I (33m) have been with my wife (27f) for several years. To say our sex life has dwindled over the years is an understatement. It’s 6 months since our last encounter. 18 months before that.
I’m very high drive and generous. I’ve reflected on what I could change or improve but even the topic can be like uranium, mostly. It’s unapproachable. I’ve asked recently about their desire and was crushed to find out that they haven’t felt anything like that for a very long time.
Gentlemen, I’m losing composure. I refuse to stray but I’m dying inside and I don’t know what to do. What is your breaking point?
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/LoseHateSmashEraseMe’s post (if available):
I (33m) have been with my wife (27f) for several years. To say our sex life has dwindled over the years is an understatement. It’s 6 months since our last encounter. 18 months before that.
I’m very high drive and generous. I’ve reflected on what I could change or improve but even the topic can be like uranium, mostly. It’s unapproachable. I’ve asked recently about their desire and was crushed to find out that they haven’t felt anything like that for a very long time.
Gentlemen, I’m losing composure. I refuse to stray but I’m dying inside and I don’t know what to do. What is your breaking point?
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Instead of asking her about sex, try asking her about how she is feeling in the relationship. Is there anything she wishes you would do that you don’t? Are you not asking enough about her and how she is doing? Are you not going on romantic dates enough? I mean it’s impossible to guess what she is thinking or why she isn’t interested.
You shouldn’t cheat though. Just end the relationship if it isn’t working.
I think it matters to just how much physical intimacy you need in a relationship. If you’ve expressed that it’s something that greatly matter and she clearly has no interest than you’re gonna have to come up with some other compromise or reevaluate what you’re future with this person is gonna look like
Work on what you can, discuss things, try therapy, last resort being possible separation. It’s an individual relationship struggle that the two of you need to work through.
No sex would end it for me. It’s just a friend without benefits otherwise
Sexual mismatch is a valid reason to end a marriage. You’re just torturing yourself at this point. If you’ve talked with her, and she has zero interest in fixing it, it’s time to amicably end it. You probably got 40 years of life left in you. Don’t live like this.
I stayed in a dead bedroom for over 10 years. It caused me to develop ED, anorgasmia, my self-confidence, and lose all trust in relationships. I can no longer see myself in a committed relationship. So I only do FWBs. Which isn’t that fulfilling but at least I feel wanted sometimes.
You’re way too young to just abandon sex for the rest of your life. Do with that what you will.
As someone who’s lived through this and has chosen to give up, you both need to learn to communicate.
At this point, you have to be the bad guy and bring up how you feel about this issue without attacking her verbally. You then need to listen to what she has to say and then WORK TOGETHER to resolve the issue.
If she is unable/unwilling, then its time for a counselor to get involved so both of you can learn to communicate in a healthy manner. That’s step 1.
Depending on how step 1 goes depends on if the issue can be successfully resolved or not.
My partner and I have been through something similar, not quite as long in between. Our issue was our relationship. We were not communicating well, needs were not being met, and there was a lot of resentment. We started couples counseling and have been working through our issues, and as things have started changing within our relationship, so have things within our sex life. I highly suggest asking if the issue is something bigger than not having the desire.
Recently have kids? Cause yes had somewhat similar situation in and around childbirth. Otherwise my guess is, she is Asexual/greysexual. Look it up. My wife is definitely grey, so the relationship requires some romance. That being said, she’s expected to put in as much effort as I put in, in almost all aspects.
You’re 33. Communicate. If it’s clear that there is no path forward where your needs are met, move on. You’re too young to be in a sexless relationship