I’ve been really worried after reading a lot of Reddit posts and comments over the past few months. I want to ask: do you think this is just an internet thing, or is it actually reflecting how people view women nowadays?
I’m talking about the normalization of phrases like “she’s for the streets,” or the idea that women should be divided into “wife material” vs. “for fun.” It feels like there’s a growing push to control not just women’s reproductive rights, but also our sexual freedom (which was never fully secure to begin with).
To give some examples:
One post discussed a married woman who fantasized about a man who helped her during a car accident. She was just venting, she hadn’t contacted him or acted on it but the comments were full of people saying they “felt sorry for her husband,” calling it cheating, and condemning her. Since when is it possible police thoughts and dreams?
Another post was about a guy who kicked his girlfriend out after she brought up opening their relationship. (Probably rage bait, but still) Everyone applauded him as a hero, saying he should get an STD test and all. I get that open relationships aren’t for everyone, and he has every right to refuse but why is it so scandalous when a woman brings it up? Why not even talk about it?
Then there was the guy who found out his wife had many past sexual partners. The comments were full of men saying they’d “never accept that,” that a woman with “too much past” is undateable, again with the STD panic etc. As a married woman who’s had multiple partners before my husband, this felt like a personal attack. My past doesn’t make me more likely to cheat or more unworthy, no matter how confidently they claim otherwise.
And sure, some say these “rules” go both ways, but I do not see the same outrage over men who’ve slept around, or who fantasize about other women while in a relationship.
Honestly, all of this scares me.
Comments
I don’t think it’s as much of a turn as you think. We haven’t progressed as much as a country as it seems in the media.
The election of trump in the US emboldened a lot of people there and elsewhere to stop pretending to not be shits. Just after the election there was a spate of men online doing the whole “her body my choice” bullshit.
I see this mainly online. I dont run into men IRL who have these same issues. granted I am almost 50 and it is normal for me to have past partners but even when I was in my 20s and 30s normal men did not care about my past or how I dressed. it might help that I am born and raised in socal and around very liberal folks of all races and backgrounds.
Have noticed the same
> “…this felt like a personal attack. My past doesn’t make me more…”
That’s the crux, trying to post-hoc validate yourself and experiences to an internet random that’s probably shit-posting anyway. I’d try not to do that, for increased peace of mind.
I’ve noticed a bit of an uptick but not drastic. I do think a lot of it is astroturfing. BUT I also think that younger people (under 30 ish) are more sexually reserved and rigid than say millennials or GenX. This is obviously a sweeping generalization and doesn’t apply to everyone (I think it’s also more prevalent online than in real life), but it is a trend (for lack of a better word) I’ve noticed.
I live in a happy little bubble.
I’m polyamorous, so I really only talk about sex and dating in the designated subreddits and occasionally on here. I muted r/ sex a long time ago because it’s always been a cesspool.
There is more of a gender divide and more sexual conservatism in people under 30, and it’s really unfortunate
That talk has always been around. Several subs (maybe all) have bots on them now that comment like regular humans. It sounded like it was ai test grounds when I heard about it. And there was a lot of mixed feelings on that.
But it’s always worse during a depression. So this is just another indicator.
I spend way too much of my internet time putting a number on what a living wage is. According to science you need $53.05/hour according to a 2010 study adjusted for inflation. The study was redone in 2023 and they went as high as 500k/year. So like, we’re all poor pretending we’re not. And workers make the world run so like. Maybe we should general strike or something
You are conflating conservatism with pragmatism in some of these cases.
Opening up a relationship after it’s been established as monogamous pretty much never works. Open relationships are for naturally non-monogamous and require openness and negotiating. If a normally monogamous couple is doing it it’s very frequently a sign that someone has been cheating or planning to cheat and wants to not feel guilty about it. The problem is that cheaters still feel pain and insecurity when their partner is with someone else. It all ends up in a breakup that’s 10 times uglier and more traumatizing than it would have been if they just broke up to start off with.
STDs are a legit worry for anyone who has multiple partners or dating someone who has had multiple partners. The moment the condom comes off you are exposing yourself to potentially life altering and deadly diseases. It doesn’t matter if you are male or female, the more people you expose yourself to, the more likely one of them has picked up a disease along the way. You can mitigate this by being strict about condom use and getting tested, but it requires trust, and if your partner is cheating, you can’t trust them to be honest about limiting their exposure.
Neither of these have anything to do with conservatism. STD’s don’t give a flying fuck about politics. Monogamy isn’t just for conservatives, either. Most progressive liberals are monogamous. Cheaters come in every flavor of the political spectrum. Being poly doesn’t make you a naturally liberal either.
Yes there are worrying conservative notions around, especially concerning race, reproductive rights and family size, women’s roles, and men’s insecurity about their penis size. But what you are complaining about here isn’t that.
Considering the demographic of Reddit I’m not surprised. The more popular a sub is the more they show up to push their pov.
What concerns me more is the verbiage and conservative undertones in the posts and comments from young women.
It points to success of the men’s rights movement, or whatever you want to call it, influencing younger generations even in their language. It’s scary.
Assholes will be assholes. This is definitely an ongoing backlash rooted jn male insecurity. So no, I don’t think the “rules” go both ways; not that women are never insecure, but it usually doesn’t take the form of entitled resentment.
And that’s a beautiful orchid.
I think that the number of trolls and rage baiters have played a big part in making it seem more prevalent. However, I also think that the current political climate has opened the door for all kinds of gross behavior to become socially acceptable.The tangerine nightmare has given a presidential pardon to be racist, misogynist, xenophobic, transphobic and homophobic.
My theory, liberals and leftists eventually get exhausted and just leave.
I think some of it is astroturfing by the same forces fueling the manosphere, some of it is weak willed little boys adopting those astroturfed viewpoints (notice how much worse Reddit is when kids are out on summer break), and some of it has just always been there. They’re a lot braver now that they think they’re winning.
Each person (regardless of gender, skin color, ethnicity or preferences) needs/should be judged by the content of their own character. Too many rude idiots had bad parenting or just were from the shallow end of the gene pool.
A lot of people feel more emboldened and comfortable saying the quiet part out loud now. That, and a lot of young people grew up with the internet when misogyny was being pushed on social media.