Probably around the time “grind culture” became inspirational and we started calling basic decency “emotional labor.” When flexing online got louder than helping offline, kindness took a backseat to clout.
They are too many people in this world competing for an even dwindling supply of resources, so naturally people are going to compete with, and turn on, each other, some for the sheer entertainment value of preying on their fellow humans because they know no better.
Hmm, it feels like sometimes the world just got… louder? With everything moving so fast and everyone online, maybe we just got a bit lost in our own corners. But I still see good people helping each other every day. Maybe the kindness is still there, just quieter sometimes
We used to live in communities where everyone relied on each other—whether for survival or just daily life. But when the Industrial Revolution hit, everything changed. People moved to cities, factories became the heart of economies, and suddenly, success was all about standing out as an individual. Over time, ads, media, and now social media taught us that it’s all about “me”—my brand, my success, my image. We stopped looking out for each other as much and started focusing on getting ahead on our own
Lots of social media answers here because Reddit skews younger. The answer is Reagan. We may not have realized it until iPhones, instagram, and MAGA, but it started when corporate America and right wing think tanks successfully got their pitchman elected president.
It happened with the gradual loss of actual communities. Cars over Public Transit means you aren’t spending time around other people in your area. TV’s to watch all day means you aren’t hanging out at the park with your neighbors. Zoning laws that have virtually made ‘third places’ ( a place other than home and work to hang out, relax and socialize, like a local pub) illegal.
Put these all together and you get extremely isolated from even you next door neighbors, and you no longer have an IRL community.
Most people only have enough care in them for their social circle and immediate community. As cities and societies grew larger, this became more apparent.
BUT…you can still find pockets of community depending on where you live. I live in a great community! Our neighborhood gets together all the time, our kids play with one another, we have BBQ’s, parties, enjoy the holidays with one another. We lend equipment, vehicles, etc to one another, it is the best!
There’s just a lot of people doing a lot of things independently.
This may surprise the terminally online but most people, including you, follow your community’s rules mostly without thinking. Society is still mostly well ordered and not some mad max hellscape.
I just heard a piece on NPR about this. They said it’s phones. People are getting the majority of their needs meet through phones, which makes more people narcissistic.
It’s Boomers, their parents fought to make society better and their kids lives better, they had kids and then the grandparents helped out. Now boomers only care about themselves, hardly help with grandkids and want everything for them. It’s the most selfish generation ever.
When I can get in trouble because I tell a friend he’s gaining weight because I’m body shaming.
Or tell someone they are ridiculous because they think they’re a dog – that’s when I (personally) realized I don’t care to improve the lives of people who are offended so easily.
Honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to social media completely rotting the way we interact.
It’s not just that people are more selfish now. It’s that if you don’t hold exactly the right opinion – even if you’re 95% in agreement but 5% questioning something – you’re treated like absolute scum. Screamed at. Insulted. Called every name under the sun. And it’s not just fringe nutjobs doing it, it’s normal people, neighbours, friends, family.
Entitlement’s exploded too. Somewhere along the line, “community” stopped meaning giving and started meaning everyone owes me. People act like they’re entitled to your care, your energy, your help, your sympathy. And if you don’t give it exactly how they want it, or fast enough, or without asking questions then you’re suddenly a monster.
I used to genuinely care about a lot of different groups. I really did. But over time, so many of those same groups treated me like absolute shit for not parroting everything perfectly that I just… stopped. Why the fuck would I keep caring about people who show me nothing but hatred because I think slightly differently?
And yeah, I absolutely blame social media. The bots, the algorithms, the endless outrage loops. It’s messing with all of us, not just “them.” It’s amplifying stuff we might have had small, human arguments about into these massive, relationship-ending battles. It’s pushing us into getting obsessed with causes and identities and “teams” in ways that just weren’t happening before.
Lockdown didn’t help either. It killed a lot of human connection. Stuck us all behind screens, cut off from body language, eye contact, real conversations. We got used to seeing people as text boxes and profile pictures instead of human beings. Makes it a lot easier to be cruel.
It’s not just one thing, rather a whole storm of thing. But yeah, social media lit the match.
Started mainly in the late 70s. Was mostly complete by the early 2000s. Efforts to build it back have hit many barriers but one the biggest is the arrival of smart phones and social media.
I think I began to notice it around the dawn of social media and reality entertainment TV. But it must have been before, because those things kind of came about with the big shift. And I also agree with some of the others who have said, “we always were this way” or “it’s not different now, the differences just got louder.”
I think with society the way it is kindness and community focus has to become a lot more conscious and intentional to be noticeable at all.
What’s hilarious is this post was right under a post depicting a medieval torture device, the iron bull (a person is placed inside an iron bull, a fire is lit underneath and they burn/steam to death while steam shoots out of the bull’s nostrils).
If you look at history you can see that both happen a lot. Truth be told we as a species can and often do both and within the same lifespan. I am sure in your life you have been both those things, kind and community focused but also having times where you care only for yourself.
I try to be as respectful and as civil as possible and think communication is king. I want and often do try to help others in what little ways I can but I also know I need to care about myself mainly because there aren’t others who will. There are also people I know I can’t help and that there are just so many ways I can help and be kind to others. There are people so vitriolic and hateful that being kind is just lost on them because even being kind can be purposefully misconstrued as being an attack.
Comments
Probably around the time “grind culture” became inspirational and we started calling basic decency “emotional labor.” When flexing online got louder than helping offline, kindness took a backseat to clout.
When we went from small tribes to hierarchies
Growth of capitalism and the widening of the economic class gap
When the economy shifted and we were left ignored and starved
They are too many people in this world competing for an even dwindling supply of resources, so naturally people are going to compete with, and turn on, each other, some for the sheer entertainment value of preying on their fellow humans because they know no better.
When the self-facing camera came out. Prior to social media and the front camera, we did not view everything through our own lens.
Man is a herd animal and prefers small groups.
If groups get too large, man focuses more on himself because of competition from his own kind.
Hmm, it feels like sometimes the world just got… louder? With everything moving so fast and everyone online, maybe we just got a bit lost in our own corners. But I still see good people helping each other every day. Maybe the kindness is still there, just quieter sometimes
Probably when social media became a thing.
It feels like the tipping point was after Covid.
Thousands and thousands of years ago?
When community became content and kindness became currency, we stopped being neighbors and started being brands
I think it was the 80s.
We used to live in communities where everyone relied on each other—whether for survival or just daily life. But when the Industrial Revolution hit, everything changed. People moved to cities, factories became the heart of economies, and suddenly, success was all about standing out as an individual. Over time, ads, media, and now social media taught us that it’s all about “me”—my brand, my success, my image. We stopped looking out for each other as much and started focusing on getting ahead on our own
Probably when Wi-Fi got faster than human conversations.
Since Trump divided the states, left or right. We used to be united.
Sometime after the growth of agriculture?
I’m personally not a fan of “golden age” tropes.
Life was much harder in the past and the idea of community was never straightforward.
When was society ever kind? And which society are we talking about anyway?
Probably after Reagan. So, the 80s
It’s always been that way, the catalyst of social media has just now brought it into the spotlight
Population increases, the community is pitted against other communities
Red hats vs rainbow vs etc etc etc
If I had to pinpoint it it changed after 9/11
Lots of social media answers here because Reddit skews younger. The answer is Reagan. We may not have realized it until iPhones, instagram, and MAGA, but it started when corporate America and right wing think tanks successfully got their pitchman elected president.
About the same time social media became popular
Voting Republican in the US is a vote for the self. Republicans have no interest in the common good in any way.
During Covid.
We were never kind, you’re idealizing community focus. I am sure it was much worse than individualism, having everyone interfering with your life.
When 24 hour tv kicked in. Stations needed to create more content and if it bleeds, it leads
It happened with the gradual loss of actual communities. Cars over Public Transit means you aren’t spending time around other people in your area. TV’s to watch all day means you aren’t hanging out at the park with your neighbors. Zoning laws that have virtually made ‘third places’ ( a place other than home and work to hang out, relax and socialize, like a local pub) illegal.
Put these all together and you get extremely isolated from even you next door neighbors, and you no longer have an IRL community.
Pretty much when Covid hit and divided us into idealogical camps.
Turns out, if you tell a bunch of people you want them to die because they don’t want a shot, they stop caring about you.
2012
Always been.
Most people only have enough care in them for their social circle and immediate community. As cities and societies grew larger, this became more apparent.
Never, the internet just made it obvious.
The Bible predicts that this will happen when the end times get closer.
It was either Thatcher or Big Brother for me
Personally, I’m becoming more and more convinced it was sometime after the Enlightenment Era in the 19th Century when we switched to Neoliberalism?
There are some pretty compelling articles and videos essays on it actually.
Internet, cell phones, social media.
BUT…you can still find pockets of community depending on where you live. I live in a great community! Our neighborhood gets together all the time, our kids play with one another, we have BBQ’s, parties, enjoy the holidays with one another. We lend equipment, vehicles, etc to one another, it is the best!
It never shifted.
There’s just a lot of people doing a lot of things independently.
This may surprise the terminally online but most people, including you, follow your community’s rules mostly without thinking. Society is still mostly well ordered and not some mad max hellscape.
For now
My theory is that it’s always been like this and the internet and social media only brought awareness to it.
If anything, being kind and community focused was the anomaly.
I just heard a piece on NPR about this. They said it’s phones. People are getting the majority of their needs meet through phones, which makes more people narcissistic.
It’s Boomers, their parents fought to make society better and their kids lives better, they had kids and then the grandparents helped out. Now boomers only care about themselves, hardly help with grandkids and want everything for them. It’s the most selfish generation ever.
80s
February 29, 1980
it was never kind but was community focused.
the good old days of communial living had a lot of downsides, abuse, sexism, etc etc. these things are less tolerated these days
When I can get in trouble because I tell a friend he’s gaining weight because I’m body shaming.
Or tell someone they are ridiculous because they think they’re a dog – that’s when I (personally) realized I don’t care to improve the lives of people who are offended so easily.
Job markets tightening, more people more highly qualified with jobs being consolidated so that one person does what 3-4 used to do hasn’t helped.
Honestly, I think a lot of it comes down to social media completely rotting the way we interact.
It’s not just that people are more selfish now. It’s that if you don’t hold exactly the right opinion – even if you’re 95% in agreement but 5% questioning something – you’re treated like absolute scum. Screamed at. Insulted. Called every name under the sun. And it’s not just fringe nutjobs doing it, it’s normal people, neighbours, friends, family.
Entitlement’s exploded too. Somewhere along the line, “community” stopped meaning giving and started meaning everyone owes me. People act like they’re entitled to your care, your energy, your help, your sympathy. And if you don’t give it exactly how they want it, or fast enough, or without asking questions then you’re suddenly a monster.
I used to genuinely care about a lot of different groups. I really did. But over time, so many of those same groups treated me like absolute shit for not parroting everything perfectly that I just… stopped. Why the fuck would I keep caring about people who show me nothing but hatred because I think slightly differently?
And yeah, I absolutely blame social media. The bots, the algorithms, the endless outrage loops. It’s messing with all of us, not just “them.” It’s amplifying stuff we might have had small, human arguments about into these massive, relationship-ending battles. It’s pushing us into getting obsessed with causes and identities and “teams” in ways that just weren’t happening before.
Lockdown didn’t help either. It killed a lot of human connection. Stuck us all behind screens, cut off from body language, eye contact, real conversations. We got used to seeing people as text boxes and profile pictures instead of human beings. Makes it a lot easier to be cruel.
It’s not just one thing, rather a whole storm of thing. But yeah, social media lit the match.
Started mainly in the late 70s. Was mostly complete by the early 2000s. Efforts to build it back have hit many barriers but one the biggest is the arrival of smart phones and social media.
It didn’t. Those in power just want you to think it did.
I think I began to notice it around the dawn of social media and reality entertainment TV. But it must have been before, because those things kind of came about with the big shift. And I also agree with some of the others who have said, “we always were this way” or “it’s not different now, the differences just got louder.”
I think with society the way it is kindness and community focus has to become a lot more conscious and intentional to be noticeable at all.
social media in our pockets
When did Columbus “discover” “America?”
What’s hilarious is this post was right under a post depicting a medieval torture device, the iron bull (a person is placed inside an iron bull, a fire is lit underneath and they burn/steam to death while steam shoots out of the bull’s nostrils).
We were always individualistic. If you didn’t put yourself first back then, you just died before you could continue your gene pool.
If you look at history you can see that both happen a lot. Truth be told we as a species can and often do both and within the same lifespan. I am sure in your life you have been both those things, kind and community focused but also having times where you care only for yourself.
I try to be as respectful and as civil as possible and think communication is king. I want and often do try to help others in what little ways I can but I also know I need to care about myself mainly because there aren’t others who will. There are also people I know I can’t help and that there are just so many ways I can help and be kind to others. There are people so vitriolic and hateful that being kind is just lost on them because even being kind can be purposefully misconstrued as being an attack.
1960’s
When the Church began to embrace Trump.
No seriously.
Inflation causing people to barely make ends meet is what did it
What do you mean “shift?” When did this supposed shift happen?