33M, turn 34 in October. I am stuck. I still live in my hometown, in a duplex opposite my mother and aunt (who reside together, I reside in a separate but connected unit), I drive an hour to work and work for a salaried state job with decent benefits that is high stress and I don’t get compensated for any overtime (paid for straight 40 hours, frequently work 50+/week). I have not had a real relationship in many years. Women don’t gravitate towards me. I’ve never been married, have no children, and feel like I never will at this point. The town I live in is small, as are the immediate surrounding cities, relatively speaking, and the dating pool is shallower than a retention pond. Besides that, there is hardly anything to do here other than the beach, other bodies of water, and ATV parks with my four wheeler. I want to leave; I yearn for a new beginning, but I’m in my mid-30’s and feel like it might be too late. Please provide me whatever advice/guidance you can. Even if it’s just HOW to start; I would have no idea where to even decide to go should I choose to make any big decision like this.
TLDR: I am a mid-30s loser who technically still lives with his mother and is desiring change, but feel like I’ve waited too long at this point. Any help/assistance/advice would be appreciated.
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Since you shitlords like to delete your posts, here’s an original copy of /u/KeyEquivalent4076’s post (if available):
33M, turn 34 in October. I am stuck. I still live in my hometown, in a duplex opposite my mother and aunt (who reside together, I reside in a separate but connected unit), I drive an hour to work and work for a salaried state job with decent benefits that is high stress and I don’t get compensated for any overtime (paid for straight 40 hours, frequently work 50+/week). I have not had a real relationship in many years. Women don’t gravitate towards me. I’ve never been married, have no children, and feel like I never will at this point. The town I live in is small, as are the immediate surrounding cities, relatively speaking, and the dating pool is shallower than a retention pond. Besides that, there is hardly anything to do here other than the beach, other bodies of water, and ATV parks with my four wheeler. I want to leave; I yearn for a new beginning, but I’m in my mid-30’s and feel like it might be too late. Please provide me whatever advice/guidance you can. Even if it’s just HOW to start; I would have no idea where to even decide to go should I choose to make any big decision like this.
TLDR: I am a mid-30s loser who technically still lives with his mother and is desiring change, but feel like I’ve waited too long at this point. Any help/assistance/advice would be appreciated.
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When the achievement you’re trying to do is an uphill battle.
When you’re dead.
You only go around once. Think about this fact. This life is not practice.
William James, the father of modern psychology, said: “To change ones life: Start immediately. Do it flamboyantly.”
In other words, just do it!
I went on a 79 day cruise. Two old folks – probably both in their late seventies decided to fall in love and get married. The captain held the ceremony for them. After the cruise he went back to sell his house and then he went to her place to join her. I chatted with a friend who does a lot of cruises and she bumped into them again a couple years later. They were happy – sharing a home – family were supportive.
Good for them. You can make changes and get even more out of life.
Whoa, dude, you’re only in your thirties. I thought this post was coming from someone who’d 65. That’s like someone halfway through university saying “it’s too late to change my career”
You’re not even close to too young to change your life. Hell, by the time you’re 50 you probably don’t even notice or remember that you did at this point, but you will notice or regret it if you don’t
You can make any change in your life at any time. You don’t need anyone’s approval or permission.
The best time to start was 15 years ago. The second best time is now. Go get your power back.
It’s the usual advice: the best time to do this was 10 years ago; the next best time is now.
Life will force major life changes. At 33 pains in my legs made it impossible to keep my management job and farming, so I quit the management job and enrolled in a truck driving school and soon was driving 18 wheelers. Ever looking for a way to be more prosperous at 35 I owned my own truck and trucking company. At 45 I catch my wife cheating and the ensuing auction force the farm (now 1100 acres) and the trucking company (now 14 units). 45 sucked and was full of changes divorce, auction, dad dying, building a new house, and returning to college to finish what I started 25 years earlier.
Change happens, when changes stop for you, you have died.
I’m in my mid-30s and had numerous big life changes over the past few years. I am going to grad school and completely changing my career.
The 30s are the new 20s.
You’re only 33, man. You have your whole life out in front of you. If you have something you want to do, don’t think about why you shouldn’t do it, just fuckin’ do it.
It’s never too late to start being the man you want to be.
Never. You can always make significant changes in your life. Your physical and mental faculties eventually factor in to some extent, but you can always make changes.
If time is to be believed, just before you die, cause then death gets to be the big change.
Never. Take the leap. The worst that can happen is failure. But that’s not so bad
First thing get out of that job. I worked like that with no overtime and it almost killed me. I was about the same age. You are so young you have plenty of time to find the right person and enjoy yourself.
When you’re old would you regret not trying to leave, or would you regret leaving? You know the answer
A mate of mine in his late 50s went to work in Spain for two years, even got fluent in the language. Came back, moved out of the city and lives in a nice house in the country. So age isn’t an issue when it comes to a lot of changes. Typically money and opportunities are.
Not even close to too late, dude. Sorry, just entering your second act, you’re still expected to do stuff 😁.
So let’s look at your issues:
So, first thing I would suggest is reviewing this bullshit job situation you have going on. You work for the government, the main benefit should be that you don’t have to work that hard.
If once in a while you have to work long hours, that’s part of being a salaried employee. If you are routinely working very long weeks, that’s something you need to be talking about regularly with your supervisor. You should be doing quarterly reviews, bring this up. Express your dissatisfaction. Politely, but do it. You’re a professional with a valuable skill, not some kid at a checkout counter. They want you there and they ABSOLUTELY don’t want you leaving. Government hiring blows.
What’s your commute like…not just in time, but driving? For example, could you do an extra 10 minutes of driving but spend it going down beautiful country roads instead of stuck in traffic on the highway? Regardless, you need to accept that for the immediate future, unless something a lot better comes along, you’re going to be doing this commute.
You need a mindset where this is YOUR time, something you look forward to instead of something you dread. Take a little extra time in the morning to fix yourself a fancy coffee in a to-Go cup, buy some good audio books. Make yourself delicious breakfast burritos to eat on the way. Get those little massage bead seat covers that truckers love. Keep your car clean, and smelling good.
You will be spending 2 hours a day sitting here. Find a way to make that work for you. Maybe you get a good voice to text app and dictate your novel, maybe you listen to all the classical music you never listened to before. Maybe you listen to lectures on history or sermons or whatever makes you happy. But remember this is not a commute. It is two hours in a comfortable chair. Make it work for you.
Next is your health, if you’re having trouble dating is it because you’re overweight? Work on that if you need to. But if you’re otherwise healthy, try going to a gym regularly. Good way to meet people and lose stress.
Id take a look at your overall financial situation, make sure you’re saving for retirement and whatnot. But if you make good money and get those state benefits, you should be Gucci for a while.
So that’s health and work and money. Let’s talk about your personal life. Even if it’s a shallow dating pool, you need to put yourself out there little bit, to at least get your feet back in the water. Not saying you need to marry these women! But you can sure as fuck make out with some tubby bitch in the parking lot. It’ll do a lot for your self esteem.
Next: you don’t live with your mother. Even if you DID livd in her house, that would be fine and a sensible move to save money in this economy. But you don’t live with your mother.
You live in your own house.
Don’t frame it that way even to yourself.
If you go out on a date and the subject comes up, simply talk about how great it is that you can be nearby to help take care of your mother as she ages. Doesn’t matter if your mother is a youthful 50, the point is to frame it so that you’re a good son who loves his mother, instead of the way you’re framing it to yourself as a loser.
You own your own home, you have a good job, you don’t mention poor health so we assume that’s pretty good.
Bro, I’m going to be honest with you, not only are you not doing bad. You are well ahead of most 34-year-olds. You’re doing great. We need to get you some pussy, and a better job.
Once you’ve started polishing up the life you already have, once you appreciate it and get some joy out of it, it’ll be a lot easier to find an adventure somewhere else. But you need to be content in of yourself first.
Also consider getting a male therapist for an hour or so a week to just bitch. Dude, it is worth it just to bitch to someone. My favorite part is that I’m PAYING THEM. I don’t need to feel guilty about whining to them or burdening them with my problems like you do with your friends or your parents. I’m paying this son of a bitch to sit there, and listen to my bullshit. I’ve hired him to do a job.
Now, suck it up, go take some ownership, tell your boss you’re leaving early this Friday, ditch work for an early lunch at 11, and get the fuck out of your own head for a longish weekend. Go get a hotel room somewhere. See something new
Turned 36 a couple months ago. Started a new job in a completely new industry 4 days after my birthday.
It’s never too late, you’ve gotta try.
I understand that when you’re in your early 20s, 33 sounds super old. But now that I’m in my early 40s, 33 is still sooo young. You still have lots of time. Just do it. Save money, find a job in a big city, have fun.
There were almost infinite paths your life could have followed, but you took this one.
Don’t regret not taking other paths sooner, instead realize that there are still almost infinite paths you can take from here forward.
It’s never too late.
Never… you can always make life altering changes at any time. I am almost 60 and looking to pivot completely out of IT and chase a much younger woman. Live your life and if t requires a rethink then take a chance.
When maggots are crawling through our decomposed corpse. Until then, it’s never too late to change course.
I went back to college at age 30 and got a degree in chemical engineering. Now 44 and have a great career and 2 kids. Body started failing so I got on trt. Any free time I have is in the gym.
All that to say all roads to glory are paved through hell. Work your ass off in your career and gym. No more excuses. Nothing in life will be handed to you and you alone control your destiny. All you have to do is decide to start. Go get it brother.
Immanuel Kant (philoso-Jesus, to some,) was ‘getting by’ until he wrote the Critique of Pure Reason at 57. You have some time.
It’s a mental thing, not an age thing.
Not a man. At 37 I was living a boring life with a boring job and saw nothing but a boring future. At 38 I randomly applied for a job I was only tangentially qualified for, talked my way in the door, moved across the country and then across the world. Life can change when you change it my friend. Be bold .
Whatever age you have kids
I’m 50 and I just enrolled at my local community college. Never been to college before, and by the time the semester starts, I’ll be 51. Never ever too late my dude! Get out there and do something now, while you are still young. In your 30’s, you still have so much vitality and the possibilities are endless! Hostels are cheap and can be a great way to move to a new place! You can do WHATEVER you want! Go get it man!!
The best day to make change was yesterday, the second best is today.
Hopefully posting here is the start of your journey. No, seriously– at least you’re acknowledging that you’re in a rut and you’re ready to find a way out. It is NEVER too late to make big, life-altering changes. And not to minimize your dilemma but mid-30s is still so young… lots and lots of people are still figuring things out at that age and later!
So let all these commenters be the boost you need to look for something else. The job market stinks right now but your decision isn’t time-bound; just look at what’s available in places you might be interested in. Very few choices in life are permanent! Find your happiness.
You don’t have any responsibilities. You are a clean slate that can go start your life whenever you are ready. You are letting life happen to you instead of you happening to life.
There is one thing that you can do that will change everything. It will literally turn your life around and improve it:
> Stop waiting and consuming, start doing and creating.
That is really simple but powerful advice. I’m not even telling you what you should be doing as long as you are actively and intentionally doing something.
I made my last big change at 60, if you don’t count retiring at 63. It’s never “too late”.
Make a plan and execute it.
You’re not a loser… unless you chose to do nothing and just coast.
I think it’s less about age and more about responsibilities. If you’re not married and you don’t have kids, do whatever tf you want
It’s pretty easy to get “stuck,” and it’s pretty terrifying to wonder what’s outside your own little fishbowl.
You’re not too old. You’re a prime candidate to get hired at a new, better job with better compensation.
Moving probably won’t help you with the women.
I don’t want to sound like a dick here, but it seems from here that your life is work and four-wheeler…like, pretty boring. Women don’t really gravitate to people who don’t have much happening. I know I sound like a cockface for saying that, but varied interests and hobbies really do get you out there. Those slightly bigger towns likely have single women, who likely feel as “stuck” as you, and want a man to escape with. I know how small town life is, and what it’s like to be exhausted from work, but women aren’t going to flock to the sad sack boring guy, whether it’s in a hick town or a bustling city.
Leave, life is elsewhere.
also you’re like 7 years from your prime still
My life as I knew it burned to the ground just before my 40th birthday. I had the opportunity to rebuild myself from the ground up. And now I love the life that I have, though it is entirely different from what I had. It’s not too late to change anything and everything.
The day they bury you
Your grave
Never. At 54, I changed careers from a Shipping & Receiving person, to Deskside IT. Because I wanted to. Do what you want.
You start but interviewing for out of state jobs that pay you enough to live alone in those places. After u land the job start looking at places to live with a short commute. Then settle in at work and start to look for activities/clubs/hobbies to participate in and meet people
Change “too old” to “too late”, and apply “too late” to when you’re dead. Now go forward with that mentality.
I don’t think you ever are until your body can’t hold up. It just gets difficult as you get older and you collect more baggage. Like let’s say you want a new job better job in another field. You got to pay for evening classing, do that while working, get whatever certification or degree, job search. That seems doable within 3 years. New career and work there for 20 years, retire. That three years or so will suck though.
Once you decide that
You are *never* too old. I know a man who is 75 and thriving in a career he loves. He switched careers in his 60s, went back to school, and is loving life.
For me it wasn’t career, but almost everything else in my life had to go in my 40s. I drastically changed many things, moved to a city, worked hard on therapy, relearned how to date, and have ended up in a beautiful marriage and a beautiful life. I’m now a few months away from 50 and am loving life.
You. Are. Not. Too. Old.
To tell if you are too old to make a big life change put your hand over your heart. Do you feel it beating? Do you feel yourself breathing? If the answer to both questions is yes you are not too old.
I was 42 when I moved 2,000 miles away from where I grew up. It is one of the best decisions I made.
Decide where you would like to move to and start looking for jobs and places to stay.
The most important thing to do is make a decision of this is the date I am leaving or when this happens I am leaving. Otherwise it won’t end up happening.
Age isn’t the deciding factor. Finances usually are.
If you’re 50 and have money to move and go to school, you’ve got options. If you’re 30 and have $2 to your name, no vehicle, no assets, and $50,000 in debt, you’re finished.
Just depends on your willingness to leave your comfort zone and make changes. I’m 44 and just since 2018 (turned 38 that year) have met someone, married her, moved house twice (the first time in February 2022 when we moved to a bigger apartment, then again in November the same year when we bought our house), and along the way had to buy a car when my old one finally gave out. Was interesting making that work while house hunting, to be sure.
Also, I just accepted an offer for a new job after spending 20 years at my current company, and despite the solid increase in pay there is no shortage of anxiety about that. Overall it took me until my early 40s to really start getting shit done with my life, and there’s plenty of people who have started over later than that. If you want it, go get it!
I’m 33 here turning 34 this October too. I’m married with family with a state job that pays okay but with good benefits. I have been feeling the same as well. In my 20s, i did military and war and backpacking around the world. In the 30s it has been mundane, I mean Im happy about my family and things but career wise it has been stalled and when I think about 5 years from now. I cant imagine being in the same place as right now.
So my suggestion to you as what i’m doing right now is asking some hard soul searching questions:
Are you happy? What makes you happy? What and where do you see yourself in 5 years? Once you decide what you want to do, you can then making babystep and short term goal towards that direction. I recommend write everything down in a notebook, it helps with reflection and record keeping and keep track of things.
My friend lost his job at 55 and moved from LA to Bali
You’re mid 30s, not mid 80s. Still loooots of life left.
I have seen men not able to change at 25 and other men making a complete change (doing an internship in a new career) at 45. The difference is not the age, it’s the desire to change. Also a good health, good support system and positive attitude are paramount
Ded, or stuck in nursing home unable to leave.
I crashed a business and had a long term relationship explode in my early 30’s and was basically flat broke (in part due to health issues).
I had to start from zero and figure out what I wanted.
I’m 45 now and laid next to my wife (of more than ten years who a I love so completely it has redefined what that even means even though she is snoring which she swears she doesn’t do).
My point is that you have time and it’s possible but you probably do need to consider a drastic shake up or you risk this same post in another 10 years.
When? As late as when you die, or as early as when you decide you’re too old to make a change.
When you’re dead.
Before then, it’s possible–though it becomes harder mostly because we become set in our ways.
Grandma Moses didn’t take up painting in earnest until she was 78.
Never. There is always opportunity to change.
My friend was a desel mechanic until he was 32. Then he went to Med School. Now he’s a doctor. I went back to school at 29 to get my engineering degree.
In 5 years you can still be who you are now, or you can be a changed you. Either way, 5 years of your life will pass. Do something with those 5 years to be a better version of yourself.
Buddy you’re two and a half years removed from your twenties. It’s never too late to change your life.
Hmm, was in a somewhat similar situation around that age as well, had a county gig that was “comfy” in the sense I never had to worry about job security, and had a pension on the distant horizon.
My advice, work the internal transfer lines, or hell, apply for another state, or the national parks department or something. Gov work (unless in a specialized skilled position) doesn’t boost your value much but does look good on a resume still.
Have you exhausted all the recourses available to you? I was in a “guy behind the chair” type role for a large counties er unit within cps, and while I enjoyed fulfilling my civic virtue and what not, it started getting pretty heavy compiling quarterly reports of how many of which kids in what area codes were being abused/neglected & investigated and/or removed and placed in the system, or how many died unnecessarily… the numbers were quite fucking staggering. Like, of course I can’t disclose any information but the amount of babies that fall out of fucking windows is nuts. I did get a kick out of seeing the %s for reports/cases in the Asian population and how low it was in contrast to the others when I know damn well there was more taking place than got reported, they just know how to keep that ish in house lol, but I digress.
When I felt like i reached my ceiling, and would just see all the lifeless career folk in there just napping or staring at the wall of their cubicle, I applied for some program that was available through a local college and got 3 associates at once on their dime, none of em really worth much but met the requirements for better gigs and I ended up zig zagging my way into an hr manager position in the DAs office.. even that though was still just bleh and mundane, working for an organization that operates off a budget is just not compelling compared to those that operate off revenue.. there was zero sense of urgency for people to do more than the minimum, and I didn’t like that the lady who existed just to walk around chatting, or the large dude next to me who slept (no bs) at least 3 of the 8 hour workday made the same as me and always would regardless of effort.
“Nobody quits the county” was a saying used regularly by those in the office. When I announced I was leaving folk either applauded it like it was some brave choice, or got weirdly aggressive like I was acting better than them, which I’m not and don’t think I am, I just couldn’t be content already that young.
I’ve since just gone back to hustling and bustling, now co own 2 side businesses, pivoted primary careers twice, and last year finally found an industry that just feels right that I’m excited to wake up for and even more excited when receive commission/bonus checks.
Years 37-40 were a little up and down but I found my groove after placing a couple bets on myself and now 41 finally feel like I’m not just working to work, ya know. I’m building my future.
Tl;dr – start with the basics. What is it you do there? Would you want to continue doing what you do but for another department? If not, what is it you’d like to do? You’re still young, you can have a degree in accounting or some shit by time you’re 38 if wanted, and likely have it paid for.
To paraphrase an amazing tweet:
Dracula was 412 when he traveled to England in search of New blood.
Sauron was 66, 500 years old when he forged the One Ring.
Cthulhu had seen countless galaxies flare into existence and fade into nothingness before he put madness into the minds of men.
We are never too old to achieve our goals and dreams.
You sound like my life… please don’t make me go in to a midlife crisis.
Let me put it into some rational context for you right now. If you went and did a 4 year degree you would be 37 by the time you graduate. You dont retire until 67 (if were lucky) which means you have 30 years left to work in that field which is basically as long as you have been alive up until this point lmao
There is a Chinese proveb that applies: The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
Simple test will answer your question.
Take a small mirror, hold it up to your mouth, about an inch or so away. Hold it there for 1 minute.
Look at the mirror. Has it fogged up? That indicates that you are breathing. In which case it is not too late to make major changes in your life.
“get busy living or get busy dying”
As far as life is concerned It’s too late when you’re dead. You’re still alive right? Ok then, we now have opportunity. Let’s start with the basics. You have your health. That’s great. It’s a better break than many other people get, so you’re so far winning that battle. Let’s take it to the next level. Let’s see if we can up that and get you into great shape. This might make you a little more attractive to the opposite sex, but far more importantly it will make you feel better about you. Next let’s talk work. F work. Work isn’t who you are. It’s just for money. If they aren’t paying you enough, find a way to get more money. Could be a side hustle or a brand new job. With more money you will have more options for your living situation, which I can tell is unsatisfactory for you. Won’t be easy. Might take more sweat, but get on it now. Lastly let’s talk passions. Going to work and sweating ladies isn’t sufficient. These are just the things men do because we do them. You like music? Sports? Art? Fishing? What makes you want to get out of bed in the morning? Spend some of your time doing that and your life will have meaning and value.
When you’re dead! Apart from that, there is always time to start over
move to the city and get a cat
Lol you dont. At 28 I sold almost everything I owned and moved across the globe to a foreign country where I didn’t speak the language. At 35 I ended up in a van without a home driving across the country. I arrived in a state 2000 miles from home and bought a house. Now 2 years later im making the most I’ve ever made and crushing it. It took me a long time to realize and accept I have a high risk tolerance. But I’ve done things most would never dream of. Its never too late to do it. The only question is, do you have the balls to take a leap of faith into the unknown? I dont think everyone can handle it. But objectively, its much easier than people think it is.
Never!
Talk to your co-workers about your idea to move to the city and ask what areas they would recommend.
Spruce up the resume too and start looking for similar jobs.
You’re only too old when you’re dead. You can always change at any age
I hired a dude as a level 1 at 39…he right now has a ranch in Texas and is still killing it …
I’m always amazed at what some people achieve later in life eh 😉
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colonel_Sanders
When I was in college I had a classmate who was 73
Start by picking a big ass city that seems fun. Apply for jobs there. Get the job, move to a small ass apartment, start working your way up whether that’s doing school while you work or moving up the chain. Find some hobbies, attend gatherings regularly (that’s how you build community). Join the gym near where you live. Get on the apps. Meet some people. Thrive. It’s never too late.
When you die
33, 34, or 35 is not too old. 36- still OK. 37 sure why not. 38, 39, and anything in your 40s- those are the just fucking do it years. 50s and up is a long ways away for you so don’t worry about it right now.
no? how would that be related to age exactly?
I was an unhappy desk jockey in a variety of industries until I joined the electrical apprenticeship at 38. My maturity and experience helped me achieve much more in the time since than I would have if I had started in my early 20s. I love my active, technical, interesting, and important job. I like mentoring my apprentices and sharing the stuff I know. I’m not getting replaced by AI any time soon… in fact, I’m building the data centers that run them.
I wasn’t too old at 38! But had the anxiety. I hope you won’t let yourself get in the way of your own happiness.
I’m 33 too. Turning 34 in August. I was in the same situation as you just a few weeks ago. Lived in my hometown in an apartment attached to my mom’s house, commuting an hour for work 2-3 times a week. I broke up with my gf of 5 years a couple years ago, and things have been ok since then, but life began to feel very… stale. Was really feeling like I hadn’t really “lived” yet, and I knew the options were to either stay where I was, keep following my boring career path, hopefully meet another long-term partner, and settle into a very normal, routine life, OR shake everything up and get out into the world and see what happens.
It’s hard though because the older I get the more… tired I feel. Not physically, but energetically. The idea of radically transforming my life and career and routine for the sake of doing something new sounds more exhausting than exciting these days, but I also knew that feeling was only going to get stronger as I got older. Felt very much like a “it’s now or never” situation, so I decided to just roll the dice and hope for the best.
Quit my job a while back and just a few weeks ago I packed up my car with as much stuff as I could fit and drove from California to Virginia to live with an old high school friend while I figure out next steps. Maybe I’ll be here for a few months, maybe years. She’s great and I love her baby. I’m working on shifting careers now and trying to figure out how to get my foot in the door of a career path that aligns with the things I’m actually interested in. Probably will be taking a pretty hefty pay cut over the next few years considering I’m moving into a totally new industry and starting from scratch, but hey I’m competent and a good worker so I know I can work my way up to a good salary by the time I’m 40 or so. Really hoping to have kids before then too but at this point I’ve just accepted that whatever happens happens…
I’m fortunate however because I’m an only child who’s eventually going to inherit two homes my mom currently owns, so my financial future is pretty secure, but I totally get people who don’t have that luxury and are reluctant to take such a big risk with no clear plan or strategy. But if you think it’s doable for you to do something similar then I’d definitely recommend it. I feel like the point of us being here on earth (if there is one) is just to experience it… to see what other people in other parts of the world are like and to have as many friendships/relationships and experiences and stories to tell as possible. Doing a move like this is definitely anxiety-producing, but man having spent a few weeks in my new home now I can say it’s so incredibly exciting to get to start fresh and have the opportunity to try reshaping my life into exactly what I want it to be. No idea if it’ll ultimately work out the way I’m hoping it does, but I just figured fuck it, let’s give it a shot and see what happens. Definitely feeling alive and excited again, even if I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing haha.
I hope you figure something out that makes you happy. Good luck.
What do you want to do?
How are you working towards that?
Accept that ur a 4, a 4/5 female letting u bang is upstream. Marry ur fat ugly wife, produce mid kids and BELIEVE u’ve nailed it. That’s it. Or move.
When those big life altering changes can totally fuck up your life leaving you broke and homeless.
Which generally means once you no longer have any safety nets to help you recover if things go tits up.
It’s not about being “too old”, it’s saddled with liabilities like home, family etc. Things you can’t just uproot. You sound like you have none of that and could pick up and leave tomorrow with relatively little difficulty, meaning you’re in the same position as an 18 year old loser in that respect, this is coming from another 30 year old loser btw.
How to start: You HAVE to move to a metropolis, that’s not optional btw. You can do the hodunk township relationship if you’re established, as in have a social circle you literally grew up with to select a mate from… then you’d need some kind of structure in which to marry in, like the church or something (has nothing to do with actual faith in God or w/e, more about rooting yourself in a stable system that brings men and women together and KEEPS them together rather than actively pulls them apart like modern value systems) it sound like that isn’t the case so get the fuck out of there and move to somewhere with a respectable dating pool. Then it’s the numbers games baby and truth be told, shit’s still against you because you are working from a deficit, experience-wise, but you can close the gap if you get in the mix early and get exp.
Dude, I made a change at 40 and then 50 again. You’re a spring chicken. Just research where you want to go and go.
Just started my own business at 54. So 54 isn’t the answer to your question. Had to do two 4 year-courses simultaneously next to work, started at 50.
As long as you breathe, you can change.
About 30 minutes after clinical death. 15 if it’s a warm day.
When you can no longer change your own clothes, it would be hard, but still not impossible.
You don’t.
Harlan Sanders was 65 when he started Kentucky Fried Chicken.
It is likely that you can transfer to the state capital or to a larger city in the state. Maybe not immediately, but within a few months or year. In the meantime, look for activities where both men and women participate, meet women as friends, not as dates/potential dates. ATV seems like a guy thing, right? Maybe a running group or some other sporty thing.
Sounds like you’re already too old. I’m older than you and currently working towards a complete career change but if you’ve already decided you’re too old then I guess you’re too old. Statistically, you have more of your life ahead of you than behind you so if you’re cool with doing this for another 34 years and then some…
Decide, then do. This is the simplest advice I give. Sounds like you are struggling with the same thing most people struggle with –change.
Approximately 80% of people live within 100 miles of where they grew up. Very few explore and try something different than what they know. This can be one of two things, or both simultaneously…scary and exciting.
I have made major changes in every decade since adulthood, but at the core of those decisions have been a goal or a purpose.
If you are not sure what to do, then try something…anything and monitor the impact it has on you.
The last time I relocated (my late 40’s), I knew I was going somewhere, but didn’t know where. So, I had approximately ten places in my mind, but allowed space for awe and wonder. I drove across country (The US for our non-US redditors). I took a couple of months to see places I’ve only read about, meet people who I meet in social media groups, tried new foods, visited landmarks, had conversations with strangers, and saw the places I considered for relocation. Eventually, I decided to move 300 miles from everything and everyone I knew over the last segment of life and to a small city i had only been to once, 30 years ago. While the city was not necessarily the place I envisioned, I’ve made a few friends, started courting someone I’d known since another relocation adventure in the 90’s (she had since relocated almost 1,000 miles to here from where we met), and we are planning our wedding.
The point is everything begins and ends with you. Decide what you want and make sure every decision moves you forward, even if only a little bit.
Change is hard, but it’s often worth it. Be well.
You’re so young. I turn 39 tmrw and just this past March moved my family from the northeast to the south which was a huge transition for us. Before I was married I stopped drinking at 31. Before that I bought my first place. The point being you’re never too old to make a change. I have a really hard time with big transitions but challenged myself to take what felt like risks at the time to later reap the reward.
It doesn’t sound like you’re a loser. You’re weighing your options. I didn’t meet my partner until I was 33. You have endless possibilities. Think about your long term goal if you have one and go from there. You don’t have to make all transitions at once
Never. It’s just a matter of risk vs reward analysis