Hi guys,
I’d like your opinion on this topic. Despite men constantly stating that they say what they mean I’ve noticed that a lot of times when my friends and acquaintances ask for advice and I provide one they end up almost being resentful and I feel like I am misreading the signs when someone wants an actual advice or just wants to vent or get their point of view validated.
How can you tell the difference? I am asking men specifically because I feel like I notice those nuances with women better.
Thanks
Comments
I don’t think we actually say what we mean lol
But you can always ask “are you asking for my advice or just venting?”
It’s my rule that unless they specifically say “I would like your advice on this” that I’m assuming they just want to get something off their chest. if I feel I have advice I can give I ask “would you like advice on this?” It puts it in their hands, leaves it up to them.
I’m afraid I can’t help you there much. I’ve never felt the need to vent to anyone. Sure, I can join if you want to complain about some bad situation that affects us both, and I’ll empathise with you. But when I ask for advice, I want ideas on how to resolve an issue, or an offer to help. If I want to work through something I’ll just talk to myself at home. Or better yet, have a conversation with myself in my own head.
But I’m sure different people have different needs, so maybe many of your friends do have a need to just vent. It’s strange to me, but I try not to judge people’s differences.
As for how to know, you don’t. Best way is to just ask “Hey, do you need advice on what to do, or just someone to talk to about it?”
If I ask for advice, I want advice. Pretty simple. I may not like your advice or I may push back against your advice cuz I don’t think it’s appropriate or cuz it doesn’t solve my problem, but I still want your advice.
When i complain about something. I just want to vent. When i asks what you think or for advice. Then i want advice.