When did you notice people treating you differently because of your appearance?
When did you notice people treating you differently because of your appearance?
r/AskWomen
When did you notice people treating you differently because of your appearance?
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After losing a ton of weight and getting fit. The thing is that I struggle(d) really bad with body dysmorphia, so it really annoys me when people say it’s the CoNfIdEnCe. I assure you, it is not. It was night and day. It wasn’t just people flirting, that would be one thing. It was just general kindness from the public. Suddenly I was seen as worthy having small talk with. People didn’t flinch when they saw me. Doctors automatically assumed I was truthful about my ailments.
After high school. When I wasn’t around the same people I’d grown up with who saw me as a shy nerd. I had a “glow up” with my style and hair. But also a confidence glow up when I wasn’t surrounded by people who i felt would judge me for every move i made. Suddenly people wanted to be my friend, I was getting male attention I never had, and women were so much nicer to me. But more than physical, I think it’s the confidence to be myself and dress how I want and act how I want that made me appear better and more desirable.
When I gained weight, hit puberty and started wearing makeup. I used to be picked on and ostracized as a kid/tween for my acne and how thin I was, when I finally discovered I could cover my acne and grew boobs, suddenly people were so much nicer to me and didn’t treat me like I didn’t exist.
Although it is a wide fact, losing weight will make people look at you more. To go deeper, it is the way you carry your weight and in turn yourself. Being able to walk with no knee, hip or back pain is an underrated luxury that makes you appear more confident and overall more attractive. I have been very fit, but walked and carried myself terribly. Once I started moving my body in a way that lead to no pain was the real secret.
Also, people can notice shame subconsciously. If you have a bad vice or habit, or you’re not doing what you know you should be, you carry a certain energy that pretty much repels people. (Binge eating is my personal experience, but you notice it in alcoholics or chronic people pleasers)
When I turned 11 and was in a B cup. The world was no longer so kind to me.
right now tbh. losing a bunch of weight atm and I noticed that the looks I get from guys are different and more frequent than they were before.
I don’t remember a time where I didn’t know that I was treated differently because of the way I look. I was an ugly kid who grew into an uglier adult. It was always pretty obvious.
After losing a lot of weight, I noticed I got a lot of compliments – especially from people I knew. People were much more open on commenting on my body. I got more compliments on things like my outfit too. A random teenager once approached me (a young adult, but I look much younger) to call me cute.
When I order food, I noticed that people seem to give me more now. People are nicer to me. It’s nice, but really goes to show how shallow people are. And I have to be careful to make it clear that I’m an adult in certain situations.
In the last few years after gaining weight.
In the last 5 years I’ve gained and lost 120 lbs. I’ve seen it all in behavior changes lol.
In my 20s, i gained a bunch of weight. Didn’t really notice being treated any differently. Then in my 30s I got my act together, lost a bunch of weight, and also gained some serious muscle. All of a sudden, I was no longer invincible. People randomly started talking to me on the street, I got interviewed on the news a few times, and the creepy men started creeping again. I hadn’t even noticed that I had become invisible until it reversed itself
Always, since I was a little kid. Very creepy in hindsight.
High school. I lost weight and suddenly people who ignored me before started extra friendly.
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I was always a “pretty child”, but it was when I was 13 and got a job at a golf course for the summer. Mind you I was NOT physically mature at that point, I was a very late bloomer, but oh boy. The middle aged men… some I knew as dads of classmates, wouldn’t leave me alone. Creepy comments, stares and inappropriate behaviour got so intense I was demoted from reception to ball pickup. The young men working there were no better. It was an eye opening experience to say the least…
Oh since I could remember. I have ALWAYS been bullied for my appearance among other things.
I come from a relatively poor background. Once I started earning, I started taking better care of my appearance a.k.a dressing well, grooming, and adding a few accessories. The difference in how people treated me was almost immediate. I was overlooked in college but I suddenly found people at work and otherwise more eager to interact with me. It felt as though I had gained a new level of respect, all because just because of how I presented myself. Funnily enough, the one person who treated me the same before and after (apart from my family ofc) is now my husband.
I’ve lost my mobility recently and need to use a walking stick. I was never a woman people would stare at or anything but when I walk down the street now I feel completely invisible.
In some ways, it’s good. I don’t want attention from drunk men in the street so I feel a bit safer in that regard, but there has been a couple of instances where I’ve felt a lot more vulnerable because I’m not able to run away.
I do get pitying looks from people now but I don’t mind that so much because I know that’s just people trying to be kind.
I was a normal looking child and I was social enough and had friends but I became ugly when I went through puberty and that was when I noticed people treating me differently. I’ve always been treated differently for most of my teenage and adult life but within the past few years people have become more hostile. My eyes and eyelids look uncanny and bad from regrettably having had multiple eyelids surgeries. I’m also androgynous looking and because of the political climate towards trans people people are usually disgusted by me. People have become unhinged post covid as well. I constantly get called ugly and have people scoffing at me.
When I was in HS and suddenly my teammates were asking me why I was stuffing (I wasn’t) and again 10 years later when I gained 40 lbs and about 5 – 7 sizes.
When I was 18, I was walking with two of my friends to a class and this guy we knew in passing came up to us. Talked to both of my friends but ignored me like I wasn’t even there.
Two things were then brought to my attention. (1) My two friends were conventionally more attractive than me. (2) They didn’t want to be in that situation at all. He finally noticed I was there when I pulled them down the hall and away from him.
When I lost weight
Different to others…
People I’m around would mention something they didn’t experience or being surprised at, and it was normal for me. Or some would just straight up make comments like “oh, you won’t understand because you’re pretty” type of thing. So I started being a bit more aware or seeing how others were being treated/interacted with and realised my experience is kind of different.
Extremely mild version with zero judgement (that I care about, I guess, lol): I am an old graveyard/junk-punk/goth from back in the day. I have an office job and am too tired to officegoth much of the time. Besides, I was a torn jeans goth, not a pencilskirt goth. I hate skirts and dresses. I have carer responsibilities and too much shit to do. I dress shapeless in black and am a middle aged mum with saggy jowls and grey hair.
But sometimes, every few years, I go full goth just for fun of it (halloween or w/e) and go that way on public transport and into the office. Hair sprayed? UP. Black lipstick? ON. Multiple petticoats? Yes. Black umbrella, black briefcase? Yes. Boobs? Becorsetted.
Inevitably I get treated much, much more intensively. If it was good? It’s better. If it was bad? It’s worse. But this is just because I stand out a hell of a lot more. You don’t get small talk dressed like this really, people either avoid you, yell insults, or they stare or you get a ‘hell yes’ comment. It is funny to be able to convert instantly from ‘shapeless invisible woman’ to ‘weird aunt with fixation’.
When I lost a bunch of weight and got fit. It was like I suddenly became visible to people, and not just men. Now I’m past 3 pregnancies and nearly 40, I’m invisible again. It’s nice tho lol.
Seeing how people treat my female friends who are not white or bigger or less conventionally attractive than me. I’m no stunner, but my shell is socially acceptable, and it’s like I have a big green “PASS” on my forehead.
I think it’s a common thread that people get treated differently when they’re thin compared to being overweight but you will never understand the full extent to how cruel people are. I was over 240 (I’m only 5’1 so I looked a lot bigger) I was looked at every time I ate out in public, I was ignored, laughed at and common decency was unheard of. When all the weight was lost (I’m 130 now) the only thing that stood out to me in the beginning was how I had doors opened for me. It sounds silly but I felt like I was treated like an equal for the first time. I understand how “pretty privilege” gets you better jobs, better opportunities and most importantly people were just overall more kind to you and to be honest that’s all I ever wanted.
The second my boobs started to come in when I was about 10 my grandfather would never look me in the eyes anymore. His eyes are constantly on my breasts. That is also when the weird comments started like him saying how I’m his favorite grandchild and how he wants to see more of me and how mature I was for my age. It just got worse every year because he got more touchy and creepy and my dad always just said this is what I get for being a beautiful young girl.
when i got a boob job
Going from pseudo flat chested to having boobs in 6th grade, but like… big ones. I was excited at first but they quickly became a burden and gave me tons of unwanted attention.
I’ve always been thin and relatively tall but in 7th grade my lankiness skyrocketed, looked like my limbs were too long and tiny for my frame and my teeth were too big for my head. Got bullied for it.
In college I was still skinny but began filling out in terms of proportions (as many do). I’ve also always had stomach problems and my junior year I lost a ton of weight bc for months I had trouble keeping food down. My waist slimmed down quite a bit during those months. 2nd year of college and on people would call me pretty but when I lost my stomach weight they began commenting on my whole body, not just my face and boobs.
Thankfully I gained that weight back once I got treated for my stomach stuff. A few years later (now) I got on ADHD meds. Since starting them in Feb I’ve lost 13 lbs. My waist? Disappeared again. Same thing happened with the compliments as above. Since college people often call me beautiful but nowadays they comment on my entire figure again. Not opposed to losing the weight I’ve lost, I just wish I had lost it a different way. I don’t see myself stopping my stimulants anytime soon but I’m gonna try to workout to gain some more weight in the form of muscle.
Very young. I have a twin brother and until about age 10 we were just kids, the same for the most part. Then I wasn’t allowed to play with him and his guy friends anymore, he got to do sports and activities I was discouraged from, I was the only one asked to help mom clean, and eventually even he started getting awkward around me as I got older.
It seemed like my appearance geared my life towards less fun and a whole lot of unwanted attention.
Middle school when I started wearing makeup and dressing differently. Suddenly I was “pretty” and people were a lot nicer. Kinda messed with my head
The day I dyed my hair blonde was wild. Same personality same brain but suddenly guys were explaining things to me like I’d never heard of basic concepts before.
I got bullied a lot for being fat. Then I dropped a lot of weight and noticed everyone being so much nicer, even my former bullies.
I was fit before and then I got health problems and had a brain surgery, was bedbound for two years and gained 50kg. When I could do normal stuff again I was no longer the option to be the friend to take out, lost every bit of social life I had eventho I kept in touch with everyone while I was bedbound but when they saw how fat I got I was all of a sudden ignored.
I am on the journey to lose all the weight, have lost 18kg so far but I am taking it on a slow pace and have oversized clothing so no one can see me. I am also over 30y now so to just bounce back is hard.
The gray hair started coming in when I was in my early thirties. Suddenly everyone assumed I was older and wiser but also that I was boring or out of touch.