Simple as it is, what triggered you to stop people pleasing and start acting in your own interest?
When and how did you learn to put yourself first?
r/AskMen
Simple as it is, what triggered you to stop people pleasing and start acting in your own interest?
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Everybody has a limit. I reached mine a little after in life, but was glad when I did.
After my divorce.
JRE podcast with the founder of Black Rifle Coffee
Because unless I work on myself as a man, I can’t really help anyone.
Understanding that t’s not a selfish or self-centered act to do so.
This might be too personal to be applicable to others but here goes. When I started experimenting with men I felt desired for the first time in my life, women made me feel tolerated. I felt like I had to jump through hoops or somehow trick women into liking me, I still like women too but only the ones who make an effort to woo me, if you’re not gonna make an effort I know a few Asian twinks who will. Probably won’t help but there’s my little story.
When my boss told us we were expendable
I fell in love with myself
Still trying to do that if I’m honest.
As my parents got up in age, it became clear that they were not what you’d call great planners. So while they were wonderful providers and wonderful parents, I ended up stuck in caregiver mode for years.
My mom got breast cancer in 2018 and dad was trying to be her caregiver, but he was getting close to 80 and I ended up looking after her more than he did. Then he broke a hip and had a stroke and a heart attack. Tough old guy still was with us up until 2022, and only his last 6 months were really bad since the dementia made him tougher to deal with. Mom beat the breast cancer, but as soon as dad passed away she was already needing a lot of attention and care. So I spent over 6 years watching two of the three people I love the most slowly fade away and die. Mom just passed earlier this year (January).
So now that it’s just me and my kid, I struggle to not pour everything into kiddo. But I don’t want to be “that” parent who makes their whole life about what the kiddo is doing. She’s working and lives with her girlfriend. We’ve always been close, but now that mom is gone I’m living alone and enjoying the silence if nothing else. Obviously I miss my mom, but she wasn’t “my mom” for years prior to God calling her home. Caregiving is rewarding when you love the patient, but it takes everything from you. When mom passed away, she had next to nothing. What little dad had left us was used for her care. So in my mid 50’s, I found myself with no job, no purpose, no partner since my girlfriend bailed when I started having to care for dad. It’s been a challenge.
But I’ve set up my routine the way I like it. Got a job that I’m really enjoying now. Trying to spend the last 20 or so years of my life trying to enjoy what time I have left. But also still a bit lost from the complete shift in life responsibilities and duties.
When I put many of my friends/acquaintances (and ex GF’s needs) first and now none of them hit me up even though they know for sure where I am. Makes you realize it’s only you against you because people can leave your life for any reason out of your control so giving up on yourself just cuz people leave you in the dust is just not healthy. I’m definitely more self centered than I used to be and it’s only for my protection.
Realize nobody else cares.
Can’t pour from an empty cup
44yo and still learning
At about 48yo
I realized no one else was going to. And even then, it’s still something I struggle with
The second that I realized that my happiness came from helping others while ignoring myself. Helping others is by no means a bad thing, but when it was when it came at the cost of my mental health and well-being.
You guys put yourself first?
Didn’t, was just more selective about who I put ahead of me.
It’s either a breakup, divorce, or a job. There’s a line in the sand usually and once that gets broken there’s no going back to who you were previously