maybe I needed a trainer (he happened to be a trainer).
I said “thanks, but this ass lifts and runs marathons and I’ve already got a trainer. what do you squat?”
he replied with something like ~200 lbs.
“Bro, that’s my warm up weight, my flat ass should be training you. I can recommend a trainer if you need one.”
I was having a conversation with a guy recently and I mentioned how my cousin overseas is getting married in a few months and I plan on attending and making a trip out of it since it is in another country.
I never mentioned ages of my cousin.
the guy proceeded to ask me how old my cousin was and I said 30 and I said I am the oldest out of all my cousins. I am 38.
the guy then goes. oh so your going to be the only spinster in the family and the oldest unmarried one.
I was speechless. like WTF!!!
They don’t have anything going for themselves so they cling to the societal validation that men age like wine and women like milk. In reality, they don’t take care of themselves, they barely eat vegetables, don’t wear sunscreen, are balding, don’t remember to make doctor’s appointments, and haven’t kept up a proper workout routine in years. Their personal and professional lives are nothing of note either. They want to flex for just existing.
Don’t let the smallest men get to you. It’s a projection.
By that point, if they’re commenting on your age in a negative way, you know they’re not worth your time. So why not have fun and poke at their insecurities?
I haven’t experienced this but it sounds like negging.
Haven’t happen to me, I live in Scandinavia and date Scandi/European men
Repeat after me:
„Projection.“
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Whatever you do there are comments. I’m 42 and had kids solo. I get single mum that’s old. It’s always a plot to attempt to make you feel less worthy or valuable.
They’re projecting. A gay man once told me “old pussy is good pussy” 😂 this thang is “aged” like fine expensive wine and somebody’s raggedy ass son will never change my mind on that.
They think it’s cool to notice you are older, and that you are somehow in their debt for them paying attention to you. Like trying to start you off on a peg lower so they feel superior. (Meanwhile being older actually puts you a peg up, further out of their reach)
I’ve been hearing loud overt men in various public settings making comments either about my looks or opinions and it’s terrifying. Starbucks, dunkin, the mall. I go places alone cause I like running my errands.
But it’s scary because when did it become ok for men to outright shame strange women they don’t know or aren’t even interacting with? Plus them not getting attention means it’s only a matter of time before one psycho one decides to take action on me ignoring them and going about my business.
Classic negging.
Could you give us an example of what they say? Maybe they think you look good for your age.
I find cheerfully agreeing with them works. “Oh, I’m expired now that I’m 25/35/45/95? Thanks for telling me – I better stop dating altogether then. What? No, no, it wouldn’t be fair to men for me to stay in the dating scene, taking up space – guys from 18-98 apparently need a 19 year-old or they’d just be miserable and we certainly can’t have that!’
Negging
They have to seek to make women feel like the clock is always running out and they have to rush to settle down with the first scumbag they date because “nobody wants a used up sl*t that’s hit the wall!”. It’s all painfully insecure projection
Honestly I’ve never experienced that. Actually in my culture,they said if the couple has the same age,it brings more prosperity.
I’m 37 and recently dated a 33-year-old guy. We were four dates in, and there were already multiple red flags. When I decided to stop seeing him and unfriended him on Facebook (without him giving me the chance to explain), his response was, “I thought you’d be more mature for an older woman”. That kind of comment is 100% meant to ‘humble’ us because it’s rooted in their insecurity. They want to drag us down to their level so we’ll settle for them. Don’t waste your time on men who behave like this.
I’m at the point where I’m decentering men altogether. So many don’t even seem to like women, and I’m just done. I’ve been celibate for a year and have never felt more disillusioned with men in my life. But also? My life is fuller now. I have more time for myself, my dog, my family, and my friends. Life is just better.
I had an ex boyfriend comment on an Instagram story about my mom shorts at my kids elementary school dance. Gtfo bro.