What’s a moment you realized you were done people-pleasing, and how did it change your life? Looking for stories that inspired your inner power.
When did you stop being a people-pleaser—and what happened next?
r/AskWomen
What’s a moment you realized you were done people-pleasing, and how did it change your life? Looking for stories that inspired your inner power.
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I’ve had some close friends drop me because I finally stood up for myself when they didn’t respect me. I realized others didn’t respect me because I didn’t respect myself.
I stood up to my biological parents; I was tired, depressed, and completely over their abusive tendencies towards me. Of course, they continued to physically and psychologically abuse me, but I’m out now.
For me, it wasn’t a singular moment. It’s been a conscious, deliberate, and purposeful practice (and still is, though now it’s easier).
I was always aware that I was a “softie” and felt deeply uncomfortable saying no to someone, but especially around the age of 30-35, I just got a bit more fed up.
It started small with things like speaking up if someone cuts in line, or saying no to events and opportunities I didn’t care for.
But then I had kids, and now, I do not have the energy, time, or fucks to give to anyone who is asking something of me (who isn’t a dear friend or loved family members).
I stopped being a people pleaser the day I realized I was exhausted trying to keep everyone happy but myself. At first, it felt selfish, but then it felt like freedom. I started saying “no” without guilt, setting boundaries, and choosing peace over approval. The right people stayed, and life got a whole lot quieter in the best way
It was more of a process for me. I think a lot of it was just getting older. Because the older I’ve gotten the more of my fucks have disappeared. But I think becoming chronically ill and having that get worse as I get older really taught me that it’s okay to prioritize myself.
Can’t remember what book I read that made the penny drop but it was talking about separating other people’s problems from your problems. People close to you can make it feel like their problems are yours to solve. So I started stepping back and asking myself “whose problem is this to solve” and it was life changing. Bit hard at first to hold the boundary but once you feel that massive weight lift off your shoulders it’s pure heaven
It’s kinda lonely, I have to be honest. And there was a hell of a lot of anger that needed to get out (still is, but it’s much much better). But my brain ceased motoring, and the body started slowly relaxing. And I got off the medications for anxiety and depression.
Learning to choose myself in regards to my family relationships really got me more self respect and respect of others, and my boundaries were honored each time I stayed firm. My friends also adjusted to me not being always unavailable and I’m blessed that it hasn’t cost me anyone I wanted to keep. It feels so good to stand in my power and move authentically!
It wasa moment when I realised that even though my people pleasing tendencies made me liked by many, I started genuinely resent and borderline hate people. I am dismissive avoidant and I was raised as people pleaser. So it ended up with me trying to please many people, even though I hated that and felt suffocated and overwhelmed, me hating that many people want to be around me, being severely depressed for years and years and feeling like I’m drowning. I was raised to people-please so that I’d have friends and be liked. I realised that there’s no point in being liked if it makes me feel like I’m abandoning myself and hate those who like me. It actually freed me. It made me feel like I can breathe. For once. After many many years.
Stop doing that with my ex. We broke up regardless but the weeks leading up to it, I felt more comfortable standing my ground and having boundaries.
He showed his true colours the moment I did.
I started saying “No” which felt super uncomfortable but I sat with that discomfort because I wanted to know how it felt to live in accordance with my values, rather than my ex-spouse.
Over time, the discomfort eroded away and I was left with a far easier time asserting myself.
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I was diagnosed with ADHD late in life and it’s like the final puzzle piece finally fit into place and everything made sense. I was the first girl in the family to get a diagnosis of ADHD, beforehand it was only ever the boys in the family that got diagnosed with it like my cousin and two of my nephews. They got away with so many things because they were diagnosed young and their parents used it as an excuse so they never had to be held accountable or hold any responsibility, whereas I was held to a different standard and if I spoke out of turn, questioned someone’s authority or spoke a bit too honestly I was scolded and pulled up on it. Eventually I had an epiphany that I’m now a grown adult, I’m fully entitled to my own opinion and to speak honestly about how I feel or what I think and I shouldn’t have to make myself smaller to fit someone else’s expectations. I wasn’t put on this earth to live up to other people’s expectations and they weren’t put here to live up to mine. I didn’t need to walk on eggshells because I was afraid of putting someone out with my honesty. I had a whole new lease on life and I’m so much better for it
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At 20, my parents were giving me adult responsibilities but want me to be parented like a kid still. I was studying full-time and worked at my parents’ restaurant. Whenever they went away I manage the place and looked after my 12 and 13yo siblings. They found out I stayed overnight at ex’s and upset that I had sex before marriage – they kicked me out the same night.
If I recovered mentally from being rejected by own parents, I’ll be fine with whoever else that does the same when I’m older, so I won’t try to appease anyone anymore. No other rejection will be worse – I had my worst one. Onwards and upwards!
I was taken advantage of. Doing favors for my MIL turned into expectations and she would hold grudges and get disappointed when I didn’t allow for her to tell me what to do. I no longer allowed for her to assume I can just do favors for her on a whim. I want us to have a good relationship, but I refuse to be taken advantage of anymore. I just couldn’t take it.
I learned after that, that I’m not a bad person for saying no. I still like helping people and I will when I can because that’s just who I am. I don’t expect anything in return and I don’t hang it over people’s heads. But I won’t always say yes, and I don’t help people who can’t handle a no or a compromise.