When a Mom Respects Her Son, She Respects His wife

My MIL has a son and a daughter. She fully supports her daughter’s relationship even though the guy is honestly terrible. He’s not financially stable, lives with my MIL, has cheated on her daughter, and just overall doesn’t treat her well.

And yet, my MIL loves and respects him.
Because the daughter loves him

Then there’s me the complete opposite in every way. I’ve never cheated on my husband, never made him cry, never done him wrong. I helped him overcome his addiction, supported him in getting healthy, and even helped pay off his debt. I honestly feel like a mother who truly loves her son would be happy he has a woman who stands by him and genuinely cares for his well being.

But that’s not the case here. She hates me, and I genuinely have no idea why. I’ve never done anything to her.

I was always curious why she treats her daughter’s boyfriend with kindness but not me (the woman he’s married too) Then I looked at her relationship with her daughter and her son (my husband)
My husband has a kind heart he’s the nice one in the family. Whatever his mom wants, he provides. His sister is the opposite of him.

I feel like my MIL is more comfortable disrespecting her son than her daughter probably because she knows he won’t push back. It’s sad, because kindness shouldn’t be taken as weakness.

But it helped me realize something the reason my MIL doesn’t like her son’s wife is because she doesn’t truly respect her son. If she did, she would value the woman who loves and supports him. Disliking me for no reason says more about how she views him than it does about me.

Most MIL’s who hate their daughter in law or cause problems in their son’s relationship often don’t realize that it reflects a lack of respect for their own son.

When a mom truly loves and respects her son, she’ll go out of her way to honor and respect the woman he chose even if she wouldn’t have chosen her herself. Respecting his partner is part of respecting his decisions and his happiness.

What I’ve come to learn from my own mom and other incredible mom’s I know is that a mom who leads with love, grace, and emotional maturity helps create peace in her family, not tension.

My mom, for example, has 3 sons, and every one of their wives and girlfriends absolutely loves her. They describe her as kind, warm, thoughtful, and genuinely motherly. She has a healthy bond with each of them not by overstepping, but by being caring and respectful. Some of them have children now, and she’s a wonderful grandmother. She doesn’t try to control her sons or compete for attention. In fact, the women in their lives go to her for advice, trust her deeply, and love her like a second mom. She has built real, lasting connections with all of them. This is how it’s supposed to be if a mom loves/ respects her son.

Unfortunately, my MIL is the opposite. She often behaves in unnecessarily dramatic ways and brings tension into situations that don’t need it. Instead of helping build up her son’s relationship, she makes things harder. It’s exhausting, especially when I’ve seen firsthand how different it could be how healthy and loving the dynamic can look when the mother actually wants peace and respects her son’s partner.

The truth is, the kind of relationship a mother chooses to have with her son’s wife says a lot not just about how she feels about the wife, but about how she values her own son’s happiness. Mother in laws who have problems with their son’s wife often lack emotional intelligence. Most moms raise their sons to grow up, get married, and have families they want the best for them, not drama. Emotionally mature mothers don’t go looking for problems with their daughters in law.

Unfortunately, some women become mothers for the wrong reasons seeking the kind of love they never received from their own husbands or fathers. In those cases, the son becomes the only person they feel they can control. A healthy, emotionally mature woman naturally loves and respects the woman who loves her son. She sees her not as competition, but as a blessing.