I’m 31 this year. When do you stop feeling so unfulfilled or lost? I unsteadily job hop. I’m not married but my boyfriend and I have been together about 3 years. Neither of us have any intention on having kids. I used to think I knew exactly what I wanted as an adult and I have barely done any of it but at the same time I feel like I do a lot of things that other 30-year-old in my life don’t do. I don’t own a house. I don’t even own my car lol. I just feel like I am behind and sometimes that I’m lesser than others. I feel like the things I enjoy are immature and the way I act and dress but I enjoy it even when it makes me insecure I guess. When did you start feeling like you know who you are and know what you want and are actively trying to achieve so. I feel like I’m doing nothing and going nowhere. I’m happy with parts of my life but not others. Maybe I’m giving too much energy to the things I enjoy because I don’t want to try hard enough to fix the parts I don’t like.
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Accept who you are and what you like. Be confident in who you are. Start doing the things you want to do and that make you feel happy instead of what you think you’re supposed to be doing or like. Be brave enough to follow your own path and live the life you actually want. And stop comparing yourself to others.
I’m 31 also and let me tell you I’m in a similar situation. Definitely imagined my life at 30 would be much different when I was younger. But I’m still fighting everyday in every way that I can to feel like my life is not a total waste and yeah, it ain’t easy. But I’ll say this, I HATE when people around me think just because I’m now an adult that I should start to abandon things that made me feel happy when I was a child. On the contrary, I wanna hold on to them even MORE. I think you should too. F everyone up as much as you can with your ‘childish’ passions, especially those who think you should be ashamed.
I decided who I wanted to be once I realized fate doesn’t exist and no one was going to appear in a puff of smoke and hand me a purpose and passion.
For some people, career is everything and they work toward that. For others, a job is simply something that allows you to survive and focus on your leisures and passions. There’s no single right answer except what you want for yourself. There is no overall purpose to life (except to be kind to other people), which leaves you free to contribute however feels right to you.
My life improved EXPONENTIALLY once I said, “If no one helped me achieve what I want, how could I get it anyway?” and then I took full control of my actions and choices. If there’s a god, they’re busy. If luck exists, I’d rather it help me go from 90% to 100% than 0-10%. So, I decided what I wanted, and I work every day to get it.
If you don’t know what you want, that means you’re free to try out a thousand different things and find something that suits you. It means you’re free to sit with yourself for a while and figure out what you ACTUALLY want out of your life. That might be a homestead. Or it might be doing cosplay. Or it might be starting a fantasy masquerade ball business. It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that it’s what you want to do and you do it with gusto.
Just embrace the idea that “it’s all on you” and then celebrate every big and small win you get on your way to the life you want.
I became happy when I stopped trying to shove myself into the box of what other people think I should be like, care about, etc, AND when I had checked all the boxes I cared about.
I do care about some typical things like progressing in my career, making good money, and owning a home. I’ve done those things. Otherwise, I cared a lot more about living a life that is true to me, much of it in less conventional ways.
Basically, if the people who knew me best wrote my obituary, would I like what they came up with? I changed things around until the answer was yes. Essentially, I had to become an interesting person to myself before I was happy with my approach to life.
Still waiting for that day to happen.
The average 30 year old does not own a house, at least here in the US.
More than 70% of Americans are driving a car they technically do not own.
The “immature interests” thing? That’s kind of bananas, girl. You can enjoy whatever you want as long as it is legal. People may think it’s silly or weird or whatever, but so freakin’ what? It isn’t like people with sophisticated tastes get a golden key that opens doors to opportunities that the rest of us don’t get.
I’m 47. I go to sleep each night watching funny cat videos. Sometimes I catch myself humming the theme song to Thundercats. I talk to my cat like she’s a person. I cried tears of joy the other day because I caught her sitting atop of her new cat tree because I’m low-key worried that she doesn’t like living with me. All of these things are kind of cringe to people who can’t relate. But that’s OK. I am not trying to impress that kind of people anyway.
I stopped feeling lost in life when I did something really awesome on the job and got my first taste of rockstar treatment. Overnight I went from feeling like a nobody who had questionable life choices to a somebody with zero regrets. This happened when I was about 37 or 38. This is around the time when it really sunk in that for other people, finding a partner and having kids is what gives their life meaning but that for me, it’s my work. For the past ten years, this is what has grounded me. Yeah, yeah, one day I won’t have work and I’ll have to grapple with an identity crisis. But if all the angsty empty-nester divorcees are able to find their next chapter, so can I.
Looking back, it was kind of crazy that I thought I was supposed to have everything figured out when I was 30. There is nothing magical about this age. Yes, it is the age when a lot of people do start acting like mature, responsible grown ups. But a lot of that is performance.
I think you might need some goals or something to work towards. Sounds like you’re a bit lost (job hopping etc). I dont think that’s bad, by the way, it just helps with confidence and feeling secure in decisions when it’s aligned to a plan. And make sure it’s your plan, not someone else’s. Don’t compare yourself to others (particularly their highlights reel). No need to own a house, ever, so maybe a goal would be to learn how to decorate small spaces (just making this up lol). Instead of a job/career goal, allocate some time to volunteer.
I have felt lost sometimes but never unfulfilled. I ahead appreciated each stage as it was, and I think having some personal milestones have helped.
When I turned 28 and realized Jesus is real, it gave my life meaning and hope. Without faith in something bigger than yourself your life will always been somewhat meaningless.
When I was 23 and I moved out of my parents’ house and realized I could choose to do whatever I wanted to do.
Edit: I’m 37 and I’ve never owned a car. Never felt unfulfilled for that reason, actually love it.
I was an absolute shitshow at 31. I dropped out of multiple academic programs from ages 21-27, got married and separated within a year at 29, ran away from my life to be a wilderness guide at 30.
I managed to re-enroll in uni and finally get my undergrad degree and then applied to a professional masters program. Now at 40 I’ve been working for 5 years and making good money and enjoying my job most days. I joke that I can never retire since I started my career so late.
All this to say you are not alone.
I did have moments when I wanted to drop out of my professional program because it was hard, I was struggling with anxiety and I didn’t have good study habits. But at that point it felt do or die for me because I was so sick of feeling worthless and broke (yes I was hard on myself and the reality is that I was not worthless – I was just broke).
Good luck in digging in and making some choices to improve your life – whatever they are. Small consistent efforts over time works.
P.S I’m by no means recommending my path. I have a load of student debt and I might never get it paid off. And I’m in Canada where I think uni is loads cheaper.
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